Ndinapeza Chikondi cha Moyo Wanga Pamene Ndinaphunzira Kudzikonda

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Kukula, panali zinthu ziwiri zomwe ndimavutikira kuzimvetsetsa: kukonda thupi lanu ndikukhala pachibwenzi chabwino. Kotero pamene ndinafika zaka 25, ndinalemera mapaundi oposa 280 ndipo ndinali ndi masiku atatu ndendende moyo wanga wonse-imodzi yomwe inali prom yanga wamkulu ... Sizinali zachikondi za nthano zomwe ndimalakalaka, koma ndimaganiza kuti zinali zachilendo kwa ine. Ngati sindinkawoneka ngati mwana wamkazi wamfumu ndiye ndikanayembekeza bwanji kukhala ndi nyenyezi mu moyo wanga weniweni wa rom-com?

Mpaka nthawiyo, ndimayesetsa m'njira iliyonse momwe ndingaganizire kuti ndichepetse thupi, ndikulanga thupi langa ndimadyetsa ochepa kwambiri komanso ndimachita zolimbitsa thupi. Ndipo ndikuganiza kuti ndataya ena kulemera. Vuto, komabe, linali lolepheretsa. Nditasiya kulanga thupi langa, ndimayambiranso kulemerako kenako ndikuyambiranso. Chifukwa chake nditakwanitsa zaka makumi awiri, ndinali nditamaliza kudya mopepuka. Sindingathe kudzipangira ndekha-payenera kukhala njira yabwinoko.

Ndinayamba kuwerenga mabuku olembedwa ndi akazi amphamvu, anzeru (omwe ndimawakonda kwambiri anali Geneen Roth) omwe adakumana ndi ulendo wofanana ndi wanga ndipo adatuluka kumbali ina osangalala komanso amphumphu kuposa momwe adayambira. Mosasamala kanthu kuti amayi awa adachepetsa kapena ayi, adadzipereka kuti azidzikonda okha komanso miyoyo yawo mosasamala kanthu za kukula kwake. Sizinanditengere nthawi kuti ndizindikire kuti izi n’zimene ndakhala ndikuziyembekezera kwa moyo wanga wonse. Ndinadabwa; kuvomereza thupi chinali chinthu chenicheni!

Panali zopindulitsa zambiri za kuphunzira kukondadi thupi langa. Ndinayamba kuvala bwino ndikugwira ntchito chifukwa sindinakhale m'mawa kwambiri ndikudzimenya. Ndinayamba kusamala za momwe ndimawonekera chifukwa ndimafuna kuwoneka bwino, osati chifukwa ndimasamala ngati wina angaganize kuti kutukuka kwanga kumandipangitsa kuti ndiwoneke wonenepa. Ndinkadziwa kuti ngati ndikufuna thupi langa ndikuliwonetsa ulemu, ndimafunika kulisamalira, chifukwa chake, ndimayang'ana kudya chakudya chopatsa thanzi ndikuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi tsiku lililonse ngati njira yosonyezera kukonda thupi langa . Kunali kusintha kwakukulu, ndipo chidaliro ndi chisangalalo zinkawonekera panja muzonse zomwe ndinachita ... kuphatikizapo chibwenzi.

Pazaka zomwe ndimadya, ndimayesa zibwenzi pa intaneti kangapo, kukumana ndi anyamata owoneka pang'ono ndikupanga masiku ovuta oyamba omwe sanasanduke masekondi. Ngakhale m’mikhalidwe yabwino koposa, chibwenzi chingakhale chokumana nacho chovuta. Mukadzidalira, zitha kukhala zoyipa kwambiri. Ndinkadwala chifukwa cholandira mauthenga ochokera kwa anyamata okongola, osangalatsa omwe ankakonda kuwombera mutu wanga koma amandigwira nditawatumizira chithunzi chokwanira. Ndinamva uthenga wawo momveka bwino. Sanaganize kuti ndinali woyenerera chikondi chawo.

Kusiyana komwe ndinayamba kuzindikira kufunika kwanga? Sindinawakhulupirirenso. Ndinali nditamva kuti ndiyenera kupepesa chifukwa cha kukula kwanga ngati kuti ndiyenera kuvomereza zinyenyeswazi zazing'ono zilizonse zomwe ndimataya. Chifukwa chake mwachidwi, ndidatengera ukali wanga pachibwenzi ku Craigslist. Ndinalemba tirade yomwe inali ndi mfundo monga zomwe ndingathe kuzitchula Wolemba Mulungu, ndimakonda kuwonera mpira, ndimadziwa bwino kwambiri zakale, ndimphika wodabwitsa, komanso wowerenga mwamphamvu-oh, ndikuti ndimavalanso 14/16. Ngati chidwi chilichonse chachikondi chili ndi vuto ndi izi, ndidalemba kuti, akuyenera kupitilira osataya nthawi yanga. Sindinatanthauze ngati zotsatsa zachibwenzi (zochulukirapo ngati malo ochezera a digito), koma chodabwitsa, ndidalandira mayankho ambiri, amodzi omwe adandiwonekeradi. Kwa imodzi, amatha kulemba ndi kugwiritsa ntchito galamala yolondola. O, ndipo sanaphatikizepo chithunzi cha maliseche ake-potsiriza. Koma koposa apo, nditawerenga yankho lake, ndimangomva ngati munthuyu atha kukhala mnzake wabwino.

"Chibwenzi" changa choyamba ndi Rob chinali chibwezi chowirikiza pomwe sanalankhulepo kanthu kwa ine ndipo ndidatha kukhala bwino ndi bwenzi lake (yemwe sanali wosakwatiwa) kuposa iye. Koma titatha kulemberana mwezi wathunthu tsiku lililonse, tsiku lililonse, pamapeto pake tidaganiza zopanga tsiku lenileni, tonse awiri. Nthawi ino zinali zosiyana kwambiri. Tinayamba kucheza, ndipo patapita zaka 11 sitinasiyebe. Ndizowona, ubwenzi wathu womwe udakhala pakati pa Craigslist udakula mwachikondi ndipo tidakwatirana mu 2008.

Ngakhale njira zanga zopita ku #kudzikonda ndi #reallove zakhala zokongola komanso zosangalatsa, sindikufuna kuti muganize kuti zinali zophweka. (Mtsikana amadzida yekha. Mtsikana amawerenga bukhu. Mtsikana amadzikonda. Mnyamata amakonda mtsikana. Boom, mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Ayi, sizinali choncho.) Zinanditengera chaka chimodzi, mwina ziwiri, kuti ndiyambe kuphunzira. kukonda thupi langa. Zidathandizanso, kuti mayendedwe olandilidwa ndi digito adayamba kuyambira nthawiyo, ndipo chifukwa cha kusinthaku, ndidapeza azimayi ena ambiri omwe angalumikizane nawo ndikuphunzira. Ndinkawaona akukhala moyo wokwanira tsiku ndi tsiku—zovala zawo, maganizo awo, kumwetulira kwawo kwakukulu kumandiuza kuti n’kwabwino kusangalala ndi kusangalala mosasamala kanthu za kukula kwa jeans yanga.

Chovuta kwambiri chinali kuphunzira kusawonanso thupi langa kudzera mwa omwe amapezerera anzawo kapena anyamata omwe safuna kuchita nane zibwenzi. Chifukwa tiyeni tikhale oona mtima, pamene mukuyang'ana pa zaka zambiri za malingaliro oipa ndi machitidwe a khalidwe, simungathe kuzifafaniza zonse mu tsiku limodzi. Pachiyambi, chikondi cha thupi chinkawoneka ngati nthano chabe kwa ena, koma osati kwa ine. Zinanditengera ntchito yambiri, kukoma mtima, komanso kuleza mtima kuti ndifikepo poti nditha kulemba zolemba za Craigslist.

Koma sizinangochitika mwangozi kuti pamene ndinapeza kulimba mtima (ndi kuvomereza), ndinapeza chikondi cha moyo wanga. Ndinayenera kuphunzira kudzikonda ndekha ndisanalandire chikondi chenicheni kuchokera kwa wina aliyense. Kudzidalira, kudzilemekeza, komanso malingaliro ololera zomwe sindinatchule ndi zomwe amuna anga akunena kuti zidawakopa ine poyamba. Posachedwa nditamufunsa chifukwa chomwe amandikondera, adayankha, "Ndinu, phukusi lonse. Wanzeru, woseketsa, wokongola, mumandikonda ndi mtima wanu wonse. Mbali iliyonse ya inu imakupangitsani kukhala omwe muli." Ndipo gawo labwino kwambiri? Ine ndikumukhulupirira iye.

Kuti mudziwe zambiri zaulendo wa Jennifer, onani buku lake Lokoma, kapena mumutsatire pa Twitter ndi Facebook.

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