Mabwenzi Ozunza Alipodi. Nayi Momwe Mungadziwire Kuti Ndinu Mmodzi

Zamkati

• Tidakhala abwenzi apamtima mwachangu, ndipo kulikonse komwe ndimapita, iwonso amatero.
• Zinkawoneka ngati kukhulupirika kwanga kukuyesedwa ndipo ndalephera.
• Poyamba, ndinkangowiringula. Ndinkaonabe kuti ndili ndi udindo wowachititsa.
• Ngakhale kusiya zomwe zachitikazi kungaoneke ngati kopanda chiyembekezo, pali njira zopumira komanso njira zosiyanasiyana zomwe munthu angatenge poyesa kusiya chibwenzi chozunza.
• Zinanditengera nthawi yayitali kuti ndimvetsetse kuti zomwe ndimakumana nazo zinali kuzunzidwa.
• Mabwenzi ozunza ndi ovuta kuwapeza, makamaka ngati simukuwona zikwangwani.

Muyenera kukhala otetezeka ndi anzanu.

Nthawi zonse pomwe anthu amalankhula za ubale wankhanza pawailesi yakanema kapena ndi anzawo, nthawi zambiri, amangonena za zibwenzi kapena maubale.

Ngakhale m'mbuyomu, ndakumanapo ndi mitundu yonse iwiri ya nkhanza, nthawi ino zinali zosiyana.

Ndipo ngati ndinganene zowona, ndichomwe sindinakonzekere nazo poyamba: Zinali m'manja mwa mnzanga wapamtima kwambiri.

Ndikukumbukira nthawi yoyamba yomwe tinakumana, monga zinali dzulo. Takhala tikusinthana ma tweets amatsenga wina ndi mnzake pa Twitter, ndipo akuwonetsa kuti anali okonda ntchito yanga yolemba.

Munali mu 2011, ndipo ku Toronto, misonkhano ya Twitter (kapena momwe amatchulidwira pa intaneti "ma titter") anali akulu, kotero sindinaganize zambiri. Ndinali wokonzeka kwathunthu kupeza bwenzi latsopano, chifukwa chake tidaganiza zokakumana tsiku limodzi.

Tidakumana, zinali ngati kupita tsiku loyamba. Ngati sizinachitike, palibe vuto, palibe choyipa. Koma nthawi yomweyo tidadina ndikukhala okhwima ngati akuba - {textend} tikumwa mabotolo a vinyo paki, kuphikirana wina ndi mnzake, komanso kupita kumisonkhano pamodzi.

Tidakhala abwenzi apamtima mwachangu, ndipo kulikonse komwe ndimapita, iwonso amatero.

Poyamba, ubale wathu unali wabwino kwambiri. Ndapeza munthu yemwe ndimamasuka kucheza naye, ndipo amathandizira mbali zonse za moyo wanga m'njira yopindulitsa.

Koma titayamba kugawana ziwopsezo zathu, zinthu zinasintha.

Ndinayamba kuzindikira kuti nthawi zambiri ankakulungidwa m'masewero ndi anthu ammudzi mwathu. Poyamba, ndidanyalanyaza. Koma zidawoneka ngati kuti seweroli limatitsata kulikonse komwe tingapite, ndipo momwe ndimayesera kupezeka nawo ndikuwathandiza, zidayamba kundisowetsa mtendere.

Tsiku lina masana titapita ku Starbucks komweko, adayamba kuseka mnzawo wapamtima, kuyesa kunditsimikizira kuti "anali oyipa kwambiri." Koma nditawafotokozera zambiri, adati adangokhala "okhumudwitsa" komanso "ovuta."

Ndinadabwitsidwa, ndidawafotokozera kuti sindimamva choncho - {textend} ndipo pafupifupi ndikukhumudwa, adangondiyang'ana.

Zinkawoneka ngati kukhulupirika kwanga kukuyesedwa ndipo ndalephera.

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, katswiri wa zamaganizidwe ndi ukatswiri wa zamisala adagawana nawo poyankhulana ndi Refinery 29, kuti "Owonetsa magetsi ndi miseche yoyipa."

Ubwenzi wathu utayamba kupita patsogolo, posakhalitsa ndidayamba kuzindikira kuti izi ndi zoona.

Mwezi uliwonse, gulu la anzathu limakumana ndikupanga chakudya chokoma. Titha kupita kumalo odyera osiyanasiyana, kapena kuphikirana. Usiku womwe tikukambiranowu, gulu la anthu 5 tidapita kumalo odyera odziwika bwino achi China mumzinda womwe umadziwika ndi zotayira.

Tikuseka ndikugawana mbale, mnzakeyu adayamba kufotokozera gululo - {textend} mwatsatanetsatane - {textend} zinthu zomwe ndidagawana nawo za mnzanga wakale mwachidaliro.

Ngakhale anthu adadziwa kuti ndidakhala pachibwenzi ndi munthuyu, samadziwa zambiri zaubwenzi wathu, ndipo sindinali wokonzeka kugawana nawo. Sindinayembekezere kuti akadzafafanizidwa ku gulu lonse tsiku lomwelo.

Sindinachite manyazi kokha - {textend} Ndidamva kupusitsidwa.

Zinandipangitsa kudzidera nkhawa ndikundisiya ndikudabwa, “Kodi uyu akunena chiyani za ine ndikakhala kuti palibe? Kodi anthu ena amadziwa chiyani za ine? ”

Pambuyo pake anandiuza chifukwa chomwe anafotokozera nkhaniyi ndi chifukwa chakuti mnzathuyo tsopano anali kulankhula naye ... koma sakanakhoza kupempha chilolezo changa choyamba?

Poyamba, ndinkangowiringula. Ndinkaonabe kuti ndili ndi udindo wowachititsa.

Sindinadziwe kuti zomwe zimachitika ndimayatsa wamafuta kapena nkhanza.

Malinga ndi 2013, achinyamata ndi azaka zapakati pa 20 ndi 35 nthawi zambiri amakhala omwe amazunzidwa. Izi zitha kuphatikizira chilichonse kuyambira pakumenya mawu, kuwongolera, kuwongolera, kudzipatula, kunyoza, kapena kugwiritsa ntchito chidziwitso chapafupi pakuwononga.

Nthawi zambiri, zimatha kuchitika ndi omwe timakhala nawo pachibwenzi chapamtima kuphatikiza maubwenzi.

Ziwerengero zawonetsa kuti kwa anthu 8 pa 100 aliwonse omwe amachitiridwa chipongwe kapena kumenyedwa, wowapwetekayo nthawi zambiri amakhala mnzake wapamtima.

Nthawi zina zizindikirazo zimawonekera ngati tsiku - {textend} ndipo nthawi zina mumatha kumva kuti mukukonzekera izi.

Popeza kuti mikangano pakati pa abwenzi nthawi zina imatha kukhala yayikulu, nthawi zambiri titha kumva kuti kuzunzidwaku si kwenikweni.

Dr Fran Walfish, katswiri wama psychotherap banja komanso ubale ku Beverly Hills, California, amagawana zizindikilo zingapo:

• Mnzako akunamiza. “Mukawapeza akukunamizani mobwerezabwereza, ndimavuto. Ubwenzi wabwino umadalirana, ”akutero Walfish.
• Mnzanu nthawi zonse amakuwonetsani kapena samakuphatikizani. “Ukakumana nawo, amadzitchinjiriza kapena kuloza chala kuti ndi vuto lako. Dzifunseni kuti, bwanji sakuchita izi? ”
• Amakukakamiza kuti upatse mphatso zazikulu, ngati ndalama, kenako ndikuwonetsani kuti mukuganiza kuti ndi "mphatso" kwa iwo osati ngongole.
• Bwenzi lako limangokhala chete, kapena amakupangitsa kuti uzimva chisoni pokudzudzula. Imeneyi ndi njira yozunza omwe amayendetsa mphamvu, Walfish akufotokoza. “Simukufuna kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima pomwe umadziona kuti ndiwe wonyozeka kapena wochepa kuposa mnzako.”
• Mnzanu salemekeza malire anu kapena nthawi yanu.

Ngakhale kusiya zomwe zachitikazi kungaoneke ngati kopanda chiyembekezo, pali njira zopumira komanso njira zosiyanasiyana zomwe munthu angatenge poyesa kusiya chibwenzi chozunza.

Ngakhale kulankhulana momasuka nthawi zambiri kumakhala njira yabwino kwambiri, Dr. Walfish amakhulupirira kuti ndibwino kuti musalimbane ndi omwe akukuzunzani ndikuchoka mwakachetechete.

“Zili ngati kudziika wekha. Mwina akudzudzulani, choncho ndibwino kuti mukhale achisomo. Anthuwa samagwira kukanidwa bwino, ”akufotokoza.

Dr. Gail Saltz, pulofesa wothandizirana ndi matenda amisala ku NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medical and a psychiatrist amagawana ndi Healthline: analowa muubwenzi umenewu ndipo anaulekerera poyambirira kuti apewe kubwerera m'menemo kapena kulowa mumtundu wina wozunza. ”

Dr. Saltz akuwonetsanso kuti muuzeni ena kuphatikiza abwenzi ndi abale anu kuti simukhalanso pafupi ndi munthuyo.

"Auzeni anzanu apabanja kapena abale zomwe zikuchitika ndikuwalolani kuti akuthandizeni kuti mukhale osiyana," akutero.

Amaganiziranso kuti ndikwanzeru kusintha mapasiwedi omwe munthuyu angadziwe, kapena njira zopezera kunyumba kwanu kapena kuntchito.

Ngakhale poyamba zingakhale zovuta kuchoka, ndipo ukakhalapo, ngati ukulira maliro, Dr. Walfish amakhulupirira kuti ungosowa bwenzi lomwe umaganiza kuti uli nalo.

"Ndiye dzitengereni nokha, tsegulani maso anu, ndikuyamba kusankha munthu wina wodalirika kuti mumukhulupirire," akutero. "Kumverera kwanu ndikofunika ndipo muyenera kusankha kwambiri omwe mumakhulupirira."

Zinanditengera nthawi yayitali kuti ndimvetsetse kuti zomwe ndimakumana nazo zinali kuzunzidwa.

Anthu oledzeretsa ali ndi njira yoseketsa yolembedwera nkhaniyo kuti iwoneke ngati ili vuto lanu nthawi zonse.

Nditazindikira kuti zikuchitika, zidakhala ngati dzenje m'mimba mwanga.

Dr. Saltz akuti, "M'mabwenzi ankhanza, nthawi zambiri wina amakhala kuti akumva kuwawa," zomwe adalemba zimabweretsa kudzimva waliwongo, manyazi, kapena kuda nkhawa, makamaka akayesera kuti achoke.

Katswiri wa zamaganizo ndi wolemba Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, pokambirana ndi Women's Health, ananena kuti anthu nthawi zambiri amawona kuwonjezeka kwa "nkhawa, kupweteka mutu, kapena kusokonezeka m'mimba," poyesera kusiya mabwenzi awo oopsa.

Izi zinali zowonadi kwa ine.

Pambuyo pake ndidayamba kuwona wothandizira kuti ndikhale wolimba mtima komanso wolimba mtima kupitilira.

Pamene ndidakumana ndi wondithandizira ndikumufotokozera zina mwazomwe ndimachita poyesa kutuluka muubwenziwu, womwe ena angawone ngati wosavomerezeka ndipo mwina, wonyenga, adandifotokozera kuti sichinali cholakwa changa.

Kumapeto kwa tsikulo, sindinapemphe kuti andizunze ndi munthuyu - {textend} ndipo momwe angayesere kundigwiritsa ntchito, zinali zosavomerezeka.

Anapitilirabe kundifotokozera kuti zomwe ndimachita zinali zomveka pomvera zomwe zinandipangitsa - {textend} ngakhale sizodabwitsa, zomwe zimachitika pambuyo pake zitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito polimbana ndi ine ubwenzi wathu utatha, ndikupangitsa anzathu ena apamtima kuti anditsutse.

Mabwenzi ozunza ndi ovuta kuwapeza, makamaka ngati simukuwona zikwangwani.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kuti tizikambirana momasuka za iwo.

Kusaka mwachangu, ndipo mudzawona anthu akutembenukira kumawebusayiti ngati Reddit kuti afunse mafunso ngati, "Kodi pali chinthu chongaubwenzi kozunza?" kapena "Mungatani kuti musiye kucheza ndi amuna kapena akazi anzanu?"

Chifukwa momwe ziliri pano, ndizochepa kwambiri kunjaku zothandiza anthu.

Inde, abwenzi ozunza ndi chinthu. Ndipo inde, mutha kuchira kuchokera kwa iwo, inunso.

Mabwenzi ankhanza sizongokhala zoseweretsa - {textend} ndi moyo weniweni, ndipo atha kukhala mawonekedwe osokonekera.

Muyenera kukhala ndi maubwenzi abwino, okhutiritsa omwe samakusiyani mukuchita mantha, kuda nkhawa, kapena kuphwanyidwa. Ndipo kusiya chibwenzi chozunza, ngakhale kuli kowawa, kumatha kukupatsani mphamvu pamapeto pake - {textend} ndipo ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi thanzi labwino.

Amanda (Ama) Scriver ndi mtolankhani wodziyimira payokha wodziwika bwino chifukwa chonenepa, mokweza, komanso kufuula pa intaneti. Zinthu zomwe zimamubweretsera chisangalalo ndi milomo yolimba, TV yeniyeni, ndi tchipisi ta mbatata. Ntchito yake yolemba idawonekera pa Leafly, Buzzfeed, The Washington Post, FLARE, The Walrus, ndi Allure. Amakhala ku Toronto, Canada. Mutha kumutsatira Twitter kapena Instagram.