Khalani ndi Mgwirizano Wodabwitsa: Kambiranani

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Ngakhale mutha kuyankhula ndi mnyamata wanu za chirichonse, pankhani ya kugonana, mungakhale ndi manyazi pang'ono komanso omangika lilime (zomveka bwino?). Kupatula apo, kufunsa zomwe mukufuna m'chipinda chogona kungawoneke ngati kowopsa, makamaka ngati simukudziwa kuti mudzalandilidwa bwanji.

"Nthawi zambiri timadzipeza tokha pazogonana osati chifukwa choti sitikudziwa zomwe tikufuna, koma chifukwa sitidziwa momwe tingafunire," akutero a Emily Morse, katswiri wazakugonana, komanso wolandila pulogalamu ya Sex With Emily podcast. Komabe, kulankhula za kugonana sikuyenera kukhala kovuta kapena kosasangalatsa, atero a Morse. Ndipo ndi za njira kuposa kukhala womasuka ndi chilankhulo chonyansa. Gwiritsani ntchito malangizowa kuti akutsogolereni polumikizana pogonana - ndikupita ku O.

Gwetsani Zopinga-Ndi Mawu

Si zachilendo kuti m'modzi yemwe ali pachibwenzi ayambe kukambirana momasuka za kugonana, akutero Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., wolemba buku la Bwerani Monga Inu: Sayansi Yatsopano Yodabwitsa Yomwe Isintha Moyo Wanu Wogonana. Izi zitha kukhala zowona makamaka kwa azimayi, omwe angachite manyazi ndi chiwerewere chawo, kapena akuwopa kulumikizana opanda ungwiro, akutero.

Zikatere, chinthu choyamba ndicho kukambirana. Yambani ndi funso losavuta: Ndi chiyani chomwe mukuwopa kuti chingachitike mukamakamba zogonana? Kulankhula za mantha anu pazomwe zikukulepheretsani kumbuyo kungakuthandizeni kupita patsogolo. (Mukangonena mokweza kwa mnzanuyo, sangawonekere kukhala owopsa kapena osamveka pambuyo pake.) Komanso, "zinthu zomwe zimalepheretsa kulankhulana kugwira ntchito ndizolepheretsa kugonana," akutero Nagoski. (Chotsatira, onani Zokambirana 7 Zomwe Muyenera Kukhala Nazo Kuti Mugonana Bwino.)

Nthawi ndi Malo Chofunika

Mabanja ambiri amaganiza kuti mitu yonse imayankhidwa atangotuluka, atero a Morse. Ndipo ngakhale izi zitha kugwira ntchito pazakudya zonyansa, sizowona zokhudzana ndi kugonana. Sankhani nthawi yanu mwanzeru, atero a Morse. Ndipo kumbukirani, "ziribe kanthu pankhani yokhudza kugonana, zokambirana zilizonse zokhudzana ndi chipinda chogona ziyenera kuchitika kutali ndi chipinda chogona momwe mungathere, m'malo osalowerera ndale monga khitchini kapena pabalaza," akutero a Morse. "Sayenera konse, konse zichitike mwachindunji pamaso, mwachindunji pambuyo, kapena panthawi yogonana!"

Nkhani yosagwirizana ndi kugonana, yopanda kukakamiza ndiyofunika kwambiri pankhani yolankhula za chinthu chatsopano chomwe mungafune kuyesa, akutero Nagoski. Bweretsani zokambiranazo ndi chodzikanira monga, "Pali chinachake chimene ndikufuna kuyesa ndipo ndikukhudzidwa ndi momwe mungayankhire. Ndikufuna kungolankhula za izo, popanda kukakamizidwa," akuwonjezera. Ndipo ngati mukuyenera kulandira zokambiranazi, musangotseka zokambiranazo nthawi yomweyo. "Zikhoza kukhala kuti muzochitika ndi mnzanu amene mumamukhulupiriradi, mukhoza kuganiza za njira yomwe ingakuthandizireni. Ngati itero, mwapeza chinachake chatsopano ndi chosangalatsa. Zomwe mumachita poyamba siziri choncho. "Nagoski akuti.

Kulankhulana Sikutanthauza Kulankhulana

Zikafika pakulankhula panthawi yomwe akuchita, ndi bwino kulankhulana popanda mawu, bola ngati pali zomveka, akutero Nagoski. Ngakhale anthu ena amakhala omasuka kunena kuti 'molimba', 'mwachangu', kapena kugwiritsa ntchito mawu akumaliseche, palinso njira zina zoyankhulirana zogwira mtima. Kaya izo zikubwera ndi dongosolo la nambala (i.e. "Ndikanena 'naini' musayime") kapena kuwala kofiira, kuwala kwachikasu, dongosolo la kuwala kobiriwira, chinsinsi ndikukambirana pasadakhale.

Osamva ngati muyenera kuziganizira nthawi yomweyo, mwina-mudzazindikira njira yanu yolankhulirana pakapita nthawi. Mwachidziwikire, siziyenera kutenga nthawi kuti mnzanu aphunzire kusiyana pakati panu 'Ndilidi mukulira uku ndi kupumira kwanu' Ndine wotopetsa '.

Khalani Osangalala

Ziribe kanthu momwe ubale wanu ungakhalire woona mtima, kugonana ndi nthawi zonse kudzakhala nkhani yogwira mtima. Chifukwa chake ngakhale simuyenera kusokoneza malingaliro anu, kumbukirani kutsindika zabwino. "Ikani kutsindika pa zomwe mnzanu akuchita bwino," akutero Morse. "Sungani zokambiranazo kukhala zosaneneza mwa kumamatira ndi mawu a 'Ine' m'malo mwa 'Inu' (ie 'Ndikuganiza kuti zingakhale zokopa ngati mutayesa kundinyoza' motsutsana ndi, 'Simumandinyoza'). "

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