Momwe Mungachitire ndi Ubwenzi Umodzi

Zamkati

• Momwe Mungasankhire Bwenzi Limodzi
• Kukana Kuganiziridwa
• Makonda Aubwenzi, Ndi zina.
• Kusamvana Osalankhula
• Sankhani Ngati Mungalimbane ndi Vutoli
• Momwe Mungachiritsire Ubwenzi Wambali Imodzi
• Onaninso za

Munthawi yomwe kufunikira kokhala kutali kwakhala kokulirapo usiku wa atsikana ambiri, kukhalabe ndi mabwenzi, makamaka ndi omwe mumangokhala "oyandikana nawo" kungakhale kovuta. Mwakutero, nthawi zina abwenzi amangoyenda pang'ono - zomwe ndizofala kapena popanda mliri. Komabe, mbola yaubwenzi wotayika kapena wa mbali imodzi, ngakhale pakati pa omwe mumadziwana nawo, imatha kukusiyani mukumva kuwawa, kukhumudwa, mwinanso kusokonezeka pang'ono.

Mnzanu akapanda kugwiritsira ntchito nthawi yochuluka kapena kuyesetsa kuchita chibwenzi chanu monga kale (kapena, ngati mukunena zowona nokha), ndikosavuta kutanthauzira izi ngati kukana, atero a Danielle Bayard Jackson, ku Florida bwenzi mphunzitsi komanso woyambitsa Friend Forward. Kutulutsidwa motere kwa bwenzi kumatha kumva ngati zowawa zakukanidwa ndi yemwe ungakhale kapena wokonda kale, atero a Han Ren, Ph.D., katswiri wazamisala wokhala ku Austin, Texas. Kuonjezera apo, kafukufuku amasonyeza kuti kuchotsedwa ndi mnzanu kungayambitse madera omwewo a ubongo omwe amachotsedwa ndi ululu wakuthupi. Kutanthauzira: Zimayamwa kwambiri.

Ngakhale munthuyo sakukwiyirani, "monga anthu, timakhala ndi chizoloŵezi chopanga zinthu zathu ndikuzipanga za ife," akutero Ren. N’chifukwa chake anthu ena amakhumudwa kwambiri chifukwa cha ubwenzi wa mbali imodzi. (Zogwirizana: Sayansi Ikuti Ubwenzi Ndiwo Chinsinsi Chokhala Ndi Moyo Wosatha ndi Chimwemwe)

Kukula komwe mungasankhe kuthamangitsidwa kumadalira pazinthu zambiri kuphatikizapo zowawa zakale kapena maubale, atero Ren. Mwachitsanzo, chifukwa cha zomwe zidachitika m'mbuyomu ndikukanidwa, mutha kupeza kuti mumakonda kufunafuna zina kuchokera kwa ena (IRL kapena pa intaneti) kuti mumve kuti ndinu oyenera kucheza nawo kapena anthu omwe mukufuna kukhala nawo, akufotokoza Cortney Beasley, Psy.D , Katswiri wazamisala wazovomerezeka ku San Francisco, CA komanso woyambitsa Put In Black, nsanja yapaintaneti yomwe cholinga chake ndi kuwononga machitidwe azaumoyo ndi thanzi la anthu akuda. Koma "kuyenerera kwanu monga munthu sikudziwika ndi anthu ena," akuwonjezera. Kuyika kwambiri zomwe ena amaganiza za inu kumatha kukhala kovulaza thanzi lanu komanso kudzidalira, komanso kulimbikitsa nkhawa, kupsinjika, ndi kukhumudwa

Chifukwa chake, mungatani kuti mulumikizane ndi anzanu kapena zomwe mumamva ngati kukanidwa ndi munthu amene mumati ndi bwenzi lanu? Choyamba, dziwani kuti momwe mukumvera zilidi zomveka, koma pakhoza kukhala zambiri pankhaniyi. Umu ndi momwe mungavumbulutsire zomwe zalakwika, sankhani ngati ubalewo uyenera kupulumutsidwa, ndikukonzekera ndikupitilira.

Momwe Mungasankhire Bwenzi Limodzi

Musanafike pamapeto (olakwa!), Mudzafunika kudziwa zomwe zili pachibwenzi chanu. Mutha kudabwa mutazindikira kuti mnzanu akusowa zikwangwani kapena kungodutsa zinthu zawo RN.

Kukana Kuganiziridwa

Bwenzi lanu mwina silikuyesera kukupatsani mzimu, akutero a Jackson. Sikuti aliyense adzakwaniritsa zomwe mukuyembekezera, kunena, kuyambitsa zokambirana kapena nthawi yoyankhira, kuti muthe kutanthauzira molakwika kusiyana kumeneku ngati kukana, kapena zomwe amachitcha "kuyerekezera kukanidwa." M'malo mwake, mnzanu akhoza kukhala kuti akuvutika kuti azolowere kusunga maubale panthawi yopatula kapena kuthana ndi vuto lina lomwe likuwagawa chidwi. "Simukumana ndi anzanu komanso ogwira nawo ntchito m'malo omwe mumakhala nawo," akutero a Jackson. "Tsopano, ngati mnzanu akufuna kukuwonani kapena kuyankhula nanu, ayenera kupanga pulani ndikuwononga nthawi." Mliriwu ukukakamiza anthu kuti aganizire zaubale wawo ndi zomwe zimafunika kuti ziwalimbikitse. (Yokhudzana: Momwe Mungachitire ndi Kusungulumwa Ngati Mumadzipatula Pa Nthawi Ya Coronavirus)

Makonda Aubwenzi, Ndi zina.

Komabe, pali nthawi zina pomwe zikuwonekeratu kuti wina sakufunanso kuika patsogolo ubale wanu. Mvetsetsani kuti izi sizikukhudzana ndi inu kapena zoyesayesa zanu, atero a Jackson. Inu ndi mnzanu mungakhale ndi zofunika zosiyana kapena mungakhale pamikhalidwe yosiyana. Mabwenzi omwe akutuluka ndikulekana ndikofala - amatchedwa mzake pamapeto pake - ngakhale sizimapangitsanso pang'ono. Mnzanu atha kukhala kuti akukumana ndi nthawi yovuta kapena matenda amisala, ndipo alibe mwayi woti agwiritse ntchito ndalama kwa ena. Ngati ndiubwenzi watsopano, munthuyo amatha kulowetsedwa m'malo osatsegula malumikizidwe atsopano. (Zokhudzana: Momwe Mungapangire Mabwenzi Monga Achikulire - Ndipo Chifukwa Chake Ndi Chofunika Kwambiri Pathanzi Lanu)

Pomaliza, chowonadi chowawa ndichakuti si aliyense amene angakukondeni ndipo zili bwino. Makhalidwe ena samalumikizana bwino, ndipo kukakamiza kucheza sikungakupangitseni kukhala osangalala pamapeto pake.

Kusamvana Osalankhula

Pakhoza kukhala chifukwa chomveka cholumikizira: kusamvana.

Ngakhale bwenzi lanu sakakufunsani za vuto linalake, mutha kudziwa kuti ali ndi vuto ngati mwadzidzidzi ali kutali komanso akutali, akuchita nkhanza, kapena kukusalani mwadala pazochitika kapena akakuitanani, Ren atero. Komabe, sizachilendo kuphonya ma sign awa momwe mnzanu angapewere mkangano poyesezera kuti zonse zili bwino. Munthuyo angachite bwino kusiya chibwenzicho mwakachetechete m’malo mothetsa nkhaniyo. "Kukhala m'dziko lino momwe mumatha kupeza zinthu zambiri, ndikosavuta kuti anthu azimva kuti sayenera kuyika ntchito kapena kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe zingabwere chifukwa chokhala pachibwenzi chifukwa amatha kupita kukakumana ndi anthu ena ,” akufotokoza motero Beasley.

Sankhani Ngati Mungalimbane ndi Vutoli

Zilizonse zomwe zingayambitse kusamvana - kusalumikizana molakwika, kutanthauzira molakwika, kusasunga nthawi, zoyambira zosiyana, kapena kusamvana - njira yokhayo yodziwira zomwe zachitika ndikulankhula ndi mnzanu mwachindunji. Koma inu muyenera kutero? Kodi izi zitsekedwa? Kukonza ubwenzi? Kapena kuchita zoipa kuposa zabwino?

Zinthu zingapo zomwe muyenera kuziganizira, malinga ndi Ren:

• Kodi mumakhala ndi chiwongolero chazamalonda zokambirana izi?
• Kodi ndinu wokonzeka kuwonjezera mphamvu ndi khama kuti mukhale ndi ubwenzi umenewu?
• Kodi mnzanuyo angakambirane nanu zimenezi? Ngati ndi choncho, kodi adzakhala oona mtima?
• Kodi mukufuna munthuyu m'moyo wanu mtsogolo? Ngati ndi choncho, chifukwa chiyani?

Kumbukirani kuti mnzanu sangakhale wofunitsitsa kuwulutsa mpweya kapena akhoza kutsuka momwe mukumvera mukalankhula, ndiye kuti mwina simungapeze kutseka kapena mayankho omwe mumayembekezera.

Ngati mufikira, ndipo mnzanuyo avomera kuti mucheze, mukufuna kufotokoza momwe mukumvera popanda kuyika udindo kwa mnzanu, akutero Beasley. Kunena zinthu monga "Ndikumva chisoni chifukwa sitikuchezetsa nthawi. Sindikufuna kuti muzimva kuti muli ndi udindo, ndimangofuna kuona ngati pali chilichonse chomwe tingakambirane chomwe chingathandize vutoli" kungayambitse zinthu, akutero. Ngati mungathe kukonza ubwenzi, chachikulu, koma "mukhoza kufika pozindikira kuti uyu si munthu yemwe ndi munthu wanga, uyu si munthu amene ndikufuna kubweretsa tsogolo langa, kapena ubalewu sunditumikira monga umboni momwe adayankhira poyesa kukonza, "atero a Ren. (Zogwirizana: Kodi Mnzanu Ndi 'Vampire Wotengeka'? Apa ndi Momwe Mungachitire ndi Ubwenzi Wowopsa)

Momwe Mungachiritsire Ubwenzi Wambali Imodzi

Kaya ubwenzi wanu ukupitilira kapena ayi kapena mutapeza chisankho, kukhumudwitsana kukukhalabe. Mwamwayi, mutha kuyika zowawa kumbuyo kwanu ndikulimbikira pang'ono ndikudzikonda. Apa, maupangiri angapo akatswiri akuthandizani kuti muyambe njira yopita kuchiritso.

Zindikirani momwe akumvera.

Kupsinjika maganizo kumakhala ndi zotulukapo zokakamira, monga kukwiyitsidwa molakwika kapena kukwiya komwe kumatha kuwonekera mwanjira zina kapena kukhudza maubwenzi ena, akutero Ren. M'malo mwake, zindikirani zomwe zimachitika mukamayanjana (kapena kusowa) ndi mnzanuyu, ndikuvomereza momwe mumamvera - kusokonekera? zachisoni? wokwiya?

Kenako, chitani chilichonse chomwe muyenera kuchita, kaya ndikulira kapena kungokhala chete. Khalani oleza mtima ndi inu nokha, kulola nthawi yokwanira kuti izi zikhale chete, kenako ndikudutsa. Mutha kulingalira zolankhula ndi mnzanu kapena wothandizira kapena yesetsani kulemba mu nyuzipepala ngati njira yoti mutulutse zolemetsazi. (Zokhudzana: Chinthu Chimodzi Chomwe Mungachite Kuti Mukhale Wokoma Mtima Kwa Inu Panopa)

Sinthani nkhani yoyipa.

Ngakhale kuti n’zachibadwa kumva ngati ndinu wolakwa penapake paubwenzi wa mbali imodzi, kupitiriza kumatanthauza kusintha nkhaniyo, akutero Jackson.

Yambani kuwona mukamadzilankhula nokha, monga 'ndidayankhula kwambiri?' kapena 'sindili wokwanira?' Zindikirani ngati mukuwongolera malingaliro awa.

Ngati kudzilankhula kolakwika kukuseweredwa mobwerezabwereza m'mutu mwanu, yesani kuyimba m'malo mwake, akutero Ren. “N’kovuta kudziona ngati wofunika kwambiri pamene mukuimba nyimbo yakuti ‘Ndine wopanda pake’ kapena ‘ndine munthu woipa.’” Mudzazindikira kuti zimenezo zikumveka zopusa ndipo simukuzikhulupirira.

Lumikizananinso ndi ena.

M'malo moyesa "kutenga" bwenzi ili, yang'anani kungolumikizana ndi ena. Khalani ndi nthawi ndi anthu omwe mumadziwa kuti mungawadalire (mwachitsanzo, msuwani wodalirika kapena bwenzi lanu pasukulu yasekondale) kuti mudzikumbukire za kufunika kwanu monga bwenzi komanso wachinsinsi, atero a Jackson. Mudzakumbutsidwa za kumasuka komwe kumabwera chifukwa cha maubale odzipereka.

Ganizirani zomwe mwina mwaphunzira.

Mungadabwe kuti pali zinthu zina zabwino zomwe zimatuluka muubwenzi wosiyidwa wa mbali imodzi, akutero Ren. Choyamba, chisoni ndi chisoni zikuwonetsa kuti ubale womwe mudataya unali wofunikira kwa inu. Izi zimakulolani kuti muyambe kuganizira za makhalidwe omwe mumawakonda, kotero mutha kuzifufuza muubwenzi uliwonse wamtsogolo, akutero Beasley. Gwiritsitsani chikumbutso chodalirika kuti chochitika chovutikachi chaubwenzi umodzi sichimafotokozera momwe bwenzi lanu lotsatira lidzayendere.

Onaninso za