Kodi Maubwenzi Oonekera Amapangitsa Anthu Kukhala Osangalala?

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Kwa ambiri a ife, chilakolako chofuna kukwatirana ndi cholimba. Zitha kupangidwanso mu DNA yathu. Koma kodi chikondi chimatanthauza kusachita chibwenzi kapena kugonana ndi anthu ena?

Zaka zingapo zapitazo, ndinaganiza zotsutsa lingaliro lakuti njira yokhayo yopezera ubale wachikondi ndi wodzipereka ndiyo kukhala ndi mwamuna mmodzi. Mnzanga wapamtima pomwepo ndipo tidaganiza zoyesana. Tidali odzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake, kutchulana wina ndi mnzake ngati chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi, ndipo tonse tidaloledwa kukhala pachibwenzi komanso kucheza ndi anthu ena. Pambuyo pake tinasiyana (pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, zambiri zomwe sizinali zokhudzana ndi kumasuka kwathu), koma kuyambira pamenepo ndakhala ndi chidwi choganiziranso maubwenzi-ndipo zinapezeka kuti sindili ndekha.

Nonmonoga-me-Zochitika Zamakono

Ziwerengero zikuwonetsa kuti pali mabanja opitilira theka la miliyoni omwe ali ndi mabanja ambiri ku U.S., ndipo mu 2010, mabanja pafupifupi 8 miliyoni anali kuchita mwanjira ina. Ngakhale pakati pa okwatirana, maunansi omasuka angakhale opambana; Kafukufuku wina akuwonetsa kuti amapezeka m'mabanja ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

Kwa masiku ano 20- ndi 30-zina, machitidwe awa ali ndi tanthauzo. Oposa 40 peresenti ya zaka zikwizikwi amaganiza kuti ukwati "wayamba ntchito" (poyerekeza ndi 43 peresenti ya Gen Xers, 35 peresenti ya obereketsa ana, ndi 32 peresenti ya anthu azaka 65-kuphatikiza). Ndipo pafupifupi theka la millenials amati amawona kusintha kwamabanja mwabwino, poyerekeza ndi kotala lokha la achikulire omwe adayankha. Mwanjira ina, kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi-ngakhale kusankha koyenera-sikugwira ntchito kwa aliyense.

Izo sizinali kugwira ntchito kwa ine. Ikani mlandu pamaubwenzi apakati paubwana wanga: Pazifukwa zilizonse, m'malingaliro mwanga "kukhala ndi mkazi m'modzi" adalumikizidwa ndi kukhala ndi chuma, nsanje, ndi claustrophobia - osati zomwe munthu amafuna kuchokera kuchikondi chosatha. Ndinkafuna kusamala za munthu wina popanda kudziona kuti ndi wake, ndipo ndinkafuna kuti wina azimva chimodzimodzi. Onjezerani kuti ndikadakhala wosakwatira kwakanthawi (nditakhala pachibwenzi chimodzi kwanthawi yayitali) ndipo -ndine mkazi wokwanira kuvomereza kuti-sindinali wokonzeka kusiya ufulu wocheza ndi alendo . Kupitilira apo, sindinali wotsimikiza zomwe ndimafuna, ndendende, koma ndimadziwa kuti sindimafuna kudzimidwa ndi mnzanga. Chifukwa chake nditayamba chibwenzi ... tiyeni timutche 'Bryce,' ndinadziyang'anira ndekha ndikumva kuwawa, ndinataya manyazi angawo, ndipo ndinayamba kuwafunsa kuti: Kodi mudaganizapo zokhala pachibwenzi?

Maubwenzi otseguka amakhala m'magulu awiri, atero a Greatist Expert ndi mlangizi wazakugonana Ian Kerner: Mabanja atha kukambirana zosagwirizana ndi zomwe ndimachita ndi Bryce, momwe aliyense amakhala ndi ufulu wokhala ndi chibwenzi komanso / kapena kugona ndi anthu akunja. ubale. Kapena maanja angasankhe kusambira, kupita kunja kwa chibwenzi chawo chokha ngati gawo limodzi (kugona ndi anthu ena limodzi, monga atatu kapena ena-ena). Koma magawowa ndi abwino kwambiri, ndipo amasintha kutengera zosowa ndi malire a omwe apatsidwa.

Monogamy = Monotony? - Chifukwa Chiyani Maanja Amakhala Ankhanza

Chinthu chonyenga chokhudza maubwenzi ndikuti onse ndi osiyana, motero palibe "chifukwa chimodzi" chomwe anthu amasankhira njira zina zaubwenzi. Komabe, pali malingaliro osiyanasiyana onena za chifukwa chake kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi sikukwaniritsa konsekonse. Akatswiri ena amati zinayambira pa majini: Pafupifupi 80 peresenti ya anyani ali ndi mitala, ndipo kuyerekezera kofananako kumakhudzanso magulu a anthu osaka nyama. (Komabe, sizothandiza kugwidwa ndi mkangano wa "kodi nzachilengedwe," akutero Kerner: Kusiyanasiyana ndikwachilengedwe, kuposa kukhala ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi.)

Kafukufuku wina akuwonetsa kuti anthu osiyanasiyana ali ndi zosowa zosiyanasiyana kuti akhale ndiubwenzi wokhutiritsa. Mu The Monogamy Gap, Eric Anderson akuwonetsa kuti maubale otseguka amalola anzawo kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo popanda kufunsa wopitilira mmodzi kuti apereke. Palinso chikhalidwe: Kukhulupirika kumasiyana mosiyanasiyana pakati pa zikhalidwe, ndipo umboni ukuwonetsa kuti mayiko omwe ali ndi malingaliro ololera pankhani zakugonana amakhalanso ndi mabanja okhalitsa. M'mayiko aku Nordic, okwatirana ambiri amakambirana momasuka za "maubale ofanana" - kuyambira pazokambirana mpaka nthawi ya tchuthi-ndi anzawo, komabe ukwati umakhalabe bungwe lolemekezedwa. Apanso, wolemba nkhani zachiwerewere Dan Savage akuti nonmonogamy atha kumangofika pachimake kusungulumwa kwakale.

Mwachidule, pali zifukwa zambiri zokhalira osakwatiwa chifukwa pali anthu osakwatiwa-ndipo mmenemo muli vuto. Ngakhale banja lingavomereze kuti sangakwatirane, zifukwa zawo zingakhale zosemphana. Kwa ine, ndimafuna kukhala pachibwenzi chosagwirizana chifukwa ndimafuna kutsutsana ndi malingaliro amtundu wachikondi; Bryce adafuna kukhala pachibwenzi chosakondera chifukwa ndimafuna kukhala m'modzi, ndipo amafuna kukhala ndi ine. Mwina sizosadabwitsa kuti izi zidadzetsa mkangano pakati pathu pomwe ndidayamba kuwona anthu ena. Ngakhale kuti ndinali bwino pamene Bryce ankacheza ndi mnzanga wina aliyense, iye sankaona kuti nanenso ndingachite chimodzimodzi. Izi pamapeto pake zidayambitsa mkwiyo kumbali zonse ziwiri ndi nsanje pa iye-ndipo mwadzidzidzi ndinapezeka kuti ndabwereranso paubwenzi wa claustrophobic, ndikukangana za yemwe anali wake.

Kodi Muyenera Kuyika Mphete? - Malangizo atsopano

N'zosadabwitsa kuti chilombo cha diso lobiriwira chimakhala chovuta kwambiri kwa omwe si amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, mosatengera kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi kapena amuna. Njira yabwino yothetsera? Kukhulupirika. M'maphunziro ambiri, kulumikizana momasuka ndiye koyambitsa kukhutira ndi ubale (izi ndizowona muubwenzi uliwonse), komanso njira yabwino yothanirana ndi nsanje. Kwa maanja omwe akufuna kukhala omasuka, ndikofunikira kuti okwatiranawo afotokoze zosowa zawo ndi kupanga mgwirizano pasadakhale kukumana kulikonse.

Poyang'ana m'mbuyo, ndikadayenera kukhala wowona mtima kwa ine ndekha, ndikuvomereza kuti (ngakhale atanena chiyani) Bryce sanafune kukhala wopanda malingaliro amodzi; zikanatipulumutsa tonsefe ku zowawa. Ndikosavuta kukopeka ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, koma zimafunikira kukhulupirirana, kulumikizana, kutseguka, komanso kuyanjana ndi mnzanu wamkulu-kutanthauza kuti monga kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi, maubwenzi otseguka amatha kukhala ovuta kwambiri, ndipo aliyense. Mwanjira ina, nonmonogamy si tikiti yochokera pamaubwenzi, ndipo itha kukhala gwero lawo. Zitha kukhalanso zosangalatsa, zopindulitsa, komanso zowunikira.

Ngakhale zili choncho, akatswiri atero, ngati banja lingasankhe kukhala pabanja kapena kukhala ndi mkazi mmodzi ayenera kusankha. Anderson analemba kuti, "Ngati palibe vuto loti anthu azigonana mosabisa, amuna ndi akazi ayamba kunena zowona pazomwe akufuna ... komanso momwe angakwaniritsire kukwaniritsa izi."

Kwa ine, masiku ano ndine munthu wamtundu umodzi - zomwe ndidaphunzira pomasuka.

Kodi mwayeserapo kukhala pachibwenzi chomasuka? Kodi mumakhulupirira kuti ubale wokhazikika uli pakati pa anthu awiri osati wina aliyense? Gawani ndemanga pansipa, kapena lembani za wolemba @LauraNewc.

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