Onani Momwe Ubale Umasinthira Mukakhala Ndi Mwana

Zamkati

• Mwana wakhanda, watsopano iwe, zonse zatsopano
• "Ngati simukuchita kalikonse, chibwenzicho chidzawonongeka - mudzakhala makolo anzanu mukukangana pazantchito. Muyenera kuyika ntchito yolumikizana kuti isasinthe, ndipo chitani khama kwambiri kuti musinthe. "
• 1. Kuyankhulana kumakhala kogulitsa
• 2. Mumasowa zomwe mumachita zokha akale (ndipo zili bwino)
• 3. Zokhumudwitsa za mwana ndizowona - ndipo zimapangitsa chilichonse kukhala chovuta
• 4. Kugonana - chiani kugonana?
• 5. Kugawa magawidwesizovuta
• 6. Kusowa kwa Nthawi ya 'ine'
• 7. Masitaelo osiyanasiyana olera imatha kuwonjezera kupsinjika
• 8. Koma Hei, ndinu wamphamvu chifukwa chake

Koma si zoipa zonse. Nazi njira zomwe zakhala zikuchitika-zomwe makolo adakumana nazo zovuta.

“Tisanakhale ndi mwana wamwamuna Tom, moona sitinalimbane. Kenako tinakhala ndi mwana, ndipo tinkalimbana nthawi zonse, "akutero a Jancee Dunn, mayi ndi wolemba, yemwe adapitiliza kulemba buku lotchedwa" Momwe Osayenera Kudana Ndi Mwamuna Wanu Atatha Ana. " Ngati gawo lililonse la nkhani ya Dunn likumveka bwino - kumenyana kapena kudana - simuli nokha.

Mwana wakhanda, watsopano iwe, zonse zatsopano

Kholo likhoza kutero kwenikweni sinthani chibwenzi. Kupatula apo, uli ndi nkhawa, umagona tulo, ndipo sungayikenso ubale wako patsogolo - osatinso pamene uli ndi mwana wakhanda wopanda thandizo kuti umusamalire.

"Tikudziwa kuchokera kufufuzidwe kuti chibwenzi chomwe sichimayang'aniridwa chitha kukulirakulira," akutero a Tracy K. Ross, a LCSW, mabanja ndi othandizira mabanja ku Redesigning Relationships ku New York City. Iye akuwonjezera kuti:

"Ngati simukuchita kalikonse, chibwenzicho chidzawonongeka - mudzakhala makolo anzanu mukukangana pazantchito. Muyenera kuyika ntchito yolumikizana kuti isasinthe, ndipo chitani khama kwambiri kuti musinthe. "

Izi zikumveka ngati zochuluka, makamaka mukakhala kuti mukukumana ndi kusintha kwakukulu. Koma zimathandiza kudziwa kuti njira zambiri zomwe ubale wanu ukusinthira ndizabwinobwino komanso kuti pali zinthu zomwe mungachite kuti muzigwiritsa ntchito.

Izi ndi njira zina zomwe zibwenzi zimasinthira banja litakhala kholo.

1. Kuyankhulana kumakhala kogulitsa

"Ine ndi amuna anga tinkasinthana kugona, chifukwa chake ... tinkangolankhulana," akutero a Jaclyn Langenkamp, ​​amayi ku Hilliard, Ohio, omwe amalankhula ndi Amayi Odala. “Pamene ife anali kuyankhulana, kunali kunena kuti, 'Pitani munditengere botolo' kapena 'Ndi nthawi yanu kuti mumugwire ndikasamba.' Zokambirana zathu zinali ngati zofuna, ndipo tonse tinakwiya wina ndi mnzake. "

Mukamasamalira mwana wakhanda wovuta, mumangokhala mulibe nthawi ndi mphamvu yochitira zinthu zonse zomwe zimapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wolimba.

"Maubwenzi amasangalala nthawi yomwe timakhala limodzi, kumuganizira munthu ameneyo ndikulumikizana ndikuwamvera," akutero Ross. “Muyenera kuyika patsogolo - osati milungu isanu ndi umodzi yoyambirira ya moyo wa mwana - koma pambuyo pake muyenera kupeza nthawi yocheza ndi wokondedwa wanu, ngakhale itakhala kanthawi kochepa kuti muwonane komanso osalankhula za mwanayo. ”

Izi zitha kutanthauza kukonzekera, monga kukhala ndi mwana, kukhala ndi wachibale kumayang'ana mwanayo, kapena kukonzekera kucheza limodzi mwanayo atagona usiku - akagona nthawi yodziwikiratu, ndiye kuti.

Izi ndizosavuta kuzinena kuposa kuzichita, koma ngakhale kuyenda kanthawi pang'ono palimodzi kapena kudya limodzi kungathandize kwambiri kuti inu ndi mnzanu muzilumikizana komanso kulumikizana.

2. Mumasowa zomwe mumachita zokha akale (ndipo zili bwino)

Kupanga kulumikizanako kumawoneka kosiyana kwambiri mutakhala ndi mwana. Muyenera kuti mumangopita kukacheza usiku kuti mukayesere malo odyera atsopanowo kapena kukayenda limodzi kumapeto kwa sabata limodzi.

Koma tsopano, lingaliro lokhalitsa lomwe limapangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wosangalatsa ndilabwino kwambiri pazenera. Ndipo kukonzekera kukonzekera kupita kokayenda kumafunikira kukonzekera ndi kukonzekera (mabotolo, zikwama za thewera, osamalira ana, ndi zina zambiri).

"Ndikuwona kuti ndibwino kukhala ndi nthawi yolira momwe mumatsanzikana ndi moyo wanu wakale, wopondanso kwambiri," akutero Dunn. "Ndipo khalani ndi malingaliro olingalira za njira zolumikizirana, ngakhale pang'ono, ndi moyo wanu wakale. Ine ndi amuna anga timatenga mphindi 15 tsiku lililonse kuti tikambirane chilichonse kupatula mwana wathu wamwamuna ndi wachiphamaso monga momwe tikufunira matawulo ambiri. Timayesetsa kuchitira zinthu zatsopano limodzi - sikuyenera kukhala pamlengalenga, titha kukhala ndikuyesera malo odyera atsopano. Kuyesa zinthu zatsopano kumakumbutsa za moyo wathu usanakhale mwana. ”

Ndipo zili bwino kuti musinthe momwe mumaganizira zocheza limodzi ndikukhala mtundu wa anthu omwe amakonzekereratu. Heck, khalani ndi nthawi yolumikizana kalendala kuti muzitsatira.

"Khalani ndi pulani, koma khalani ndi mapulani," akutero Ross. "Dzikumbutseni kuti ndinu achikulire awiri omwe mumacheza limodzi chifukwa mumakonda kucheza."

Langenkamp akuti iye ndi mwamuna wake nawonso, patapita nthawi, adazindikira momwe angapangire nthawi yocheza ndi mwana.

"Ngakhale kuti nthawi yathu yabwino yocheza mwina singafanane ndi yomwe anali nayo mwana wathu asanakhaleko, timayesetsa kukhala ndi cholinga chopeza nthawi yocheza nawo," akutero a Langenkamp. "M'malo mothawa kumapeto kwa sabata, timakhala ndi sabata 'yopanda ntchito'. M'malo mopita kukadya ndi kanema, timayitanitsa chakudya chamadzulo, ndikuwonera kanema wa Netflix. Sitimasiya ntchito zathu zaubereki, koma timasangalala nazo - kapena nthawi zina timangozichita limodzi. ”

3. Zokhumudwitsa za mwana ndizowona - ndipo zimapangitsa chilichonse kukhala chovuta

Ndipo kodi titha kuyankhulapo zamalingaliro obereka pambuyo pobereka? Ngakhale mutakhala kuti simumakhala ndi nkhawa pambuyo pobereka kapena mumakhala ndi nkhawa, mumakhala ndi nkhawa zambiri - amayi 80 pa 100 aliwonse omwe amakhala ndi pakati amakhala osasangalala. Tisaiwale za abambo omwe amathanso kukhumudwa pambuyo pobereka.

"Ndikulakalaka wina atandikokera pambali ndikundiuza, 'Mverani, zikhala zovuta kuti musamayende," atero Amna Husain, MD, FAAP, yemwe ndi mayi wa mwana komanso woyambitsa Pure Direct Matenda.

"Aliyense amakonzekera kuti usamagone koma palibe amene akuti," O, thupi lanu likhala lopweteka kwakanthawi. 'Zikhala zovuta kupita kuchimbudzi. Kudzakhala kovuta kudzuka. Zikhala zovuta kuvala mathalauza. "

Chifukwa chake pakati pa kusintha kwama mahomoni, kusowa tulo, ndi zovuta zomwe zimadza ndi mwana wakhanda, sizosadabwitsa kuti mutha kudzipezera nokha kwa mnzanu ndikuziika pansi pazomwe mukufuna.

Dziwani kuti zizindikirazi ziyenera kukhala zosakhalitsa - ngati zikuwoneka kuti zikusintha, lankhulani ndi dokotala nthawi yomweyo. Pakadali pano, chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuyankhula mokoma mtima ndi mnzanuyo.

4. Kugonana - chiani kugonana?

Pankhani yogonana, mwapeza zonse zomwe takhala tikunena pano zikukutsutsani. Ulibe nthawi, thupi lako ndi lobvutitsa ndipo umakwiyitsidwa ndi mnzako.

Kuphatikiza apo, kuphimbidwa ndi malovu ndi kusintha matewera 12 onyansa patsiku sikukuyikani mumtima. Ngati mukuyamwitsa, mutha kukumana ndi nyini zomwe zikutanthauza kuti chikhumbo chanu mwina chimakhala chochepa. Koma kugonana kungakhale njira yabwino yolumikizirana ndikukhala kanthawi kochepa ndi mnzanu.

Kumbukirani: Pankhani yogonana ndibwino kuti muzichedwa. Chifukwa chakuti dokotala wakupatsani nyali yobiriwira sizitanthauza kuti muyenera kuthamangira.

"Njira imodzi yoti maanja awonetsetse kuti kusowa kwa chiwerewere sikungokhala kwamuyaya ndikupanga dala chibwenzi kukhala chinthu chofunikira kwambiri," akutero a Lana Banegas, LMFT, wothandizira okwatirana ndi mabanja omwe amachita ku The Marriage Point ku Marietta, Georgia.

Awa ndimalo ena omwe ntchito zonse zomwe mukuchita polumikizana komanso kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi limodzi ndizofunikira.

Fran Walfish, PsyD, banja komanso ubale wamaganizidwe komanso wolemba "The Self-Aware Parent," amachenjeza kuti "kuchepa kwa kugonana, kuwonetseratu, komanso kugonana nthawi zambiri kumawoneka ngati kulumikizana koyipa komanso kusamvana pang'ono pang'ono komwe kungamange pakati pa banjali."

Kuti abwerere m'chipinda chogona, amalimbikitsa maanja kuti azipeza nthawi yogonana ndikupeza njira zochitira mwana wawo akakhala kunyumba, monga nthawi yakugona.

Ndipo motsimikizika pitani ku lube.

5. Kugawa magawidwesizovuta

Paubwenzi uliwonse, munthu m'modzi akhoza kukakamizidwa kuti atenge udindo wolera ana kuposa winayo. Izi zingachititse kuti munthuyo asamasangalale ndi mnzake.

Akufufuza za buku lake, Dunn anapeza kuti “amayi ambiri amakwiya amuna awo akamakusuzumira pamene mwana walira usiku.” Koma kafukufuku wofufuza akuwonetsa kuti ichi ndi chikhalidwe chosinthika.

Wolemba National Institutes of Health, "Kufufuza kwaubongo kunawonetsa kuti, mwa azimayiwo, machitidwe aubongo adasinthira modzidzimutsa akamva kulira kwa khanda, pomwe ubongo wa amuna udatsalira pakupuma. "

Izi zimakhala zomveka kwambiri.

Chifukwa chake pomwe mnzake m'modzi sangakhale kuyesera kusiya ntchito ina kwa munthu winayo - monga kudzuka ndi mwana pakati pausiku - zitha kuchitika. Apa ndipomwe momveka ndi okoma mtima kulankhulana ndikofunika. Kukhala ndi macheza apansi kuti muganizire momwe mungagwirire ntchito zolera zitha kukhala zothandiza kwambiri komanso kupewa mikangano.

Kumenya mnzanu ndi pilo kuti adzuke pakati pausiku, pomwe akuyesa, sikothandiza.

"Ndikuganiza kuti ndikofunikira kuthana nazo," akutero a Husain. "Ndikuganiza kuti titha kukhala ndi mlandu poganiza kuti munthu wina atiwerenga zomwe tikuganiza." Khalani ndi pulani komanso khalani osinthasintha, popeza sizinthu zonse zomwe sizingachitike.

Mwachitsanzo, a Husain ati mwana wawo adabadwa pomwe amaliza kukhala kwawo, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti nthawi zambiri amaitanidwa ngati dokotala. Iye anati: "Mwamuna wanga amagona pafupi ndi khola la mwana ndikamaitana." "Mwanjira imeneyi, amadzuka koyamba ndikumusamalira."

Husain akuti nthawi zambiri amamva kumangirizidwa ndi mpando akamayamwitsa, makamaka mwana wake akamakula ndikukula nthawi zambiri. Nthawi imeneyo, zinali zofunika kwa iye kuti mwamuna wake azigwira ntchito zomwe sangathe.

Amanenanso kuti amayi omwe amagwira ntchito omwe amapopa amafunsa anzawo kuti asambe kutsuka, chifukwa kudzipopera kumatha kukhala kopanikiza komanso kutenga nthawi kuchokera tsiku lake lotanganidwa - iyi ndi ntchito yofananira yomwe mnzake angatenge kuti achepetse katundu wake.

"Ndikofunika kusamalirana, kuyesetsa kukhala opambana momwe mungathere wina ndi mnzake. Ziyang'ane motere, "akutero a Ross. “Sikuti mumangogawa ntchito zapakhomo. Tizingoyang'ana ngati, 'Tili mgulu ili.' ”

6. Kusowa kwa Nthawi ya 'ine'

Sikuti nthawi yanu yocheza imangosintha mukakhala ndi ana, nthawi yanu inunso mumakonda. M'malo mwake, mwina simungakhale nawo zilizonse.

Koma Ross akuti ndikofunika kufunsana nthawi yomwe muyenera kudzisamalira komanso kuti muthandizane.

"Palibe vuto kufuna nthawi yako wekha, kupita kokachita masewera olimbitsa thupi kapena kukawona anzako kapena kungopita kukakonza misomali yako," akutero Ross. "Makolo atsopano ayenera kuwonjezera gawo pazokambirana: 'Kodi tidzakhala bwanji ndi kudzisamalira? Kodi aliyense azisamalira bwanji? '”

Nthawi yopuma ndi nthawi yoti mumve ngati mwana wanu asanabadwe imatha kukuthandizani kuti mukhale abwenzi abwino komanso makolo abwino.

7. Masitaelo osiyanasiyana olera imatha kuwonjezera kupsinjika

Mutha kupeza kuti inu ndi kholo lanu limasiyana ndipo ndizabwino, atero a Ross. Mutha kuyankhula zakusamvana kwakukulu ndikupanga zisankho za momwe mudzagwirire ntchito limodzi ngati gulu, ngati akupeza kukambirana pankhani inayake, kutsatira njira ya kholo limodzi, kapena kuvomera mwaulemu kuti simukugwirizana.

Ngati kusiyana ndikanthu kakang'ono, mungafune kungozisiya.

"Pali zochitika wamba pomwe azimayi amafuna kuti okondedwa awo azichita zambiri koma osagwiritsa ntchito njira zambiri ndipo sawapatsa mpata wochitira," akutero a Ross. "Ngati mukufuna kukhala kholo limodzi, lolani kuti wina ndi mnzake azichita zinthu ndipo musayang'anire.

Mwinanso pali zinthu zina zomwe simungayime kuti mwachita mwanjira inayake ndikukambirana za izo koma muziyang'ana pakusiya zinthu zomwe muli nazo angathe imani. Kholo linalo likakhala, ndi nthawi yawo yolerera. ”

8. Koma Hei, ndinu wamphamvu chifukwa chake

Ngakhale zovuta zonse zomwe ubale ungatenge ukakhala ndi mwana, anthu ambiri amafotokoza kuti ubale wawo ukulimba komanso kuzama. Kupatula apo, simuli awiri okha, ndinu banja tsopano, ndipo ngati mutha kuthana ndi zovuta, mudzakhala mukumanga maziko olimba okuthandizani kuthana ndi zovuta zakubadwa kwa makolo.

Dunn anati: "Titangokhazikitsa njira zatsopano - zomwe zimaphatikizaponso msonkhano wosangalatsa wa sabata iliyonse wosasangalatsa - ubale wathu udalimba kwambiri," akutero Dunn.

“Ndimakonda mwana wathu wamkazi, zomwe zimapangitsa ubale wathu kukhala watsopano. Ndipo tidakhala oyendetsa bwino nthawi ndikumasinthira mwankhanza zinthu zomwe zikutitopetsa. Pali chifukwa chomwe anthu amanenera kuti kukhala ndi ana chinali chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe sanachitepo! "

Elena Donovan Mauer ndi wolemba komanso mkonzi wokhazikika pamitu yomwe amakhala ndikukonda: kukhala kholo, moyo, thanzi ndi ukhondo. Kuphatikiza pa Healthline, ntchito yake idawonekera mu Makolo, Kulera Ana, The Bump, CafeMom, Real Simple, Self, Care.com ndi zina zambiri. Elena ndi mayi wa mpira, pulofesa wothandizira, komanso wokonda taco, yemwe amapezeka kugula zakale ndikuimba kukhitchini kwake. Amakhala ku Hudson Valley ku New York ndi amuna awo ndi ana amuna awiri.