Ndine Mmodzi Mwa Zaka Zakachikwi Osayika Patsogolo Kugonana - Sichinthu Choipa

Zamkati

• Kodi ubale wathu ndiwosokonekera? Ndizowona sizimamva choncho
• Sikuti aliyense amafunikira kapena ngakhale akufuna kugonana - ndipo zitha kukhala zabwino
• Kaya chifukwa chake chingakhale chiyani, kumbukirani kuti simunaswe, ndipo maubale anu sawonongeka
• Chifukwa chake zaka zikwizikwi, palibe chifukwa chodzichotsera moyo wosagonana, womvetsa chisoni

Ndimakana mwamphamvu lingaliro lakuti popanda kugonana, palibe ubale weniweni.

Kuvomereza: Zoonadi sindingakumbukire nthawi yomaliza yomwe ndinagonana.

Koma zikuwoneka kuti sindili ndekha pankhaniyi, mwina - kafukufuku waposachedwa awonetsa kuti zaka zikwizikwi, chonsecho, kwenikweni akugonana pang'ono kuposa mibadwo yam'mbuyomu. Makamaka, chiwerengero cha anthu omwe akuti sanachite zibwenzi atakwanitsa zaka 18 chachulukirachulukirachulukira ndi iGen (15%), poyerekeza ndi GenX (6%).

Nyanja ya Atlantic posachedwapa yakhazikitsa "kutsika kwachiwerewere," posonyeza kuti kuchepa kwa chiwerengerochi muubwenzi wakuthupi kumatha kusokoneza chisangalalo chathu.

Ndiyenera kudabwa, komabe: Kodi tikungokhala achangu pochenjeza?

Funso silakuti ‘Mukuchita zogonana kapena ayi?’ Funso nlakuti ‘Kodi aliyense amakhala pachibwenzi chomasuka ndi kuchuluka kwa chiwerewere?’ Zosowa zathu ndi aliyense payekha.

- Dr. Melissa Fabello

Ndilo lingaliro lakale lomwe loti kugonana ndi mzati wofunikira paumoyo wathanzi komanso wamaganizidwe, olankhulidwa mofananira ndi chinthu chofunikira - monga chakudya ndi kugona.

Koma kodi ndikufananiradi koyenera? Kodi titha kukhala ndi ubale wathanzi, wokwaniritsa (ndi moyo, pazinthu izi) popanda kugonana, kapena pang'ono pokha?

“Inde. Mosakayikira, inde, ”Dr. Melissa Fabello, katswiri wazakugonana komanso wofufuza zakugonana, akutsimikizira. "Funso silakuti 'Mukuchita zogonana kapena ayi?' Funso nlakuti 'Kodi aliyense amakhala pachibwenzi chomasuka ndi kuchuluka kwa kugonana komwe adakhalako?' Zosowa zathu ndi aliyense payekha."

Kwa gulu lomwe likukula la anthu omwe sakufuna kugonana, malingaliro a Dr. Fabello pano atha kusintha. Monga gawo la gulu la zaka zikwizikwi omwe akuika miyoyo yawo patsogolo mosiyana, zimandithandizadi.

Mnzanga ndi ine tili ndi zifukwa zathu zosapangidwira kuti tisapangitse kugonana kukhala kofunikira paubwenzi wathu - zolemala zawo zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zopweteka komanso zotopetsa, ndipo libido yanga siyokwera kwambiri kuti ikhale yosangalatsa monga zinthu zina zofunika kwambiri m'moyo wanga.

Ndimakana mwamphamvu lingaliro lakuti popanda kugonana, palibe ubale weniweni.

Poyamba nditasiya kugonana, ndinali wotsimikiza kuti payenera kukhala china chake cholakwika ndi ine. Koma atalankhula ndi wothandizira, adandifunsa funso lofunika: Kodi ndidatero ndikufuna kugonana?

Ndikudziwitsa pang'ono zidandidziwitsa kuti sizinali zofunika kwenikweni kwa ine.

Ndipo zidapezeka, sizinali zofunikira zonse kwa mnzanga, mwina.

Kodi ubale wathu ndiwosokonekera? Ndizowona sizimamva choncho

Takhala limodzi mosangalala zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri, zambiri zomwe sizinachite zogonana.

Ndakhala ndikufunsidwa, "Ndi chiyani, ndiye?" ngati kuti maubale ndi mapangano ogonana chabe - njira yothetsera mavuto. Ena amafuula kuti, "Mumangokhala m'chipinda chimodzi!"

Ndimakana mwamphamvu lingaliro lakuti popanda kugonana, palibe ubale weniweni.

Timagawana nyumba imodzi ndi bedi limodzi, kulera ana awiri aubweya limodzi, kukumbatirana ndikuwonera wailesi yakanema, kupereka phewa kulira, kuphika chakudya limodzi, kugawana malingaliro athu akumva, ndikuthana ndi zovuta za moyo pamodzi.

Ndinalipo kuti ndiwasunge atamva kuti abambo awo amwalira ndi khansa. Anandithandizira pamene ndinali kuchira opaleshoni, akundithandiza kusintha nsalu zanga komanso kutsuka tsitsi langa. Sindingatchule ubale womwe "ulibe chibwenzi."

"Lingaliro ndiloti sitingathe kuyamba kukondana kapena kulera ana popanda [cisgender, kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha]. Mwachidziwitso, tikudziwa kuti sizingakhale zowonjezereka kuchokera ku chowonadi. Funso ndiloti chifukwa chiyani timapitilizabe kunamizira kuti ndizo. ”

- Dr. Melissa Fabello

Mwanjira ina, ndife othandizana nawo. "Kugonana" sikuli, ndipo sikunakhalepo, chofunikira kwa ife kuti tikhale ndi moyo watanthauzo komanso wothandizira limodzi.

"[Ndife] anthu pawokha okhala ndi zosowa zathu komanso ufulu wosankha," akufotokoza Dr. "[Komabe] malinga ndi chikhalidwe cha anthu, pali kukakamizidwa kuti anthu azitsatira njira yosavuta: kukwatira ndikukhala ndi ana."

"Lingaliro ndiloti sitingathe kuyamba kukondana kapena kulera ana popanda [cisgender, kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha]. Mwachidziwitso, tikudziwa kuti izi sizingakhale kutali ndi chowonadi, "akupitiliza Dr. Fabello. "Funso ndiloti chifukwa chiyani timapitilizabe kunamizira kuti ndizo."

Mwinanso vuto lenileni silakuti achinyamata amakhala ndi chiwerewere chochepa bwanji, koma kuwunika kopitilira muyeso koyambirira.

Lingaliro loti kugonana ndichofunikira paumoyo - m'malo mochita masewera olimbitsa thupi, imodzi mwanjira zambiri zomwe tingapeze - ikuwonetsa kukanika komwe mwina sikungakhaleko.

Ikani njira ina, mutha kupeza vitamini C wanu kuchokera ku malalanje, koma simukuyenera kutero. Ngati mukufuna cantaloupe kapena chowonjezera, mphamvu zambiri kwa inu.

Ngati mukufuna kupanga chibwenzi, kuwotcha mafuta, kapena kumverera pafupi ndi mnzanu, kugonana si njira yokhayo (ndipo mwina siyingakhale njira yabwino kwa inu!).

Sikuti aliyense amafunikira kapena ngakhale akufuna kugonana - ndipo zitha kukhala zabwino

"Chowonadi ndi chakuti kuyendetsa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sikubwera," akutero Dr. Fabello. "Zimakhala zachilendo kuti nthawi zambiri kugonana kumatha kusintha moyo wanu. Ndi zachilendo kukhala zogonana. Kusakhala ndi chidwi chofuna kugonana si vuto kwenikweni. ”

Koma mumadziwa bwanji kusiyana pakati pa kugonana, kugonana, ndi kungosankha kuti musayike patsogolo?

Dr. Fabello akuti zimayamba ndikufufuza momwe mukumvera. “Kodi ndiwe kuvutitsidwa ndi iyo? Ngati mukuda nkhawa ndi vuto lanu lachiwerewere (kapena losowa) chifukwa likukuvutitsani inu, ndiye kuti ndichinthu chofunikira kukhala nacho chifukwa chimakupangitsani kukhala osasangalala, "Dr. Fabello akufotokoza.

Ngakhale kusagwirizana pazakugonana kumatha kukhala chifukwa chomveka chothetsera chibwenzi, ngakhale maubale ndi ma libidos osagwirizana sakuwonongedwa ayi. Itha kukhala nthawi yakunyengerera.

Koma mwina mungopeza ntchito zina ndikukwaniritsa. Mwina simukukondanso kugonana. Mwinamwake simukumva kuti mukufuna kupanga nthawi yake pakali pano.

Mwinanso inu kapena mnzanu mumakhala osagonana, kapena muli ndi matenda osachiritsika kapena olumala omwe amapangitsa kuti kugonana kukhale kovuta kwambiri kukhala kosayenera. Mwinanso mavuto obwera chifukwa cha mankhwala ovuta kapena kuchira chifukwa cha matenda apangitsa kuti kugonana kusakusangalatseni, kwakanthawi.

"[Ndipo] funsoli liyenera kulingaliridwa kunja kwa ubale wathanzi. Funso silakuti ‘Kodi mnzanu akusokonezedwa ndi kusowa kwanu kogonana?’ Umenewo ndi kusiyana kofunikira, ”akupitiliza.

Palibe chimodzi mwazinthuzi chomwe chimakhala chowopsa mwabwinobwino, bola ngati sichikukhudzani kukhutira kwanu.

Kaya chifukwa chake chingakhale chiyani, kumbukirani kuti simunaswe, ndipo maubale anu sawonongeka

Kusagonana ndi chisankho chovomerezeka.

Ubwenzi wapamtima, pambuyo pake, sikuti umangokhala pa kugonana.

"Kukondana kwamalingaliro, mwachitsanzo, chiopsezo chomwe timamva kuti titha kutenga pachiwopsezo ndi omwe timakonda kapena kuwakonda, ndi njira yamphamvu kwambiri yoyandikira," akutero Dr. Fabello. "[Palinso]" njala yapakhungu, "yomwe ikufotokoza kuchuluka kwathu kwa chikhumbo chogonana, mofanana ndi momwe mawu oti 'sex drive' amagwirira ntchito pofotokoza mulingo wathu wofuna kugonana."

"Njala yapakhungu imakhutitsidwa kudzera pakukhudza komwe sikutanthauza kugonana kwenikweni - monga kugwirana manja, kukumbatirana, ndi kukumbatirana," akutero Dr. Fabello. "Ndipo kukondana kotereku kumalumikizidwa ndi oxytocin, mahomoni omwe amatipangitsa kukhala otetezeka ndi anthu ena."

Zonsezi ndizovomerezeka, ndipo zitha kukhala zofunikira mosiyanasiyana malinga ndi munthuyo.

Ngakhale kusagwirizana pazakugonana kumatha kukhala chifukwa chomveka chothetsera chibwenzi, ngakhale maubale ndi ma libidos osagwirizana sakuwonongedwa ayi. Itha kukhala nthawi yakunyengerera.

“Kodi okondanawo ali okonzeka kuchita zocheperapo pang'ono kuti athe kupeza sing'anga wosangalala? Kodi pali zotheka kuti osakwatirana akhale ndi zosowa zawo? ” Dr. Fabello akufunsa.

Chifukwa chake zaka zikwizikwi, palibe chifukwa chodzichotsera moyo wosagonana, womvetsa chisoni

Kuperewera kwa chikhumbo chogonana sikumakhala kobvuta mwachibadwa, koma lingaliro loti kugonana pafupipafupi ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi moyo wachimwemwe pafupifupi kulidi.

Ndikulingalira, Dr. Fabello akuti, zomwe pamapeto pake sizothandiza. "Umoyo waubwenzi umakhala wokhudza kwambiri ngati zosowa za aliyense zitha kuchitidwa kuposa kuchuluka kwa chiwerewere komwe anthu ayenera kukhala nako," akutero.

M'malo mochita mantha kuti zaka zikwizikwi zikutanganidwa kapena ayi, kungakhale koyenera kufunsa chifukwa chomwe timagogomezera kwambiri zogonana poyamba. Kodi ndichofunikira kwambiri pakukondana ndi thanzi? Ngati ndi choncho, sindiyenera kukhutitsidwa.

Kodi kungakhale kuti kupita kopanda kugonana ndi gawo limodzi chabe lazomwe timakumana nazo?

Zikuwoneka kuti tatenga mopepuka kuti mwa kukhazikitsa anthu kuti akhulupirire kuti kugonana ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri m'moyo, timapangitsanso anthu kuti akhulupirire kuti ndiwosokonekera komanso osweka popanda izi - zomwe sizopatsa mphamvu, kungonena zochepa.

M'maso mwa Dr. Fabello, palibenso umboni wosonyeza kuti kutsikaku ndikodabwitsanso. “Nthawi zonse pakagwa kapena kuwuka kwakukulu pamachitidwe aliwonse, anthu amakhala ndi nkhawa. Koma palibe chifukwa chodera nkhawa, "akutero Dr. Fabello.

"Dziko lomwe zaka zikwizikwi lalandila ndilosiyana kwambiri ndi makolo awo kapena agogo awo," akuwonjezera. "Inde, momwe amayendera mdziko lapansi zingawoneke mosiyana."

Mwanjira ina, ngati silinasweke? Pakhoza kukhala palibe chomwe chingakonzeke.

Sam Dylan Finch ndi woimira kumbuyo kwa LGBTQ + wathanzi, atadziwika padziko lonse lapansi pa blog yake, Tiyeni Tilimbikitse Zinthu Up!, Yomwe idayamba kufalikira mu 2014. Monga mtolankhani komanso waluso pankhani zanema, Sam adasindikiza kwambiri pamitu yonga thanzi lamisala, kudziwika kwa transgender, kulemala, ndale ndi malamulo, ndi zina zambiri. Pobweretsa ukadaulo wake pazaumoyo waanthu komanso media digito, Sam pano akugwira ntchito ngati mkonzi wazachikhalidwe ku Healthline.