5 Mafunso Abwino Omwe Mungadzifunse Kokha Kupatula 'Kodi Ndine Chidakwa?'

Zamkati

• M'malo mongoyang'ana mphamvu zanga podziletsa ndi kuchira, ndidayamba kuda nkhawa ndikazindikira ngati ndidamwa.
• 1. Zotsatira zake ndi ziti, ndipo kodi zimakhudza ine?
• 2. Kodi ndikunyalanyaza mfundo zimene ndimayendera?
• 3. Zotsatira zake ndi zotani? Kodi ndizotheka? Kodi ndikuwongolera?
• 4. Kodi okondedwa anga akundiuza chiyani? Ndichoncho chifukwa chiyani?
• 5. Kodi kumwa kwanga kukufuna kundiuza chiyani?
• Kumwa kwanu, inunso, kumatha kukhala kukuyesani kukuwuzani china chake chokhudza moyo wanu: china chomwe chikuyenera kusintha kapena zoopsa zomwe sizinachiritse.

Kuda nkhawa ndi kusadziwa momwe ndingalankhulire za ubale wanga ndi mowa kunakhala cholinga, m'malo mofufuza moona mtima momwe ndimamwa.

Zifukwa zathu zakumwa zimatha kukhala zosiyanasiyana komanso zovuta.

Izi zidandichitikira pomwe zidakhala zovuta (kapena zosatheka) kudziwa ngati kumwa kwanga ndimakhalidwe akumwa mowa pang'ono, oyenera kutsalira m'zaka zanga za 20; luso lothana ndi matenda anga amisala; kapena chizolowezi chenichenicho.

Sizinathandize kuti azachipatala anga sakanakhoza kuvomereza ngati ndinali chidakwa. Ena anati inde, ndipo ena mwamphamvu anati ayi.

Awa anali malo osokoneza komanso okhumudwitsa. Kupita ku AA ndipo pamapeto pake pulogalamu yothandizira anthu odwala matendawa tsiku lililonse idanditumizira chidwi pomwe ndimayesa kudziwa ngati ndingakhaleko.

Ndidachoka pamisonkhano ndikumakumana, danga kupita kumlengalenga, ndikuyesera kuti ndidziwe kuti ndine ndani osazindikira kuti vuto langa lakusokoneza limasokoneza zovuta zomwe zayandikira.

M'malo mongoyang'ana mphamvu zanga podziletsa ndi kuchira, ndidayamba kuda nkhawa ndikazindikira ngati ndidamwa.

Kukhala ndi OCD, kuganizira izi sizinali zodabwitsa kwenikweni.

Koma zidangowonjezera chikhumbo changa chomwa mowa kuti ndizitha kusewera "ofufuza" ndikudziyesa ndekha, ngati kuti yankho la mavuto anga mwina ndikumwa mopitirira muyeso, osati pang'ono.

Chidwi chosadziwa momwe ndingayankhulire za ubale wanga ndi mowa chidakhala cholinga, m'malo mofufuza moona mtima momwe ndimamwa komanso chifukwa chake kuli kofunika kusiya kapena kuchepetsa.

Ndikudziwa kuti siine ndekha wofika pano, mwina.

Kaya sitili okonzeka kudzitcha zidakwa, kapena timangopitilira komwe machitidwe athu ali olakwika koma osakhala osokoneza bongo, nthawi zina kumakhala koyenera kusiya funso lodziwikiratu ndipo m'malo mwake timangoyang'ana mafunso ofunikira kwambiri.

Ndikufuna kugawana ena mwa mafunso omwe ndimadzifunsa kuti ndipeze kuchira kwanga.

Kaya mayankho anu amakupangitsani kudzinenera kuti ndinu chidakwa, kapena kungokuthandizani kupanga zisankho zofunika pankhani yogwiritsira ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndikuchira, chofunikira ndikuti mutha kuwunika mozama ubale wanu ndi mowa - ndipo mwachiyembekezo, pangani zisankho zomwe zabwino kwa inu.

1. Zotsatira zake ndi ziti, ndipo kodi zimakhudza ine?

Nthawi yomaliza yomwe ndinayambiranso kumwa, machitidwe anga anali ndi zotsatirapo zoyipa kwambiri.

Zinasokoneza ntchito yanga, zimawopseza maubale anga, zindiyika m'malo owopsa (ndekha, osandithandizira), komanso zandikhuza kwambiri. Ngakhale ndimadziwa izi, ndidapitilizabe kumwa kwakanthawi, ndipo sindimatha kufotokoza chifukwa chake.

Kumwa osaganizira kwenikweni zotsatira zake ndi mbendera yofiira, ngakhale mutakhala ndi vuto lakumwa kapena ayi. Zimasonyeza kuti ndi nthawi yoti muwonenso ubale wanu ndi mowa.

Ngati kumwa kwanu ndikofunikira kuposa okondedwa anu, ntchito yanu, kapena thanzi lanu, ndi nthawi yoti mupeze thandizo. Izi zitha kukhala kupita kumisonkhano; kwa ine, chinthu chothandiza kwambiri chinali kutsegula kwa wothandizira.

Ngati zotsatira zake zilibe kanthu, ndi nthawi yoti mulandire chithandizo.

2. Kodi ndikunyalanyaza mfundo zimene ndimayendera?

Chinthu chimodzi chomwe ndinganene chokhudza kumwa: Ndikakhala kuti ndikumwa mowa kwambiri, sindimakonda yemwe ndimakhala.

Sindimakonda kuti ndimakhala wabodza, kuchita chilichonse chomwe ndingafune kuti ndipewe kutsutsidwa komanso nkhawa za okondedwa anga. Sindikonda kuti ndimapanga malonjezo omwe ndikudziwa kuti sindidzakwaniritsa. Sindikonda kuti ndimaika zakumwa zakumwa patsogolo pazinthu zina zambiri, zopweteketsa anthu m'moyo wanga.

Kodi mumayendera mfundo ziti? Ndikuganiza kuti munthu aliyense amene amagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala ayenera kudzifunsa funso ili.

Kodi mumayamikira kukhala wachifundo? Kukhala woona mtima? Kukhala woona mtima kwa inu nokha? Ndipo kodi kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kumakusokonezani kuti muzitsatira malamulowo?

Ndipo koposa zonse, kodi kupereka mfundo izi ndikofunika kwa inu?

3. Zotsatira zake ndi zotani? Kodi ndizotheka? Kodi ndikuwongolera?

Nthawi yomaliza yomwe ndidatulutsa zenera pazenera, ndidayamba (mobisa) kumwa mowa wambiri.

Anthu ambiri sadziwa izi za ine, koma ndimakhala kuti thupi langa siligwirizana ndi vinyo. Chifukwa chake, masana adapita motere: Imwani ndekha mpaka ndikadzuka, kudzuka maola angapo pambuyo pake ndikumva zovuta (nthawi zambiri zimakhudza kuyabwa kwambiri), kutenga Benadryl, ndikubwerera kwa maola ena angapo.

Sizosangalatsa ngakhale, momwe kumwa zikuyenera kukhalira, komabe ndidapitiliza.

Ndikuganiza kuti inali njira yothanirana ndi zovuta zosautsa zomwe ndikadakhala nazo. Theka la tsiku likanaphimbidwa kwathunthu, mwina ndi ine nditaledzera kapena ndikudutsa m'nyumba yanga.

Zotsatira zake? Osakhala wamkulu komanso wopanda thanzi. Zonenedweratu? Inde, chifukwa zimapitilizabe kuchitika mosasamala kanthu zomwe ndidakonza koyambirira.

Ndipo ndinali wolamulira? Pomwe ndinkadzidalira ndekha - moona mtima, moona mtima - ndidazindikira kuti mukamakonzekera chinthu chimodzi zotsatira zake ndizosiyana mobwerezabwereza, mwina mumakhala ndi malire kuposa momwe mukuganizira.

Chifukwa chake, tengani miniti kuti muwone zinthu moona. Mukamwa, chimachitika ndi chiyani? Kodi zotsatira zake ndi zoipa kapena zabwino? Ndipo zimachitika monga momwe mudakonzera, kapena kodi nthawi zonse zimawoneka ngati zosalamulirika?

Awa ndi mafunso ofunikira omwe angakuthandizeni kusankha ngati mukufuna kuthandizidwa pazomwe mumagwiritsa ntchito.

4. Kodi okondedwa anga akundiuza chiyani? Ndichoncho chifukwa chiyani?

Anthu ambiri ndikudziwa kuti akutsutsana ndi funsoli. Afuna kudzitchinjiriza ndikutsutsa zomwe aliyense anena.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake pantchitoyi, ndikupemphani kuti mukhale ndi zipilala ziwiri: gawo limodzi pazomwe anthu anena zakumwa kwanu, ndi gawo lina laumboni kapena kulingalira komwe anthu ali nako kuti anene.

Onani kuti palibe gawo lachitatu lotsutsa izi. Pali zipilala ziwiri, ndipo zimayang'ana kwathunthu kwa anthu ena osati tokha komanso zomwe timaganizira.

Kusanthula koona mtima kwamomwe anthu amagwiritsira ntchito mankhwala athu kungatipatse kuzindikira kwamakhalidwe athu komanso ngati tikupanga zisankho zabwino kapena ayi.

Ndizowona kuti nthawi zina, anthu amatha kuwona zoopsa ndi mavuto momveka bwino kuposa momwe tingadziwire tokha.

Khalani omasuka kuyankha izi. Simuyenera kuvomereza, koma muyenera kuvomereza kuti umu ndi momwe anthu ena amamvera - ndikuti kumverera kumeneko kulipo pazifukwa, zifukwa zomwe zitha kutipatsa chidziwitso chofunikira mwa ife tokha.

5. Kodi kumwa kwanga kukufuna kundiuza chiyani?

Patapita nthawi, ndinazindikira kuti kumwa kwambiri ndikulira. Zinatanthawuza kuti kuthana ndi vuto langa sikunali kugwira ntchito, ndipo kukhumudwa kwanga kunali kundiyendetsa kuti ndimwe chifukwa inali njira yosavuta komanso yopezeka mosavuta.

M'malo modzifunsa ngati ndinali chidakwa, ndidayamba kuwona zosowa zomwe ndimapeza ndikumwa, ndipo ndidayamba kudzifunsa ngati zosowazo zitha kukwaniritsidwa m'njira yabwinobwino.

Pazithandizo, ndidazindikira kuti kumwa kwanga kumayesera kundiuza china chake. Zomwezo, kuti ndinalibe thandizo lomwe ndinkafuna kuti ndisankhe bwino. Ndinkalimbana ndi vuto langa la PTSD komanso kukhumudwa, ndipo ndinkadzimva ndekha m'mavuto anga.

Kumwa kunandithandiza kuti ndisamve ululu komanso kusungulumwa. Zinayambitsa mavuto atsopano, kunena zowona, koma mavuto omwe ndidadzipangira ndekha ndikundipatsa chinyengo cha kuwongolera.

Ndinali ndi chizolowezi chodziwononga ndekha komanso kudzivulaza, ndipo kumwa zidakhala zonse ziwiri kwa ine. Kuzindikira izi kunandithandizira kudzimvera chisoni komanso kundithandiza kuzindikira zomwe zimafunika kuti ndisinthe momwe kumwa kumakhalira ndi moyo wanga.

Kumwa kwanu, inunso, kumatha kukhala kukuyesani kukuwuzani china chake chokhudza moyo wanu: china chomwe chikuyenera kusintha kapena zoopsa zomwe sizinachiritse.

Palibe njira zachidule pochira - zomwe zikutanthauza kuti kumwa kumatha kukusokonezerani kwakanthawi kuchokera ku zowawa, koma sikungachiritse.

Kaya mumamwa mowa mwauchidakwa, mumamwa mowa mwauchidakwa, kapena mumangomwa mowa ngati bandeji nthawi ndi nthawi, tonsefe tifunika kuthana ndi "chifukwa" chakumwa osati "chomwe" kapena "ndani."

Ziribe kanthu zomwe timadzitcha tokha kapena amene amatipanga ife, pali kuyitana kozama kuti tiwone chifukwa chake timakopeka ndi izi poyamba.

Mukadzipeza nokha kuti mumakonda kwambiri kudzidziwitsa nokha, nthawi zina ndikofunikira kupatula chidwi chanu kuti muchite zowona zenizeni.

Ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti mafunso ngati awa, ngakhale ali ovuta kuthana nawo, atha kutipangitsa kuti tidziyandikire tokha moona mtima komanso mwachifundo.

Nkhaniyi idawonekera koyamba mu Meyi 2017.

Sam Dylan Finch ndi mkonzi waumoyo ndi matenda ku Healthline. Ndiye blogger kumbuyo kwa Let's Queer Things Up!, Pomwe amalemba za thanzi lam'mutu, kulimbitsa thupi, komanso kudziwika kwa LGBTQ +. Monga loya, ali ndi chidwi chokomera anthu kuti achire. Mutha kumupeza pa Twitter, Instagram, ndi Facebook, kapena phunzirani zambiri pa samdylanfinch.com.