Nthawi Zonse Kuyesera 'Kupulumutsa' Anthu? Mutha Kukhala Ndi Mpulumutsi Wovuta

Zamkati

• Kodi chikuwoneka bwanji?
• Chiwopsezo chimakukopa
• Mumayesetsa kusintha anthu
• Nthawi zonse mumayenera kupeza yankho
• Mumadzipereka kwambiri
• Mukuganiza kuti ndi inu nokha amene mungathandize
• Mumathandiza pazifukwa zolakwika
• Zimakukhudzani bwanji?
• Kutopa
• Kusokoneza maubale
• Maganizo olephera
• Zizindikiro zosafunikira zamaganizidwe
• Kodi mungathane nazo?
• Mvetserani m'malo mochitapo kanthu
• Perekani thandizo munjira zotsika kwambiri
• Kumbukirani: Mumadzilamulira nokha
• Dzifufuzeni
• Lankhulani ndi wothandizira
• Ndingatani ngati wina akufuna kundipulumutsa?
• Fotokozani chifukwa chake machitidwe awo samathandiza
• Khalani chitsanzo chabwino
• Alimbikitseni kuti athandizidwe
• Mfundo yofunika

Ndizomveka kufuna kuthandiza wokondedwa wanu pomangidwa. Koma bwanji ngati sanafune thandizo?

Kodi mungavomereze kukana kwawo? Kapena mungalimbikitse kuwathandiza, mukukhulupirira kuti mukudziwa momwe mungathetsere vuto lawo, mosasamala kanthu kuti akufuna kuthana nalo?

Chipulumutso chotchedwa white knight syndrome, chimafotokoza kufunika kwa "kupulumutsa" anthu pokonza mavuto awo.

Ngati muli ndi malo opulumutsa, mutha:

• muzimva bwino nokha mukamathandiza wina
• khulupirirani kuthandiza ena ndicholinga chanu
• gwiritsani ntchito mphamvu zambiri poyesa kukonza ena mpaka mutha kuwononga

Nayi malingaliro azomwe mungazindikire khalidweli komanso chifukwa chake lingapweteke koposa zabwino.

Kodi chikuwoneka bwanji?

Mwambiri, anthu amaganiza zothandiza ngati chinthu chothandiza, chifukwa chake mwina simungawone cholakwika chilichonse poyesa kupulumutsa ena. Koma pali kusiyana pakati pa kuthandiza ndi kupulumutsa.

Malingana ndi Dr. Maury Joseph, katswiri wa zamaganizo ku Washington, D.C., zizoloŵezi za kupulumutsa zingaphatikizepo kulingalira za mphamvu zonse. Mwanjira ina, mumakhulupirira kuti wina kunja uko amatha kupanga chilichonse chokha, ndipo munthu ameneyo ndi inu.

Nazi zina mwazizindikiro zomwe zikulozera ku zizolowezi za mpulumutsi.

Chiwopsezo chimakukopa

“Kuluka koyera” mu maubwenzi kumaphatikizapo kuyesa kupulumutsa anzawo ku mavuto. Mutha kumverera kuti mumakopeka ndi anthu omwe adakumana ndi zovuta zambiri pamoyo wawo.

Izi zitha kuchitika chifukwa mwakumana ndi zowawa komanso kupsinjika nokha. Muli ndi chisoni chachikulu kwa ena omwe akuvutika, chifukwa chake mukufuna kuchotsa kuwawa kwawo.

Mumayesetsa kusintha anthu

Joseph akuti opulumutsa ambiri "amakhulupirira kuti ali ndi mphamvu zonse zothandiza ena." Mutha kuganiza kuti mukudziwa zomwe zili zabwino kwa iwo omwe mukuyesera kuwathandiza.

Mwachitsanzo, inu basi mukudziwa atha kukonza moyo wawo ndi:

• kutenga chizolowezi chatsopano
• kusintha ntchito yawo
• kusintha khalidwe linalake

Kuti wina asinthe, ayenera kufuna okha. Simungakakamize, chifukwa chake zoyesayesa zanu pamapeto pake zitha kuchititsa mnzanu kuti akukwiyireni.

Kuphatikiza apo, ngati mumangoganizira zoyesayesa kusintha, mwina simukuphunzira zambiri za omwe ali kapena kuwazindikira iwo eni.

Nthawi zonse mumayenera kupeza yankho

Osati mavuto aliwonse amakhala ndi yankho mwachangu, makamaka zazikulu monga matenda, kukhumudwa, kapena chisoni. Opulumutsa nthawi zambiri amakhulupirira kuti ayenera kukonza zonse. Nthawi zambiri amasamala kwambiri zothana ndi vutolo kuposa momwe munthu amene akuthana ndi vutolo amasilira.

Zowonadi, kupereka upangiri sikulakwa kwenikweni. Ndikofunikanso kulola ena kuti anene zinthu zovuta zomwe akukumana nazo.

Mumadzipereka kwambiri

Joseph akuti: "Malo opulumutsira anthu atha kuphatikizira kudziona kuti ndiwe wopanda ntchito, kapena kudziwononga wekha pazabwino."

Mutha kudzimana zosowa zanu ndikudziwonjezera kuti musamalire anthu omwe sangafunefune thandizo.

Nsembe izi zitha kuphatikizira zinthu monga:

• nthawi
• ndalama
• malo am'malingaliro

Mukuganiza kuti ndi inu nokha amene mungathandize

Opulumutsa nthawi zambiri amadzimva kuti akuyenera kupulumutsa ena chifukwa amakhulupirira kuti palibe amene angatero. Izi zimalumikizana ndi malingaliro amphamvuyonse.

Mwina simukukhulupirira kuti muli ndi mphamvu zonse. Koma kukhulupirira kuti mutha kupulumutsa wina kapena kusintha moyo wawo kumachokera kumalo omwewo.

Chikhulupiriro ichi chingatanthauzenso kudzikweza. Ngakhale simukuzindikira izi, zitha kubwera momwe mumachitira ndi wokondedwa wanu. Mwachitsanzo, mwina mumatenga gawo la makolo powasamalira kapena kuwongolera.

Mumathandiza pazifukwa zolakwika

Ndi zizolowezi zopulumutsa, simumangothandiza pokhapokha mukakhala ndi nthawi ndi zinthu zina. M'malo mwake, mumagwada chifukwa "ndichinthu choyenera kuchita," akutero a Joseph.

Mumayesetsa kupulumutsa anthu ena chifukwa mukuwona kuti muyenera kutero, osasamala zosowa zanu. Muthanso kukhulupirira kuti zosowa zanu ndizochepa.

Anthu ena amatha kuyang'ana kuthandiza ena aka:

• akuwona kuti sangakwanitse kuthana ndi mavuto awo
• ali ndi zowawa zosasinthidwa kapena zovuta m'maphunziro awo

Zimakukhudzani bwanji?

Kuyesera kupulumutsa wina ku mavuto awo nthawi zambiri sikukhala ndi zotsatira zomwe mukufuna. Ngakhale wina atasintha chifukwa cha kuyesetsa kwanu, zotsatirazi sizingatenge nthawi yayitali, pokhapokha ngati atafunitsitsadi.

Zizolowezi za Mpulumutsi zingathenso kukukhudzani, makamaka ngati simungathe kuletsa.

Kutopa

Kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi ndi mphamvu zanu zonse pothandiza ena kumakusiyani ndi mphamvu zanuzanu.

"Opulumutsa amatha kuwona zofananira ndi zomwe zimachitika mwa anthu omwe akusamalira abale awo omwe akudwala," a Joseph akufotokoza. Amatha kumva kutopa, kutopa, kutopa m'njira zosiyanasiyana. ”

Kusokoneza maubale

Ngati mukuganiza za wokondedwa wanu (kapena m'bale, kapena bwenzi lapamtima, kapena wina aliyense) ngati ntchito yovuta yokonza ndi kuthekera kwakukulu, ubale wanu mwina sungapambane.

Kuchitira okondedwa anu ngati zinthu zosweka zomwe zikufunikira kukonza zingawapangitse kukhumudwa komanso kukwiya.

"Anthu sakonda kupangidwa kuti azimva ngati kuti sitiwakonda momwe alili," akutero a Joseph. Palibe amene amafuna kuti azimva kuti sangakwanitse, ndipo mukakankhira wina pambali kuti athane ndi mavuto awo, ndimomwe mumawapangitsira kumva.

Kuphatikiza apo, izi zitha kubweretsa zovuta zina, monga kudalira, kutsika.

Maganizo olephera

Ndi malingaliro ampulumutsi, mumakhulupirira kuti mutha kukonza mavuto a anthu ena. Zowona, simungathe - palibe amene ali ndi mphamvu.

"Kulingalira kotereku kumakupangitsani kuti mupitilize kuthamangitsa zomwe sizikupezeka koma zimakupatsani mwayi wokhazikika wokhumudwitsidwa," akufotokoza a Joseph.

Pamapeto pake mumakumana ndi zolephera pambuyo polephera kutsatira zomwezo. Izi zitha kubweretsa kudzimva kosadzudzula, kudzikayikira, kudziimba mlandu, komanso kukhumudwa.

Zizindikiro zosafunikira zamaganizidwe

Kuzindikira kulephera kumatha kubweretsa zokumana nazo zosasangalatsa, kuphatikiza:

• kukhumudwa
• Mkwiyo kapena mkwiyo kwa anthu omwe safuna thandizo lanu
• kukhumudwitsidwa ndi inu nokha ndi ena
• malingaliro otaya ulamuliro

Kodi mungathane nazo?

Pali zambiri zomwe mungachite kuti muthane ndi zizolowezi zopulumutsa. Kungodziwa malingalirowa ndi chiyambi chabwino.

Mvetserani m'malo mochitapo kanthu

Pogwira ntchito yakumvetsera mwachidwi, mutha kuthana ndi chidwi chofuna kukuthandizani.

Mutha kuganiza kuti wokondedwa wanu adabweretsa vutoli chifukwa akufuna thandizo lanu. Koma atha kumangofuna kuuza wina za izi, popeza kukambirana pazinthu kungathandize kupereka chidziwitso komanso kumveka bwino.

Pewani chilakolakocho kuti muchepetse mayankho ndi upangiri wawo ndikumvera momvera.

Perekani thandizo munjira zotsika kwambiri

Ndibwino kupewa kulowa mpaka wina atapempha thandizo. Palibe cholakwika ndi kufuna kuti okondedwa anu adziwe kuti muli nawo.

M'malo mongowongolera zomwe zikuchitika kapena kuwakakamiza kuti alandire thandizo lanu, yesetsani kuyika mpira kukhothi lawo ndi mawu ngati:

• Ndidziwitseni ngati mukufuna thandizo. ”
• "Ndabwera ngati mukundifuna."

Ngati iwo chitani funsani, tsatirani malangizo awo (kapena funsani zomwe mungachite) m'malo moganiza kuti mukudziwa zomwe zili zabwino.

Kumbukirani: Mumadzilamulira nokha

Aliyense amakumana ndi mavuto nthawi zina. Ndilo gawo la moyo. Mavuto a anthu ena ali choncho - awo mavuto.

Zachidziwikire, mutha kuwathandizabe. Muyeneranso kukumbukira kuti ngakhale mutayandikira pafupi ndi munthu wina, simuli ndi udindo pazomwe amasankha.

Ngati mumakonda winawake, nkwachibadwa kufuna kupereka chithandizo. Kuthandizira wina kumaphatikizanso kumamupatsa malo kuti aphunzire ndikukula kuchokera kuzinthu zomwe amachita.

Wina sangakhale ndi mayankho onse nthawi yomweyo, ndipo zili bwino. Iwo akadali oweruza abwino pazomwe zili zoyenera kwa iwo.

Dzifufuzeni

Kaya azindikira kapena ayi, anthu ena atha kuyesera kuthandiza ena chifukwa sakudziwa momwe angathetsere zovuta zawo kapena zopweteketsa mtima.

Mutha kuthana ndi izi popatula nthawi kuti muzindikire zomwe zimakupsetsani nkhawa ndikuganiza momwe angadyetsere njira zoyipa (monga kuthandiza ena chifukwa zimakulimbikitsani).

M'malo mogwiritsa ntchito ena kuchita zina ndi zina zomwe mukufuna kudzipangira nokha, lingalirani momwe mungasinthire moyo wanu.

Lankhulani ndi wothandizira

Kugwira ntchito ndi othandizira sikulakwa konse pankhani yopeza zabwino pazomwe zimayendetsa machitidwe anu.

Zingakhale zothandiza makamaka ngati:

• mukufuna kuvumbula ndikugwiritsa ntchito zochitika zowawa zakale
• zizolowezi zopulumutsa zimakhudza ubale wanu
• umadzimva wopanda pake kapena wopanda pake pokhapokha wina atakusowa

Ngakhale simukudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi zizolowezi zopulumutsa nokha, wothandizira akhoza kukupatsani chitsogozo ndi chithandizo.

Ndingatani ngati wina akufuna kundipulumutsa?

Ngati zonsezi zikumveka ngati zikugwira ntchito kwa winawake m'moyo wanu, malangizowa atha kukuthandizani kuyankha kuyesayesa kwawo popanda kupangitsa kupsinjika kosafunikira.

Fotokozani chifukwa chake machitidwe awo samathandiza

Opulumutsa angatanthauze bwino, koma sizitanthauza kuti muyenera kulandira kuyesayesa kwawo kukupulumutsani.

Mwina sangakukhulupirireni mukamanena kuti, "Ayi, zikomo, ndawongolera izi."

M'malo mwake, yesani:

• “Ndikudziwa kuti mukufuna kuthandiza chifukwa mumasamala. Ndingakonde kuthana ndi izi ndekha kuti ndiphunzire pazomwe zidachitika. "
• "Mukapanda kundipatsa mwayi wothana ndi mavuto inemwini, ndimaona ngati simundilemekeza."

Khalani chitsanzo chabwino

Anthu omwe ali ndi zizolowezi zopulumutsa nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito njira zothandizira kuthana ndi zovuta zawo.

Mutha kuwonetsa njira zothanirana ndi mavuto ndi:

• kutenga njira zothandiza kuthana ndi zovuta
• kuyesetsa kudzimvera chisoni chifukwa cholephera kapena zolakwitsa
• kumvetsera mwachidwi ndikupereka thandizo mukafunsidwa

"Tikawonetsa njira yeniyeni yodzichitira tokha komanso anzathu, akaona kuti tikudzichitira zabwino ndikukhululuka chifukwa cholephera kukonza ena, atha kutengera chitsanzo chathu," akutero a Joseph.

Alimbikitseni kuti athandizidwe

Pamene zizolowezi zopulumutsa za wokondedwa zimakhudza ubale wanu, chithandizo chitha kuthandiza.

Simungawapangitse kuti awone othandizira, koma mutha kupereka chithandizo ndikutsimikizira. Nthawi zina anthu amapewa kupita kuchipatala chifukwa chodandaula za momwe ena adzachitire, chifukwa chake kuwalimbikitsa kwanu kungatanthauze zambiri. Ngati ali ofunitsitsa, mutha kulankhulana ndi phungu limodzi.

Mfundo yofunika

Ngati mukufunikira kulowererapo kuti mupulumutse okondedwa anu pamavuto awo, kapena iwo eni, mutha kukhala ndi zizolowezi zopulumutsa.

Mutha kuganiza kuti mukuthandiza, koma kuyesa kupulumutsa anthu, makamaka pomwe sakufuna kupulumutsa, nthawi zambiri kumabwerera. Mwayi wake ndi wakuti, munthu amene akufunikiradi thandizo adzalifunsa, choncho ndi kwanzeru kudikira mpaka mutapemphedwa.

Crystal Raypole adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy.Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.