Zinthu 5 Zomwe Aliyense Ayenera Kudziwa Zokhudza Kugonana ndi Chibwenzi, Malinga ndi Katswiri Wothandizira

Zamkati

• 1. Kufufuza zogonana kumatha (ndipo kuyenera) kuchitika msinkhu uliwonse.
• 2. Kufufuza zogonana si "malo otsetsereka".
• 3. Mumakhala ndi nthawi yogonana.
• 4. Nzeru zamaganizo zimakupangitsani kukhala bwenzi labwino mkati ndi kunja kwa chipinda chogona.
• 5. Aliyense amafunikira wina woti akambirane naye za kugonana.
• Onaninso za

Harry Atasiya Kulankhulana Ndi Sally. Kukhala chete kwa Owonongedwa. Wopenga, Wokhala Chete, Wosudzulana. Ngati kutha kwa banja la makolo anga kunali kanema, ndimakhala ndi mpando wakutsogolo. Ndipo pamene ndinawona chiwembucho chikuchitika, chinthu chimodzi chinandiwonekera bwino: Akuluakulu a bulu sadziwa momwe angalankhulire wina ndi mzake.

Zinali chifukwa chakuzindikira izi ngakhale kuti ndinapitiliza kukhala wololeza wa banja komanso wothandizira mabanja (LMFT) ndipo pamapeto pake ndinatsegula Wright Wellness Center. Tsopano, tsiku lililonse ndimayenera kuphunzitsa maanja (komanso osakwatiwa, nawonso!) Momwe angalankhulirane bwino - makamaka pamitu yovuta monga kugonana, malingaliro, komanso zosangalatsa.

Mfundo yofunika: Kugonana sikuyenera kuyima pambuyo pa sekondale, ndipo ngakhale mabanja achimwemwe atha kupindula pogwira ntchito ndi othandizira maubwenzi. Pansipa pali zinthu zisanu zomwe ndikufunaaliyense kudziwa za chibwenzi ndi kugonana-mosasamala kanthu za ubale wanu kapena zomwe mumakonda.

1. Kufufuza zogonana kumatha (ndipo kuyenera) kuchitika msinkhu uliwonse.

Pali nthano yoti kufufuza zakugonana ndi kwakanthawi, monga miyezi itatu panthawi yakukoleji. Ndizolakwika komanso zowononga mkati kotero njira zambiri.

Poyamba, kufufuza zinthu zogonana kumafuna maziko odalirika. Mukadali ndi chidaliro chochulukirapo ndi munthu m'pamene mukuyenera kukhala pabedi. Ndipo dziwani izi: Anthu ambiri amakhala ndi ubale wautali komanso wodalirikapambuyo koleji.

Kuphatikiza apo, lingaliro loti zaka zanu zoyambirira 20 ndi masiku anu owunika zogonana silimaganizira kuti lobes wanu wakutsogolo samakula mpaka mutakwanitsa zaka 26, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti kumverera kokhala ndi mkono wanu pa 32 kumverera mosiyana ndi momwe mumamvera mukakhala ndi zaka 22. Ili kutsogolo kwa mutu wanu, gawo ili laubongo wanu limayang'anira tanthauzo lakukhudza. Chifukwa chake ngakhale mutayesa kusewera kumatako kapena zoletsa pamsinkhu umenewo, kumverera komwe kungakubweretsereni mwakuthupi, kwamaganizidwe, kapena mwamalingaliro tsopano kudzakhala kosiyana kwambiri.

M'malingaliro mwanga, kuchuluka kwamitengo ya matenda opatsirana pogonana ikukwera m'malo osungira anthu okalamba ndikuthandizira anthu okhala mmindamo kumandiwonetsa kuti anthu ali ndi chidwi choyeserera zogonana mpaka zaka zawo zagolide. Ndiye ndikufunseni izi: Bwanji mudikire mpaka mutakwanitsa zaka 80 kuti muyese ndi kugonana komwe mukufuna kuti mukhale nako pamene mutha kukhala nako panopa? Eya, ndendende.

2. Kufufuza zogonana si "malo otsetsereka".

Pali malingaliro onama, ofala akuti kufufuza za kugonana ndi malo oterera opita ku makhalidwe oipa omwe simungathe kubwererako. Anthu akuwopadi kuti ngati mwezi umodzi atawonjezerapo malo ogonana kapena choseweretsa ku chipinda chogona, mwezi wamawa azikhala ndi zisangalalo ndi mzinda wonse. Chifukwa cha izi, mutha kuchita mantha kwambiri kuti mungalankhule ndi anzanu zazomwe mumakonda, zosintha, komanso zilakolako zogonana. (Zogwirizana: Momwe Mungayambitsire Zoseweretsa Zogonana Muubwenzi Wanu).

Ndikhoza kulonjeza kuti kukulitsa zomwe zosangalatsa, kusewera, ndi kugonana kumawoneka muubwenzi wanu *osati* kungachititse kuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mulephere kulamulira. Chokhacho chomwe chingachite izi ndikusowa kuyankhulana ndi kuvomereza-nthawi. (Zokhudzana: Mavuto a 8 Ogwirizana Pamaubwenzi).

3. Mumakhala ndi nthawi yogonana.

Chokhacho chomwe aliyense amafanana ndikuti tonse tili ndi maola 24 ndendende patsiku. Osatinso, osachepera. Ngati simukuganiza kuti mulibe nthawi yogonana, chimodzi mwa zinthu ziwiri chikuchitika. Mwina, 1) nthawi zambiri, simumapeza nthawi ya *zosangalatsa* zilizonse, kapena 2) simusangalala ndi kugonana komwe mukuchita kuti mukhale ndi nthawi yokwanira.

Ngati ndinu munthu amene mumavutika kupeza nthawi yoti mukhale nokha, upangiri wanga ndikuti muyambe kugwiritsa ntchito mphindi zisanu mpaka khumi patsiku mukuchita zomwe zimakusangalatsani: kusindikiza, kuseweretsa maliseche, kusinkhasinkha, kuvala chophimba kumaso, kupaka misomali, kapena kuvina mozungulira nyumba yanu.

Komabe, ngati mumalandira manicure sabata iliyonse, kuwerengera zosangalatsa, kapena kusisitidwa pafupipafupi, zowonadi zake ndikuti mukusankha kuyika patsogolo zinthu zina musanagonane. Izi zikundiuza kuti mumakonda zinthu zina kuposa kusangalala ndi kugonana.

Yankho lake? Pangani kugonana ngati (kapena kopitilira muyeso) kukhala kosangalatsa kuposa zinthu zina, ndipo izi zimapangitsa ntchito. Ndikupangira kudzipereka kwa mphindi 5 mpaka 10 patsiku kuti musangalale: kudzigwira mu shawa (mwinamwake ndi imodzi mwazinthu zotulutsa madzi), kuyendetsa manja anu kudutsa maliseche anu, kugula chidole chogonana pa intaneti kapena m'sitolo, kapena kuwerenga.Bwerani Monga Inu by Emily Nagasaki.

Mukamagonana kwambiri, mumalakalaka kwambiri kugonana. Kotero, pamene izo sizingawoneke ngati nthawi yochuluka (ndipo sichoncho), ndi chiyambi chomwe chingabweretse chilakolako chogonana.

4. Nzeru zamaganizo zimakupangitsani kukhala bwenzi labwino mkati ndi kunja kwa chipinda chogona.

Emotional intelligence (kapena EQ yanu, ngati mungafune) ndikutha kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu ndikuzifotokoza komanso kutha kuyankha mokoma mtima kumalingaliro a wina. Zimafunikira kuphatikiza kudzizindikira, kumvera ena chisoni, kulumikizana, komanso kulumikizana.

Tiyerekeze kuti mumachita zinazake zomwe mnzanu sakumvetsa ndipo akukufunsani chifukwa chomwe mwachitira izi. Nzeru zam'mutu ndizosiyana pakati poyankha ndi "Sindikudziwa, ndinangotuluka" ndi "Ndinali ndi nkhawa komanso kutakasuka m'malo molimbana ndi nkhawa yanga". Ndikuthekera kutembenukira mkati ndikutchula zomwe mukumva, m'malo mopewera kudziwonetsera nokha, udindo, kapena kulumikizana kwakukulu.

EQ yotsika kapena yayikulu imakhudza moyo wanu wogonana m'njira zingapo. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro okonda zakuya zogonana, ndipo mutha kuzindikira izi, mudzatha kuthandiza kulimbikitsa izi.Momwemonso, luntha lakumverera limakupatsani kuthekera kolankhula ndi zolankhula za mnzanuyo komanso zomwe simumalankhula ndipo mutha kudziwa ngati akumva kuti ali olumikizidwa, kapena ali ndi mlandu, kapena ali otanganidwa, kapena ali ndi nkhawa, ndikusintha moyenera, ngakhale atatero ' ndikukuuzani zenizeni.

Chifukwa chake, ngati zomwe mukufuna pamoyo wanu ndizogonana kapena kukondana kwambiri ndi mnzanu, ndikulimbikitsani kuti mugwire ntchito pa EQ yanu podziwa zokhumba zanu ndi zopanikiza, kufunsa mafunso ambiri (ndikumvera mayankho), kuchita zinthu moganizira ena, komanso kugwira ntchito ndi dokotala. (Zogwirizana: Momwe Mungapemphe Mnzanu Kuti Agonane Popanda Kuwawakhumudwitsa)

5. Aliyense amafunikira wina woti akambirane naye za kugonana.

Mwina mukufuna kuyesa matako. Mwina mukufuna kuyesa eni eni maliseche. Mwina mukufuna kuitanira munthu wachitatu kuchipinda chanu chogona. Chifukwa kusunga chinthu chachinsinsi kumapangitsa kuti muzichita manyazi kapena kuti muchite zoyipa, kungolankhula ndi bwenzi lanu kungakuthandizeni kuti musachite manyazi ndikukhazikitsa zomwe mukufuna. (Zokhudzana: Kalozera wa Insiders pogona ndi Mkazi Wina Koyamba).

Bwenzi lingakuthandizeninso kuti muziyankha pa zilakolako ndi zokonda zimenezo. Akhoza kukuyenderani m'milungu ingapo kuti awone ngati mwachita "kupita patsogolo" pa zokhumba zanu, mwaphunziranso zambiri zokhudza kugonana kwanu, kapena kulankhula ndi wokondedwa wanu za izo.

Ngati mulibe mnzanu wamaganizidwe omwe mukuganiza kuti angakhale omasuka kuyankhula zakugwa pansi, wothandizira zachiwerewere, wophunzitsa ubale, kapena wowalangiza atha kuchita chimodzimodzi.

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