Malangizo 12 Akatswiri Ogonana Nawo Kuti Agawanitse Kugonana Kwapakati pa Midlife

Zamkati

• Palibe funso lovuta kuyankha
• Poyesa zatsopano
• Ganizirani zakugonana kupitilira P-ndi-V
• Madera ena olimbikitsa kukhudzana ndi awa:
  
• Zimitsani wodziyimira pawokha
• Kupanga mndandanda wama chidebe chogonana:
  
• Kambiranani za kugonana pambuyo kugonana
• Malingaliro ndi mafunso oti mugwiritse ntchito mukafuna kusintha:
  
• Werengani nkhani zogonana "zodzithandizira" pamodzi
• Onjezani zoseweretsa!
• Pakutsitsimutsa kugonana "wakufa"
• Nenani za izi (koma osati kuchipinda)
• Malangizo ochokera kwa Shadeen Francis, MFT, wogonana, wokwatirana, komanso wothandizira mabanja:
  
• Kuchita maliseche nokha
• Malangizo a Sari Cooper maliseche:
  
• Lube mmwamba
• Ikani mu kalendala yanu
• Koma khalani ndi zibwenzi zogonana zokha
• Pofufuza zogonana kwanu mtsogolo
• Musalole kuti chizindikirocho chikulepheretseni kufufuza
• Dzizungulirani ndi anthu omwe amathandizira pakuwunika kwanu
• Zothandizira kupeza chithandizo:
  

Timaphatikizapo zinthu zomwe timaganiza kuti ndizothandiza kwa owerenga athu. Ngati mutagula maulalo omwe ali patsamba lino, titha kupeza ndalama zochepa. Nayi njira yathu.

Palibe funso lovuta kuyankha

Kaya mwataya chikondi chotere, ndikukhumba inu ndi mnzanuyo mukanakhala ndi zogonana zambiri (kapena zochepa… kapena zabwinoko), kapena mukufuna kuyesa (ndi maudindo, zoseweretsa, kapena amuna kapena akazi), palibe funso lachiwerewere lomwe ndi lovuta kapena losasangalatsa akatswiri azakugonana kuti ayankhe ndikuyankha.

Koma sikuti aliyense amakhala womasuka kukambirana nkhani zapamtima, makamaka zikakhudza zokonda kapena zokonda mutakhala limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali. Nthawi zina, zomwe zakhala zikugwira ntchito sizikugwiranso ntchito! Palibe manyazi kufotokoza izi.

Kuti tithandizidwe m'mene tingalumikizirane kapena kulimbikitsa ubalewo, tidakumana ndi akatswiri asanu ndi atatu achiwerewere ndikuwapempha kuti agawane malingaliro awo abwino.

Poyesa zatsopano

Ganizirani zakugonana kupitilira P-ndi-V

Kafukufuku wa 2014 wofalitsidwa ku Cortex (magazini yoperekedwa kuubongo ndi malingaliro) adazindikira malo omwe ali ovuta kwambiri mthupi lanu.

Ndizosadabwitsa kuti clitoris ndi mbolo zidakwera pamndandanda - koma siwo malo okhawo omwe, akamalimbikitsidwa, amatha kukupusitsani.

Madera ena olimbikitsa kukhudzana ndi awa:

• mawere
• mkamwa ndi milomo
• makutu
• khosi nape
• ntchafu yamkati
• kutsikira kumbuyo

Detayi ikuwonetsanso kuti abambo ndi amai atha kuyatsidwa kuchokera kukhudza kwapafupi pamadera aliwonse owopsawa nawonso, kotero kuyesera kukhudza sikungakhale lingaliro loyipa.

Kuti apange masewerawa, Liz Powell, PsyD, mphunzitsi wokhudzana ndi kugonana kwa LGBTQ, mphunzitsi, komanso katswiri wazamisala yemwe ali ndi zilolezo anati: “Chotsani maliseche pa equation usiku, sabata, kapena mwezi. Kodi inu ndi mnzanuyo mungafufuze bwanji ndikuwona chisangalalo chogonana pomwe zomwe zili pakati pa miyendo siziri patebulo? Fufuzani!"

Zimitsani wodziyimira pawokha

Mukakhala ndi mnzanuyo kwakanthawi, ndikosavuta kulowa-wogonana - yemwe ngati mudakhalako, mukudziwa kuti ndizosavomerezeka momwe zimamvekera.

"Ngati mukugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu kumaphatikizapo magawo awiri kapena atatu ofanana, mwina mukulephera kugonana komwe simumadziwa kuti mungasangalale nako ... ndikuchepetsa zomwe inu ndi mnzanu mumakhala limodzi," akuti wophunzitsa zakugonana, Haylin Belay, wotsogolera pulogalamu ku Girls Inc. NYC.

Kupanga mndandanda wama chidebe chogonana:

• kukhala otanganidwa mchipinda chilichonse mnyumba mwanu (moni, chilumba cha khitchini)
• kugonana pa nthawi yosiyana ya tsiku
• kuwonjezera chidole
• kuvala zosewerera

"Okwatirana ena amakhala zaka zambiri akugonana" bwino "pokhapokha atazindikira kuti wokondedwa wawo amafuna zonse zomwe amachita, koma samakhala omasuka kukambirana za izi," akuwonjezera.

Kambiranani za kugonana pambuyo kugonana

Kusintha miyambo yanu yodzitamandira kungathandize kuti nonse mukhale pafupi, ndipo malinga ndi PGA (kusanthula masewera atatha), zitha kuthandizanso kupusitsa kwanu, akutero katswiri wazakugonana Megan Stubbs, EdD.

"M'malo mongogubuduza kuti mugone mutagonana, nthawi ina mudzakambirane za momwe zidachitikira. Tengani nthawi ino kuti musangalale ndi zakutsogolo zanu ndikukambirana zomwe mudakonda komanso zomwe mudzadumphe (ngati zingadzakhalepo) nthawi ina, ”akutero.

Zachidziwikire, a Stubbs ati, ndibwino kuyamba ndikulipira mnzanu-mukulakwitsa kuyamika za kugonana komwe mudangokhala nako - koma kunena zowona pazomwe simunakonde kwathunthu ndikofunikanso.

Malingaliro ndi mafunso oti mugwiritse ntchito mukafuna kusintha:

• "Ndingakuwonetseni kuchuluka komwe ndimakondera…"
• "X akumva bwino, kodi ukuganiza kuti ungachite zambiri nthawi yotsatira?"
• "Ndikuona kuti ndikosavutikira kunena izi, koma…"
• “Mungayesere kunena izi m'malo mwake?”
• Ndiloleni ndikusonyezeni momwe ndimakondera kwambiri. ”
• "Ndipatse dzanja lako, ndikuwonetsa."
• “Yang'anirani momwe ndikudzikhudzira.”

"Ndikupangira malingaliro asanu achikondi pa pempho lililonse la kusintha," akuwonjezera Sari Cooper, woyambitsa ndi director of the Center for Love and Sex ku NYC.

Werengani nkhani zogonana "zodzithandizira" pamodzi

Timawerenga mabuku othandizira pa zachuma chathu, kuchepa thupi, kutenga pakati, ngakhale kupumula. Ndiye bwanji osazigwiritsa ntchito kutithandizira pa moyo wathu wogonana?

Kaya cholinga chanu ndikubwezeretsanso moyo wanu wogonana, kuphunzira zambiri zamiseche yachikazi, kuphunzira komwe kuli malo a G, kutsegulidwa ndi zolaula, kapena kuphunzira malo atsopano - pali buku lake.

Ndipo mukuganiza chiyani?

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wa 2016 kuchokera mu magazini ya Sexual and Relationship Therapy, azimayi omwe amawerenga mabuku othandizira komanso kuwerenga zopeka zolaula onse apindula powerengera patadutsa milungu isanu ndi umodzi:

• chilakolako chogonana
• kudzutsa chilakolako chogonana
• kondedwe
• kukhutira
• ziphuphu
• kupweteka
• Kugonana kwathunthu

Mukufuna malingaliro? Mabuku awa akuthandizani kuti muyambe kupanga laibulale yanu yolemba.

Powell akulimbikitsanso kuyamba ndi "Bwerani Momwe Muliri" wolemba Emily Nagoski, yemwe amalimbana ndi nkhani zowutsa mudyo monga momwe mayi aliyense amakhala ndi mtundu wake wapadera wogonana, komanso momwe chiwalo chogonana champhamvu kwambiri cha amayi chimakhaladi ubongo wake.

"Amabwera Koyamba" lolembedwa ndi Ian Kerner ndilofotokozanso za kugonana kwamakono kwamakono.

Koma Powell akuti malo ogulitsa ogonana ambiri amakhala ndi mashelufu angapo azinthu zomwe zingayambitsenso.

Onjezani zoseweretsa!

Njira imodzi yomwe Stubbs imathandizira maanja kudziwa zomwe sizikudziwika ndikuwalangiza kuti agulitse ndi kuyesa zatsopano limodzi.

"Zoseweretsa zakugonana ndizowonjezera zabwino zowonjezera thumba lanu logonana, ndipo ndizosiyanasiyana zomwe zilipo, mukutsimikiza kuti mupeza china chomwe chingagwire ntchito ndi inu ndi mnzanu," akutero Stubbs. Izi zitha kutanthauza chilichonse kuchokera ku vibrator kapena pulagi yamatako, mafuta opaka kutikita minofu, kapena utoto wapathupi.

"Osamatsata zomwe ndizotchuka, pitani ndi zomwe mwachilengedwe zimakusangalatsani. Ndemanga zitha kukhala zothandiza, koma kumvetsera kwa iwe, "akukumbutsa a Molly Adler, LCSW, ACS, director of Sex Therapy NM komanso co-founder wa Self Serve, malo ogwiritsira ntchito zachiwerewere.

Pakutsitsimutsa kugonana "wakufa"

Nenani za izi (koma osati kuchipinda)

"Ubwenzi ukakhala 'wakufa', pakhoza kukhala zinthu zingapo zomwe zimachitika munthawi yomweyo. Koma chimodzi mwazinthu zodabwitsa kwambiri ndikusowa kulumikizana, ”akutero a Baley.

"Mwachitsanzo, wina atha kuganiza kuti wokondedwa wawo ali wokhutira ndi momwe amagonana. Koma zoona zake n'zakuti, wokondedwa wawo amasiya kugonana ali wosakhutira komanso wakhumudwa. ”

"Mosasamala kanthu za kugonana kwa munthu kapena libido, mwina sangakhale akufuna kugonana komwe sikumamusangalatsa. Kutsegulira njira yolumikizirana kungathandize kuthana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa 'chipinda chakufa,' kaya kusowa chisangalalo, kupsinjika kwa maubale, kulakalaka mitundu ina yaubwenzi, kapena kusowa kwa libido. "

Malangizo ochokera kwa Shadeen Francis, MFT, wogonana, wokwatirana, komanso wothandizira mabanja:

• Kuti kukambirana kuyambike, yambani ndi zabwino, ngati mungazipeze.
• Nanga bwanji ubalewo udakalipo?
• Kodi mungakule bwanji ndikumangirira pazomwe zimagwira?
• Ngati mwakakamira, pangani nthawi yokumana ndi wogonana yemwe angakuthandizeni kupeza mzere waubwenzi wanu.

Kulankhula zakuti simugonana m'chipinda chogona kumatha kuwonjezera kukakamiza kosafunikira kwa onse awiri, ndichifukwa chake Baley akuwonetsa kukambirana kunja kwa chipinda chogona.

Kuchita maliseche nokha

"Kuchita maliseche ndikwabwino mthupi lanu komanso m'maganizo mwanu ndipo ndi njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yophunzirira za kugonana kwanu," akutero Cooper. "Ndikulimbikitsanso iwo omwe amadandaula za kuchepa kwa libido kuti ayesetse kusangalala, zomwe zimawakumbutsa zakugonana ndikuwathandiza kulimbitsa kulumikizana kwawo ndi chiwerewere."

Cooper akuwonjezera kuti palibe njira yolondola kapena yolakwika yochitira maliseche. Kaya mumagwiritsa ntchito manja, mapilo, madzi oyenda, ma vibrator, kapena zidole zina, mukuchita bwino.

Koma ngakhale mutakhala ndi njira yofuna kuseweretsa maliseche yomwe mumakonda, kusungitsa nthawi yanu payekha kumatha kuchititsa kuti mukhale ogonana.

Malangizo a Sari Cooper maliseche:

• Ngati mumagwiritsa ntchito manja anu nthawi zonse, yesani choseweretsa.
• Ngati mumakonda kuseweretsa maliseche usiku, yesani gawo lammawa.
• Ngati mumakhala kumbuyo kwanu nthawi zonse, yesani kukuwuzani.

Lube mmwamba

"Ndikuseka kuti ukhoza kuyeza moyo wogonana monga pre-and post-lube, koma ndikutanthauza. Lube atha kukhala wosintha masewera kwambiri kwa maanja ambiri, ”akutero Adler.

Pali zifukwa zambiri zomwe zimachititsa kuti mayi awume kumaliseche. Chowonadi ndichakuti ngakhale mutayatsidwa misala ndipo mutha kungoganiza zogonana ndi munthuyu kwamuyaya (kapena usiku umodzi wokha) lube atha kupangitsa kuti kukumana kukhale kosangalatsa.

M'malo mwake, kafukufuku wina adayang'ana amayi 2,451 ndi malingaliro awo mozungulira mafuta. Amayiwo adazindikira kuti lube limapangitsa kuti asavutike, ndipo amakonda kugonana atanyowa kwambiri.

Adler amalembetsa mapiritsi oletsa kubereka, kupsinjika, zaka, ndi kuchepa kwa madzi m'thupi momwe zingayambitsire. Kuuma kwa ukazi kumatha kuchitika mukamakalamba kapena kulowa kusamba.

Ngati mukugula koyamba lube, Adler akuwonetsa izi:

• Khalani kutali ndi mafuta opangira mafuta. Pokhapokha mutakhala pachibwenzi chimodzi ndikuyesera kutenga pakati kapena ubale wotetezedwa, pewani mafuta opangira mafuta chifukwa mafuta amatha kuphwanya latex m'makondomu.
• Kumbukirani kuti mafuta opangidwa ndi silicone mwina sangakhale ogwirizana ndi zoseweretsa zopangidwa ndi silicone. Chifukwa chake sungani ma silicone lube pazoseweretsa zosakhala za silicone, kapena gwiritsani ntchito madzi osakanizidwa osakanizidwa ndi madzi.
• Fufuzani zinthu zopanda glycerin komanso zopanda shuga. Zosakaniza zonsezi zimatha kusintha pH ya abambo anu ndikupangitsa zinthu monga matenda a yisiti.
• Kumbukirani kuti zinthu zambiri zapanyumba sizilowa m'malo mwa lube. Pewani shampu, mafuta onunkhira, batala, mafuta, mafuta odzola, ndi mafuta a kokonati, ngakhale atatero ali poterera.

Ikani mu kalendala yanu

Zowonadi, kukonzekera kugonana nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa chisangalalo chachikulu. Koma mverani ziphuphu:

"Ndikudziwa kuti anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti kwachedwa kapena kumawononga malingaliro, koma mwayi ndiwoti ngati nthawi zonse mumakhala wolimbikitsa komanso wokondedwa wanu amakuletsani ... pakhoza kukhala mkwiyo wina."

"Dzipulumutseni ku kukanidwa ndi mnzanu chifukwa chodzimvera chisoni mukakana nthawi zonse popanga ndandanda," akutero Stubbs. “Gwirizanani pafupipafupi zomwe zingathandize nonse awiri ndikupita kumeneko. Ndandanda yomwe idakhazikitsidwa, mudzakhala ndi nkhawa zakukanidwa komwe kukubwera patebulopo. Izi ndizopambana. ”

Kuphatikiza apo, kudziwa kuti udzachita zogonana pambuyo pake kudzakuika m'malingaliro azakugonana tsiku lonse.

Koma khalani ndi zibwenzi zogonana zokha

"Ngakhale kukhala ndi nthawi yopanga zogonana ndikwabwino, maanja ena samadzipatsa ufulu wogonana pakakhala vuto lawo chifukwa cha zinthu monga zolembedwa zosakwanira, kapena malingaliro akuti ali otanganidwa kwambiri kuti sangachite zinthu zomwe sangalala, "akutero Adler.

Ndicho chifukwa chake katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi maubwenzi Danielle Forshee, PsyD, amalimbikitsanso kuti muzichita zokha ndi nthawi, bwanji, komanso malo ogonana.

Forshee akufotokoza kuti: "Kugonana kwadzidzidzi kumayambitsa ubale watsopano womwe ungakhale wosagwirizana." "Yambani mwakumangokhalira kukhudza amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kuti muthandizire kupangitsa kuti pakhale kutuluka kwanthawi. Mwinanso kugonana komweko kumatsatira. ”

Pofufuza zogonana kwanu mtsogolo

Musalole kuti chizindikirocho chikulepheretseni kufufuza

Powell anati: "Amayi achimuna amakhala ndi chidwi chogonana kwambiri pamoyo wawo wonse." M'malo mwake, zomwe zidafalitsidwa mu 2016, mu Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, zikuwonetsa kuti azimayi onse, mosiyanasiyana, amadzutsidwa ndi azimayi ena m'makanema olaula.

Inde, sikuti mkazi aliyense amene wawuka adzakhala ndi chikhumbo chochita pa mayankhowo m'moyo weniweni.

Koma ngati mutero, Powell akuti, “Khalani okonzeka kufufuza zilakolako zogonana. Sindikumva kuti ndikufunika kuyambiranso kugonana kapena kudziwika, ngati izi sizikukupatsani mphamvu. ”

Kuyenera kutchulidwa ndi malipoti aposachedwa akusonyeza kuti kugonana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi kumakulirakulira pakati pa aliyense, kuphatikiza amuna. Ofufuzawo adazindikira kuti pali amuna ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kunja uko omwe poyamba amaganiza, koma kuti salankhula za izi chifukwa choopa kukanidwa.

Jessica O'Reilly PhD, wolandila @SexWithDrJess podcast, akuwonjezera kuti, "Anthu onse ali ndi ufulu wodziwa (kapena osazindikira) ndikuyesa malingana ndi momwe amamvera pankhani yakugonana."

Dzizungulirani ndi anthu omwe amathandizira pakuwunika kwanu

"Kugonana ndimadzimadzi potengera zokopa, chilakolako, libido, jenda, chidwi, malire, malingaliro, ndi zina zambiri. Zimasintha pakapita nthawi yayitali ndikusintha malinga ndi momwe moyo ulili. Chilichonse chomwe mukukumana nacho, mukuyenera kudzidalira pazokhumba zanu ndikuthandizidwa ndi abwenzi, abale, komanso okondedwa ena, "akutero O'Reilly.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake amalimbikitsa kufunafuna magulu omwe amakhala mdera lanu kuti akuthandizeni ngati gulu la abwenzi kapena abale anu sadziwa momwe angathandizire pakuwunika kwanu.

Zothandizira kupeza chithandizo:

• Bisexual.org
• Pulogalamu Yokhudza Ufulu Wachibadwidwe (HRC)
• Bisexual Resource Center
• Zothandizira Ophunzira a LGBTQ & Thandizo
• Ntchito ya Trevor
• Bungwe la Transgender American Veterans Association
• Omenyera Ufulu Wachibadwidwe
• KUYAMBIRA
• National Resource Center pa Kukalamba kwa LGBT
• SAGE Advocacy & Services kwa Akuluakulu a LGBT
• Matthew Shepard Foundation
• Zolemba
• ZOKHUDZA

Gabrielle Kassel ndimasewera a rugby, othamanga matope, wophatikiza mapuloteni-smoothie, kuphika chakudya, CrossFitting, wolemba zaumoyo ku New York. Amakhala munthu wam'mawa, adayesa zovuta za Whole30, ndikudya, kumwa, kutsuka, kutsuka, ndikusamba makala, zonsezi mdzina la utolankhani. Mu nthawi yake yaulere, amatha kupezeka akuwerenga mabuku othandizira, kutsitsa benchi, kapena kuchita hygge. Mutsatireni pa Instagram.