Kukonda Bomba: Zizindikiro 10 za Chikondi Chopambana

Zamkati

• Amakulemetsani ndi mphatso
• Sangathe kusiya kukuyamikirani
• Amakuimbani foni ndi mameseji
• Amafuna chidwi chanu chonse
• Amayesetsa kukutsimikizirani kuti ndinu okonda moyo
• Akufuna kudzipereka ndipo akufuna tsopano
• Amakwiya mukawaikira malire
• Ndi osowa kwambiri
• Mumakhudzidwa ndi kulimbika kwawo
• Mukumva kuti mulibe malire
• Mfundo yofunika

Mukakumana ndi munthu koyamba, kutsitsidwa pamapazi anu kumatha kukhala kosangalatsa komanso kosangalatsa. Kukhala ndi wina akusambitsirani mwachikondi komanso kusilira kumakondweretsa makamaka mukakhala pachiyambi cha chibwenzi chatsopano.

Kuphulitsa mabomba, komabe, ndi nkhani ina. Zimachitika munthu wina akakupondereza ndi mawu achikondi, zochita, ndi machitidwe ngati njira yonyengerera.

"Nthawi zambiri amagwiritsidwa ntchito kuti akwaniritse kukhulupirirana kwanu ndi chikondi chanu kuti athe kukwaniritsa cholinga chawo," akufotokoza a Shirin Peykar, MA, okwatirana ovomerezeka ndi othandizira mabanja.

Nazi zina mwazizindikiro zachikhalidwe za bomba. Ngati mukuzindikira zina mwazi, sizitanthauza kuti mnzanu ndiwowopsa, koma mverani malingaliro anu ngati munthu amene akuyesani kukuyesani akuwoneka kuti ndi wabwino kwambiri kuti sangakhale wowona.

Amakulemetsani ndi mphatso

Kuphulitsa bomba nthawi zambiri kumakhudza manja opita pamwamba, monga kukutumizirani mphatso zosayenera kuntchito kwanu (maluwa ambiri m'malo mwa imodzi, mwachitsanzo) kapena kugula matikiti okwera ndege pa tchuthi, osatenga "ayi" kuti ayankhe.

Zonsezi zingawoneke ngati zopanda vuto, koma mfundo ndikuti akupangitseni kuganiza kuti muli ndi ngongole nawo.

"Nthawi zambiri, kuphulitsa bomba kumachitika ndi wankhanza ndi cholinga chofuna kulowa ndikulamulira munthu yemwe akukondedwayo," akutero mlangizi waluso Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT.

Sangathe kusiya kukuyamikirani

Tonsefe timakhumba kuyamikiridwa, koma kuyamikiridwa nthawi zonse kumatha kupangitsa mutu wanu kuzungulira. Ngati wina akuwonetsa chikondi chake chosatha patangopita nthawi yochepa, ndi mbendera yofiira yomwe mwina malingaliro awo siowona.

Mawu ena wamba, pamwamba omwe angagwiritse ntchito ndi awa:

• "Ndimakonda chilichonse chokhudza inu."
• "Sindinayambe ndakumanapo ndi munthu wangwiro monga iwe."
• "Ndiwe munthu yekhayo amene ndikufuna kucheza naye."

Mwa iwo okha, mawuwa sali owopsa kwenikweni, koma ndikofunikira kuwaganizira pamalingaliro akulu amachitidwe amunthu wina.

Amakuimbani foni ndi mameseji

Amakuimbira foni, kukulembera mameseji, komanso kukulembera uthenga pa TV 24/7. Ngakhale kulumikizana nthawi zonse ndikwachilendo mukakhala pachibwenzi, ndi mbendera yofiira ngati kulumikizana kumamvana mbali imodzi ndipo kumakula kwambiri.

Onetsetsani ngati ayamba kukutumizirani mameseji m'mawa ndi ola lililonse.

Amafuna chidwi chanu chonse

Pamene chidwi chanu sichili pa munthu wina, atha kukwiya. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati kudandaula mukamaimbira foni anzanu kapena kukana kuchoka mukanena kuti muyenera kukhala kuntchito molawirira tsiku lotsatira.

"Chikondi chenicheni sichimafuna nthawi ndi mphamvu zanu zonse kuzilingalira iwo okha," Westbrook akutsindika. "Amalemekeza zomwe akuchita, malingaliro, komanso malire."

Amayesetsa kukutsimikizirani kuti ndinu okonda moyo

Kukuwuzani kuti adalota kuti Mulungu wawauza kuti inu nonse mukwatirane ndi njira yabodza. Ngati zomwe akunena sizimveka mu kanema, samalani, Westbrook akuti. "Hollywood ndiyabwino posangalatsa, koma chikondi chenicheni ndi maubale sizimawoneka ngati makanema."

Zina zomwe atha kunena:

• "Tinabadwira kuti tizikhala limodzi."
• "Ndi tsoka lomwe tidakumana."
• “Mumandimvetsetsa kuposa aliyense.”
• "Ndife okonda moyo."

Akufuna kudzipereka ndipo akufuna tsopano

Wophulitsa chikondi angakukakamizeni kuti muchite zinthu mopupuluma ndikukonzekera tsogolo lanu. Adzatchula zinthu monga ukwati kapena kusamukira limodzi mukakhala kuti mwadziwana kwakanthawi kochepa.

Chofunika kukumbukira, malinga ndi Westbrook, ndikuti maubale enieni amatenga nthawi kuti apange. "Ndizokayikitsa kuti munthuyo angakukondeni kuposa china chilichonse padziko lapansi m'masabata awiri. Kapena masiku awiri. Kapena maola awiri. Kapena miyezi iwiri, ”akufotokoza.

Amakwiya mukawaikira malire

Mukayesa kuwauza kuti achepetse, apitilizabe kuyesa kukupusitsani kuti mupeze zomwe akufuna. Wina amene amasamala, komano, adzalemekeza zofuna zanu ndikubwerera m'mbuyo.

"Oponya mabomba achikondi amakhumudwitsanso malire aliwonse okhudzana ndi mwayi wofika kwa inu kapena mukuvomera kuwonetsa kwawo 'chikondi,' akutero Westbrook. "Zili ngati tsunami wachikondi ndipo akuyembekeza kuti muvomereze zonse."

Ndi osowa kwambiri

Ngakhale mutakhala ndi nthawi yayitali bwanji komanso mwayi wopeza, sizikuwoneka zokwanira. Koma dzifunseni nokha: Kodi mukuwombera anzanu chifukwa sangathe kuyima okha? Kapena mumamva kuti mukuyenera kuyankha lemba lililonse chifukwa adakupatsirani iPhone yamtengo wapatali?

Wina wa poizoni angakupangitseni kumva kuti muli nawo ngongole kuti azikudalirani usana ndi usiku.

Mumakhudzidwa ndi kulimbika kwawo

Samakana konse chithumwa ndipo amawoneka ngati akuthamanga pazitsulo zonse mukakhala nawo. Simudziwa zomwe mungayembekezere kuchokera mphindi imodzi kupita kwina ndikudzimva kuti mukukakamizidwa kuti muwawone usana ndi usiku.

Chikondi chovomerezeka chimakhala ndi zotsika, koma ndi chaulemu komanso chopanda malire, akutero Westbrook. Ndi odekha, okoma mtima komanso odekha. ”

Mukumva kuti mulibe malire

Kukhala wophulitsidwa ndi bomba kumatha kukhala choledzeretsa poyamba, koma mutha kumvanso kuti simukukhulupirira, kudikirira kuti nsapato inayo igwe.

Samalani ndi nkhawa izi, akutero Westbrook. "Ndikofunika kuti muzolowere kudziwa kwanu, kuti mudziwe zambiri m'malo motengeka ndi njira zopangira mabomba."

Mfundo yofunika

Ngati mukuyamba kwa chibwenzi ndipo chilichonse chikuwoneka ngati chikuchitika posachedwa, fufuzani ndi matumbo anu. Kumbukirani: Kugwa mchikondi kuyenera kusungidwa, osafulumira.

Ngati mukuda nkhawa kuti mnzanu wapita kudera lamankhwala osokoneza bongo, yesetsani kufikira mnzanu wodalirika, wachibale wanu, kapena othandizira azaumoyo omwe angakuthandizeni kuwunika machitidwe awo.

Muthanso kuwona zinthu zomwe zili pansipa kuti muwone zambiri potsatira:

• Chikondi ndi Ulemu ndi foni yothandizira miseche yadziko lonse yomwe imapereka chithandizo ndikudziwitsa za maubwenzi osayenera ndi machitidwe.
• Chikondi Chimodzi ndi maziko omwe amathandizira kuthetsa kuzunza.

Cindy Lamothe ndi mtolankhani wodziyimira pawokha wokhala ku Guatemala. Amalemba zambiri zamalumikizidwe pakati pa thanzi, ukhondo, ndi sayansi yamakhalidwe amunthu. Adalembedwera The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, ndi ena ambiri. Pezani iye pa cindylowa.it.