Kubwerera Kudziko Lokonda ndi Kugonana Pambuyo Popita padera

Zamkati

• Kulimbana ndi Kukhumudwa ndi Kulakwa
• Pamene Zikupitilira Kumabwenzi
• Kumanganso Kudzikonda komanso Ubale Wachikondi
• Kutenga Tsiku Limodzi Pamodzi
• Onaninso za

Amy-Jo, wazaka 30, sanazindikire nthawi yopuma yamadzi - anali ndi pakati pa milungu 17 yokha. Patatha sabata imodzi, adabereka mwana wake wamwamuna, Chandler, yemwe sanapulumuke.

"Unali mimba yanga yoyamba, kotero sindinadziwe [kuti madzi anga anali atasweka]," akutero Maonekedwe.

Zinalembedwa mwaukadaulo kupititsa padera kwa trimester yachiwiri, ngakhale Amy-Jo akuti sakuyamikira chizindikirocho. "Ine kubadwa Iye anati: “Kubadwa komvetsa chisoni kumeneku komanso imfa ya mwana wake woyamba kunasintha mmene ankaonera thupi lake komanso kudziona kuti ndi wofunika.” Kupita padera)

Amy-Jo, yemwe amakhala ku Niceville, Florida, anati: "Wachiwiri anali atatuluka mthupi mwanga, thupi langa lidatopa, ndipo nditatero, ndidasokonekera. "Ndinatembenukira mkati, koma osati mwa njira yathanzi, kudziteteza. Ndinali kudziimba mlandu. Sindikanadziwa bwanji? Kodi thupi langa silikanamudziwa bwanji ndikumuteteza? Ndiyenerabe kukankhira [lingalirolo] kunja kwanga. mutu kuti thupi langa lidamupha. "

Kulimbana ndi Kukhumudwa ndi Kulakwa

Amy-Jo sali yekha; otsogolera azaumoyo, othamanga, komanso otchuka ngati Beyoncé ndi Whitney Port onse adagawana nawo zovuta zakupita padera pagulu, ndikuthandizira kuwunikira momwe zimachitikira pafupipafupi.

M'malo mwake, pafupifupi 10-20% yamimba yotsimikizika imathera padera, ambiri mwa iwo amapezeka mu trimester yoyamba, malinga ndi Mayo Clinic. Koma kufala kwa kutaya mimba sikupangitsa kuti zokumana nazozo zikhale zosavuta kupilira. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti azimayi atha kukhala ndi zovuta zazikulu miyezi isanu ndi umodzi atapita padera komanso kuti mzimayi m'modzi mwa amayi khumi omwe adataya mimba adzakwaniritsa zovuta zakukhumudwa. A 74 peresenti ya opereka chithandizo chamankhwala akuganiza kuti "chithandizo chokhazikika chamaganizo chiyenera kuperekedwa pambuyo popita padera," koma 11 peresenti yokha amakhulupirira kuti chisamaliro chikuperekedwa mokwanira kapena ayi.

Ndipo ngakhale aliyense athana ndi kupita padera mosiyana, anthu ambiri amafotokoza kuti akukwiya kwambiri ndi matupi awo. Izi, mwazina, zimapangidwa ndi malingaliro abodza akudziyimba mlandu amayi ambiri amamva atapita padera. Pamene chikhalidwe chimadzaza akazi (ngakhale ali aang'ono kwambiri) ndi uthenga wakuti matupi awo "amapangidwa" kuti akhale ndi ana, chinthu chodziwika bwino monga kutaya mimba kungamve ngati kuperekedwa kwa thupi-chilema chaumwini chomwe chingayambitse kudzida. komanso kuchititsa manyazi kuthupi.

Megan, 34, wochokera ku Charlotte, North Carolina, akuti malingaliro ake oyamba atakhala ndi pathupi pa trimester ndikuti thupi lake "lamulephera". Akuti ankangokhalira kufunsa mafunso monga akuti, 'N'chifukwa chiyani izi sizinandithandize' komanso 'chili ndi vuto ndi chiyani kuti ndisathe kunyamula mimbayi?' akufotokoza. "Ndimamva ngati ndidakali ndi malingaliro amenewo, makamaka popeza ndinali ndi anthu ambiri omwe amandiuza kuti, 'O, mutatayika mumakhala ndi chonde' kapena 'Ndinakhala ndi pakati pa masabata asanu nditatayika.' Chotero pamene miyezi inafika ndi kutha [ndipo sindinali kukhalabe ndi pakati], ndinakhumudwa ndi kuperekedwa mobwerezabwereza.”

Pamene Zikupitilira Kumabwenzi

Mkwiyo umene amayi angamve pa matupi awo atapita padera ukhoza kusokoneza kwambiri kudzidalira, kudzimva, komanso kukhala omasuka komanso okondana ndi okondedwa awo. Pamene mkazi yemwe wapita padera abwerera kwa iye yekha, izi zikhoza kusokoneza ubale wawo ndi kukhala omasuka, osatetezeka, ndi okondana ndi okondedwa awo.

"Amuna anga amangofuna kukonza chilichonse," akutero Amy-Jo. "Iye ankangofuna kukumbatira ndi kukumbatirana ndipo ine ndinati, 'Ayi. N'chifukwa chiyani mungandigwire ine?

Monga Amy-Jo, Megan akunena kuti kutengeka kwa thupi kumeneku kunamuthandizanso kuti azimva kukhala pafupi ndi bwenzi lake. Atamupatsa kuwala kobiriwira ndi dokotala wake kuti ayambirenso kutenga pakati, akuti amadzimva kuti ali ndi udindo wopitilira kusangalala ndikugonana - ndipo nthawi yonseyi, sakanatha kuchotsa malingaliro ake motalika kokwanira kuti adzilole kukhala okwanira wokondana ndi mwamuna wake.

"Ndinali ndi nkhawa kuti akuganiza, 'Ngati ndikadakhala ndi wina wosiyana mwina atha kunyamula mwana wanga kuti amutchule' kapena 'chilichonse chomwe adachita, [ndiye chifukwa chake] mwana wathu sanapitirize kukhala ndi moyo," akufotokoza. "Ndinali ndi malingaliro opanda nzeru onsewa omwe, kwenikweni, sanali kuganiza kapena kumva. Pakadali pano, ndinali ndikudziyankhulabe ndekha kuti" ili ndiye vuto langa. Ngati titenganso pakati zitha kuchitika, " akufotokoza.

Ndipo ngakhale osakhala ndi pakati nthawi zambiri amalakalaka kukondana atatayika ngati njira yolumikizirana ndi anzawo, kugundika kwa malingaliro amunthu komanso mawonekedwe amthupi kumapangitsa kuti abambo azigonana pambuyo pobereka. Kulumikizana kumeneku - komwe sikulimbana ndi kulumikizana kwanzeru, ndipo nthawi zambiri, chithandizo - kumatha kuyambitsa mavuto muubwenzi womwe umapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kuti maanja achilitsidwe ngati munthu wina ndi mnzake.

Kafukufuku wofalitsidwa mu Mankhwala a Psychosomatic anapeza kuti ngakhale azimayi 64 pa 100 aliwonse "amakhala ndiubwenzi wapamtima m'mabanja awo [atangopita padera," chiwerengerocho chinagwa kwambiri pakapita nthawi, ndi 23% yokha akuti amadzimva kukhala ogwirizana komanso ogonana patatha chaka chimodzi atamwalira. Kafukufuku wa 2010 wofalitsidwa munyuzipepalayi Matenda adapeza kuti maanja omwe adataya padera ali ndi mwayi woti 22 kutha kwa mabanja awo ali ndi pakati. Izi ndi zina mwa izi chifukwa abambo ndi amai amakonda kukhala achisoni mosiyana ndi amayi omwe ali ndi pakati. Kafukufuku wambiri wasonyeza kuti chisoni cha abambo sichikhala chachikulu, sichikhala motalika, komanso sichikuphatikizidwa ndi kulakwa komwe amayi ambiri amakhala nako atakhala ndi pakati kutaya.

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti aliyense amene amataya padera safuna kugonana kapena amayenera kuthana ndi chisoni chawo kuti akhale okonzeka kukhala pachibwenzi ndi wokondedwa wawo. Ndipotu, palibe njira imodzi-osasiya njira imodzi "yolondola"-yochitira padera kapena kutaya mimba. Amanda, 41, mayi wa ana awiri omwe amakhala kunja kwa Baltimore, Maryland, akuti anali wokonzeka kugonana atangopita padera kangapo, ndipo mnzake akufuna zomwezo zidamuthandiza kuchira.

Iye anati: “Ndinkaona ngati ndakonzeka kugonananso nthawi yomweyo. "Ndipo chifukwa chakuti amuna anga amafuna kuti agonane nane, zidatsimikizira kuti ndidali ine monga munthu ndipo sindinatchulidwe ndi zomwe zidachitikazi, zowawa monga zimakhalira."

Koma mukamagonana pambuyo pobereka, ndikofunikira kudziwa chifukwa chake. Amy-Jo akuti patatha nthawi yolira maliro "adasinthana" ndikupita kwa amuna awo mwamakani, wokonzeka kuyesa kuberekanso.

"Ndinangokhala ngati, 'inde, tiyeni tipange ina. Tiyeni tichite izi,' akufotokoza motero. "Kugonana sikunalinso kosangalatsa chifukwa ndinali ndi malingaliro akuti, 'Sindingalephere nthawi ino.' Mwamuna wanga atamugwira, adakhala ngati, 'tiyenera kukambirana, izi sizabwino kwa iwe kufuna kugona nane basi. konzani chinachake.'"

Ndipo pamenepa ndipamene kulira koyenera, kupirira, ndi kulankhulana—onse payekha ndi mnzako—zimabwera.

Kumanganso Kudzikonda komanso Ubale Wachikondi

Kutaya mimba kumaonedwa kuti ndizochitika zoopsa pamoyo, ndipo chisoni chozungulira chochitikacho chikhoza kukhala chovuta. Kafukufuku wina wa 2012 anapeza kuti amayi ena amamva chisoni kwa zaka zambiri atapita padera ndipo ananena kuti, chifukwa chakuti amuna ndi akazi amamva chisoni mosiyana, kuphatikizapo amene sali oyembekezera pa nthawi ya chisoni n’kofunika kwambiri. Asanapange chisankho chobwerera pabedi, ayenera kulira limodzi.

Njira imodzi yochitira izi ndikugwiritsa ntchito njira yoberekera, njira yomwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito kwambiri ndi othandizira komanso akatswiri azamisala omwe ali ndi odwala munthawi imeneyi. Nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsidwa kufotokoza ndi kusanthula malingaliro awo omwe analipo kale onena za banja, kubereka, kukhala ndi pakati, ndi kubala—momwe ankakhulupirira kapena kuganiza kuti zonsezi zikachitika. Kenako, amalimbikitsidwa kuti aganizire momwe zenizeni zidasinthira kuchokera ku pulani yoyambirira iyi, kuti aganize zopitilira muyeso wa kubereka, kuthana ndi chisoni chawo komanso zoopsa zilizonse, kenako ndikuzindikira kuti akuyang'anira nkhani yawo komanso akhoza kulembanso pamene akupita patsogolo. Lingaliro ndikutanthauzira chiwembucho: Kutayika sikukutanthauza kutha kwa nkhani, koma kusintha kwa nkhani yomwe ingayambitse chiyambi chatsopano.

Kupanda kutero, kulumikizana, nthawi, ndikupeza zinthu zina zomwe sizikukhudzana ndi kugonana ndizofunikira pakukhazikitsanso kudzidalira, kudzidalira, komanso kulumikizana mutayika. (Zokhudzana: 5 Zinthu Zomwe Aliyense Ayenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Kugonana Ndi Maubwenzi, Malinga Ndi Katswiri)

"Chiyambireni kutayika, ndakhala ndikulowerera mu banja langa, ntchito yanga, ndikuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti ndizikumbukira kuti thupi langa limatha kuchita zinthu zazikulu," akutero Megan. "Thupi langa limandidzutsa m'mawa uliwonse, ndipo ndine wathanzi komanso wamphamvu. Ndimadzikumbutsa zomwe ndingathe kuchita ndi zomwe ndachita ndi moyo wanga mpaka pano."

Kwa Amy-Jo, kucheza ndi wokondedwa wake m'njira zosagonana kunamuthandizanso iye ndi mwamuna wake kusangalala ndi chibwenzi chomwe sichinali chongoyeserera kutenga pakati kapena kukonza zomwe adawona kuti "zasweka."

"Zomwe zidatipangitsa kuti tizichita zinthu limodzi zomwe sizinali zogonana," akutero. "Kungokhala limodzi komanso kumasuka wina ndi mnzake - zinali ngati izi zochepa zomwe zimachitika chifukwa chongokhala tokha komanso kukhala limodzi komanso kusakhala pachibwenzi zomwe zimatsogolera ku chiwerewere mwanjira yabwinobwino. mutu wanga wofuna kukonza zinazake, ndinali mu mphindi yokha ndikupumula."

Kutenga Tsiku Limodzi Pamodzi

Ndikofunikiranso kukumbukira kuti momwe mumamvera thupi lanu zitha kusintha tsiku ndi tsiku. Amy-Jo adabereka mwana wake wachiwiri, mwana wamkazi, komanso zovutazo zomwe zidachitika - mwana wake wamkazi adabadwa milungu 15 asanakwane - adabweretsa zovuta zatsopano zokhudzana ndi kuvomereza thupi ndi kudzikonda zomwe akuziyankhulabe. (Zambiri apa: Momwe Ndinaphunzirira Kudaliranso Thupi Langa Nditatha Mimba)

Masiku ano, Amy-Jo akuti "akufanana" ndi thupi lake, koma sanaphunzire kulikondanso. "Ndikufika kumeneko." Ndipo pamene ubale umenewo ndi thupi lake ukupitirirabe kusinthika, momwemonso, ubale wake ndi wokondedwa wake ndi moyo wawo wogonana. Mofanana ndi mimba yokha, nthawi zambiri zimatenga nthawi ndi chithandizo kuti zigwirizane ndi "zachibadwa" zomwe zimatsatira kutaya kosayembekezereka.

Jessica Zucker ndi katswiri wazamisala ku Los Angeles wodziwa za uchembele ndi uchembere, yemwe adayambitsa kampeni ya #IHadaMiscarriage, wolemba I I had A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement (Feminist Press + Penguin Random House Audio).

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