Malingaliro 7 Omwe Amakonda Kugonana Ndi Zomwe Muyenera Kuchita Pazokhudza Iwo

Zamkati

• Malingaliro ndi abwinobwino
• Ngakhale kuthekera kwake kuli kosatha, pali magulu 7 akulu
• Kugonana kwamitundu yambiri
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Mphamvu, kuwongolera, kapena kugonana kosagwirizana
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Zachilendo, zosangalatsa, komanso zosiyanasiyana
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Osakwatira mkazi mmodzi
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Zoyipa komanso kugonana koletsedwa
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Kulakalaka ndi kukondana
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Kusinthasintha kovuta
• Zoyenera kuchita nazo
• Ndiye ndi chiyani?
• Kodi zimasiyanasiyana malinga ndi jenda?
• Kodi mungabweretse bwanji malingaliro anu kwa mnzanu?
• Mfundo yofunika

Malingaliro ndi abwinobwino

Tiyeni tiyambe kunena kuti aliyense ali ndi zokhumba zogonana. Inde, mtundu wonse wa anthu uli ndi malingaliro omwe amapita kumtsinje nthawi zina.

Anthu ambiri amachita manyazi ndi kutembenuka kwawo ndi malingaliro olakalaka amkati, koma "ngakhale zitakhala zotani, ndizabwinobwino!" Malinga ndi mphunzitsi wovomerezeka wazakugonana Gigi Engle, wolemba "Zolakwitsa Zonse: Kuwongolera Kugonana, Chikondi, ndi Moyo."

"Tikamayankhula zambiri zakugonana ndikuwongolera zokambirana, sitidzadzimenya tokha chifukwa chokhala ndi [malingaliro] opindika, ogonana," akutero. Ichi ndichifukwa chake timayika pamodzi chikalatachi.

Pitilizani kuwerenga kuti muphunzire zomwe tonsefe tikulota - kuphatikiza momwe tingachitire sewero la IRL, ngati mukufuna.

Ngakhale kuthekera kwake kuli kosatha, pali magulu 7 akulu

Kutulutsa malingaliro anu okhudzana ndi kugonana ndiosiyana kwambiri ndi momwe mumaganizira.

Pambuyo pochita munthu 4,000+, mafunso 350 mu 2018, Justin Lehmiller, PhD, wodziwika bwino padziko lonse lapansi, adazindikira kuti pali mitu yayikulu 7.

Ngakhale kuthekera kuli kosatha, mwayi wanu mupeza zomwe mukufuna kuchita pansipa. Ndipo ngati sichoncho - chabwino tinene kuti ndinu opanga kuposa ena ambiri. Wink.

Kugonana kwamitundu yambiri

Maso adalumikizidwa pazenera nthawi kuti Masewera a mipando yachifumu (inde, pomwe Theon Greyjoy amabisa maliseche ndi mfumukazi ziwiri zakufa)? Kuyenda m'manja pakati pa miyendo yanu poganiza zamtundu wa anthu ambiri?

Simuli nokha. Kugonana kwamagulu ndi zinthu zomwe zimakonda kwambiri ku America.

Nchifukwa chiyani kugonana pagulu kungakhale kotentha kwambiri? Engle akufotokoza kuti: "M'maganizo ambiri azakugonana a anthu ambiri, ndiwe nyenyezi pachionetsero. Lingaliro loti anthu angapo akufuna kugona nanu ndi gawo limodzi. ”

Ma Threesomes, madyerero, ndi zina zotero zimapangitsanso chidwi chochulukirapo. Ganizirani izi: Pali zochepa chabe, kununkhiza, zokonda, mabowo, mitengo, ndi mawu kuposa magawo awiri kapena awiri.

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Zopeka zilizonse zimakhala mgulu limodzi mwa magawo atatu, malinga ndi Engle. "Omwe timadzisunga tokha, omwe timagawana ndi anzathu kuti atenthe nthawi yogonana, ndi omwe tikufuna kuyesa m'moyo weniweni."

Ngati izi ndi nkhambakamwa chabe kwa inu, musazilingalire.

Ngati mukufuna kugawana ndi wokondedwa wanu - koma osati kwenikweni chithunzithunzi ichi - yambani ndikupempha chilolezo kuti muphatikize malankhulidwe amtunduwu pabedi.

Mwachitsanzo, "Ndakhala ndikuganiza kuti mwina kungakhale kotentha kulankhula mwa zongopeka za mayi wina yemwe akukugonera pabedi. Mukuganiza chiyani?"

Mukufuna kwenikweni kugonana kwamagulu IRL? Nkhani yabwino. "Kugonana kwamagulu ndichinthu chongopeka chabe - mwina sungagonane ndi anthu omwe mumawakonda, koma mwina mutha kupeza munthu yemwe watsala pang'ono kulowa nawo katatu," malinga ndi aphunzitsi azakugonana a Cassandra Corrado ndi O.school.

Ngati muli pabanja, kambiranani ngati mukufuna kuti ikhale nthawi imodzi kapena kukumana kosalekeza, komanso ngati mungakonde mlendo kapena mnzanu. Khazikitsani malire pazochitikazo.

Mphamvu, kuwongolera, kapena kugonana kosagwirizana

Cue S & M wolemba Rihanna chifukwa zikwapu ndi maunyolo amasangalatsa mamiliyoni aku America.

Zachisoni ndi masochism (S & M) ndi ukapolo, kulanga, kuwongolera, ndi kugonjera (BDSM) ndichimango chachiwiri chodziwika kwambiri.

BDSM kwenikweni ndi yokhudza kusinthana kwamphamvu kwamavuto atagonana kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

"Kuganiza zogonjera zitha kukopa anthu omwe nthawi zonse amakhala olamulira kunja kwa chipinda chogona," akutero Engle. "Ndipo malingaliro olamulira amatha kukhala otentha chifukwa chazomwe anthu amakonda kuchita zogonana komanso [kukhala] ndi ulamuliro."

Abambo / mwana wamkazi wopeza, pulofesa / wophunzira, abwana / ochita nawo gawo amagwera m'gululi. Chomwechonso "kugonana mokakamizidwa" (komwe Dr. Lehmiller amatcha "kugwiririra").

S & M ndi yokhudza kupatsa kapena kulandira ululu kudzera muzinthu monga kukwapula, kukwapula, kunyoza, ndi zina zambiri.

Corrado akuti, "Zowonadi, masewera amtunduwu ndi okhulupilira kwambiri chifukwa ndimasewera omwe ali pachiwopsezo. Ndipo kusatetezeka kumeneku kumatha kudzutsa. "

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Kuyambira kukwapula ndi kupindika khungu, kusewera kwamagetsi kapena kusewera singano, BDSM ili ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana zogonana.

Chifukwa chake gawo loyamba lokhazikitsa IRL yongowonetsetsa ndikuwonetsetsa kuti ndiyotetezeka, yolingalira bwino, komanso yovomerezeka (SSC), kenako ndikuzindikira kuti malingaliro ndi otani, ndendende, kenako ndikulankhula ndi mnzanu za izi.

"Kaya zopeka bwanji, payenera kukhala dongosolo loti likhalepo pazomwe zingachitike pazochitikazo," atero a Daniel Sayant, omwe anayambitsa NSFW, kalabu yochitira zachiwerewere komanso zokambirana.

"Mwanjira imeneyi mutha kuthana ndi ziwopsezo zosachita, kapena zosakondera, - ngakhale mutayang'aniridwa," akuwonjezera.

Momwe mungatanthauzire zochitikazo:

• Gwirizanani pa mawu otetezeka.
• Kambiranani za maudindo omwe ali nawo.
• Khazikitsani malire.
• Tengani pang'onopang'ono.
• Fufuzani mosalekeza.

Zachilendo, zosangalatsa, komanso zosiyanasiyana

Kugonana pagombe kapena paphiri. Kuwonera mu bafa la ndege kapena mutavala pulagi. Kuyika paki.

Malingaliro omwe amakhala azinthu zachilendo (kuphatikiza zochitika zatsopano zogonana monga kumatako kapena mkamwa) kapena kuchita zachiwerewere (kugona malo atsopano) ndizofala.

"Kumverera koyang'anizana ndi chinthu chosadziwika [ndikuyesera] chinthu kwa nthawi yoyamba kungakupatseni chidwi cha adrenaline, ndipo kwa anthu ena, kudzuka kumalumikizidwa ndikumva kwa adrenaline," atero a Corrado.

M'mayanjano a nthawi yayitali, kusunga zachilendo ndikofunikira kwambiri polimbana ndi kusungulumwa komanso kukhala ndi moyo wogonana, akutero Engle. "Kuyesera china chatsopano kumayambitsanso chidwi chomwe munali nacho pachibwenzi."

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Zatsopano kapena zatsopano kwa munthu m'modzi sizingakhale za wina. Chifukwa chake chani ndipo kuti pakati pa malingaliro a anthu amasiyana.

Kaya mukufuna kuwunika kusewera kumatako, kugonana kosalowa mmalo kwa amishonale, 69-ing, kapena kubweretsa chakudya kuchipinda, gawo loyamba ndikulankhula za kuwonjezera kwamachitidwe.

Pewani kupangitsa mnzanu kudziona kuti ndiwosakwanira polemba nkhanizi pazomwe mungawonjezere pamasewera anu ogonana.

Yesani "Ndimakonda mukakhala mkati mwanga, mungamve bwanji mukafufuza njira zabodza nthawi ina tikamagonana?" kapena "Ndimakonda momwe mumaonekera pakati pa miyendo yanga, kodi mungafune kuti mundilawe nthawi ina tikadzachita zogonana?"

Nanga bwanji ngati mukufuna kuchita chimodzimodzi 'ole chinthu chimodzimodzi' ole way ... koma kunja kwa chipinda chogona? Apanso, funsani mnzanuyo ngati atakhala kuti sakufuna.

Kumbukirani: Ku United States, kugonana pagulu ndizosaloledwa. Milandu yakunyansa pagulu, kuwonetsa zonyansa, zonyansa, ndikuwonetsa zonyansa ndizoopsa zonse zomwe zingachitike.

Osakwatira mkazi mmodzi

Maubwenzi otseguka, polyamory, ndi swinging zikudziwika kwambiri ngati ubale (wathanzi komanso wosangalala!) - ndipo ndimakonda kudya maliseche kwa anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi chimodzi.

Nthawi zambiri, malingaliro a wina ali pafupi kuvomerezana osakwatirana okha. Kutanthauza, bwenzi limodzi lapereka mdalitso wawo pamasewera ena apabanja. Ena amaganiza kuti sangakwatirane okha.

Ena amaganiza kuti wokondedwa wawo amagona ndi anzawo. Cuckolding ndiye lingaliro lenileni lololeza wokondedwa wanu kuti agonane ndi wina, koma pokhapokha mukawonerera kapena kumva za izi (mwatsatanetsatane) pambuyo pake.

Ocheperapo ndi theka la anthu adati kunama, kusakhulupirika, kapena kuchita chigololo kumawadzutsa.

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Choyamba, dziwani ngati mukufuna IRL, "akutero Engle," chifukwa ndi nyama yosiyana ndi kungopeka chabe. "

Ngati mukufuna kusintha ubale wanu, "yambani kufufuza zomwe zikutanthauza kwa inu," akutero Corrado.

Anthu ena amadziwa bwino kuti akufuna wokondedwa mmodzi koma akufuna kuchita zogonana ndi anthu ena. Anthu ena amafuna kukhala pachibwenzi chakuya, chokondana ndi anthu opitilira m'modzi nthawi imodzi.

Mukatha kufotokoza izi, kambiranani ndi mnzanuyo.

"Sikuti aliyense adzakhala womasuka pakusintha ubale wawo, koma ngati mungaganize zopitilira limodzi, muyenera kuyankhulana momasuka," akutero.

Ngati mukukhala ndi zibwenzi, Corrado akupereka malangizo awa: “Dziwani chifukwa chake mukukhulupirira izi. Kodi simukukhutira ndi ubale wanu? Kodi mukukhumba kuthamanga kwa adrenaline? Kodi pali mikangano ina yamkati yomwe ikuchitika? ”

Kodi mumamva bwanji mumaganizo anu? Kufufuza momwe mukumvera kungakupatseni chitsimikiziro cha zosowa zanu zosakwaniritsidwa.

Kenako, konzani WWYY wanu. Pitani ku chithandizo cha maanja kapena kutha ndi wokondedwa wanu ngati zili zoyenera kwa inu. Pitani skydiving kapena kambiranani ndi vutoli.

Kapena, khalani ndi malingaliro anu. Koma mvetsetsani kuti kusakhazikika kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndiko kuphwanya malamulo kapena malire a chibwenzi chanu ndipo pakhoza kukhala zotulukapo monga kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa, kapena mnzanu kukusiyani atazindikira.

Zoyipa komanso kugonana koletsedwa

"Polowa ndikutuluka, timafuna zomwe sitingakhale nazo. Ndi momwe ubongo wathu umagwirira ntchito, "akutero Engle. "Kugonana kapena kuchita chilichonse chomwe chingatigwetse m'mavuto kapena kuwonedwa ngati odabwitsa kapena oletsedwa kapena okhwima pamoyo weniweni, kumatha kukhala kuyambitsa."

Zoyipa wamba zimaphatikizaponso kunyambita phazi kapena kwapakhosi ndikupembedza zikopa kapena lycra.

Voyeurism (kuwonera anthu akuchita zachiwerewere osadziwa kapena kuvomereza) ndikuwonetsa ziwonetsero (kuwonetsa maliseche pomwe ena amayang'ana - nthawi zina ndi, nthawi zina popanda chilolezo) ndizofala kwambiri zogonana zoletsedwa.

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Chiwonetsero chosavomerezeka ndi voyeurism ndizosaloledwa, chifukwa anthu omwe amawonetsedwa kumaliseche kapena kuwonerera kwanu sangafune kutenga nawo mbali. Ngakhale izi zitha kukhala zotentha kuzilingalira, izi siziyenera kuchitidwa m'moyo weniweni.

Kuyika galasi patsogolo pa bedi lanu kuti muzitha kumadziyang'ana nokha, kupita ku malo ogonana kapena kuphwando, kapena kuchita nawo zovomerezeka Voyeur kapena Exhibitionist ndi anzanu angakuthandizeni kuti muwone zomwezo.

Zilakolako zina zogonana zitha kulumikizidwa ndi okondedwa anu - kutengera zomwe amakonda kapena zomwe sanakonde, zomwe zakhazikitsidwa.

Kulakalaka ndi kukondana

Kutembenuka, kuyenda kwakutali pagombe, chakudya chamakandulo, ndi kuyanjana m'maso pakupanga zachikondi sizongokhala zokopa zachikondi. Zonsezi ndi gawo lazopatsa chidwi, kukhala okondana, komanso okondana.

Corrado anati: “Anthu ambiri amafuna kuchitiridwa zinthu monga achifumu. "Zizindikiro zachikondi zimawononga nthawi yochuluka, khama, mwinanso ngakhale ndalama kuyikidwa, ndipo zingatipangitse kudzimva kuti ndife ofunika kwa munthu ameneyo."

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Ngati mukupeza kuti mukuganiza za izi, mwina chifukwa simukumva kuyamikiridwa m'moyo weniweni.

Ngati muli pachibwenzi, inu ndi mnzanuyo mungafunike kuthera nthawi yochuluka limodzi, kuphunzira zilankhulo za wina ndi mnzake, kapena kugonana pamalo omwe amakulolani kuti muzilumikizana.

Ngati simuli wosakwatiwa, Sayant akuti mutha kukafufuza zolimbitsa thupi ndi mnzanu, kupita nanu ku chakudya chamadzulo chabwino, kapena kudzipangira nokha kuyatsa kandulo.

Kusinthasintha kovuta

Pali magawo awiri akulu apa:

1. Zolingalira zakugonana - momwe wina amafufuza momwe iwowo akuonekera komanso kavalidwe kake, kapena ali ndi mnzake amene amachita
2. Zolota zakugonana - momwe zochitika kapena otchulidwawo akuwoneka kuti akusemphana ndi momwe munthu amadziwika kuti ndi kugonana

Nchiyani chimapangitsa izi kukhala zosangalatsa? Corrado akuti: "Kuyamba kusewera ndikusewera maudindo osiyanasiyana ndi ma personas kumatha kukhala kosangalatsa, kopatsa chidwi, komanso kumasula." "Zimatipangitsa kuti tigwire gawo lathu lomwe silingatuluke pafupipafupi."

Malinga ndi Dr. Lehmiller, kupindika maudindo a amuna ndi akazi kumathandizanso anthu kuti alowetse chinthu chatsopano, chosiyana, komanso chosangalatsa m'moyo wanu wogonana, kwinaku mukuwononga zoyembekezera zachikhalidwe zomwe mukuyenera kukhala kapena kuchita.

Ndipo monga Corrado anenera, "kukhala wokhoza kuchita kapena kukhala chiyani komanso yemwe sukuyenera kuchita kapena kukhala ndi mnzako kumabweretsa chitetezo komanso chiopsezo chomwe chimalumikizananso ndi mnzathu."

Zoyenera kuchita nazo

Nthawi zina, malingaliro awa atha kukhala ozikika pakufufuza za kugonana kwanu kapena kudziwika kwanu ndi kuwonetsa kwanu. Komabe, akatswiri amati nthawi zambiri zimachokera pakulakalaka kukhala omasuka pakhungu lanu ndi mnzanu.

Kuyankhulana, monga nthawi zonse, ndikofunikira pakuphunzira ngati amuna kapena akazi okhaokha akugonana kapena malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana akugonana ndi okondedwa anu.

Ndiye ndi chiyani?

Pamene inu akhoza phunzirani chinthu chimodzi kapena ziwiri pazomwe mukufuna m'moyo weniweni kuchokera kumalingaliro anu akuda, pali zifukwa zina zambiri zomwe anthu amakhala ndi malingaliro akugonana.

Chifukwa chomwe timaganizira, kuyambira pazifukwa zochepa mpaka zazing'ono:

• kukhala ndi chidwi
• chifukwa tili ndi chidwi chokhudzana ndimagonana osiyanasiyana
• kukwaniritsa zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa
• kuthawa zenizeni
• Kufufuza chilakolako chogonana
• kuti akonzekere kudzakumana ndi abambo mtsogolo
• kupumula kapena kuchepetsa nkhawa
• kukhala ndi chidaliro pakugonana
• chifukwa tatopa

Kodi zimasiyanasiyana malinga ndi jenda?

Ponseponse pazomwe amadziwika kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi, pali zambiri zomwe anthu amaganiza. Kusiyanitsa kwakukulu ndikuchulukitsa komwe amakhala ndi malingaliro ena.

Mwachitsanzo, amuna amakhala otengeka kwambiri kuposa amuna kapena akazi anzawo kuti azikhala ndi zibwenzi kapena anzawo. Amayi amakhala ndi BDSM kapena zokonda zachikondi, ndipo amakhala nawo pafupipafupi kuposa amuna kapena akazi anzawo.

Kodi mungabweretse bwanji malingaliro anu kwa mnzanu?

Kaya mukubweretsa kapena ayi zimaphika ngati mukufuna kapena ayi (ndipo ndizololedwa) kukhazikitsa zongopeka zenizeni.

Zotsatira zakufufuza zikuwonetsa kuti ngakhale 77% aku America akufuna kuphatikiza malingaliro awo m'miyoyo yawo yakugonana, ochepera 20% adalankhulapo pamutuwu ndi mnzake.

Ngati zikuwonekeratu kuti zochitikazo ndizovomerezeka, zovomerezeka, komanso zotetezeka, ndipo mwakonzeka kubweretsa anzanu kuti akhale achinyengo, njira zotsatirazi zitha kuthandiza:

1. Lankhulani mwatsatanetsatane musanabadwe. Kenako, lankhulani nthawi ndi nthawi.
2. Khazikitsani mawu otetezeka (ziribe kanthu zomwe mukuyesera!)
3. Chitani kafukufuku wamachitidwe abwino achitetezo ndi chisangalalo pakati panu.
4. Pitirizani kugwiritsa ntchito njira zogonana zotetezeka.
5. Pitani pang'onopang'ono. Palibe liwiro!
6. Lumikizanani ndikukhala odekha ngati zinthu sizikuyenda monga mwa dongosolo.

Mfundo yofunika

Malingaliro akugonana ndi gawo lachilendo pamoyo. Zina zitha kukhala zotentha ngati zongoyerekeza. Zina zikhoza kukhala zinthu zomwe mukufuna kuyesa m'moyo weniweni.

Ngati nthawi zambiri mumakhala ndi malingaliro azakugonana pazinthu zomwe sizovomerezeka ndipo mukufuna kuzifufuza zenizeni, lingalirani kukumana ndi wogonana kuti atulutse zolimbikitsazo.

Kupanda kutero, pumirani kwambiri ndikuyankhula ndi mnzanu. Amakhala ndi malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana kapena awiri awo omwe angafune kuyesanso mu IRL.

A Gabrielle Kassel ndi mlembi wa ku New York okhudzana ndi kugonana komanso thanzi komanso CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. Amakhala munthu wam'mawa, adayesa opitilira 200, ndikudya, kuledzera, ndikupaka makala - zonsezi mdzina la utolankhani. Munthawi yake yaulere, amapezeka kuti amawerenga mabuku azodzilankhulira ndi ma buku achikondi, kukanikiza benchi, kapena kuvina. Tsatirani iye mopitirira Instagram.