Ndataya Chikondi cha Moyo Wanga, Ndili pachibwenzi Koyamba M'zaka khumi

Zamkati

• Ndi nthawi yanji yoti mukhale pachibwenzi?
• Ndichifukwa chiyani ndimadzimva waliwongo? Ndingatani ndi izi?
• Zithunzi ndi zokumbukira zikuwonetsedwa
• Osati kusunthira mtsogolo, kumangopita chitsogolo

Mbali Yina Yachisoni ndi mndandanda wonena zakusintha kwa moyo kutaya. Nkhani zamphamvu izi zimafufuza zifukwa ndi njira zambiri zomwe timamvera ndikutsatira njira yatsopano.

Nditakhala m'banja zaka 15 mkazi wanga Leslie anamwalira ndi khansa. Tinali mabwenzi apamtima tisanayambe chibwenzi.

Kwa zaka pafupifupi 20, ndimangokonda mkazi m'modzi: mkazi wanga, mayi wa ana anga.

Ndinali - ndipo ndikadali - ndikumva chisoni kutayika kwa mayi yemwe anali Robin kwa Batman wanga (mawu ake, osati anga) kwazaka pafupifupi makumi awiri.

Komabe, kupatula pakusowa mayi yemwe ndimamukonda, ndimaphonya kukhala ndi bwenzi. Ndikusowa chibwenzi. Wina woti alankhule naye. Wina womugwira.

Mtsogoleri wa gulu lothandizira achisoni omwe ndidapitako adalankhula za "magawo" achisoni, komanso adanenanso kuti sizinali ngati kuti mwatsata magawo amenewo motsatira. Tsiku lina mwina mudakwiya, kenako tsiku lina munavomereza kutayika kwanu. Koma sizinatanthauze kuti simudzakwiya tsiku lotsatira.

Wotsogolera gululi adawona kuti chisoni ndichofala kwambiri, chimangoyandikira kulandiridwa, komanso kuyenda maulendo olakwa, kukambirana, kukwiya, ndi kusakhulupirira panjira.

Sindikutsimikiza kuti ndidakwerapo ndi fanizo lauzimu.

Chisoni changa chinawoneka ngati mafunde akutuluka kuchokera m'malo oponyera dziwe lalikulu. Popita nthawi, mafundewo amakhala ocheperako komanso opatukana, kenako dontho latsopano limagwa ndikuyambiranso ntchitoyo - mfuti yotulutsa yoyenda yopanda kanthu.

Pakapita kanthawi, madontho amacheperachepera, koma sindikuwoneka ngati ndikuthetsa kutayikaku. Ndi gawo lamapaipi tsopano.

Mwanjira zambiri, simunathe "kutaya" kutayika kwakukulu koteroko. Mumangozolowera.

Ndipo ndikuganiza kuti ndipamene ine ndi ana anga aamuna tsopano tili m'nkhani yathu yoyendetsa miyoyo yathu popanda Leslie.

Ngati simunakhalepo ndi munthu amene mumamukonda akamwalira, kodi zikutanthauza kuti simudzakhalanso ndi chibwenzi? Simunapezepo mnzanu wina wachinsinsi?

Lingaliro loti ndiyenera kukhazikitsa mtendere wanga ndi kusungulumwa kosatha chifukwa imfa idandilekanitsa ndi mkazi yemwe ndidakwatirana naye zidali zopusa, koma kudziwa nthawi yomwe ndinali wokonzeka kuchita chibwenzi sikunali kophweka.

Ndi nthawi yanji yoti mukhale pachibwenzi?

Mukataya winawake, kumamverera kuti muli pansi pa maikulosikopu, mayendedwe anu onse amawunikiridwa ndi abwenzi, abale, ogwira nawo ntchito, komanso kulumikizana ndi media media.

Kodi mukuchita bwino? Kodi mukulira “moyenera”? Kodi mukumva chisoni kwambiri pa Facebook? Kodi mukuwoneka nawonso wokondwa?

Kaya anthu nthawi zonse amaweruza kapena ayi, zimamveka ngati izi kwa anthu omwe akulira.

Ndikosavuta kulipira pakamwa pamalingaliro, "Sindikusamala zomwe anthu amaganiza." Zinali zovuta kunyalanyaza kuti ena mwa anthu omwe atha kukhala osokonezeka, okhudzidwa, kapena okhumudwa ndikusankha kwanga kukhala pachibwenzi adzakhala achibale omwe nawonso ataya a Leslie.

Pafupifupi chaka chimodzi atamwalira, ndinadzimva kukhala wokonzeka kuyamba kufunafuna mnzanga wina. Monga chisoni, nthawi yakukonzekera kwa munthu aliyense ndiyosiyanasiyana. Mutha kukhala okonzeka zaka ziwiri pambuyo pake, kapena miyezi iwiri.

Zinthu ziwiri zidatsimikizira kukonzeka kwanga kukhala pachibwenzi: Ndinavomera kutayika ndipo ndinali ndi chidwi chogawana zoposa bedi ndi mkazi. Ndinali wokonda kugawana moyo wanga, chikondi changa, komanso banja langa. Madontho achisoni anali kutsika pafupipafupi. Mafunde akumva omwe adatuluka adatha kuwongolera.

Ndinkafuna kukhala pachibwenzi, koma sindinadziwe ngati zinali "zoyenera." Sikuti sindinali kumvetsabe chisoni cha imfa yake. Koma ndinazindikira kuthekera kwenikweni kuti chisoni changa chinali mbali yanga tsopano, ndikuti sindidzakhalanso wopanda icho.

Ndinkafuna kulemekeza anthu ena m'moyo wa mkazi wanga omwe nawonso anamutaya. Sindinkafuna kuti wina aliyense aganize kuti chibwenzi changa chimawonetsa chikondi changa kwa mkazi wanga, kapena kuti "ndatha".

Koma pamapeto pake chisankhocho chidafika kwa ine. Kaya ena akuwona kuti ndizoyenera kapena ayi, ndimamva kuti ndinali wokonzeka kuchita chibwenzi.

Ndinakhulupiliranso kuti ndili ndi ngongole ndi masiku anga omwe ndikhoza kukhala oona mtima ndekha momwe ndingathere. Adzakhala akuwatenga mawu anga ndi zochita zanga, kunditsegulira, ndipo - ngati zonse zidayenda bwino - ndikukhulupirira mtsogolo ndi ine zomwe zimangokhalapo ndikadakhala wokonzeka.

Ndichifukwa chiyani ndimadzimva waliwongo? Ndingatani ndi izi?

Ndinkadziimba mlandu nthawi yomweyo.

Kwa zaka pafupifupi 20, ndinali ndisanapite kocheza kamodzi kokha ndi wina aliyense kupatula mkazi wanga, ndipo tsopano ndinali kuwona wina. Ndinali kupita masiku ndikusangalala, ndipo ndimamva kuti ndikutsutsana ndi lingaliro loti ndiyenera kusangalala ndi zokumana nazo zatsopanozi, chifukwa zimawoneka kuti zidagulidwa povulaza moyo wa Leslie.

Ndinakonza madeti ambirimbiri opita kumalo osangalatsa. Ndikupita kumalo odyera atsopano, ndikuwonera makanema panja paki usiku, ndikupita kumisonkhano yachifundo.

Ndinayamba kudzifunsa kuti bwanji sindinachitepo zomwezi ndi Leslie. Ndinadandaula kuti sindinakakamize masiku ngati amenewo. Nthawi zambiri ndidamsiyira Leslie kuti akonzekere.

Zinali zophweka kwambiri kutengeka ndi lingaliro loti nthawi zonse padzakhala nthawi yamadzulo pambuyo pake.

Sitinaganizepo kwenikweni zakuti nthawi yathu inali yochepa. Sitinapange chilichonse kuti tipeze wokhala kuti tipeze nthawi yathu.

Panali nthawi zonse mawa, kapena mtsogolo, kapena ana atakula.

Ndipo izo zinali mochedwa kwambiri. Pambuyo pake zinali tsopano, ndipo ndinkakhala womusamalira kuposa mwamuna wake m'miyezi yomaliza ya moyo wake.

Mavuto azaumoyo wake adatisiya osatinso nthawi kapena kuthekera kopaka tawuni yofiira. Koma tinakhala m'banja zaka 15.

Tidakhala osakhutira. Ndinayamba kudandaula.

Sindingathe kusintha izi. Zomwe ndingathe ndikuzindikira kuti zidachitika ndikuphunzirapo.

Leslie adasiya munthu wabwinoko kuposa yemwe adakwatirana naye.

Anandisintha m'njira zambiri zabwino, ndipo ndine woyamikira kwambiri chifukwa cha izi. Ndipo malingaliro aliwonse olakwa omwe ndili nawo osakhala mwamuna wabwino kwambiri yemwe ndikadakhala naye ndikuti ndikhale ndi mtima woti sanamalize kundikonza.

Ndikudziwa cholinga cha moyo wa Leslie sichinali kundisiya munthu wabwino. Izi zinali chabe zotsatira zoyipa za chikhalidwe chake chomusamalira.

Ndikakhala pachibwenzi nthawi yayitali, ndimadzimva kuti ndilibe mlandu - zimawoneka ngati zachilengedwe kwambiri.

Ndikuvomereza kulakwa. Ndikuvomereza kuti ndikadatha kuchita zinthu mosiyana, ndikudzigwiritsa ntchito mtsogolo.

Kudziimba mlandu sikunali koti sindinali wokonzeka, chinali chifukwa chosakhala pachibwenzi, ndinali ndisanachite ndi momwe zingandipangitsire kumva. Kaya ndinkadikirira zaka 2 kapena 20, pamapeto pake ndikadakhala ndikudziimba mlandu ndipo ndimafunikira kuzikwaniritsa.

Zithunzi ndi zokumbukira zikuwonetsedwa

Kukhala wokonzeka kuchita chibwenzi ndikukhala wokonzeka kubweretsa tsiku lanu kunyumba kwanu ndi zinthu ziwiri zosiyana kwambiri.

Pomwe ndinali wokonzeka kudzipha ndekha kunjaku, nyumba yanga idakhalabe kachisi wa Leslie. Chipinda chilichonse chimadzaza ndi banja lathu komanso zithunzi zaukwati.

Malo ake ogona usiku adadzaza ndi zithunzi ndi mabuku, makalata, zikwama zodzikongoletsera, ndi makhadi olonjera omwe akhala osasokonezeka kwa zaka zitatu.

Kudzimva kukhala pachibwenzi si kanthu kuyerekezera ndi liwongo la kuyesa kudziwa chochita ndi chithunzi chaukwati 20 ndi 20 mutagona.

Ndimavalabe mphete yaukwati wanga. Ili kudzanja langa lamanja, koma zimawoneka ngati kusakhulupirika kuti ndichotse kwathunthu. Sindingathe kusiya nawo.

Sindingataye zinthu zimenezo, komabe zina mwa izo sizikugwirizananso ndi nkhani yoti ndili ndi mwayi wokhala paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali ndi munthu amene ndimamukonda.

Kukhala ndi ana kumachepetsa vuto la momwe angachitire. Leslie sadzasiya kukhala mayi wawo ngakhale atamwalira. Ngakhale zithunzi zaukwati zitha kusungidwa, zithunzi za banja ndizokumbutsa amayi awo ndi chikondi chawo kwa iwo ndipo ayenera kukhala tulo.

Monga momwe sindimvera manyazi kulankhula ndi ana za amayi awo, sindipepesanso chifukwa chokambirana za Leslie ndi madeti (ndikutanthauza, osati patsiku loyamba, musamale). Anali ndipo ali gawo lofunikira pamoyo wanga komanso miyoyo ya ana anga.

Kukumbukira kwake kudzakhala ndi ife nthawi zonse. Chifukwa chake timakambirana.

Komabe, ndiyenera kuyeretsa ndikukonzekera usiku womwewo tsiku limodzi.

Osati kusunthira mtsogolo, kumangopita chitsogolo

Palinso zinthu zina zofunika kuziganizira - zochitika zina zofunika kuzikwaniritsa: Kukumana ndi ana, kukumana ndi makolo, zonse zomwe zingakhale zochititsa mantha nthawi yayitali yamaubwenzi atsopano.

Koma zimayamba ndikupita mtsogolo. Ndizosiyana ndi kuiwala Leslie. M'malo mwake, ndikumukumbukira mwachidwi ndikusankha momwe angapitirire patsogolo uku mukulemekezabe zomwe zidagawana kale.

Kuyambiranso kwa "masiku anga azibwenzi" kumabwera mosavuta ndikudziwa kuti Leslie yemweyo amafuna kuti ndipeze munthu atamwalira, ndipo adandiuza choncho mapeto asanathe. Mawu amenewo adandibweretsera mavuto nthawi imeneyo, m'malo molimbikitsidwa omwe ndimawapeza tsopano.

Chifukwa chake ndilola kuti ndizisangalala ndikupezeka kwa munthu watsopano watsopano ndikuyesetsa momwe ndingathere kuti zisungidwe zodandaula komanso zolakwitsa zakale zomwe sindingathe kuzilamulira kuti zisawonongeke.

Ndipo zitatha izi zonse kuti chibwenzi changa tsopano chiweruzidwa "chosayenera," chabwino, ndiyenera kutsutsana mwaulemu.

Mukufuna kuwerenga nkhani kuchokera kwa anthu omwe akuyendetsa zachilendo pamene akukumana ndi zosayembekezereka, zosintha moyo, komanso nthawi zina zachisoni? Onani mndandanda wathunthu Pano.

Jim Walter ndi mlembi waLil Blog Yokha, komwe amafotokoza zochitika zake ngati bambo wopanda ana aakazi awiri, m'modzi mwa iwo ali ndi autism. Mutha kumutsataTwitter.