Momwe Mungalimbanire ndi Kusintha kwa Maonekedwe a Abwenzi Anu

Zamkati

• Kodi "mpikisano waubwenzi" ndi chiyani?
• Zovuta Za Mumtima Zotaya Mabwenzi
• Mmene Mungakulitsire Mabwenzi Amene Muli nawo Kale
• Onaninso za

Kumbukirani mikanda yokongola yaubwenzi yomwe mudasinthana ndi BFF yanu pasukulu yasekondale — mwina magawo awiri a mtima omwe amawerenga "Best" ndi "Anzanu," kapena mapendekedwe a yin-yang omwe amagwirizana bwino? Panthawiyo, mwina simunaganizepo kuti tsiku lina mudzasunthika kapena kuti zaka 20 mumseu, simudzakhalanso mu miyoyo ya wina ndi mnzake.

Kodi "mpikisano waubwenzi" ndi chiyani?

Zoona Zake: Maubwenzi amakulirakulirabe m’moyo wanu wonse. Zimenezi n’zimene akatswiri amazitcha kuti njira ya ubwenzi. Ngakhale mawonekedwe enieni a mphindikatiyi angawoneke mosiyana kwa aliyense (taganizirani mzere wa mzere wokonza mabwenzi anu pakapita nthawi), pali kafukufuku wotsimikizira kuti maubwenzi onse amatha kusintha. M'malo mwake, kafukufuku wina akuwonetsa kuti anthu amalowa m'malo mwa theka la anzawo apamtima zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri zilizonse, zomwe zimamveka zankhanza, koma mukaleka kuganizira zakusintha kwa moyo ndi magawo omwe mudutsamo mzaka khumi zapitazi zokha, zimayamba kupanga mphamvu. (Zokhudzana: 'Momwe ndidatayika, & Kupeza, Mnzanga Wapamtima')

Nditengereni chitsanzo: M’zaka khumi zapitazi, ndinamaliza maphunziro a koleji, ndinasamuka katatu, ndinakwatiwa, ndinagwira ntchito m’makampani atatu osiyanasiyana, ndipo ndinayamba bizinesi yangayanga. Kusintha kwakukulu konseku mwachilengedwe kumakhudzanso anzanga-ndipo ndizabwino mosatengera momwe moyo wanu umayendera, atero Shasta Nelson, katswiri wodziwa zaubwenzi komanso wolemba bukulo Ubwenzi.

Popeza kusintha konseku, ndizomveka kuti abwenzi ena azikakhala nawo paulendowu, ngakhale atafika pamlingo wosiyanasiyana, pomwe ena atha kukhala mabwenzi kwathunthu. Ganizirani izi: Mukamapita kusukulu, kaya ndi pre-K kapena koleji, mumakhala nthawi yayitali ndi anzanu, ndipo izi zikuyerekeza kukulitsa ubale, atero a Nelson. (Zomwezi ndizowona pantchito popeza mumakhala nthawi yayitali ndi anzanu.) Kafukufuku wa 2018 wochokera ku Yunivesite ya Kansas yemwe adawunika kuyandikira kwaubwenzi akuwonetsa kuti zimatenga pakati pa 40-60 maola omwe amakhala limodzi kuti apange chibwenzi ndi wina; Maola 80-100 kusintha kuti muyitane bwenzi; komanso maola oposa 200 amathera limodzi kuti akhale mabwenzi "abwino". Ndiyo nthawi yochuluka.

Ndiye zimachitika ndi chiyani mukamasamuka ndi anzanu apamtima, ndipo simukupita ku QT nkhope ndi nkhope pafupipafupi? Ubwenzi wanu ndi iwo umadalira ngati mungapitirizebe kuchita maola okwanira kuti mudziwane bwino kwambiri, akutero Nelson. Mwakhala ndi nthawi yochuluka muubwenzi womwe ulipo, mungaganize kuti akhoza kungoyendetsa galimoto, koma akufunikabe kusamalidwa, akutero Nelson. Ndi nkhani yosunga kulumikizana kwakukulu (kudzera pa foni, maulendo a atsikana, kapena kungoyang'ana zolemba) momwe mungathere. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti musawononge nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu atsopano - ndizofunikira kwambiri, komanso - kupatula nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu kumakhala kofunikira mukakhala kuti simukukhala limodzi. (FYI: Umu ndi m'mene mungathetsere ubale wosweka.)

M'malo mwake, nthawi ndichimodzi mwazifukwa zomwe, mukamakula, mutha kupeza mwayi wopeza mabwenzi apamtima ochepa m'malo mochita mabwenzi apamtima ambiri — abwino kuposa kuchuluka, ngati mungatero. Nelson anati: “Ngati muli ndi maubwenzi ochuluka amene simumamva ‘ozama mokwanira,’ ndipo osakhala ndi ntchito yosamalira bwino maubwenzi ozamawo, pamapeto pake mumawataya,” akutero Nelson. Ndipo moni, tiyeni tivomereze izi: Nthawi yanu imakhala yamtengo wapatali kwambiri pamene moyo wanu ukupita patsogolo ndi zochita zambiri, ntchito, maubwenzi, ndipo mwinamwake ana omwe amakufunirani chidwi - choncho mukufuna kuonetsetsa kuti mukuwongolera nthawi yochepa yomwe muli nayo pa zinthu. izi zidzabweretsa kukhutira kwambiri.

Zovuta Za Mumtima Zotaya Mabwenzi

Ngakhale kudziŵa kuti maubwenzi angasinthe ndi kutha, zimenezo sizipangitsa kukhala kosavuta kulimbana nazo zinthuzo zikachitika. Kusinthasintha kwa ubwenzi wanu kungayambitse nkhawa, mantha, chisoni, kusungulumwa, ndipo ngakhale kupsinjika maganizo, anatero Erica J. Lubetkin, L.M.H.C., dokotala wa misala wa ku New York City. "Izi ndizowona makamaka kwa anthu omwe anali ndiubwenzi wapakatikati kapena wosagwirizana ali ana aang'ono," akutero. "Zokumana nazo [zaubwenzi womwe umasokonekera kapena kutayika] zimakankhira mabatani a kusatetezeka ndi mantha otaya ndi kukhalitsa." Maganizo amenewa akhoza kukulirakulira ngati mnzanu akuyesetsa kuti athetse chibwenzicho koma akumva kuti mnzakeyo akuchokapo.

Komabe, pali njira yotchedwa "kuvomereza kwakukulu" yomwe ingathandize, akutero Lubetkin. Uku ndikulandila kuti kutaya abwenzi ndichinthu chodziwika bwino mukamakula, ndikukondwerera kukula kwaubwenzi watsopano ndi anthu omwe amagawana zomwe mumakonda komanso zomwe mumakonda, akufotokoza. (Zokhudzana: 4 Zifukwa Zenizeni Kwambiri Anzanu Amasiyana Ndi Momwe Mungachitire)

Chifukwa chake ngakhale simukuyenera kudzikakamiza kuti musangalale ndiubwenzi womwe udatha kapena watha kale, mutha kupeza njira zothetsera mavuto ndikupeza mtendere. "Kulandila sikutanthauza mgwirizano," akutero a Lubetkin. "Tonsefe timamva kuwawa m'moyo, koma titha kupewa kuvutika. Itha kukhala nthawi yolumikizana ndi zomwe takumana nazo m'njira yatsopano, yathanzi."

Kuti muchite izi, yesani kuwunikiranso zomwe anzanu akale adakupatsani, ndikukondwerera zomwe mungaphunzire kuchokera pachibwenzi kuti mudzakhale munthu wabwino komanso bwenzi mtsogolo. Nthawi yosinthayi ikhoza kukhala yovuta, koma ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti mumatha kukhala ndi anzanu abwino pamoyo wanu wonse, atero a Lubetkin. Pamene moyo wanu ukusintha, momwemonso zikhulupiriro zanu pa zomwe mukufuna ndi zomwe mumafunikira paubwenzi wanu. Mukazilingalira motere, imakhala mphatso kuti muzitha kupita patsogolo ndikuyamba kupeza mabwenzi atsopano, opindulitsa pamene mukukula, akuwonjezera.

Mmene Mungakulitsire Mabwenzi Amene Muli nawo Kale

Pomwe mukusunthira kutali ndi anzanu akale ndikwabwino, ndichachizolowezi kufuna kupitiriza kukulitsa (kapena kuyambiranso) mabwenzi omwe mudayamba kale. (Kupatula apo, maubale a BFF amalimbitsa thanzi lanu m'njira zingapo.)

Pali mbali zitatu za ubale wabwino zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva kukhala ogwirizana komanso kudalirana, akutero Nelson. Choyamba ndi kusasinthasintha ndi nthawi yomwe timagwiritsa ntchito limodzi: "Mukamayika maola ochulukirapo, mumamva kuti muli ndi tsogolo limodzi," akutero. Chachiwiri ndichabwino: Muyenera kusangalala limodzi osawopa kuweruzidwa ndikumverera kuti mukulandilidwa. Gawo lachitatu ndi kukhala pachiwopsezo kapena nthawi zomwe mukumva ngati mutha kuwonetsa mnzanu yemwe muli kapena zomwe mukuganiza popanda kuopa chiweruzo kapena mtunda.

"Ubwenzi uliwonse womwe mudakhalapo umamangidwa pazinthu zitatuzi, ndipo ubale uliwonse womwe siwakuya momwe mukufunira [umakhalira] zikutanthauza kuti chimodzi mwazinthuzi zikusowa," akufotokoza a Nelson.

Nenani kuti mukumva kuti simukugwirizana ndi anzanu ochepa omwe munkakonda nawo kwambiri (kwa ine, operekeza okwatiwa awiri a ukwati wanga). Musanayambe kusokoneza ubwenzi wanu kapena kungosiya anzanuwo ndi anthu atsopano, dzifunseni kuti ndi zinthu zitatu ziti zomwe zingakhudze kwambiri ubale wanu, akutero Nelson.

Ngati mukusowa kusasinthasintha ...Yesetsani kukonza foni mlungu uliwonse kapena mwezi uliwonse kuti mudzadziwane. Dziperekeni pakukhazikika, kapena kujowina china chomwe sichikugwirizana. (Apa ndi pomwe upangiri wonse wamomwe mungapangire anzanu ngati munthu wamkulu umabwera, koma malingaliro ake ndi othandiza: Mukakhala gawo lazinthu zomwe zikuchitika kale pafupipafupi, monga gulu la gulu kapena gulu lamasewera, zimatengera ntchito yokonzekera zokambirana nokha.)

Ngati mulibe positivity...Kulakwitsa kwakukulu komwe mungapange ndikumanga ndikusunga ubale ndikuwerenga pakati pa mizere kwambiri (kwezani dzanja). Nelson anati: “Kumene ambiri mwa mabwenzi athu amafa n’chakuti timangodziona kuti ndife opanda pake [kuti munthu winayo] sakuitana. "Timayamba kuopa kuti satikonda monga momwe timawakondera - koma zoona zake n'zakuti anthu ambiri sali bwino poyambitsa, ndipo anthu ambiri sadziwa kuti kugwirizana kuli kofunika bwanji." Palibe kukayika kuti zimakwiyitsa (komanso kutopetsa) kukhala bwenzi lomwe nthawi zonse limayesetsa kupanga mapulani, koma dziwani kuti mukamachita zambiri, ndiye kuti ubalewo ukhala wolimba komanso wabwino-bola akapitiliza kunena kuti inde. Pakapita nthawi, funso siliyenera kukhala lomwe adayambitsa, koma ngati nonse mukupeza kuti nthawi yanu ili yopindulitsa, akutero Nelson.

Mutha kuganiza kuti kusasinthika kwa maubwenzi ndikovuta kwambiri kupitilira, koma Nelson akuti anthu ambiri amavutika kwambiri ndi kukhala ndi moyo wabwino kwambiri. Zinthu monga kupereka upangiri osakufunsani m'malo mongomvera ndikukhalapo chifukwa cha winawake, komanso kusokonezedwa mosavuta ndi foni yanu, zitha kuyambitsa zovuta izi, akutero. (Dziwani izi: Kuti mukhale bwenzi labwino, khalani omvera bwino… ndipo lembani foni yanu pansi.

Ngati mukusowa chiopsezo ...chinthu ichi chimatenga nthawi kuti chikule. "Cholinga sikungokhala pachiwopsezo ndikuuza wina aliyense chilichonse, koma kuti tichite mochulukira, komanso kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwana." (Zogwirizana: Zomwe Zimakhala Kuyenda Makilomita 2,000+ ndi Bwenzi Lanu Lapamtima)

Ngati mukulimbana ndi kusintha kwaubwenzi pakalipano kapena mukukhumudwitsidwa ndikupanga anzanu atsopano, khalani ndi chikhulupiriro podziwa kuti simuli nokha. Mukawona maubwenzi akuchepa ngati mwayi wokulitsa ubalewo kukhalanso wathanzi kapena kukulitsa maubwenzi atsopano omwe angakhale atanthauzo kwambiri, mutha kuthana ndi vuto lamalingaliro.

Onaninso za