Chimene Chimapangitsa Ubwenzi Kukhala Wabwino?

Zamkati

• Momwe zimawonekera
• Kulankhulana momasuka
• Kudalira
• Mumadzimva kuti ndinu munthu wosiyana
• Chidwi
• Nthawi yopatukana
• Kusewera kapena kupepuka
• Chibwenzi chakuthupi
• Mgwirizano
• Kuthetsa kusamvana
• Ubale mbendera zofiira
• Mmodzi wa inu amayesa kulamulira kapena kusintha winayo
• Wokondedwa wanu salemekeza malire anu
• Simumakhala nthawi yayitali limodzi
• Ubalewo umakhala wosiyana
• Amanena zinthu zoipa kapena zoipa za inu kapena anthu ena
• Simukumva kuti mumamvana
• Mukuwopa kufotokoza kusagwirizana
• Simukumva kukhala wokondwa kapena womasuka kukhala ndi mnzanu
• Kusamvana kapena zokambirana sizimapita kulikonse
• Mafunso omwe mungadzifunse
• Kodi ubale wanu uli bwino?
• Malangizo omangira ubale wolimba
• Landirani zosiyana za wina ndi mnzake
• Talingalirani kaonedwe kawo
• Kuthetsa mavuto monga gulu
• Funsani zomwe mukufuna, ndipo khalani okonzeka kumvera zofuna zawo
• Yesani china chatsopano limodzi
• Lankhulani za zolinga zanu ndi maloto anu
• Mfundo yofunika

Ngati muli ndi chibwenzi kapena mukufuna, mwina mukufuna chibwenzi chabwino, sichoncho? Koma ubale wabwino ndi uti, chimodzimodzi?

Zimatengera.

Maubwenzi abwinobwino samawoneka ofanana kwa aliyense popeza anthu ali ndi zosowa zosiyanasiyana. Zosowa zanu zakukhudzana ndi kulumikizana, kugonana, kukondana, malo, zosangalatsa zomwe mumagawana kapena mfundo zina, ndi zina zotero zimatha kusintha moyo wanu wonse.

Chifukwa chake, ubale womwe umagwira ntchito m'ma 20s sungakhale wofanana ndi ubale womwe mukufuna mu 30s wanu.

Ubale wosagwirizana ndi matanthauzidwe achikhalidwe cha chibwenzi ukhoza kukhala wathanzi. Mwachitsanzo, anthu omwe amagwiritsa ntchito polyamory kapena mon nonamogamy amatha kutanthauzira ubale wabwino mosiyana ndi anthu omwe amakhala ndi mkazi mmodzi.

Mwachidule, "ubale wathanzi" ndiwotakata chifukwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wabwino zimadalira zosowa za anthu omwe ali mmenemo.

Koma zizindikilo zingapo zazikulu zimawoneka bwino mu ubale wabwino.

Momwe zimawonekera

Lindsey Antin, wothandizira ku Berkeley, California anati: "Chinthu chimodzi chomwe ubale wabwino umagawana ndi kusinthasintha," akutero a Lindsey Antin. "Amasinthasintha malinga ndi momwe zinthu zilili komanso kuti nthawi zonse timasintha ndikudutsa magawo osiyanasiyana m'moyo.

Nazi zina mwazizindikiro za maubale abwino.

Kulankhulana momasuka

Ochita nawo zibwenzi zabwino amalankhula za zomwe zikuchitika m'miyoyo yawo: kuchita bwino, zolephera, ndi zonse zomwe zili pakati.

Muyenera kukhala omasuka kuyankhula pazinthu zilizonse zomwe zikubwera, kuyambira pazinthu zomwe zimachitika m'moyo watsiku ndi tsiku, ntchito kapena kupsinjika kwa anzanu, kupita kuzinthu zazikulu kwambiri, monga matenda amisala kapena nkhawa zachuma.

Ngakhale atakhala ndi malingaliro osiyana, amamvetsera popanda kuweruza kenako amagawana malingaliro awo.

Kuyankhulana kumachitika mbali zonse ziwiri. Ndikofunika kuti inunso mumve kuti anene zakukhosi kwawo kapena malingaliro awo akamabwera.

Anthu omwe ali pamaubwenzi osakwatirana atha kuyika chidwi chochulukirapo ndikulankhulana pafupipafupi pazomwe zikuchitika ndi anzawo.

Kudalira

Kudalira kumaphatikizapo kuwona mtima ndi kukhulupirika. Simusungirana zinsinsi. Mukasiyana, simudandaula kuti azitsatira anthu ena.

Koma kudalira kumangodutsa pakukhulupirira kuti sangakunamizeni kapena kukunamizani.

Zikutanthauzanso kuti mumakhala otetezeka ndikukhala omasuka nawo ndikudziwa kuti sangakupwetekeni mwakuthupi kapena mwamalingaliro. Mukudziwa kuti amakufunirani zabwino komanso amakulemekezani mokwanira kuti akulimbikitseni kusankha zomwe mukufuna.

Mumadzimva kuti ndinu munthu wosiyana

Maubale athanzi amafotokozedwa bwino ngati kudalirana. Kudalirana kumatanthauza kuti mumadalirana kuti muthandizane komabe mukukhala kuti ndinu munthu wapadera.

Mwanjira ina, ubale wanu ndiwokhazikika. Mukudziwa kuti mukuvomerezedwa ndi chikondi, koma kudzidalira kwanu sikudalira iwo.Ngakhale mulipo wina ndi mnzake, simudalira wina ndi mnzake kuti mupeze zosowa zanu zonse.

Muli ndi abwenzi komanso kulumikizana kunja kwa chibwenzi ndikupatula nthawi mukuchita zokonda zanu.

Chidwi

Chikhalidwe chimodzi chofunikira cha chikondi chathanzi, chokhalitsa ndicho chidwi.

Izi zikutanthauza kuti mumakhudzidwa ndi malingaliro awo, zolinga zawo, komanso moyo watsiku ndi tsiku. Mukufuna kuwawona akukula bwino. Simunakonzekere kuti anali ndani kapena omwe mukuganiza kuti ayenera kukhala.

"Mumakhala ndi malingaliro osinthasintha okhudzana wina ndi mnzake," akuwonjezera Antin.

Chidwi chimatanthauzanso kuti ndinu wofunitsitsa kulingalira kapena kukambirana zosintha ubale wanu ngati mbali zina zaubwenzi wanu sizikwaniritsidwa kwenikweni. Zimaphatikizaponso zenizeni. Mumawawona kuti ndi otani ndipo amasamala za munthu ameneyo, osati mtundu wawo wabwino.

Nthawi yopatukana

Anthu ambiri omwe ali pamaubwenzi abwino amaika patsogolo nthawi yocheza limodzi, ngakhale nthawi yomwe mumakhala limodzi imatha kusiyanasiyana kutengera zosowa zanu, ntchito ndi zina, kakhazikitsidwe kanu, ndi zina zambiri.

Koma mumazindikiranso kufunikira kwa danga lanu ndi nthawi yanu panokha. Mwina mumagwiritsa ntchito nthawi yopuma panokha, kuchita zosangalatsa, kapena kuwona anzanu kapena abale.

Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, simuyenera kuthera mphindi iliyonse limodzi kapena kukhulupirira kuti ubale wanu umavutika mukamakhala nthawi yopatukana.

Kusewera kapena kupepuka

Ndikofunika kupeza nthawi yosangalala komanso kuchita zinthu modzidzimutsa ngati mkhalidwewo uli woyenera. Ngati mungathe kuseka ndi kuseka limodzi, ndicho chizindikiro chabwino.

Nthawi zina mavuto a moyo kapena mavuto akhoza kukhudza mmodzi kapena nonse a inu. Izi zitha kusintha kwakanthawi kamvekedwe ka ubale wanu ndikupangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kulumikizana wina ndi mnzake munjira zanu zachizolowezi.

Koma kutha kugawana mphindi zopepuka zomwe zimathandiza kuthetsa mavuto, ngakhale mwachidule, kumalimbitsa ubale wanu ngakhale munthawi zovuta.

Chibwenzi chakuthupi

Kukhala pachibwenzi nthawi zambiri kumatanthauza kugonana, koma osati nthawi zonse. Sikuti aliyense amasangalala kapena amafuna kugonana. Ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wathanzi popanda iwo - bola ngati nonse muli patsamba limodzi lokhudza zosowa zanu.

Ngati mulibe chidwi chogonana, kukondana kungaphatikizepo kupsompsonana, kukumbatirana, kukumbatirana, ndi kugona limodzi. Mtundu uliwonse waubwenzi womwe mumagawana, kulumikizana kwakuthupi ndikulumikizana ndikofunikira.

Ngati nonse mumakonda kugonana, ubale wanu ungakhale wabwino mukamachita izi:

• omasuka kuyambitsa ndikuyankhula zogonana
• imatha kuthana ndi kukanidwa
• akhoza kukambirana zokhumba
• khalani otetezeka kuwonetsa chidwi chanu pakugonana kapena pang'ono

Ubwenzi wathanzi umaphatikizaponso kulemekeza malire azakugonana. Izi zikuphatikiza:

• osakakamiza abwenzi kuti agonane kapena kugonana atakana
• kugawana zambiri za anzawo
• kukambirana za chiopsezo cha kugonana

Mgwirizano

Ubale wolimba ukhoza kuonedwa ngati gulu. Mumagwira ntchito limodzi ndikuthandizana wina ndi mnzake, ngakhale simukuwonana pa chinthu kapena mulibe zolinga zomwe sizofanana kwenikweni.

Mwachidule, muli ndi msana wina ndi mnzake. Mukudziwa mutha kutembenukira kwa iwo mukavutika. Ndipo nthawi zonse mumakhala okonzeka kupereka chithandizo pakafunike inu.

Kuthetsa kusamvana

Ngakhale mutakhala pachibwenzi choyenera, nthawi zina mumakhala osamvana ndikumakhumudwa kapena kukwiya nthawi ndi nthawi. Izi ndizabwinobwino. Sizitanthauza kuti ubale wanu ndiwosayenera.

Chofunika ndi momwe mumathana ndi mikangano. Ngati mutha kuyankhula zakusiyana kwanu mwaulemu, moona mtima, komanso mwaulemu, muli panjira yoyenera.

Othandizira omwe amathetsa kusamvana popanda kuweruza kapena kunyozana nthawi zambiri amatha kupeza njira yothetsera mavuto.

Ubale mbendera zofiira

Ubwenzi wanu uyenera kuthandizira kukhala wokhutira, wosangalala komanso wolumikizana. Ngati mumakhala ndi nkhawa, nkhawa, kapena kusasangalala ndi anzanu, ubale wanu ukhoza kukhala wovuta.

Zizindikiro za maubale osavomerezeka zimatha kusiyanasiyana, chifukwa chake mndandandawu suli wokhazikika. Koma zitha kuthandiza kuwunikira zina zomwe zingachitike.

Mmodzi wa inu amayesa kulamulira kapena kusintha winayo

"Sitingathe kusintha munthu wina," akutero Antin.

Ngati muli ndi nkhawa ndi machitidwe ena, muyenera kukhala omasuka kuti mubweretse. Ndibwino kufotokoza malingaliro anu ndikuwapempha kuti aganizire zosintha. Koma sizabwino kuwauza zoyenera kuchita kapena kuyesa kuwongolera machitidwe awo.

Ngati achita zinazake zomwe zimakusowetsani mtendere ndipo simungavomereze, chibwenzicho sichingakhale ndi mwayi wotalika.

Wokondedwa wanu salemekeza malire anu

Malire atha kugwiritsidwa ntchito paubwenzi wanu, kuyambira kulumikizana mwaulemu mpaka zosowa zachinsinsi. Mukakhazikitsa malire ndipo akukankhira pambali kapena kukukakamizani kuti musinthe, ndiye mbendera yofiira kwambiri.

Mwinamwake inu munati, "Ndikufuna malo anga ndekha ndikafika kunyumba kuchokera kuntchito. Ndili wokondwa kukuwonani, koma ndiyenera kukhala ndi nkhawa ndisanakondane. "

Koma amapitilizabe kubwera kwa inu mukafika kunyumba, akuyesera kukupsopsonani ndikukokereni kuchipinda. Mukanena kuti ayi, amapepesa ndipo amati "sangazithandize."

Mutha kutsuka izi ngati chizindikiro chachikondi ndikupitilizabe kubwereza malirewo, ndikuyembekeza kuti apeza pamapeto pake. Koma machitidwe awo akuwonetsa kusalemekeza zosowa zanu.

Simumakhala nthawi yayitali limodzi

Maubwenzi nthawi zambiri amakula pamene anthu amasangalala ndi anzawo ndipo amafuna kuthera nthawi yochuluka limodzi. Zochitika pamoyo nthawi zina zimatha kusokoneza nthawi yanu yocheza, koma zosinthazi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zakanthawi.

Chibwenzi chanu chikhoza kukhala chovuta ngati mumangowonerana popanda chifukwa chomveka, monga mavuto am'banja kapena maudindo ambiri pantchito.

Zizindikiro zina zochenjeza zimaphatikizapo kumverera kutali ndi wina ndi mnzake kapena kumasuka mukakhala limodzi. Mwinanso mungayese kupeza zifukwa zoti musamacheze limodzi.

Ubalewo umakhala wosiyana

Ubale wathanzi umakhala wolinganizidwa bwino. Mutha kugawana ndalama chimodzimodzi, kapena kuwerengetsa ndalama zochepa pochita zina zambiri.

Koma kufanana pakati pa ubale kumayanjananso ndi zinthu zosaoneka, monga chikondi, kulumikizana, komanso ziyembekezo za ubale.

Nthawi zosalinganika zitha kuchitika nthawi ndi nthawi. Wina atha kutaya ndalama kwakanthawi, kuvutika kuthandizira ntchito zapakhomo chifukwa chodwala, kapena kudzimva kukhala wopanda chikondi chifukwa chakupsinjika kapena kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro.

Koma ngati ubale wanu nthawi zonse umakhala wosasunthika mwanjira iliyonse, izi zimatha kukhala zovuta.

Amanena zinthu zoipa kapena zoipa za inu kapena anthu ena

Palibe cholakwika ndikuwonetsa kuda nkhawa mnzanu akachita zomwe zimakudetsani nkhawa. Koma muubwenzi wabwino, abwenzi amasamala kufotokoza malingaliro awo m'njira zothandiza, zopindulitsa.

Si bwino kumangodzudzulana nthawi zonse kapena kunena zinthu zopweteka mwadala, makamaka pazosankha zanu, monga chakudya, zovala, kapena makanema pa TV omwe mumawakonda. Kudzudzula komwe kumakupangitsani kuchita manyazi kapena kudzichitira nokha nthawi zambiri sikupindulitsa.

Onaninso momwe amalankhulira za ena. Chibwenzi chanu chimatha kuwoneka chabwinobwino, koma ngati amalankhula mawu achipongwe, kutukwana, kapena kusankhana anzawo, ganizirani zomwe khalidweli likunena za iwo monga munthu.

Simukumva kuti mumamvana

Mwina simumva ngati akumveka chifukwa amawoneka kuti alibe chidwi mukamabweretsa vuto kapena kugawana zomwe zakhala zikuganiza. Kapenanso mungakhale ndi zovuta kugawana malingaliro anu kapena kukambirana nkhani zazikulu chifukwa mumakhala ndi nkhawa kuti angokutsutsani.

Kuyankhulana molakwika kumatha kuchitika. Koma ngati inu chitani lankhulani nkhani ndipo akuwoneka kuti akumvera koma osasintha chilichonse kapena akuwoneka kuti aiwaliratu zomwe mudalankhula tsiku lotsatira, ndichizindikiro chenjezo.

Mukuwopa kufotokoza kusagwirizana

Abwenzi akuyenera kukhala otetezeka kukhala ndi malingaliro awoawo, ngakhale zitakhala kuti sakugwirizana. Ngati mnzanu akuyankha malingaliro anu (osiyana) ndikuchotsa, kunyoza, kapena mwano wina, izi nthawi zambiri zimapereka lingaliro kuti samakulemekezani kapena malingaliro anu.

Ngati mukupeza kuti mukuletsa chilichonse chomwe munganene chifukwa mumadera nkhawa momwe angachitire, kapena mukumverera ngati kuti "mukuyenda pamahelles" tsiku lililonse, monga ananenera Antin, itha kukhala nthawi yoti mupeze thandizo kwa akatswiri.

Ngati mukuopa kuzunzidwa kapena kulankhulidwa, lankhulani ndi othandizira posachedwa. Osazengereza kufikira abwenzi ndi abale kuti muwathandize, nawonso.

Simukumva kukhala wokondwa kapena womasuka kukhala ndi mnzanu

Kwa anthu ambiri, zolinga zazikulu pachibwenzi zimaphatikizapo chimwemwe chowonjezeka ndikukhala moyo wokhutira. Ngati mumakhala osasangalala kapena osasangalala nthawi zonse, chibwenzicho sichingakwaniritse zosowa zanu.

Izi zitha kuchitika ngakhale nonse mukuyesetsa mwakhama pachibwenzi. Anthu amasintha pakapita nthawi, choncho kumva kuti simukukhutira ndi kutsekeka sikutanthauza kuti aliyense wa inu mwachita chilichonse "cholakwika" Mutha kukhala kuti mwakhala anthu osiyana omwe sakugwirizana bwino.

Kusamvana kapena zokambirana sizimapita kulikonse

Kuthetsa kusamvana kwabwino kumabweretsa mayankho kapena kunyengerera. Kusunga ubale ndichinthu chomwe chimachitika, chifukwa mwina simungathe kukonza zonse nthawi yomweyo. Koma nthawi zambiri mumasangalala mukamakambirana pambuyo pake. Nthawi zambiri mumawona kupita patsogolo.

Nthawi zambiri sichizindikiro chabwino mukamapezeka kuti mukuyankhula mozungulira kapena nkhani zomwezo nthawi zonse. Mwinamwake palibe kusintha kulikonse, ngakhale mutakambirana zambiri motani. Mwina pamapeto pake amakutsekera panja.

Mafunso omwe mungadzifunse

Ndizovuta kugwiritsa ntchito miyezo yofananayo kuubwenzi uliwonse. Komabe, ngati mukufunafuna malangizo ngati anu ali athanzi, pali zinthu zingapo zomwe mungadzifunse ngati mtundu wodziyesa nokha.

Kodi ubale wanu uli bwino?

Dzifunseni kuti:

• Kodi mnzanga amandilimbikitsa kuti ndikule?
• Kodi timagawana zolinga zamtsogolo?
• Kodi tikufuna ubale wofanana?
• Kodi ndingakhale nawo?
• Kodi ndimawalandira momwe alili?
• Kodi timapatsana wina ndi mnzake chimodzimodzi?
• Kodi moyo wanga uli bwino limodzi nawo?
• Kodi nthawi yathu yocheza ili ndi tanthauzo?

Ngati mwayankha kuti inde, chibwenzi chanu ndi cholimba.

Malangizo omangira ubale wolimba

Ngati ena (kapena angapo) amiyambo yofiira idagunda kunyumba, upangiri wa maanja ukhoza kukhala chinthu chabwino.

"Chithandizo cha mabanja ndi pafupifupi anthu awiri omwe amafika kudzagwira ntchito pawokha," akutero Antin. Kulandila thandizo sikutanthauza kuti mwalephera. Zikutanthauza kuti mukufuna kuyesetsa kukonza, za inu nokha komanso za wina ndi mnzake.

Koma ngakhale maubwenzi abwino kwambiri nthawi zina amatha kugwiritsa ntchito ntchito yowonjezerapo. Nawa maupangiri owonetsetsa kuti zinthu zikuyenda panjira yoyenera.

Landirani zosiyana za wina ndi mnzake

"Atha kukhala okonda kutchuka, pomwe iwe umakhala wokonda kukhala kwawo," akutero Antin. "Koma izi ndizabwino, chifukwa m'modzi wa inu akhoza kuyambitsa zochitika kapena kupita kokayenda, pomwe m'modzi wa inu amasangalala ndi nthawi yopuma ndikuyatsa moto wanyumba."

Talingalirani kaonedwe kawo

"Khalani ndi chidwi ndi momwe amachitira ndi momwe amaonera zinthu m'malo mongowalimbikitsa kuti aziwona zinthu momwe inu mukuyendera," Antin adalangiza.

Kuthetsa mavuto monga gulu

"Gwirani ntchito limodzi kuthetsa mavuto, m'malo mongopanganitsana wina ndi mnzake," akutero Antin.

Funsani zomwe mukufuna, ndipo khalani okonzeka kumvera zofuna zawo

Simungavomereze nthawi zonse, koma zonse zili bwino. Ndinu anthu awiri osiyana, pambuyo pa zonse. Kukhala wokhoza kupeza kunyengerera ndikofunikira.

Yesani china chatsopano limodzi

Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikuwoneka chokhazikika kapena ngati sichikupita kulikonse, yesetsani kupita nacho kwina kuti muwone zomwe zimachitika. Kusintha kwa mawonekedwe nthawi zina kumatha kusintha malingaliro anu.

Lankhulani za zolinga zanu ndi maloto anu

Izi zitha kukuthandizani kuti mugwirizanenso ndikuwonetsetsa kuti mukugawanabe chiyembekezo komanso zikhulupiriro zomwezo.

Mfundo yofunika

Kukondana kophatikizana komanso kukonda chakudya cha ku India mwina kukadakuthandizani kukumana ndi mnzanu, koma izi sizikugwirizana kwenikweni ndi kusunga ubale wanu wathanzi pakapita nthawi.

Pamapeto pa tsikulo, muyenera kudalirana ndikukhala otetezeka limodzi. Muyenera kukhulupirira kuthekera kwanu pakuphunzira ndikukula limodzi.

Ngati mukudandaula za chibwenzi chanu kapena mukukhulupirira kuti sichikhala cholimba monga kale, khulupirirani chibadwidwe chanu ndikufufuza tanthauzo la izi. Katswiri wothandizira amatha kuthandizira kupereka chitsogozo pa nthawi yomwe khama lina lingathandize komanso nthawi yakusunthira patsogolo.

Crystal Raypole adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy. Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.