Izi ndi Zomwe Ubale Wa Polyamorous Uli Kwenikweni-ndi Zomwe Siziri

Zamkati

• Kodi tanthauzo la polyamorous ndi chiyani?
• Ubale wa Polyamorous ≠ ubale wotseguka
• Maubwenzi ena ambiri amakhala ndi "kapangidwe" pomwe ena alibe
• Anthu amtundu uliwonse, kugonana, komanso ubale atha kukhala ambiri
• Ayi, kukhala poly si "njira yatsopano"
• Chibwenzi cha Polyamorous sichimangokhalira kugona
• Koma, zachidziwikire, kugonana kumatha kukhala gawo lake
• Maubwenzi apakale * sali 'odzipereka
• Ngati mukufuna kuyesa zibwenzi za polyamorous, muyenera kufufuza kwanu
• Onaninso za

Bethany Meyers, Nico Tortorella, Jada Pinkett Smith, ndi Jessamyn Stanley onse ndiopanga zokongoletsa za AF, mabizinesi oyipa omwe akupanga mafunde pazakudya zanu. Koma ali ndi chinthu china chofanana: Onse amadziwika ngati ophatikizika.

Pakadali pano mwina mwamvapo za "polyamory" ndi "maubale ophatikizika." Koma kodi mukudziwa zomwe akutanthauza? Pokhapokha ngati ndinu poly, Stanely akuti mwina simutero. M'mbiri yaposachedwa ya Instagram, adati, "Polyamory amasokonezeka ndikufunitsitsa kugonana kapena kufuna kuchita zogonana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana, zomwe sizomwe zili." (Zokhudzana: Momwe Mungakhalire ndi Ubale Wathanzi wa Polyamorous)

Kotero maubwenzi apamanja ndi otanikwenikweni za? Kuti tidziwe, tidakambirana ndi aphunzitsi azakugonana omwe amakhazikika pamakhalidwe oyenera osakwatirana okha. Apa, amafotokoza kusintha kwa polyamory ndikuchotsa malingaliro olakwika omwe amakhala mozungulira.

Kodi tanthauzo la polyamorous ndi chiyani?

Mnzathu Merriam Webster akuti mawu oti "polyamory" amatanthauza anthu omwe amachita zibwenzi zingapo kamodzi. Poyambira koyenera, ophunzitsa zogonana ndi polyamory amati tanthauzo ili limasowa limodzivv chigawo chofunikira: chilolezo.

"Polyamory ndi mgwirizano wamakhalidwe, moona mtima, komanso mgwirizano womwe umatipangitsa kukhala ndi maubwenzi ambiri (ambiri), okondana (okondana)," akutero mphunzitsi wokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso wolimbikitsa kugonana, Lateef Taylor. "Chigawo chovomerezeka pano ndichofunikira." Chifukwa chake ngakhale pangakhale maubwenzi angapo apamtima komanso/kapena ogonana omwe amachitika nthawi imodzi, aliyense (!!) okhudzidwa amadziwa kuti izi ndizomwe zikuchitika.

Chidziwitso: Ngati mudakhalapo pachibwenzi chokwatirana chokha ndikukhala ndi chinyengo kapena kunyengedwa, dziwani kuti ndizoayi polyamory. "Kuonera ndimakhalidwe omwe atha kuchitika muubwenzi wamtundu uliwonse chifukwa ndiwokakamira pamgwirizano kapena malire aubwenzi," akulongosola wophunzitsa zakugonana komanso katswiri wazamisala Liz Powell, Psy.D, wolembaKumanga Ubale Wotseguka: Maupangiri Anu Omwe Mungasinthire, Polyamory, & Beyond.Kutanthauzira: Kudzitcha kuti "poly" sikungopita kwaulere kwa inu kapena mnzanu kuti mucheze ndi aliyense amene mukufuna.

Ubale wa Polyamorous ≠ ubale wotseguka

Maubwenzi ambiri osakwatirana nthawi zambiri amakhala osakanikirana komanso osokonezeka. Wophunzitsa za kugonana ndi maubwenzi Sarah Sloane, yemwe wakhala akuphunzitsa makalasi a zoseweretsa zogonana ku Good Vibrations and Pleasure Chest kuyambira 2001, akufotokoza kuti mgwirizano wopanda mkazi mmodzi (omwe nthawi zina umatchedwa ethical non-monogamy)zonse mwa izi.

Mwinamwake mwamvapo mawu oti "queer" akufotokozedwa ngati ambulera? Sloane akuti "kuvomereza osagwirizana ndi amuna okhaokha kumagwiranso ntchito ngati ambulera." Pansi pa ambulera imeneyi pali mitundu ina yamaubale osakwatirana, kuphatikiza ma polyamorous, komanso kusinthana, maubale otseguka, ma throuples, ndi zina zambiri.

Dikirani, ndiye pali kusiyana kotani pakati pa maubwenzi a polyamorous ndi omasuka? "Maubwenziwa atha kutanthauza zinthu zosiyana pang'ono kwa anthu osiyanasiyana," akufotokoza Sloane. Nthawi zambiri, "wina akagwiritsa ntchito mawu oti" polyamorous, "amawagwiritsa ntchito kufotokoza maubwenzi omwe ali okondana komanso okondana, mosiyana ndi kugonana kokha," akutero. Maubwenzi otseguka, mbali inayo, amaphatikizapo kukhala ndi bwenzi limodzi lomwe ndilo vuto lanu lalikulu / chinthu chanu cha boo / mnzanu / wokondedwa wanu, ndi anzanu ena omwe ali ~ ogonana okhaokha. Mwachidule, pamene maubwenzi omasuka ndi maubwenzi a polyamorous onse ndi machitidwe osagwirizana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi, maubwenzi a polyamorous nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi mwayi wogwirizanitsa maganizo oposa umodzi. (Zokhudzana: Zinthu 6 Zomwe Anthu Omwe Amakhala Mmodzi Amodzi Angaphunzire kuchokera ku Maubwenzi Otseguka)

Ingokumbukirani: "Kuti mudziwe zomwe wina amatanthauza akamati ali pachibwenzi, muwafunse, chifukwaamachita amatanthauza zinthu zosiyanasiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana, "akutero a Sloane.

Maubwenzi ena ambiri amakhala ndi "kapangidwe" pomwe ena alibe

Monga momwe palibe maubwenzi awiri a mkazi mmodzi amawoneka chimodzimodzi, komanso maubwenzi awiri a polyamorous. "Pali njira zambiri zokhalira paubwenzi wapamtima ndi anthu angapo, kotero pali njira zambiri zomwe maubwenzi a polyamorous angawonetsere komanso kusewera," akutero Amy Boyajian, CEO ndi woyambitsa nawo wa Wild Flower, yemwe ndi katswiri wokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso wamkulu pa intaneti. sitolo.

Sloane akufotokoza kuti anthu ena amatsata ubale womwe ubale wawo umawoneka ngati "woyamba," "wachiwiri," "wamaphunziro apamwamba," ndi zina zotero, kutengera momwe aliri kudzipereka. Ena sangagwiritse ntchito zilembo, koma adzakonza 'kufunika' kwa maubwenzi awo pa omwe akukhala nawo, kukhala ndi ana, ndi zina zotero," akutero. Mbali inayi, anthu ena amapewa "kusanja" anthu omwe amawakopa ndikuwakopa, akuwonjezera Sloane.

Kuzindikira dongosolo laubwenzi (kapena kusowa kwake) komwe kumakugwirirani ntchito kumafuna kumvetsetsa nokha komanso zomwe mukufuna kuchokera paubwenzi wanu, akutero Boyajian. "Muyenera kuganizira mozama za zomwe muli omasuka nazo, zomwe mukufuna, ndikutha kuyankhulana ndi anzanu komanso anzanu omwe mungakhale nawo."

Anthu amtundu uliwonse, kugonana, komanso ubale atha kukhala ambiri

Taylor anati: "Aliyense amene amakhulupirira ndikukhala ndi maubwenzi osagwirizana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha atha kuyang'ana za chikondi ichi," akutero a Taylor.

BTW, amathanso kukhala osakwatira ndikudziwika kuti ndi poly. Mutha kukhala mukugona kapena kucheza ndi munthu m'modzi yekha komansokomabe dziwani ngati poly. "Kuzindikira kuti poly sikutanthauza inunthawi zonse kukhala ndi zibwenzi zingapo nthawi imodzi, "akutero Boyajian," Zili ngati kugonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ukadali pansexual ngakhale sunakhale pachibwenzi kapena kugona ndi aliyense!"

Ayi, kukhala poly si "njira yatsopano"

Polyamory ingawoneke ngati china ~ ana onse ozizira akuchita ~ koma ili ndi mbiri yakale. Powell anati: “Anthu amtundu wamba komanso anthu aukali akhala akuchita izi kwa zaka zambiri. "Ndipo tikazitcha" chikhalidwe ", timachotsa mbiri ya anthu osiyanasiyana omwe akhala akuchita zinthu mosagwirizana ndi amuna anzawo m'mbiri yonse, azungu azungu asanayambe kuchita izi."

Nanga bwanji zikuwoneka ngati mwadzidzidzi zomwe aliyense akuchita? Choyamba, masukani. Ayialiyense akuchita izi. Ngakhale kuti kafukufuku wina anasonyeza kuti pafupifupi 21 peresenti ya anthu a ku America anayesapo kukhala ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi panthaŵi ina m’moyo wawo, buku lina linati 5 peresenti yokha ya anthu ali ndi vuto.panopa muubwenzi wosakwatirana. Komabe, zomwe zaposachedwa kwambiri ndi zaka zosachepera ziwiri, motero akatswiri amati kuchuluka kwakemwina kukhala pamwamba pang'ono.

Sloane amaperekanso lingaliro lake lokha: "Monga gulu, titha kukhala pamalo omwe timakambirana zambiri pazomwe zimapangitsa chikondi ndi maubale," akutero. "Ndipo tikamakambirana zambiri za polyamory, anthu amatha kuzilingalira okha." (Zokhudza: Chifukwa Chodabwitsa chomwe Akazi Amafunira Kusudzulana Kuposa Amuna)

Chibwenzi cha Polyamorous sichimangokhalira kugona

Pali malingaliro olakwika akuti polyamory ikukhudzana ndi chosowa kapena chikhumbo chogonana ndi anthu ambiri, Stanley adagawana nawo pa Instagram posachedwa. Koma "ndizowona mtima kwambiri," adalemba.Monga momwe Powell akufotokozera: "Polyamory si nkhani ya kugonana, ndi chilakolako (kapena chizoloŵezi) chofuna kukhala ndi maubwenzi ambiri achikondi."

M'malo mwake, nthawi zina kugonana sikungakhalepo patebulo. Mwachitsanzo, anthu omwe amadziwika kuti ndi achiwerewere (kutanthauza kuti samakhala ndi chilakolako chogonana) atha kukhala muubwenzi wapamtima, nawonso, aphunzitsi azakugonana Dedeker Winston, wolembaThe Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory. "Kwa anthu omwe sali ogonana, polyamorous amawalola kukulitsa maubwenzi okhudzana ndi kudzipereka, ubwenzi, makhalidwe omwe amagawana nawo, komanso kugawana nawo zochitika ndi okondedwa kapena okondedwa, pomwe amalola kuti mnzanuyo azigonana."

Koma, zachidziwikire, kugonana kumatha kukhala gawo lake

"Polyamory ikukhudza kupanga chibwenzi mwadongosolo chomwe chimagwira ntchito kwa inu, chifukwa chake kugonana kumatha kukhala koyendetsa kapena gawo limodzi," atero a Ren Grabert, M.Ed. (BTW: Ngati mukuganiza poly = madyerero nthawi zonse, ingoganiziraninso. Zachidziwikire, kugonana pagulu nthawi zina kumatha kukhala gawo lawo. Koma sichomwe chimafotokozera zaubwenzi wapamtima.)

Ndipo pogonanandi mbali yake, Boyajian akuti kulumikizana kokhudzana ndi kugonana kotetezeka komanso matenda opatsirana pogonana ndikofunikira. Kodi mukugwiritsa ntchito chitetezo ndi okondedwa anu onse? Izi ziyenera kuvomerezana musanayambe kugonana ndipo zikhala kukambirana kosalekeza. (Umu ndi momwe mungamufunse mnzanuyo ngati adamuyesa matenda opatsirana pogonana.)

Maubwenzi apakale * sali 'odzipereka

Pali lingaliro lolakwika kuti kukhala polyamorous kumagwirizana ndi "zoyipa pakudzipereka." Ndizo hogwash. M'malo mwake, Taylor akuti poly amafunikira atani kudzipereka-kwa inu nokha komanso kwa anthu omwe mukuwawona. "Ganizirani izi: Kukhala paubwenzi ndi anthu angapo kumafuna kudzipereka kwa anthu omwe muli pachibwenzi kapena kuwaona ndi kuwalemekeza komanso malire a ubale wanu."

M'malo mwake, ngati mungayambe chibwenzi moyenera makamakachifukwa mumaopa kudzipereka, maubale anu mwina atha, atero Powell. "Chomwe chimachitika nthawi zambiri anthu amabweretsa kudzipereka kwawo-kunyansidwa-komanso mavuto omwe amabwera nawo-muubwenzi wambiri, m'malo mwa umodzi wokha." Nsalu.

Ngati mukufuna kuyesa zibwenzi za polyamorous, muyenera kufufuza kwanu

Mwinamwake mwakhala mukufuna kufufuza polyamory. Mwinanso chidwi chomwe Stanely amakonda kwa omwe adachita naye pambuyo pangozi ya njinga yamoto ("Inenso ndikumva kuti ndikuthokoza chifukwa cha anzanga komanso momwe amandigwirira usiku watha / m'mawa uno") zidakulitsa chidwi chanu. Kapena mwina mukungofuna kudziwa zamtsogolo. Ziribe chifukwa chake, ngati inu-kapena inu ndi mnzanu-mukufuna kuyesa polyamory, muyenera kuchita kafukufuku wanu.

Kudos, nkhaniyi ndi yofunika. Koma ngati mulikwenikweni kuyang'ana chibwenzi polyamorously, sikokwanira. "Kufufuza za maubwenzi a polyamorous, malire pakati pa ubale umenewo, ndi zomwe mukuyang'ana kuchokera ku zibwenzi za polyamorous ndizofunikira," akutero Grabert.

Kwa izi, akatswiri omwe adafunsidwa ali ndi malingaliro awa:

• Makina Podcast
• Pamene Munthu Amene Mumamukonda Ali Wambiri ndi Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D.
• Kumanga Maubwenzi Otseguka: Maupangiri Anu Othandizira Ku Swinging, Polyamory, & BeyondWolemba Liz Powell, Psy.D.
• Ethical Slut: Upangiri Wothandiza ku Polyamory, Ubale Wotseguka, ndi Ufulu Wina ndi Janet W. Hardy ndi Dossie Easton
• Zoposa Awiri: Chitsogozo cha Ethical Monogamy Wolemba Franklin Veaux ndi Eve Ricket
• Blog ya Poly.Land
• Bulogu ya SoloPoly

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