Mafunso 8 Oyenera Kufunsa Musanagonane Naye

Zamkati

• Kodi Mwayesedwa?
• Ndinu okwatiwa?
• Kodi Mumakonda Ntchito Yanu?
• Galimoto Yabwino! Kodi Ndizomwe Mumagwiritsa Ntchito Kutola Anapiye?
• Kodi Ndinu Mabwenzi ndi wakale wanu?
• Tsiku Latsitsi Labwino, Ha?
• Kodi Ndikuyembekezera Chiyani?
• Kodi ndili bwino kuti sindidzamuwonanso?
• Onaninso za

Ngakhale zomwe makanema amatiuza, palibe lamulo lovuta komanso lachangu lonena za nthawi yomwe muyenera kugonana ndi mnyamata wanu kwanthawi yoyamba. Mwinamwake ndi mphindi zisanu mutakumana naye, kapena mwina mutakwatirana-palibe chiweruzo!

Koma kaya mudikire nthawi yayitali bwanji, pali mafunso omwe inu zosowa kufunsa okondedwa anu ndi inu nokha musanagone. Ena ndiwodziwikiratu - pafupifupi aliyense amadziwa kufunsa za matenda opatsirana pogonana komanso njira zakulera, ndipo ndizomveka kukambirana za komwe ubalewo ukupita. Koma mafunso ena sali achindunji. Mwachitsanzo, mungamufunse bwanji mnyamata yemwe mwangokumana naye ngati ndiwodzikuza komanso wodzikonda pabedi? Zosavuta: Simukutero. Koma sizitanthauza kuti simungadziwe mafunso ndi mafunso angapo achindunji. Tinayankhula ndi akatswiri, kuphatikiza wakale wa CIA, kuti tidziwe mayankho omwe mungafune musanayandikire naye-komanso mafunso oyenera kuti muwone mbendera zofiira.

Kodi Mwayesedwa?

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Matenda opatsirana pogonana ndi bizinesi yaikulu, ndipo izi zikutanthauza kuti simungawunikire mutuwo chifukwa chakuti sizikugwirizana ndi maganizo, anatero wofufuza za kugonana kwa anthu Nicole Prause, Ph.D. "Deta ikuwonetsa kuti anthu akamanena kuti 'Ndine woyera,' zomwe akutanthauza ndikuti sanawone zophuka zogwira ntchito," akutero Prause. "Ndipo akanena kuti 'ayesedwa oyera,' nthawi zambiri amangolankhula za HIV. Chifukwa chake mafunso okhudzana ndi kugonana akuyenera kuwonekera bwino!" Njira yosavuta yopangitsa kuti zokambiranazi zisakhale zovuta ndikudziyesa nokha. "Chifukwa chofala kwambiri chomwe anthu samabweretsera matenda opatsirana pogonana ndi okondedwa awo ndi chifukwa chakuti sanayesedwe," akutero Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., pulofesa wothandizira pa yunivesite ya Indiana komanso wolemba buku lomwe latulutsidwa kumene. Ntchito ya Coregasm. "Akudziwa kuti funsoli liwabwezeretsa. Dziyeseni nokha, ndipo zokambirana zizikhala zosavuta." (Kufunsa za mbiri yoyezetsa ndi imodzi mwazokambirana 7 zomwe muyenera kukhala nazo kuti mukhale ndi Moyo Wathanzi Wogonana.)

Ndinu okwatiwa?

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Ngakhale atangokhala chibwenzi wamba, mukufuna kudziwa ngati akuwona akazi ena. Ndipo muyenera, akutero Herbenick, chifukwa-nsanje pambali - ndikofunikira kudziwa mtundu womwe mungakhale mukukumana nawo. Ambiri aife timaganiza ngati mnyamata ali pachibwenzi sali pa chibwenzi, koma, chabwino, ife tonse tamva nkhani. Zachidziwikire, munthu wokwatiwa mwina sangatulukire ndikuvomereza, koma pomufunsa mwachindunji, mudzamuyika pomwepo kuti sangathenso kunama, mwina. Funsani funso ili mwanthabwala, kenako mutha kuligwiritsa ntchito ngati mwala kuti mupite, "Ayi, koma mozama, mukuwona azimayi ena?" (Osakhutitsidwa? Malinga ndi Kafukufuku wa Kusakhulupirika, kubera ndichofala kwambiri pakati pa anthu apabanja kuposa momwe mungaganizire.)

Kodi Mumakonda Ntchito Yanu?

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Kodi mumatani? Kodi mumakonda? Kodi tsiku logwirira ntchito limakhala lotani? Kodi mumakonda abwenzi anu?

Osamufunsa mafunso awa nthawi imodzi - simukumufunsa mafunso, pambuyo pake. Koma kufunsa mafunso anayi kapena asanu pamutu umodzi ndi njira yosavuta yodziwira munthu wabodza, malinga ndi mkulu wopuma pantchito wa CIA B.D. Foley, wolemba wa CIA Street Smarts for Women. "Ku CIA, timayesetsa kukhala ndi nkhani yachikuto yomwe ingakhale ndi mafunso atatu," Foley akufotokoza. "Pambuyo pa mafunso atatu, zimakhala zovuta kusunga chivundikirocho, choncho timayesa kusintha zokambiranazo. Izi ndi zomwe munthu wabodza angachite." Simusowa kuti mumugwire kuti mumunamizire kuti mumve ngati ali wabodza, ingokhalani chete ngati akuyamba kuthawa pamene mzere wofunsa wafika kwambiri. Ndipo kumbukirani: Ngati akunama pa zinthu zazing’ono monga ntchito yake (ngakhale kuti n’cholinga chongofuna kukusangalatsani), n’kuthekanso kuti akunama pa zinthu zinanso.

Galimoto Yabwino! Kodi Ndizomwe Mumagwiritsa Ntchito Kutola Anapiye?

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Flattery ndi chilichonse - mukamayesa kudzikuza, Foley akuti. Onani ngati ali ndi ego, modabwitsa, akusisita. "Izi zimatchedwa 'chinyengo," akutero Foley. "Mnyamata wabwinobwino, wodzichepetsa amatamanda mwachisomo, kapena manyazi. Koma wina wonyada adzagwiritsa ntchito mawu anu ngati kudumpha kuti adzitamandire za iwo kapena zochita zawo." Ngati atenga chiyamikiro chilichonse chomwe mumamupatsa ndikutsatira ndikulankhula kwa mphindi 10 za momwe alili wodabwitsa, mwina siamuna omwe mukufuna kugona naye (werengani: wodzikonda, komanso wodzifunira pakama).

Kodi Ndinu Mabwenzi ndi wakale wanu?

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Momwe amalankhulira za maubwenzi am'mbuyomu amatha kuwulula, akutero katswiri wazamisala wa ku New York Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., wolemba mabuku. Chinthu Chanu Chachikulu Chotsatira: Masitepe Khumi Ang'onoang'ono Kuti Musunthe Ndi Kusangalala. "Ngati ali waulemu polankhula za wokondedwa wakale, ndiye chizindikiro chabwino kuti azikulemekezani," akufotokoza. Kungakhale kovuta pang'ono kufunsa mosapita m'mbali kuti mnyamatayo aulule mbiri yaubwenzi wake, chifukwa chake titsogolereni funsolo ndi zina (zosalimbikitsa) za yanu maubale akale. "Ku CIA, timati izi" perekani kuti mutenge, "akutero Foley. "Mukapereka zambiri za inu nokha, munthu winayo amakakamizika kuyankha chimodzimodzi." (Ndiye, Nchifukwa Chiyani Inu Sindiyenera kutero Khalani Anzanu ndi Ex Anu.)

Tsiku Latsitsi Labwino, Ha?

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Chitetezo ndikofunikira, makamaka mukamacheza ndi mnzanu watsopano. Koma ngati mwangokumana naye kumene, mwina simunakhalepo ndi mwayi woona mitundu yake yeniyeni. Chofunika kwambiri kukangana ndi mkwiyo kapena nkhani zowongolera, zonse zomwe zingakhale zovuta ngakhale simukonzekera kumuwonanso. Kuti adziwe ngati ndi munthu wamba kapena wakupha, Foley akuganiza kuti agwiritse ntchito machenjerero a "kupsetsa mtima pang'ono". Umu ndi momwe zimagwirira ntchito: Kumukhumudwitsa pomunyoza modekha za china chake chomwe akunyadira nacho, monga galimoto yake yatsopano kapena ndevu zake zokonzedwa bwino. "Anthu omwe ali ndi zizolowezi zachiwawa nthawi zambiri amalephera kukana chida chonga ichi," akutero Foley. "Adzakwiya kapena kukwiya. Ndibwino kuwona khalidweli likutuluka mu bala, ukazunguliridwa ndi anthu, kuposa m'chipinda chogona." Ingokumbukirani kuti ikhale yopepuka. Simukuyesera kumukhumudwitsa (ndipo anyamata ena ali kwenikweni chidwi cha tsitsi lawo!).

Kodi Ndikuyembekezera Chiyani?

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Musanagone naye, ndikofunikira kudzifunsa nokha zomwe mukufuna muzogonana komanso muubwenzi. Kukhumudwa nthawi zambiri kumadza pamene zomwe mukuyembekezera zikuphwanyidwa, monga momwe mumapindulira mosayembekezereka ndikupeza chisangalalo, kapena kumva chisoni kwambiri ndiimfa mwadzidzidzi, atero a Prause.Chifukwa chakuti mumakonda kukonda kugonana zisanachitike, ziyembekezo zanu zimakhala zazikulu. Izi zitha kukhala zovuta ngati simunakonzekere kuthana ndi vuto lomwe lingachitike. Zilibe kanthu ngati mukuyang'ana malo ogona usiku umodzi kapena ubale wanthawi yayitali (kapena china chake pakati), ingokhalani owona mtima komanso zowona pazomwe mukuyembekeza kuti zichitike m'mawa mwake (komanso kuti ndinu otani zili bwino), akutero.

Kodi ndili bwino kuti sindidzamuwonanso?

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Nthawi zina zimakhala zovuta kudzinenera wekha ngati mungathe kuchita chibwenzi mwachisawawa, choncho Herbenick akuganiza kuti aganizire za vuto lalikulu. "Ngati yankho lanu ndi inde, pitani," akutero Herbenick. "Koma ngati ayi, mungafune kudikirira mpaka itakwana ndi inde, kapena mpaka nonse mukakonzekere kukhala pachibwenzi chachikulu. "(Pakadali pano, si yekhayo amene ali ndi zolemba zina zakugonana! Sakani pa Zinthu 8 Zomwe Amuna Amalakalaka Akazi Amadziwa Zokhudza Kugonana.)

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