Kodi Akazi Amatanthauza Kukwatiwa?

Zamkati

• Onaninso za

Kaya mumatsamira kapena ayi, azimayi ambiri amafuna zonse zikafika kwa mwamuna. Chifukwa chake mukamupeza ndikukhala mkazi wake, mudzamva ngati moyo wanu (kapena gawo lachikondi) sungakhale bwino mpaka mutazindikira kuti china chake chikusowa: libido yanu.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wochepa wa akazi okwatiwa lofalitsidwa mu Journal of Sex and Therapy Therapy, akazi amakonda kutaya chilakolako cha kugonana amuna awo asanatero. [Tweet this fact!] Ndipo pafupifupi 9% ya azimayi 18 mpaka 44 amafotokoza kuti ali ndi nkhawa chifukwa chofunitsitsa, kafukufuku wa 2008 adapeza. Musanade nkhawa, mvetserani zomwe akatswiri amakhulupirira kuti zikhoza kusokoneza Mayi mojo ndi momwe mungapitirizire kuti anu akhale olimba nthawi yachisangalalo ikatha.

Zomwe amayi akufuna zasintha. Ukwati wopatulika suli momwe unalili kale. Lingaliro lazimayi lachiyanjano cholimba, cholimba ndilovuta kwambiri kuposa kale-ndipo, nthawi zina, limadutsana ndi zosatheka. Katswiri wa zamaganizidwe ndi Kukwatiwa mu Ukapolo wolemba Esther Perel adafotokoza mwachidule mu TED Talk yake yotchuka kwambiri, "Chinsinsi chofuna kukhala ndiubwenzi wanthawi yayitali":

"Ukwati unali malo azachuma omwe mudapatsidwa mgwirizano moyo wonse malinga ndi ana, udindo, kutsatizana, komanso kukhala nawo. Koma tsopano ... tafika kwa munthu m'modzi ndipo tikupempha kuti atipatse zomwe kamodzi mudzi womwe umapereka: kukhala, kudziwika, kupitiriza, kupitirira malire, chinsinsi, mantha, chitonthozo, malire, zachilendo, kuzolowera, kulosera, komanso kudabwitsa zonse m'modzi. " O, ndizo zonse?

Kunena kuti "ndikufuna" ndi vuto lalikulu la maganizo. Ngakhale mutapeza mnzanu wamoyo, ndizowona kuti kumverera kwa lovin kumatha. "Ubongo ndi gawo lalikulu kwambiri kwa akazi, ndipo mukangokwatiwa, kukondoweza kwaubongo komwe simunakhaleko kulibe chifukwa mumakhala limodzi nthawi zonse ndipo palibe chinsinsi chomwe chatsalira ," akutero katswiri wa zamaganizo Belisa Vranich, Psy.D., membala wa bungwe la alangizi a SHAPE. Mwanjira ina, popanda chisangalalo, azimayi sangasangalale.

Sizithandiza kuti anthu amakonda kupeza kwenikweni omasuka mu ubwenzi pamaso akazi kuchita, kotero pamene inu meticulously kudziika pamodzi kwa chakudya tsiku, iye sasintha ngakhale malaya ake. "Ndikofunikira kukhala okongola kwa wina ndi mzake," akutero Vranich. Ndipo popeza anyamata alibe zovuta zomwe zimapangitsa kuti azikongoletsa komanso kuwoneka bwino, kulumikizana kumeneku kumatha kukhala kuzimitsa kwenikweni.

Chitetezo chimayimira kugonana. Ndiye ndichifukwa chiyani azimayi amangokhalira kudya vanila itatha? "Ukwati umakhazikitsidwa chifukwa chokhazika mtima pansi, kulosera zamtsogolo, komanso chitetezo," akufotokoza Vranich, "zomwe ndizabwino pamoyo watsiku ndi tsiku komanso kukanganirana, koma mwatsoka izi zimapha chikhumbo, chomwe chimafunikira zoyipa, zopanda pake, ndi kusekedwa." Komabe chifukwa chakuti mwachibadwa timafunikira chitetezo kuposa kugonana, amayi ena amakhala osangalala kwambiri ndi ubale wosagonana (kapena osagonana), akuwonjezera.

Amuna amachoka mosavuta. Monga momwe mwawonera, chilakolako chimachokera kumutu umodzi mwa amayi ndi wina (kumwera) mwa amuna. Zosowa zake zitha kukwaniritsidwa ndikungoyang'ana kwakanthawi kochepa, koma kudodometsa pang'ono kwa inu kungatanthauze kuti O sapita. "Chilichonse kuyambira pokhumudwa mpaka kuganiza za china chomwe mwaiwala kuchita mpaka kuzizira kwanu chingakulepheretseni kukhala ndi vuto," akutero a Vranich. Ngati mnzanuyo saganiza zofika pachimake ngati chake ndipo zinthu zake, kugonana nthawi zambiri kumakhala kokhumudwitsa komanso kosasangalatsa.

Kutentha kumatha kukhala kotentha ... Musanagulitse nsapato zanu za kinky kuti mugule nyumba, pezani izi: Pakafukufuku wa Match.com ndi mlangizi wasayansi wamasamba a Helen Fisher, Ph.D., kuchuluka kwa achikulire akuti kugonana ndibwino muubwenzi wosakwatirana wokhala ndi nthawi yayitali -nthawi, wokondana."Kuthekera kosweka kumatanthauza kuti nonse muyenera kukhalabe pamwamba pamasewera anu, ngakhale pang'ono chabe. Muyenera kuchita zokwanira kuti zizikhala zokha komanso zosangalatsa," akutero Vranich, yemwe amapezeka mchitidwe wake ndikufufuza kuti anthu amanyenganso pang'ono ngati sanatsekedwe. [Tweet izi!]

… Kapena kunena kuti "Ndimachita," zabwino kapena zoyipa. Ngakhale simukhala ndi nsonga zopindika zala usiku uliwonse, mutha kukhalabe mosangalala mpaka kalekale. “Chaka chatha, tinachita phunziro ndi anthu okwatirana 1,000, ndipo ndinadabwa kumva kuti 80 peresenti ananena kuti adzakwatiranso mkazi wawo wapano,” anatero Fisher, katswiri wa zamoyo. Makumi makumi asanu ndi awiri mphambu asanu mwa anthu 100 aliwonse adanena kuti anali okondana kwambiri ndi mnzawo - ndipo ena akhala ali limodzi kwa zaka zoposa 25.

Kuti izi zitheke, muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti mukugwidwa pazifukwa zoyenera ndipo musasiye kuyika ndalama wina ndi mnzake. "Ndikofunikira kuwonana ngati anthu odziyimira pawokha omwe mumawakonda osati kungowakonda," akutero Vranich. Kusiyanasiyana pang'ono-pakati ndi pabedi-sikumapwetekanso. "Zachilendo zimalimbikitsa dongosolo la dopamine mu ubongo, lomwe limayambitsa dongosolo la testosterone ndipo limatha kudzutsa chilakolako chogonana," akutero Fisher.

Onaninso za