Zomwe Ndaphunzira Kwa Atate Wanga: Aliyense Amawonetsa Chikondi Mosiyanasiyana

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Nthaŵi zonse ndinkaganiza kuti bambo anga anali munthu wabata, womvetsera kuposa wokamba nkhani amene ankaoneka kuti akudikirira nthaŵi yoyenera kukambirana kuti apereke ndemanga kapena maganizo anzeru. Obadwa ndi kukulira m'mayiko omwe kale anali Soviet Union, abambo anga sanali kufotokoza maganizo awo, makamaka amitundu yosiyanasiyana. Kukula, sindikukumbukira kuti adandikumbatira ndikundikumbatira mwachikondi ndi "Ndimakukondani" zomwe ndidapeza kuchokera kwa amayi anga. Anasonyeza chikondi chake—kaŵirikaŵiri zinali m’njira zina.

Nthawi ina chilimwe ndili ndi zaka zisanu kapena zisanu ndi chimodzi, adakhala masiku akumandiphunzitsa kukwera njinga. Mchemwali wanga, yemwe ndi wamkulu zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi kuposa ine, anali atakwera kale zaka zambiri, ndipo sindinkafuna china chilichonse kuposa kukhala ndi iye komanso ana ena oyandikana nafe. Tsiku lililonse ndikamaliza ntchito, abambo anga amkandiyendetsa pagalimoto yathu mpaka kumapazi ndikundigwira ntchito mpaka dzuwa litalowa. Ndi dzanja limodzi pa chogwirizira ndi china kumbuyo kwanga, amandikakamiza ndikufuula, "Pita, pita, pita!" Miyendo yanga ikugwedezeka, ndimakankha mwamphamvu. Koma ndikamapita, zochita za mapazi anga zinkandisokoneza kuti manja anga asasunthike, ndipo ndinkayamba kugwedezeka, ndikulephera kudziletsa. Abambo, omwe anali pomwepo akuthamanga pambali panga, amandigwira ndisanafike panjira. "Chabwino, tiyeni tiyesenso," adatero, kudekha kwake kumawoneka kopanda malire.

Zizoloŵezi za abambo za kuphunzitsa zinayambiranso zaka zingapo pambuyo pake pamene ndinali kuphunzira kutsitsa ski. Ngakhale ndimayamba maphunziro apamwamba, amatha maola ambiri ali nane kumalo otsetsereka, ndikundithandiza kukonza mayendedwe anga ndi magalasi. Ndikatopa kwambiri kuti ndingatenge skis zanga kubwerera kumalo ogona, ankanyamula pansi pamtengo wanga ndikundikoka pomwepo nditagwira kumapeto ena mwamphamvu. Kunyumba yogona, amandigulira chokoleti yotentha ndikupaka mapazi anga achisanu mpaka pomwe adatenthetsanso. Tikangofika kunyumba, ndimathamanga kukawauza amayi anga zonse zomwe ndakwanitsa kuchita tsikulo bambo atapumira ku TV.

Ndikukula, ubale wanga ndi abambo anga udakulirakulira. Ndinali wachinyamata wovuta kwambiri, yemwe ankakonda maphwando ndi masewera a mpira kusiyana ndi kucheza ndi abambo anga. Panalibenso mphindi zochepa zophunzitsira-zifukwa zochezera, tonse awirife. Nditafika ku koleji, zokambirana zanga ndi abambo anga zimangokhala kuti, "Hei bambo, amayi alipo?" Ndinkatha maola ambiri ndikulankhula ndi amayi anga, sizinkandichitikira mphindi zochepa kucheza ndi bambo anga.

Pamene ndinali ndi zaka 25, kusalankhulana kwathu kunakhudza kwambiri ubwenzi wathu. Monga momwe, tinalibe kwenikweni. Zachidziwikire, bambo anali mwaukadaulo m'moyo wanga-iye ndi amayi anga anali okwatiranabe ndipo ndimalankhula nawo mwachidule pafoni ndikumuwona ndikabwera kunyumba kangapo pachaka. Koma sanali mkati moyo wanga-samadziwa zambiri za izo ndipo sindimadziwa zambiri zake.

Ndinazindikira kuti sindinatenge nthawi kuti ndimudziwe. Ndikadatha kuwerengera zinthu zomwe ndimadziwa za abambo anga pa dzanja limodzi. Ndinkadziwa kuti amakonda mpira, Beatles, ndi History Channel, komanso kuti nkhope yake inasanduka wofiira pamene ankaseka. Ndidadziwanso kuti adasamukira ku U.S. Anaonetsetsa kuti nthawi zonse timakhala ndi denga, chakudya chochuluka, ndi maphunziro abwino. Ndipo ndinali ndisanamuthokoze chifukwa cha ichi. Palibe ngakhale kamodzi.

Kuyambira nthawi imeneyo, ndinayamba kuyesetsa kugwirizana ndi bambo anga. Ndinaimbira foni kunyumba kaŵirikaŵiri ndipo sindinafunse nthaŵi yomweyo kulankhula ndi amayi anga. Zinapezeka kuti bambo anga, omwe poyamba ndinkawaona kuti anali chete, anali ndi zambiri zoti anene. Tinathera maola ambiri pafoni tikumakambirana za momwe zimakhalira kukula mu Soviet Union komanso za ubale wake ndi abambo ake.

Anandiuza kuti abambo ake anali abambo abwino. Ngakhale kuti nthaŵi zina anali wokhwimitsa zinthu, agogo anga aamuna anali anthabwala kwambiri ndipo ankasonkhezera bambo anga m’njira zambiri, kuyambira pa kukonda kwawo kuŵerenga mpaka kutengeka mtima kwambiri ndi mbiri. Pamene bambo anga anali ndi zaka 20, mayi ake anamwalira ndipo ubwenzi umene unalipo pakati pawo ndi bambo ake unayamba kutha, makamaka agogo anga atakwatiwanso patapita zaka zingapo. Kulumikizana kwawo kunali kutali kwambiri, kwakuti sindinkawona agogo anga akukula ndipo sindimawawona tsopano.

Kudziwana ndi bambo anga kwapang’onopang’ono zaka zingapo zapitazi kwalimbitsa ubwenzi wathu ndipo kwandipatsa chithunzithunzi cha dziko lawo. Moyo mu Soviet Union unali pafupi kupulumuka, anandiuza. Kalelo, kusamalira mwana kumatanthauza kuwonetsetsa kuti wavala ndikumudyetsa-ndizomwe zinali. Abambo sanasewere ndi ana awo aamuna ndipo amayi awo sanapite kukagula ndi ana awo aakazi. Kumvetsetsa izi kunandipatsa mwayi kuti bambo anga andiphunzitsa kukwera njinga, ski, ndi zina zambiri.

Ndili kunyumba chilimwe chatha, abambo adandifunsa ngati ndikufuna kupita naye gofu. Ndili ndi chidwi ndi masewerawa ndipo sindinasewerepo m'moyo wanga, koma ndinati inde chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti ingakhale njira yoti tizicheza limodzi. Tidafika pa bwalo la gofu, ndipo abambo nthawi yomweyo adayamba kuphunzitsa, monga momwe adalili ndili mwana, amandiwonetsa mayendedwe olondola komanso momwe ndingagwirire kalabu moyenera kuti tiwone kuyendetsa kwakutali. Zolankhula zathu makamaka zimakhudzana ndi gofu - kunalibe zakukhosi kapena kuvomereza-koma sindinadandaule. Ndidayamba kucheza ndi bambo anga ndikugawana zomwe amandikonda.

Masiku ano, timalankhula pa foni kamodzi pa mlungu ndipo amabwera ku New York kudzacheza kawiri m’miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yapitayi. Ndimaonabe kuti sichapafupi kuti ndilankhule ndi mayi anga, koma ndinazindikira kuti palibe vuto. Chikondi chingawonetsedwe m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Abambo anga sangandiuze nthawi zonse momwe akumvera koma ndikudziwa kuti amandikonda-ndipo ili ndi phunziro lalikulu kwambiri lomwe adandiphunzitsa.

Abigail Libers ndi wolemba pawokha wokhala ku Brooklyn. Ndiwonso wopanga komanso mkonzi wa Notes on Fatherhood, malo oti anthu azigawana nkhani za utate.

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