Wothandizira wa Polyamorous uyu Akuganiza kuti Nsanje Ndi Kutengeka Kwambiri - Ichi Ndichifukwa Chiyani

Zamkati

• Kodi Nsanje N'chiyani Kwenikweni?
• Momwe Mungalimbane ndi Nsanje Muubwenzi
• Gawo 1: Vomerezani
• Gawo 2: Fotokozani
• Gawo 3: Kupereka
• Onaninso za

"Kodi simuchita nsanje?" Nthawi zambiri ndimakhala funso loyamba ndikalandira ndikamauza munthu wina kuti sindine wokwatirana ndekha. “Inde, ndimatero,” ndimayankha nthaŵi iliyonse. Ndiye, nthawi zambiri, amangondiyang'ana mwachisoni mpaka nditanena china, kapena amayesetsa kusintha mutuwo. Nthawi zambiri ndimayesa kumenya kusintha kosavuta ndi, "musatero inu kuchita nsanje?” zimene mosapeŵeka zimawalepheretsa kutsatira njira zawo pamene akuzindikira kuti kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi si mankhwala a nsanje.

Ngati munakulira mukuwonera zoseweretsa zachikondi kapena chiwonetsero chilichonse chomwe chimakhala ndi zibwenzi, mwina mumawona nsanje ikuwonetsedwa ngati chinthu chomangokhala osati chongomva. Mwachitsanzo: Mnyamata amakonda mtsikana koma sanena mwachindunji, mtsikana amasonyeza chidwi ndi munthu wina, mnyamata tsopano ali ndi chidwi chofuna kutsata mtsikanayo. Chitsanzo china: Maubwenzi nthawi zambiri amawonetsedwa ngati umwini. Zambiri kotero kuti ngati munthu wina ngakhale mawonekedwe kwa wokondedwa wawo mochita kukopana kapena m'njira yovomerezeka, ndizomveka kuti mnzakeyo "agonane" kapena ayambe ndewu. (Zokhudzana: Kodi Ndizosaloledwa Kuyenda Pafoni Ya Mnzanu ndikuwerenga Zolemba zawo?)

Palinso mauthenga m'mafilimu ndi pa TV omwe akukuuzani kuti ngati musatero kumva nsanje, payenera kukhala chinachake cholakwika ndi inu kapena ubwenzi wanu. Pamene, kwenikweni, uko ndi mmbuyo. Onani, mukakhala otetezeka kwambiri kwa inu nokha ndi abwenzi anu, nsanje imachepa. Zomwe zimatifikitsa ku ...

Kodi Nsanje N'chiyani Kwenikweni?

Zonsezi zikuwonetsa nsanje monga zomangirira: Nsanje siyodziwika mofanana m'magulu osiyanasiyana a anthu, m'malo mwake, imadalira kwambiri chikhalidwe. Zomangamanga ndizomwe sizingachitike koma chifukwa chothandizana ndi anthu. Lilipo chifukwa anthu amavomereza kuti lilipo. Chitsanzo chabwino cha wina ndi unamwali. Kodi ndinu oyenerera kwenikweni mutagonana kamodzi? Kodi ndinu ofunika kwambiri? Kuposa chiyani? Kuposa ndani? Sitikulankhula za chochitika china chilichonse ngati "kutenga" kapena "kupatsa" chinachake, ndiye nchifukwa chiyani chochitika ichi ndi choti tichite? Anthu ena adaganiza kuti zidzakhala, kenako anthu ambiri adagwirizana, zidakhala "zachizolowezi," ndipo anthu ambiri samakayikira zachizolowezi. Koma kubwerera ku nsanje: Ndi chikhalidwe chokhazikika kuchita nsanje pamene wokondedwa wanu wapeza wina wokongola.

Chifukwa chake, ngati momwe timawonera nsanje pakadali pano amangomangirira, zingawoneke bwanji ngati tingalongosolerenso nsanje (komanso yokhazikika) palimodzi?

Nazi wanga Kumasulira kwa nsanje: Kusakhazikika pamalingaliro komwe kumapangidwa ndi 1) kusakhazikika komanso / kapena 2) kuwona wina ali ndi mwayi wopeza china chake chomwe tikufuna.

Aliyense amakumana ndi nsanje mosiyana chifukwa simalingaliro amodzi osavuta kapena machitidwe amankhwala. Mukamasamala za munthu wina, mudzakhala ndi malingaliro ndi malingaliro pa zomwe zikuchitika m'moyo wake - ndipo nthawi zina zimakhala ngati nsanje. (Yogwirizana: Njira 5-Iyi Ikuthandizani Kusintha Maimidwe Olakwika Amaganizo)

Momwe Mungalimbane ndi Nsanje Muubwenzi

Popeza nsanje si chinthu chimodzi chokha, palibe "mankhwala" ake - koma ngati alipo, ndikadakhala kudzizindikira komanso kulumikizana. Mukamadzidziwa kwambiri, mumakhala ndi mwayi wokhoza kutchula za nsanje yanu, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti kulumikizana, kukhala nawo pansi, komanso kuthetsa. (Zokhudzana: Zinthu 6 Zomwe Anthu Omwe Amakhala Mmodzi Amodzi Angaphunzire kuchokera ku Maubwenzi Otseguka)

Kufotokozeranso nsanje kudzatenga kudzidziwitsa kochuluka, kulankhulana kwambiri, ndikukhala ndi cholinga choti musadzipangire manyazi mukakhala ndi nsanje. Nsanje imamveka yaumwini, koma nthawi zambiri imangokhala kutengeka kwina komwe muyenera kuthana nako.

Ndili ndi zibwenzi zitatu zomwe ndimaona kuti onse ndi okondedwa anga "oyambirira" - ndipo chifukwa chakuti ndine wothandizira sizikutanthauza kuti sindichita nsanje kapena kutengeka maganizo. Ndine munthu amene amamva nsanje (komanso kutengeka mtima) kwambiri. Ndipo, ngakhale pakati pa anayi a ife, timakhala ndi malingaliro osiyana a zomwe nsanje ili ndi momwe timamvera.

Pamene mmodzi wa ife achita nsanje, timauza ena. Upangiri: Malingaliro ndi owopsa kwambiri mukasiyidwa nokha m'malingaliro mwanu kuposa mukamayankhulidwa ndi munthu amene mumamukonda. Chifukwa chake, ndikakhala ndi nsanje, ndizidzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndikumva kuti sindimadzidalira?" ndipo "Ndikufuna chiyani chomwe sindikumva kuti ndili nacho?" Kenako, ndimazindikira chinthucho ndikuuza momwe ndikumvera komanso zomwe ndikuganiza kuti zingathandize. (Onani: Momwe Mungakhalire Ndi Ubwenzi Wapoyenera Wokhalitsa)

Nthawi zambiri, anthu akamayankhulana za nsanje kapena malingaliro ena, samagawana zomwe akufuna kapena zomwe angatsatire. M'malo mwake, anthu amakonda kungoponyera wokondedwa wawo ndikuyembekeza kuti adziwa chochita nawo. Mukazindikira komwe malingaliro ansanje akuchokera, mutha kupempha (ndikuyembekeza kupeza) zomwe mukufuna.

Nsanje ndikumverera kosalephereka pachibwenzi chilichonse, monganso momwe mumamvera, ndiye bwanji osaphunzira momwe mungafufuzire momwe mukumvera ndikupeza zosowa zanu m'malo mokhala ndi kuvutika mwakachetechete? Mukalankhula za nsanje yanu, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito njira yanga ya AEE: kuvomereza, kufotokoza, ndi kupereka. (Zimathandizanso kwambiri mukakhazikitsa malire.) Umu ndi momwe mungachitire.

Gawo 1: Vomerezani

Gawo loyambali la zokambiranazi ndilofunika koma nthawi zambiri silidumpha. Zimaphatikizapo kutchula zenizeni kapena chinthu chomwe palibe amene akufuna kunena, mokweza.

Zimayamba ndi "Ndikudziwa ..." ndipo zitha kumveka ngati, "Ndikudziwa kuti zakhala zovuta kuyendetsa zinthu zatsopanozi," kapena "Ndikudziwa kuti ndikumva chisoni kwambiri ndipo simukufuna kundipweteketsa." (Werenganinso: Upangiri Wogonana ndi Ubale kuchokera kwa Wopatsa Chilolezo)

Gawo 2: Fotokozani

Ndizofala kuti nthawi zambiri mumadumphadumpha mukamacheza, kuponyera munthu yemwe mukumulankhulayo ndi mpira wamalingaliro ndi malingaliro, kenako nkuwayang'ana ngati, "ndiye timatani?" Kutsatira kapangidwe kameneka kumatha kukuthandizani kufotokoza malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu ndikuyamba kupita patsogolo potsatira.

Mwachitsanzo: "Ndikumva ___ (kutengeka) ____ pamene / za ____ (mutu / zochita zomwe zimapangitsa kumverera kumeneko) ___."

Chitsanzo 1: "Ndimachita nsanje ndikakuwonani mukudya nyama yang'ombe ndi John koma ndimangodya zamphesa."

Chitsanzo 2: "Ndimachita mantha ndi nsanje mukamapita zibwenzi."

Gawo 3: Kupereka

Mawu opatsidwayo amapatsa mnzanu malingaliro pazomwe mukufuna (kumbukirani: palibe amene angawerenge malingaliro), gawo la mwana kupita ku yankho lamphamvu kwambiri, kapena lingaliro lanu lokonzekera. (Zogwirizana: Momwe Mungakhalire Ndi Mikhalidwe Yabwino Yaubwenzi)

Yesani: "Zomwe ndikufuna kuchita ndi ...." kapena "Chinachake chomwe ndikufuna kuchita ndi ..." kapena "Ndikufunadi ku…" ndikutsatiridwa ndi "zikumveka bwanji?" kapena "mukuganiza bwanji?"

Chitsanzo 1: "Ndingakonde kudya nanu nyama ina nthawi ina. Mukuganiza bwanji?"

Chitsanzo 2: "Zingandithandize kwambiri ngati mutanditumizira mauthenga otsimikizira za ubale wathu musanayambe komanso pambuyo pa chibwenzi chanu. Kodi izi zikumveka ngati zomwe mungachite?"

Nthawi ina mukuchita nsanje, dzifunseni nokha ngati ndi kusatetezeka kapena chinachake mukufuna kupeza, ndiyeno kulankhula ndi mnzanu (a) ndi kuchitapo kanthu kuti ntchito pa kusatetezeka kapena kupeza chinthu mukufuna. Nsanje siyenera kukhala chilombo chobiriwira chowopsa; zingakuthandizeni kudzidziwa nokha ndi anzanu pa mlingo wozama ngati inu kulola.

Rachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T., (iye) ndi katswiri wodziwa zamaganizo, wophunzitsa za kugonana, komanso katswiri wa ubale ku New York City. Ndi wokamba nkhani waluso, wotsogolera gulu, komanso wolemba. Adagwira ntchito ndi anthu masauzande padziko lonse lapansi kuwathandiza kuti angofuula zochepa komanso kuwombera kwambiri.

Onaninso za