Ndendende Momwe Mungayankhulire Zonyansa Pogonana Popanda Kukhumudwa

Zamkati

• Chitani: Dziwani Mawu Awo Oyambitsa
• Chitani: Sinthani Iwo Pakudzutsidwa Kwanu
• Osatero: Kumva Kupanikizika
• Chitani: Khalani ndi Zomwe Zimagwira Ntchito Kwa Inu
• Chitani: Phunzirani Luso la Kulankhula Konyansa Kwa Mawu Amodzi
• Musati: Yang'anani Kwambiri Pa Kukula
• Chitani: Fotokozani Makhalidwe Awo Omwe Amakusangalatsani
• Chitani: Auzeni Zomwe Muchite
• Onaninso za

Kodi lingaliro la wokondedwa wanu kunena kuti, "Ndilankhula zonyansa" limakupangitsani mantha? Simuli nokha ngati chiyembekezo chakulankhula zonyansa (kupyola "inde" ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana) kukupangitsani kukhala omangika.

Nayi nkhani yabwino yoti muchotse kupsinjika: Zikafika pakumveka kowopsa, azimayi amatha kutulutsa mawu awo mosavuta, pomwe amuna sangathe, malinga ndi kafukufuku waku Albright College. (M'malo mwake, amuna ankawoneka ngati osawoneka bwino pamene amayesa kumveka achigololo.) Ndipo ngati mnzanuyo ndi mkazi? Ndiye zabwino kwambiri: Nkhani zanu zonyansa zatsala pang'ono kutentha kwambiri.

Choipa chake? Chifukwa chakuti muli ndi luso lachibadwa la m'kamwa (moni, mawu ogona ogona!) sizikutanthauza kuti mumadziwa mawu omwe angakupangitseni inu nonse kukhala ndi maganizo. “Anthu ambiri amadziona ngati mopusa polankhula zonyansa,” akutero Jaiya, mphunzitsi wa za kugonana komanso wolemba mabuku Kuwombanirana. "Chifukwa sadziwa choti anene, amapunthwa."

Chifukwa chake, ngakhale mutha kuphunzira momwe mungalankhulire zauve (ndipo nkhaniyi yakuphimbirani), inunso simutero zosowa kuyamba kulankhula mawu achigololo. Pokhudzana ndi zomwe amakonda m'chipinda chogona, zomwe aliyense amakonda ndi zomwe sakonda ndizosiyana ndipo anthu ena (mwina ngakhale wokondedwa wanu) sangasamalire zokambirana zilizonse zolakwika. Pali njira zambiri zokometsera moyo wanu wakugonana ndikugwiritsa ntchito nkhani zonyansa pakugonana ndi imodzi mwa njirazi.

Tsopano, ngati inundi wokonzeka kulowa mumtima mwanu wamkati ndikunyamula chipinda chanu chogona, musayang'anenso kwina kuposa malangizo oyankhulidwa auve. O, ndi chinthu chinanso: Mukaphunzira kulankhula zauve, khalani okonzeka kudzutsa mnzanuyo kuposa kale.

Chitani: Dziwani Mawu Awo Oyambitsa

Mwayi wake, wokondedwa wanu ali ndi nthawi yomwe amakonda kwambiri ziwalo zawo - komanso zogonana, monga kugonana ndi pakamwa - zomwe zimawathandiza kwambiri. Jaiya amatcha mawu oyambitsa chifukwa kumveka kwawo nthawi zambiri kumakhala kokwanira kudzutsa chidwi chawo. "Yambani potumiza mameseji onyansa mobwerezabwereza," akutero a Ruth Neustifter, Ph.D., wolemba Upangiri wa Mtsikana Wabwino pa Kuyankhula Zakuda. "Iyi ndi njira yabwino yodziwira mawu omwe amakonda."

Mzere wanu: "Sindingathe kudikirira kuti tidzakumanane usikuuno. Ndiuzeni malo onse omwe mukufuna kuti ndikugwireni." Adzagwiritsa ntchito mawu omwe amawapeza kuti ndi onyansa kwambiri muzotumizirana zolaula, kukuthandizani kuti musinthe mawu anu ogona ndipo pamapeto pake mudzaphunzira kulankhula zauve m'njira yomwe imawayendera bwino. Ndipo, nawonso, amatha kusankha mawu (ndi ma emojis achigololo) omwe mungakonde.

Chitani: Sinthani Iwo Pakudzutsidwa Kwanu

"Ndanyowa kwambiri pompano." "Ndatsala pang'ono kubwera." "Mukumva zosatheka."

Zosintha izi mphindi ndi mphindi zimakuthandizani kuti muzilimbitsa - zomwe zingakhale ntchito yovuta - popatsa wokondedwa wanu chidwi chofuna kutero. “Mukamalankhula za zomwe zikuchitika m’thupi mwanu, mumadziwitsa anthu,” akutero Jaiya. "Pamwamba pa izo, mukuwadzutsa kwambiri, chifukwa akuganiza, 'Inde! Ndikuwatsegulira.' Izi zimawapangitsa kudzidalira kwambiri. " Ndipo ndi zomwe mungatchule kupambana-kupambana. (Ngakhale kuyankhula kwachigololo kungakuthandizeni kuti mukhale pafupi, nayi momwe mungakhalire ndi orgasm nthawi zonse.)

Osatero: Kumva Kupanikizika

"Zoyankhula zonyansa" mwina ndi dzina losavomerezeka, chifukwa cholembera m'chipinda chogona siziyenera kukhala zopanda pake kuti zitheke. "Anthu ena amawona kutembereredwa sikumadzutsa konse," akutero Neustifter. "Mawu omwe amatembenuzira wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukhala achifundo komanso achikondi - omwe atha kukhala okopa," akuwonjezera Jaiya. Ngati simukudziwa kuti ndi mtundu wanji wazakudya zomwe amakonda, yesani kusinthana mawu (mwachitsanzo "Ndimakonda mukandipsompsona") ndi ena omwe ali ndi vuto (mwachitsanzo "Ndikufuna [gawo lanu la thupi] mkati mwanga"), ndi onani zomwe zimawalimbikitsa kwambiri.

Chitani: Khalani ndi Zomwe Zimagwira Ntchito Kwa Inu

"Akazi amaganiza kuti akuyenera kumveka ngati nyenyezi zolaula," akutero a Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., wolemba Kuyankhula Kwazogonana Kuti Muzinyengerera Wokonda Aliyense. Ngakhale mnzanuyo atawonera zolaula, sizitanthauza kuti muyenera kuyankhula zonyansa panthawi yogonana momwemo momwe angawonere - mawu otentha kwambiri ndi omwe amakufikitsani m'derali, ngakhale atakhala ovuta. "Ngati simukuchita zowona kapena simuli omasuka, adzamva choncho," akutero Jaiya. (Ndipo mukuyenera kukhala omasuka komanso olimba mtima m'chipinda chogona, ayi ifs, ands, kapena buts.)

Ndipo simuyenera kugwiritsa ntchito mawu akuya, okhwima. "Kulankhula kwanu kumatha kukhala koseketsa komanso koseketsa, kosangalatsa kapena koseketsa, kosalakwa, kapena kopanda tanthauzo," akutero Neustifter. "Ndikulimbikitsa azimayi kuti aganizire za nthawi yomwe amakhala omasuka komanso opanda nkhawa." Ngati mukumva bwino mukamapereka ziwonetsero kuntchito, mwachitsanzo, chipinda cham'chipinda chogona champhamvu chingakhale kupita kwanu; ngati chilankhulo chanu chachikondi chikuseka (taganizirani: kuseka ndi anzanu, kuseka kuti mnzanu aseke), njira yosangalatsa ikhoza kukhala yabwinoko. (Zofunikanso: Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi maliseche kuti muwone zomwe mumakonda mwakuthupi.)

Chitani: Phunzirani Luso la Kulankhula Konyansa Kwa Mawu Amodzi

Pophunzira kulankhula zonyansa, ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti, nthawi zambiri, zochepa zimakhala zambiri. Kuyesera kulumikiza chiganizo chokwanira, chonyansa kumatha kusokoneza chikhumbo chanu popeza muli m'mutu mwanu, akutero Jaiya. Neustifter anati: “Ndikachita misonkhano yokhudzana ndi kugonana, mawu akuti ‘inde’ amakhala amodzi mwa mawu omwe anthu amakonda kwambiri. Mawu ena achigololo omwe angayime okha: "mwachangu," "molimba," ndi "zambiri." Malangizo a mawu amodzi amawadziwitsa kuti akuchita ntchito yabwino, akutero Jaiya. Ganizirani za nkhani yosavuta iyi ngati mawu ofanana ndi kubuula. (Zogwirizana: Zomwe Phokoso Lanu Logonana Limatanthauza)

Musati: Yang'anani Kwambiri Pa Kukula

Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene ali ndi mbolo, dziwani izi: Zoonadi, anthu ena amakonda kuuzidwa kuti mbolo yawo ndi yochititsa chidwi, koma kwa ena, kumva za kukula kungawakumbutse za kusadzidalira kwawo, anatero Neustifter. Njira yabwino: Lankhulani za kulimba kwawo. "Nthawi zambiri, anthu amayankha bwino akamva momwe maliseche awo aliri okhumbika," akutero. (Onaninso: Pomaliza, Mayankho a *Zonse* a Mafunso Anu Akukanikiza Mbolo)

Chitani: Fotokozani Makhalidwe Awo Omwe Amakusangalatsani

Kuyankhula zakugonana kumatha kukhala koopsa paliponse - makamaka mukamazindikira momwe mungayankhulire zauve. "Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zosavuta kunena za mawonekedwe kapena zinthu - momwe chovala chamkati chimakhalira kapena kuti mumakonda chiputu cha ndevu," akutero Neustifter. Chifukwa chake yambani ndi malongosoledwe ofotokozera zomwe zimakupangitsani inu kuthana ndi mnzanu mukamayesa nkhani zonyansa mukamagonana. Anthu ambiri amakonda kuyamikiridwa. Kuphatikiza apo, ndizosatheka kuwuluka mukamauza winawake kuti thupi lake limakusangalatsani.

Chitani: Auzeni Zomwe Muchite

Tsopano, pa gawo lapamwamba kwambiri la "momwe mungalankhulire zonyansa 101." Uzani mnzanu zakusangalatsa komwe mukufuna kuchita. "Ndikosavuta kuti azimayi azisamalira kuposa kunena kuti, 'Nazi zomwe ndikufuna kuti muchite,' 'akutero Jaiya. Sanjani muzolankhula zakugonana pofotokoza kusunthira komwe mudayesapo kale komwe nonse mudasangalala. (Monga, mwachitsanzo, maudindo ogonanawa pofuna kukondoweza kapena momwe amagwiritsira ntchito lilime pakamwa.) Mwanjira imeneyi, mukudziwa kuti adzalandira malingaliro anu moyenera, zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhala olimba mtima kuyang'anira.

Onaninso za