Chifukwa Chake Muyenera Kutaya Chikondi Poyamba

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Chikondi pakuwonana koyamba-maziko a maloto achichepere ambiri, mabuku, nyimbo za pop, ndi rom-com iliyonse. Koma ofufuza ali pano kuti atulutse thovu lathu lopanda chiyembekezo (kuusa moyo, sayansi). Kutembenuka, kukondana kwenikweni ndikupeza wokondedwa wanu simakhazikika pamalingaliro nthawi yoyamba yomwe maso anu amatseka, koma nthawi yeniyeni yomwe anthu amakhala limodzi, malinga ndi kafukufuku watsopano waku University of Texas, Austin. (Kodi Mungasankhe Kutulutsa Ubwenzi Wokhazikika?)

Ochita kafukufuku adafunsa maanja 167 omwe ali paubwenzi kuyambira miyezi ingapo mpaka zaka 53 (ndendende kwa omwe tiyenera kutengera malangizo!) za momwe adakumana, nthawi yayitali yomwe adakhala pachibwenzi, komanso momwe amaganizira kuti mnzawoyo ndi wokongola. Kenako anali ndi alendo osawadziwa kukongola kwa wokondedwa wawo. Maanja omwe anali mabwenzi kwautali kwambiri asanayambe chibwenzi anali "osagwirizana" pa kukopa koyenera malinga ndi malingaliro a anthu akunja, kutanthauza kuti ena amaganiza kuti wina ndi wokongola kwambiri kuposa winayo. Izi ndizosadabwitsa polingalira kafukufuku wakale adawonetsa kuti tili ndi mwayi wokwatirana ndi munthu yemwe ali wofanana ndi ife m'mawonekedwe onse komanso pachikoka. (Zambiri zotsutsana zimakopa!) Koma mbalame zachikondi zomwe zidakhala nthawi yayitali zimadziyesa zokongola chimodzimodzi, zomwe zidapangitsa kuti ofufuzawo akhulupirire kuti inali nthawi yowonjezera yomwe "idatsitsa" kukongola kwawo, mwina m'malingaliro awo. Malingaliro a asayansi: Mukamudziwa winawake, mumakopeka naye kwambiri.

Lingaliro loti chikondi ndi zokopa zimakula pakapita nthawi ndizowona makamaka kwa akazi, atero a Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., katswiri wazamaubwenzi wosagwirizana ndi kafukufukuyu komanso wolemba The 30-Day Love Detox. "Kuti mkazi agwe mchikondi, akuyenera kukoka zigawozo kuti awone zomwe zikuwonekera."

Walsh akuti zaka zomwe adachita kafukufuku wamaubwenzi zamuwonetsa kuti abambo amayang'ana kaye kukongola mwa okwatirana, kutsatira kukoma mtima, kukhulupirika, komanso luntha pomwe azimayi amayang'ana kukhazikika kwamwamuna koyamba, kutsatiridwa ndi nzeru, kukoma mtima, kenako nkuwoneka komaliza. "Ichi ndi chifukwa chake zimakhala zopusa kwambiri pamene amuna amajambula chithunzi cha abs awo ndikuchiyika pazibwenzi. Pokhapokha ngati akungofuna kugwirizana, sizomwe amayi amafuna kudziwa," akutero. "Njira yokhayo yomwe akazi (ndi amuna) angadziwire makhalidwe ofunikawo ndi kuthera nthawi ndi munthuyo." (Koma ukamupeza munthuyo, zimakupangitsa kukhala wathanzi! Pezani Momwe Ubale Wanu Umalumikizidwira ndi Thanzi Lanu.)

Koma zikafika nthawi yochuluka yopereka ubale watsopano, Walsh akuti zimatengera banjali komanso momwe alili apadera. Ananenanso kuti anthu ena amatha kudziwana kwa miyezi ingapo, koma adangotuluka kawiri kokha, pomwe ena akumanapo milungu iwiri yapitayo ndikucheza kwa maola ambiri tsiku lililonse pafoni. Ulamuliro wake wa chamba? Osapanga zisankho zamtsogolo za chibwenzicho mpaka mutakumana ndi fuko laomwe mungakhale naye pachibwenzi, kutanthauza banja lake, abwenzi, komanso ogwira nawo ntchito. Pofika nthawi yomwe munthu angakuwuzeni kwa anthu onse ofunika m'moyo wawo, mwina mumawadziwa nthawi yayitali mokwanira kuti chidwi chenicheni chichitike osati chilakolako chokha, akufotokoza.

Komabe nthawi ndi yomwe ambiri aife tilibe m'magulu athu othamanga-zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zibwenzi ngati Tinder ndi Chakudya Chamasana zikhale zokongola kwambiri (ndipo pali Mapulogalamu 5 Opusa Kwambiri Ogonana nawonso ...). Walsh akuti chikhalidwe chathu chosakhala pachibwenzi koma kungochulukirachulukira kumatha kukhala vuto lalikulu pofunafuna bwenzi. Kafukufukuyu akutsimikizira izi.

Chifukwa chake sungani makanema onse a Ryan Gosling omwe amapereka chikondi nthawi yoyamba angakhale chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite pa moyo wanu wachikondi!

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