Zomwe Muyenera Kuchita Mnzanu Akadwala Khansa Ya m'mawere

Zamkati

• 1. Khalani Wabwinobwino.
• 2. Khalani Olimbikira.
• 3. Osamuika Pakamwa.
• 4. Musayese "Kukonza" Zinthu.
• 5. Mupangitseni Kumva Wapadera. 

Heather Lagemann adayamba kulemba blog yake, Nkhani Zowonongeka, atamupeza ndi khansa ya m'mawere mu 2014. Anamupatsa dzina limodzi Khansa Yam'mimba Yabwino Kwambiri ya 2015. Werengani kuti mumve momwe abale ake ndi abwenzi adamuthandizira kudzera khansa ya m'mawere, opaleshoni, komanso chemotherapy.

Nditapezeka kuti ndili ndi khansa ya m'mawere ndili ndi zaka 32, ndinali ndikuyamwitsa khanda, ndimathamanga kusukulu, ndikuyang'ana kwambiriKuphwanyika moyipa" pa Netflix. Sindinadziwepo zambiri za khansa ndipo kwenikweni, ngati, matenda owopsa omwe anthu amwalira nawo m'makanema. Ndinawona “Kuyenda Kokumbukira ”ndili wachinyamata. Zomvetsa chisoni… komanso zinali zoyandikira kwambiri kwa khansa ya moyo wanga wonse.

Zinali chimodzimodzi kwa anzanga komanso abale ambiri, ndipo ndimakumana ndi vuto lililonse - mantha oyamba, opareshoni, chemotherapy, masiku oyipa, masiku oyipa, masiku amphumi, masiku a menopausal-at-32 - ndinawona kuti kulimbana kudatha iwo. Sanadziwe choti anene. Sanadziwe choti achite.

Ambiri mwa anthu m'moyo wanga adagwedezeka, mwachilengedwe, chifukwa kwenikweni, zonse zomwe mtsikana wa khansa amafuna ndizoti anthu ake azichita khalani komweko. Koma, komabe, panali ena omwe akadatha kugwiritsa ntchito chitsogozo chochepa. Ndipo zili bwino, chifukwa sizabwinobwino. Ndimakhala wodabwitsa ngati pali fart yosavomerezeka itapachikika kotero sindikuyembekeza kuti mudziwe momwe mungathetsere khansa yanga.

Ndizinenedwa kuti, mu ukatswiri wanga wonse wodwala khansa (ukatswiri womwe palibe amene angafune), ndapeza njira zisanu zokhalira bwenzi la munthu amene ali ndi khansa.

1. Khalani Wabwinobwino.

Izi zimawoneka ngati nzeru wamba, koma ziyenera kunenedwa. Sindinkafuna kuti anthu azindiyang'ana mosiyana, ndipo sindinkafuna kuti anthu azindichitira mosiyana. Anandipeza Pasitala isanachitike, ndipo ndinauza abale anga kuti njira yokhayo yomwe ndidzawonetsere nkhomaliro ya Isitala inali ngati angachite bwino. Kotero iwo anatero, ndipo chitsanzo chinakhazikitsidwa. Izi sizinatanthauze kuti ananyalanyaza kuti ndinali ndi khansa; zimenezo sizingakhale zachilendo. Chifukwa chake tidakambirana za izi, tidayamba kuda nkhawa, tidachita nthabwala, kenako ndikuwombera m'mabasiketi a ana athu Isitala pomwe sanali kuyang'ana.

Chifukwa chake ngati nthawi zambiri mumakhala ndi atsikana usiku kamodzi pamwezi, pitirizani kuitanira mnzanu. Atha kukhala osakhoza kupita, koma ndizabwino kuti mumve bwino. Mutengereni kanema. Mufunseni momwe alili, ndipo mum'patse ulamuliro waulere kuti atuluke (monga momwe mungakhalire ndi zaka 15, pomwe bwenzi lake linamutaya, ngakhale sizikanakhala zosiyana). Mverani moona mtima, kenako mumupatse zomwe zichitike posachedwa, funsani upangiri wake pamitundu ya misomali, ndipo lankhulani naye pazinthu zomwe mwachizolowezi mungatero. Ndizosangalatsa kumva kuti ndinu wabwinobwino kudzera mwa anzanu munthawi ina.

2. Khalani Olimbikira.

Izi zikutanthauza kuti, osanenapo konse, ngati, "Ngati mukufuna chilichonse, ndidziwitseni," kapena "Chonde ndiyimbireni ngati mukufuna thandizo." Sangatero. Ndikukulonjezani.

M'malo mwake, ganizirani zinthu zomwe mukudziwa kuti adzafunika kuthandizidwa nazo, ndipo pitilizani. Ndili mkati mothandizidwa ndi chemotherapy, ndinali ndi mnzanga yemwe amangobwera ndikutchetcha kapinga wanga. Sananditumizire mameseji kapena kugogoda pakhomo panga. Iye anangochita izo. Sindinkafunika kuti ndikhale ndi zokambirana zokhumudwitsa za ntchito zanga kwa mnzanga - zomwe nthawi zonse zimangokhala kuti, "Ndili bwino. Tili bwino. Zikomo, komabe! ” - ndipo panalibe malo oti kunyada kwanga kudutsepo. Zinangochitika. Zinali zodabwitsa. Popeza mnzako sakukuyimbira foni ndikukuuza zomwe akufuna thandizo, ndidzachita izi:

• Kupeza chakudya patebulo. Kukhazikitsa chakudya ndikothandiza kwambiri. Pali mawebusayiti ngati mealtrain.com omwe amapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta, ndipo sindingakuwuzeni kuchuluka kwa nkhawa zomwe zidatengera ndikudziwa kuti banja langa lidzadyetsedwa pomwe ndilibe mphamvu yochitira. Komanso, ngati muli kugolosale pafupi ndi iye, muwombereni meseji kuti muwone ngati wachoka mumkaka kapena omenyera nsomba za golide ndikumunyamulira.
• Kusamalira ana. Izi zitha kukhala zosiyanasiyana, koma kwa ine, sindinathe kunyamula mwana wanga kwa milungu itatu nditachitidwa opaleshoni. Ndikukhala ndi mwana wazaka zitatu panthawi ya chemo? Ayi. Mmodzi wa abwenzi anga apamtima adasonkhanitsa asitikali ndikuyika kalendala yosamalira ana yomwe ikugwirizana ndi zosowa zanga, ndipo ndili wokondwa kwanthawizonse. Mnzanu adzalumpha ndi chisangalalo (kapena kumwetulira pa kama) ngati mufuna kupita ndi ana ake kumalo osungira masana kapena kupaki kwa ola limodzi.
• Kukonza. Alibe nthawi kapena mphamvu ya izo pakali pano! Nyumba yanga sinali yonyansa monga momwe imakhalira nthawi yomwe ndimachiritsidwa, ndipo mosangalatsa, sindinakhalepo ndi alendo ambiri. Mnzanu wapamtima kapena gulu la atsikana amatha kulowa nawo ndikudzipangira okha kapena kulemba ntchito.
• Kusamalira udzu. M'nyumba mwanga, amuna anga nthawi zambiri amasamalira izi (ndimamuuza kuti ndine wokongola kwambiri kuti ndingathe kudula kapena kutaya zinyalala, ndipo zimagwira ntchito - ngakhale dazi). Komabe, amuna anga anali ndi mbale zawo zambiri, chifukwa izi zinali zothandiza kwambiri kuti bwalo lathu lisasanduke nkhalango.

3. Osamuika Pakamwa.

Pali zambiri zomwe zikuchitika pakadali pano: maudindo, sikani, mankhwala, malingaliro ambiri ndi mantha, mwina kusintha kwa mankhwala a chemotherapy, kuyesera kuwongolera banja lake kupyola izi osadziwa kwenikweni. Chifukwa chake ngati satumizirana mameseji, kapena anyalanyaza kuyimba kwanu kwakanthawi pang'ono, asiyeni ayende ndikupitiliza kuyesa. Mwina athedwa nzeru koma akuwerenga zolemba zanu ndikumvera ma voicemail anu ndipo amawathokoza. Ngati mumampatsa buku, mwachitsanzo (chinthu chabwino kuchita, popeza pali nthawi yochuluka yopuma ku chemo), musayembekezere kuti adzawerenga. Ndimakumbukira ndikumva chisoni kwambiri mnzanga atandifunsa kangapo za buku lomwe adandipatsa mphatso lomwe sindinawerenge. Kwenikweni, ingomuchepetsani ndipo musayembekezere zambiri (kapena chilichonse) kuchokera kwa iye pompano.

4. Musayese "Kukonza" Zinthu.

Ndi chinthu chovuta kuchita, kukhala nawo mu ululu wa wina nawo, koma ndizomwe amafunikira kuchokera kwa inu pompano. Ndi chibadwa chanu chachilengedwe kufuna kumupangitsa kuti azimva bwino mwa kunena zinthu monga, "Mudzakhala bwino," kapena "Ndinu olimba kwambiri! Menya izi! ” kapena "Mumangopatsidwa zomwe mungathe," kapena "Ingokhalani ndi malingaliro abwino." (Nditha kupitilira masiku angapo.) Kunena izi kungapangitse inu kumva bwino, koma sangapange iye khalani bwino, chifukwa simukudziwa kuti akhala bwino. Ndiwamphamvu, koma alibe mawu oti zikhala bwanji. Safuna kumva ngati zili kwa iye kuti "amenye" ​​izi. Zomwe akufuna kuti wina azikhala naye osatsimikizika chifukwa ndizowopsa ... ndipo inde, ndizosasangalatsa.

Mchimwene wanga ndi m'modzi yekha mwa anthu omwe adalankhula nane za kufa kwanga, ndipo anali ndi zaka 7. Palibe wina aliyense amene anali wofunitsitsa kuti ayang'ane imfa m'maso mwanga, koma ndimaganizo anga tsiku ndi tsiku. Sindikunena kuti muyenera kukhala ndi zokambirana zakuya zaimfa, koma khalani omasuka pazomwe mnzanu akumva. Zili bwino ngati simukudziwa chomwe munganene bola ngati mukufunitsitsa kumvetsera. Ndipo ndikhulupirireni, akudziwa kuti izi ndizovuta kwa inunso, ndipo ayamikira kufunitsitsa kwanu "kukhala mmenemo" ndi iye.

5. Mupangitseni Kumva Wapadera. 

Ndikudziwa kuti bwenzi lanu ndi lapadera kwa inu, kapena simukadakhala mukuwerenga izi. Koma pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa kukonda wina ndi kuwadziwitsa kuti mumamukonda. Gawo lomwe ndimakonda la khansa - inde, ndili ndi gawo lomwe ndimakonda la khansa! - zinali kuti zimawoneka kuti zimapatsa anthu chiphaso chaulere kuti andiuze momwe akumvera za ine, ndipo zinali zodabwitsa. Ndili ndi makhadi ambiri, makalata, ndi mauthenga odzaza ndi mawu okoma mtima, zokumbukira zomwe ndayiwala, chilimbikitso chomveka, komanso chikondi chosaphika. Adandigwira m'masiku anga ovuta kwambiri, ndipo zidasintha malingaliro anga padziko lapansi lomwe tikukhalamo.

Khansa imatha kukhala yosungulumwa modabwitsa, kotero mphatso iliyonse yaying'ono, khadi m'makalata, ndi chakudya chatsitsidwa zimandiuza kuti ndidali gawo la dziko lonse lapansi. Kuphatikiza apo, bwanji mukuyenera kusamalidwa kwambiri mchaka chaukwati wanu kuposa chaka chanu (mwachiyembekezo, chokha) cha khansa? Ndikunena kuti: Ngati wina ali ndi khansa, ndipamene timayenera kupita kumpira ndi khoma kumawapangitsa kudzimva apadera. Amawafuna, ndipo moona mtima, amatanthauza zambiri mchaka changa cha khansa kuposa chaka chaukwati wanga.

Malingana ngati mupita kwa bwenzi lanu mwachikondi, mudzakhala bwino.Ndipo ngakhale simungathe kuchita chilichonse munkhaniyi, ingondilonjezani kuti mudzakankha aliyense yemwe angayese kumuuza nkhani za agogo, mlongo, kapena oyandikana naye omwe adamwalira ndi khansa ya m'mawere, chabwino?