Upangiri Woyambira Woberekera Therapy Partner Therapy

Zamkati

• Ndi chiyani?
• Ndani angapindule?
• Zimagwira bwanji?
• Kodi izi ndizofanana ndi chithandizo chogonana?
• Kodi ogonana ndi amuna anzawo amagonana?
• Kodi mumalumikizidwa bwanji ndi woberekera wina?
• Ndizovomerezeka?
• Kodi wina amakhala bwanji mnzake wobadwira?
• Mfundo yofunika

Timaphatikizapo zinthu zomwe timaganiza kuti ndizothandiza kwa owerenga athu. Ngati mutagula maulalo omwe ali patsamba lino, titha kupeza ndalama zochepa. Nayi njira yathu.

Mukudziwa kuti kugonana ndi chiyani, ndipo mwina mwamvapo za mawu oti "woberekera," makamaka ponena za makanda ndi mimba. Koma ngati mukumenya mawu awiriwa limodzi mumakonda "???" simuli nokha.

Anthu ambiri sadziwa kuti opatsirana pogonana ndiotani.

Ndipo ambiri omwe amaganiza kuti ali nawo njira zolakwika, malinga ndi a Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, ndi AASECT ovomerezeka ogonana, akatswiri azakugonana, komanso wololeza ukwati komanso wothandizira mabanja a AdamEve.com.

"Sichinthu chosangalatsa kwambiri chomwe anthu ambiri amaganiza."

Ichi ndichifukwa chake pakhala pali kukakamizidwa kuti ndiyambe kutchula zakugonana "wogwirizira mnzake" m'malo mwake, atero a Mark Shattuck, wogwirizira mnzake wovomerezeka komanso wapampando wa media ndi International Professional Surrogate Association (IPSA).

Mwakutero, IPSA idadziwika kuti ndi yomwe ikutsogolera pakuchita zachiwerewere komanso chithandizo chothandizirana ndi anzawo kuyambira 1973.

Ndi chiyani?

Chithandizo chothandizirana ndi mnzake, monga momwe IPSA imanenera, ndi ubale wothandizirana m'njira zitatu pakati pa wololeza, wothandizila, ndi woberekera mnzake.

Zapangidwa kuti zithandizire kasitomala kukhala omasuka ndi maubwenzi, chilakolako, kugonana komanso kugonana, komanso thupi lawo.

Pomwe ubalewu angathe kukhala ndi mtundu uliwonse wa omwe ali ndi zilolezo, Shattuck akuti nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi wogonana.

Ananenanso kuti ochita zachiwerewere amakhala otseguka pantchito yoberekera kuposa momwe amathandizira azachipatala ambiri.

Chifukwa chake, kodi wobatirana ndi ndani, makamaka?

Shattuck akufotokoza kuti: "Katswiri yemwe amagwiritsa ntchito kukhudza, kupuma, kulingalira, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi, komanso kuphunzitsa maluso ochezera kuti athandize kasitomala kukwaniritsa zolinga zake."

Nthawi zina - akuti pazochitikira zake ndi pafupifupi 15 mpaka 20% ya nthawi - kukondana ndi mnzake kumaphatikizanso kugonana. "Koma zonsezi zimadalira vuto lomwe kasitomala akugwirako ntchito," akutero.

Cholinga cha zonsezi? Kupatsa kasitomala malo otetezeka kuti afufuze ndikuchita chibwenzi ndi kugonana pamalo oyenera.

Chidziwitsao chofunikira: Palibe pomwe wothandizira amayang'ana kapena kutengapo gawo mwachindunji pazomwe zikuchitika pakati pa woberekera mnzake ndi kasitomala.

"Wofuna chithandizo amakumana ndi mnzake wobadwira payokha," akufotokoza Shattuck. Koma kasitomala amapatsa wothandizila wake ndi mnzake kupitiriza nyali yobiriwira kuti akambirane za kupita kwawo patsogolo.

"Wothandizira, wothandizila, ndi mnzake wobadwira amalumikizana bwino ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhala gawo lofunikira kuti athandizidwe ndi anzawo," akutero.

Ndani angapindule?

Simungathe kulowa m'malo mwa mnzake popanda kukhala ndi chiphatso, malinga ndi Shattuck.

Chifukwa chake, akuti, "munthu amene amayamba kugwira ntchito ndi woberekera wina amakhala atagwirako kale miyezi ingapo kapena zaka zochepa komabe ali ndi ntchito yambiri yoti achite poyandikira kukhala omasuka ndi kugonana, chibwenzi, chibwenzi, ndi thupi lawo . ”

Mavuto omwe angalimbikitse kasitomala kuti afotokozere kuti amaphatikizira mnzake wochiritsira - kapena wochita zachiwerewere kuti afotokozere zomwezo kwa kasitomala - kuyambira nkhawa zapagulu mpaka zovuta zakugonana kapena mantha.

Anthu ena omwe atha kupindula ndi mphamvu zochiritsa za kuberekera ena ndi awa:

• okhudzidwa ndi zoopsa komanso ozunzidwa
• anthu omwe sanadziwe zambiri zogonana
• eni mbolo okhala ndi vuto la erectile kapena kutulutsa umuna msanga
• eni nyini omwe ali ndi vaginismus, kapena zovuta zina zapakhosi zomwe zingapangitse kugonana kosalolera kukhala kopweteka
• anthu omwe amalimbana ndi kuvomereza thupi kapena dysmorphia yamthupi
• anthu omwe ali ndi nkhawa kapena mantha makamaka zokhudzana ndi kugonana, kukondana, komanso kukhudza
• anthu olumala omwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kugonana

Tsoka ilo, chifukwa ma inshuwaransi ambiri samakhudzana ndi njira yothandizira anzawo (kapena chithandizo chazakugonana), ambiri mwa anthu omwe atha kupindula ndi machiritso awa sangakwanitse.

Gawo limodzi limawononga mthumba kuchokera $ 200 mpaka $ 400.

Zimagwira bwanji?

Mukadzangoganiza kuti chithandizo chothandizirana ndi ena chingakupindulitseni, omwe amakugwirirani ntchito amatha kufikira anzawo omwe angakuthandizeni kuti akuthandizeni kupeza zomwe mungafune.

Akhozanso kulumikizana ndi IPSA Referrals Coordinator kuti awathandize kupeza munthu wachifundo, wophunzitsidwa bwino, wothandizirana naye yemwe angakwaniritse zosowa zanu.

Shattuck akuti masiku ano ambiri omwe amapatsidwa zibwenzi ali ndi malo ochezera pa intaneti komanso malo ochezera, choncho ngati mungakhumudwe ndi omwe mumawachita nawo chiwembu omwe mukuganiza kuti akhoza kukhala oyenera kwa inu, abweretsereni omwe amakuchitirani zachiwerewere.

Koma kuti mugwire ntchito limodzi ndi mnzake wobadwirayo, onse omwe amagonana ndi omwe adzagwirizane nawo ayenera kusaina.

Kuchokera pamenepo, "kasitomala ndi mnzake wobadwira adzakumana kuti adziwe ngati zili bwino," akutero Shattuck.

Msonkhano woyamba umachitika muofesi ya omwe amagonana, koma misonkhano yonse yotsatira imachitika kwina - nthawi zambiri kuofesi ya woberekera, kapena kunyumba ya kasitomala.

"Kukwanira bwino" sikutsimikiziridwa ndi zinthu monga momwe mumakopeka ndi woberekerayo, koma m'malo mongomva kuti mungathe (kapena pamapeto pake) mutha kuwakhulupirira.

Nthawi zambiri, wothandizirana naye wogwirizira komanso wogwirira ntchito limodzi amagwirira ntchito limodzi kuti apange dongosolo lamankhwala kutengera zolinga zanu. Pambuyo pake, inu ndi wokondedwa wanu mudzagwirira ntchito limodzi kukwaniritsa cholingacho.

Zinthu zomwe dongosolo lamankhwala lingaphatikizire:

• kuyang'anitsitsa m'maso
• kusinkhasinkha
• chidwi cholinga
• machitidwe opumira
• mapu amthupi
• njira imodzi kapena maliseche
• njira imodzi kapena ziwiri (pamwamba kapena pansi pazovala)
• kugonana (motsogozedwa ndi machitidwe ogonana otetezeka)

“Palibe nthawi zonse, kapena ngakhale kawirikawiri, kugonana pakati pa mnzake wobadwira ndi wogwirizira, koma zikakhalapo, timayang'ana kwambiri pakupanga maziko apamtima, ”akutero a Shattuck.

Mankhwala opatsirana pogonana si chinthu chimodzi chokha.

“Timagwira ntchito limodzi kamodzi pa sabata kapena apo mpaka kasitomala akwaniritse zolinga zawo. Nthawi zina zimatenga miyezi, nthawi zina zimatenga zaka, ”akutero.

"Wofuna chithandizo akakwaniritsa zolinga zake, timakhala ndi magawo ochepa omaliza ndikuwatumiza kudziko lenileni!"

Kodi izi ndizofanana ndi chithandizo chogonana?

Apo mwina zikhale zina zofananira, koma chithandizo chothandizidwa ndi mnzake si chithandizo chogonana.

"Iwo ndi madera osiyana kwambiri," akutero Skyler.

"Chithandizo cha kugonana ndi mtundu wa mankhwala omwe amathandiza munthu kapena banja kupanga zolakwika ndi zokumana nazo kuti ziwathandize kukhala ndi thanzi labwino logonana komanso ubale," akutero.

Pomwe makasitomala nthawi zina amatha kuchita homuweki - mwachitsanzo, kuseweretsa maliseche, kuwonera zolaula, kapena kupanga Inde, Ayi, Mwinanso mndandanda - chithandizo chogonana ndichithandizo chamankhwala.

"Palibe kuyanjana pakati pa sing'anga wogonana ndi kasitomala," akutero Skyler.

Chithandizo chothandizirana ndimunthu wogonana akamayitanitsa katswiri wina - wotsimikizika wothandizana naye - kuti akhale ogonana, ogonana, kapena okondana ndi kasitomala wawo kunja magawo azithandizo zachiwerewere.

Kodi ogonana ndi amuna anzawo amagonana?

"Ngakhale timathandizira ogonana, sitimadziona ngati ogonana," akutero Shattuck. “Timadziona ngati alangizi othandizira odwala ndi ochiritsa.”

Nthawi zina pamakhala zachiwerewere komanso zogonana zomwe zimakhudzana ndi kugonana, koma cholinga ndichachiritso - osati kumasulidwa kapena chisangalalo.

Fanizoli, lovomerezeka ndi Cheryl Cohen Greene, yemwe wothandizana naye, lingathandize:

Kupita kwa wogwirira ntchito zachiwerewere kuli ngati kupita kulesitilanti yapamwamba. Mumasankha zomwe mukufuna kudya pamndandanda, ndipo ngati mumakonda zomwe mudadya, mudzabweranso.

Kugwira ntchito ndi mnzake woberekera kuli ngati kutenga nawo mbali kuphika. Mumapita, mumaphunzira, kenako mumatenga zomwe mwaphunzira ndikupita kunyumba ndikuphikira wina chakudya ...

Kodi mumalumikizidwa bwanji ndi woberekera wina?

Nthawi zambiri, wothandizira zakugonana ndiye amakupangitsani kuyambitsa. Koma mutha kugwiritsa ntchito IPSA Surrogate Locator kuti mupeze wothandizirana naye m'dera lanu.

Ndizovomerezeka?

Funso labwino. M'mayiko ambiri ku United States, kulipira ndalama zogonana ndizosaloledwa. Koma kudzipereka kwa mnzake sikofanana - kapena ayi nthawi zonse ofanana - ndikulipira zogonana.

"Palibe lamulo loletsa kuchita izi," akutero Shattuck. "Koma palibenso lamulo lomwe likunena kuti izi zili bwino."

Mwanjira ina, kuberekera ana ena m'malo oberekera kumachitika mdera lalamulo.

Koma, malinga ndi Shattuck, IPSA yakhala ikuchitika kwazaka zopitilira 45 ndipo sinayambe yamangidwa.

Kodi wina amakhala bwanji mnzake wobadwira?

"Kuberekera mwana wogonana kuli ndi gawo lofunikira kwambiri kwa kasitomala yemwe amawafuna, koma safuna maphunziro kapena maphunziro azachipatala," akutero Skylar.

Kodi izi zikutanthauza kuti aliyense amakhala wokondedwa wa mnzake? Ayi.

"Omwe amagwira ntchito yodziyimira pawokha akuyenera kutsatira pulogalamu yamakhalidwe abwino ndikutsimikizira, monga IPSA," akutero.

Malinga ndi Shattuck (yemwe, kubwerezabwereza, ndiwotsimikizika ndi IPSA), kukhala woberekera mnzake ndi njira yokhudzidwa bwino.

"Pali njira yophunzitsira milungu ingapo, ndiye kuti pali njira yolandirira ntchito komwe mumagwira ntchito ndi mnzake wovomerezeka, kenako ngati / mukawonedwa kuti ndinu okonzeka kupita nokha ngati mnzanu wodziyesa nokha, mumatero."

IPSA imayitanitsa chitonthozo chomwecho ndi thupi lamunthu komanso kugonana, kutentha, chifundo, kumvera ena chisoni, anzeru, komanso malingaliro osaweruza ena posankha momwe angakhalire, zogonana zogwirizana, komanso malingaliro azakugonana ndizofunikira zonse kuti munthu akhale mnzake woberekera.

Mfundo yofunika

Kwa anthu omwe kukondana, kugonana, matupi awo, ndi kukhudzidwa kwawo ndizomwe zimabweretsa nkhawa, mantha, kupsinjika, kapena kuda nkhawa, kugwira ntchito ndi gulu la (wogonana) wothandizirana naye komanso wobadwira mnzake akhoza kuchiritsa modabwitsa.

A Gabrielle Kassel ndi mlembi wa ku New York wogonana komanso wathanzi komanso Mphunzitsi wa CrossFit Level 1. Amakhala munthu wam'mawa, adayesa opitilira 200, ndikudya, kuledzera, ndikupaka makala - zonsezi mdzina la utolankhani. Munthawi yake yaulere, amapezeka kuti amawerenga mabuku azodzilankhulira ndi ma buku achikondi, kukanikiza benchi, kapena kuvina. Mutsatireni pa Instagram.