Tchuthi Chimene Chidandipangitsa Kundikumbatira Thupi Langa Komwe

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Ndinaitanidwa kuti ndikhale mlungu umodzi m'ngalawa ya Carnival Vista panthawi yabwino. Ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinali tisanapite kutchuthi chenicheni cha achikulire kuyambira pamene mwana wathu wamkazi anabadwa zaka ziwiri zapitazo. Kupsinjika kwanga pakadali pano ndikutumiza kuthamanga kwanga kwa magazi padenga, ndikupangitsa dokotala wanga "kulemba" tchuthi. Ndinkayambanso ntchito yovomereza thupi langa, kuthetsa moyo wanga wokonda kudya, ndikutaya nthawi yanga yokondwerera tsiku langa lobadwa la 40 mu September.Njira yabwinoko yochitira opaleshoniyi kuposa kuyenda ndi kavalidwe kakusamba kwamasiku asanu ndi limodzi owongoka? Sizikanandikakamiza ine kapena kubweretsa zovuta zamkati, sichoncho?

Chabwino, cholakwika, cholakwika, komanso cholakwika kwambiri. Vuto ndiloti kuvomereza ulendo wapanyanja kuli ngati kuvomereza kukwera "Zoyambitsa Nyanja." Kuphatikiza pa zovala zonse zosamba, chakudya changa cha nemesis-buffets, pizza ya 24/7, malo osungira nyama, komanso vinyo wosasamba-analipo kuti andinyoze komanso kundiyesa. Zinandivuta. Koma, ndinali wofunitsitsa kusiya zolumikizira thupi langa padoko ndikulandira "Cruise Ship Me," kuphatikiza yunifolomu yazing'ono zazing'ono, zopindika, ndikubisa.

Tidali pafupi ndi gombe pomwe ndidapanga chisankho molimba mtima kuti ndichenjetse mphepo ndikukumana ndi mantha anga onse okhudzana ndi suti ndi mayeso a "dziwe" Nkhondo Yoyanjanitsa Milomo mpikisano, mphukira ya pulogalamu yotchuka ya Spike TV. Ngati mwasankhidwa, mumathera sabata yonse mukuyesa nyimbo yanu ndikuphunzira kavinidwe kake ndi ochita masewera enieni a sitimayo, sangalalani ndi kujambula zithunzi, ndi kupanga "kuwonekera" sabata yonse isanayambe kuchita masewera akuluakulu usiku womaliza wa ulendo wapamadzi. Ndidapita ku dziwe ndikukonzekera kuchita bwino kwambiri Steven Tyler ndikumvetsetsa milomo ku Aerosmith ya "Walk This Way" - nyimbo zanga zopitilira muyeso kuti ndikhale ndi chidaliro. M'malo mwake, ndidayang'ana chiwonetsero chazithunzi zazikuluzikulu za kanema ndikuwunikira zowerengera padziwe-ndipo samalani, atsikana amitundu yonse anali kupereka zonse-komabe, ndidatsamwitsidwa. Ndinatuluka pamzere ndipo ndinakhudzidwa kwambiri ndikuopa kunyozedwa, kapena choyipa, kudandaula chifukwa cha mawonekedwe anga. Thupi langa lopotoka limakhala ndi nambala yachilendo pamakhalidwe anga-Ndine wolimba mtima koma zovuta izi nthawi zina zimandipangitsa kukhala wolakwa. Osayamba bwino kwambiri.

Wokonzeka kusuntha kuyambira pomwe ndinayamba kuvuta (ndi nsanje yoyaka nthawi iliyonse ndikawona Nkhondo Yoyanjanitsa Milomo ochita mpikisano akudzikuza ndi kutchuka kwawo), ndinachenjeza mphepo ndipo ndinavala suti yosambira iwiri kumphepete mwa nyanja tsiku lotsatira pamene tinaima ku Ochos Rios, Jamaica. Ndinayendetsa Chrissy Teigen, munthu amene ndimamusirira chifukwa chokhala ndi kukongola kwake ndikutseka kwathunthu odana nawo. Ndinkayendayenda m’mphepete mwa nyanja, n’kumayesa anthu ondizungulira kuti andibise kapena kundisiya kuti asandione.

Palibe amene ankasamala.

Palibe amene anandiikira magalasi.

Aliyense ankangoganizira za kusangalala ndi maola atatu omwe tinali nawo ku Bamboo Beach Club mpaka nthawi yoti tibwerere m’bwato itakwana.

Ine ndi amuna anga tidakanikiza magalasi ndipo tidapita kukafufuza, ndikudzipeza ndili pa hema wopikisiramo thupi. Ndine wokonda kusisita-ndipo kuchotsa mfundo zonsezo ndikuchotsa mfundo zomwe ndikudziwa zimandithandiza kulumikizana ndi thupi langa. Panali vuto limodzi lokha laling'ono: Kutikita minofu sikunali kuchitikira m'chipinda chachinsinsi. Ndinafunika kuvula suti yanga yosamba pamwamba - ndikuyiyika pagombe, powonekera kwa aliyense amene amadutsa. Palibe amene amasamala kapena kuzindikira kapena kutchera khutu ndikamayang'ana m'mbali mwa nyanja ngati kaphalaphala ... chifukwa chiyani angandisamale ngati ndikuwala ma boobs anga? Chinthu ndichakuti, ndimasamala. Koma chachiwiri ndikumasula kumtunda kwanga, zinali ngati zomwe ndimakumana nazo kunja. Sindinamve kunenepa, kapena kuchepa thupi, kapena kudzidalira. Ndimamva kukhala WONSE. Sindinade nkhawa ndi kukula kwanga kokulirapo kwa D kapena m'chiuno chonenepa kapena kupitilira-kuposa-ndikanafuna-ndiwone nambala pa sikelo. Zotsatira za alendo pagombe sizinachite chilichonse kuti zisinthe kupatula kundikumbutsa kuti sindinkafunika kutsimikizika. Ndidayenera kuyamba kutsimikizira kwa ine ndekha komanso ndekha.

Chifukwa chake, ndidatsegula pamwamba ndikukweza ma boobs anga, ndikuchedwa kwakanthawi ndisanagone kutikita modabwitsa kwambiri m'moyo wanga. Zitatha, ndimakhala pansi-ma boobs kuti aliyense amene akundiyang'ana awone-ndikutambasula kwa mphindi zingapo ndisanadumphe patebulo ndikuvala. Zedi, zinanditengera milungu kuti ndimuuze mwamuna wanga, koma zinangotenga mphindi kuti zomwe zinandichitikira zisinthe ubongo wanga. Zinali zotsitsimutsa kukumbukira kuti palibe amene angawone m'mutu mwanga. Ndipo n’zosakayikitsa kuti chilichonse chimene ndimaganiza pa thupi langa n’chovuta kwambiri kuposa mmene wina aliyense amaganizira. Ndiko kuti ngati akuganiza za izo nkomwe. Zomwe, pepani, ndikudziwa tsopano kuti sali.

Kubwerera m'ngalawamo, kuvomereza thupi kudali nkhondo yokwera chifukwa ndinali maliseche pafupifupi pafupifupi chilichonse - zingwe zomwe zimayimitsidwa mlengalenga, njinga ya Skyride, slide yamadzi, komanso ngakhale Cloud 9 spa. Ndinalipira zowonjezera kuti ndipeze malo otentha a spa, malo "bonasi" okhala ndi mipando yopumira yoziziritsa, whirlpool, ndi ma sauna osiyanasiyana. Ndidaziwona ngati malo obisalapo, kuwerenga, kupumula, ndikuyesezera kukhala mu suti yanga yosamba pakati pa ma sauna omwe amandiphimba. Tsiku lina masana, ndinalowa m'malo osambiramo nthunzi kuti ndipeze banja lachikulire maliseche ndi osachita mantha kuti akokanirane pansi-iwo anali kuseka, okondwa ndi osakumbukira ku dziko lonse lapansi. Sindikunena kuti ndinaona kufunika kogwira mwamuna wanga ndikuyamba kumugwira pagulu. Koma ndinkasirira banjali. Ndizodabwitsa bwanji kuti anali osadandaula za zolumikizira thupi zomwe zimapanga chithunzi panthawiyi. Iwo anali akukhala, akusangalala, ndipo akupita nawo. (Ngakhale atakhala kuti mukudziwa, mukuchita izi m'nyumba yawo.)

Chiwanda china chachikulu choyenera kuchita chinali chakudya chonse chomwe chimayang'ana pa inchi iliyonse ya sitima yapamadzi, yokonzeka kundiyesa ngati ndili ndi njala kapena ayi. Ndikutanthauza, sitimayi inali ndi Guy Fieri Burger Joint NDI Nkhumba ndi Anchor BBQ , malo odyetserako nyama, 24/7 zonse zomwe mungathe kudya pizza, buffet, ndi malo odyera achi Italiya ndi Asia. Ngati zinthu monga nyama yankhumba imatha kukwera pamwamba pa burger wanu ndipo mchere wambiri ndi theka la keke, ndizovuta kuti musangalale ndi chakudya osamva ngati mwaphulika ndi mapaundi 15 mukamaliza.

Ndinagwiritsa ntchito vutoli kuti ndisamawonongeke. Ndinayima nditakhuta ndipo sindinadziyimitse ngakhale kulawa chilichonse chomwe chimandinyowetsa mkamwa. Apanso, zomwe zidamveka zolimbikitsa-kutengeka komwe ndidadzikana ndekha kwakanthawi. Nthawi zonse ndikapita kukadya kwambiri, ndimakhala ndi chizolowezi choyipa cholengeza kuchuluka kwa zomwe ndadya tsiku lonse kuti ndikwaniritse kuyamwa, kapena ndimapereka ndemanga ngati, "Sindimadya mkate / maswiti / mafuta koma izi zimangowoneka ngati zodabwitsa kwambiri" ngati njira yoletsera anthu kuti asandiweruze. Ndi lingaliro liti? Iwo mwina sanali mpaka ine ndinanena chirichonse. Ndinazindikira mwachangu kuti monganso momwe palibe amene amasamala kuti ndavala suti, palibe amene amasamala zomwe ndimadya. Kotero, ndinatseka pakamwa panga, ndikudya zomwe zinkawoneka bwino kwa ine, ndikuchita zomwe ndimafunikira kuti ndimve bwino pambuyo pake, monga kuyenda, kusinkhasinkha kwa mphindi zingapo, kapena kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi m'mawa wotsatira. Osalakwa, osanong'oneza bondo-kungokhala ngati ndalale yoyera yomwe ndimaloleza kukhala nayo ndikatha kudya.

Tsopano popeza ndabwerera kunyumba, ndine wonyadira kunena kuti "Cruise Ship Me" yakhazikika. Masiku asanu ndi limodzi amenewo sanaphe ziwanda zanga, koma adandipatsa malingaliro abwino omwe adathandizira kuzimitsa phokoso ndikundikakamiza kukhala ndi moyo pano. Pa sitimayo, ngati ndimakhala ndi nthawi yoyipa, ndimatha kubisala kumalo owonetsera makanema a iMax kapena kupeza mpando wokutirapo wokutidwa kutali ndi mikanganoyo. Zomwe ndimakonda kunyumba ndizosinkhasinkha kapena kukhala pakhonde langa ndisanagone kuti ndikonzekenso. Tidangogula dziwe lothira kumbuyo kwathu ndipo ndili wokondwa kucheza ndi suti yanga yatsopano posamba ndili ndi anzanga omwe amamenyera kutentha. Ndipo mwina sindinakhalepo ndi nthano yanga ya rock star Nkhondo Yoyanjanitsa Milomo koma ine anachita ingovomerani kujambula gawo la TV pantchito (yanga yoyamba mzaka zopitilira zitatu). Pali zomwe zikuyenera kuchitika - sindinatenge zithunzi zilizonse paulendowu pokhapokha nditabisala. Koma ndikaganiza zakumverera kwakumasulidwa kopita osavala pagombe, ndimakumbutsidwa kuti lingaliro lokhalo lokhudza thupi langa lomwe ndilofunika ndi langa. Ndipo tsiku lililonse, malingaliro amenewo amandipangitsa kumva bwino ndikukhala bwino momwe ndachokera.

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