Kodi ndinu nokha kapena muli osungulumwa?

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Ndizosadabwitsa kuti ambiri a ife timadzipeza tokha kukhala osungulumwa. Sitikudziwa anthu okhala nawo pafupi, timagula zinthu komanso kucheza pa Intaneti, timakhala ngati tilibe nthawi yokwanira yocheza ndi anzathu, timachita masewera olimbitsa thupi patokha kuvala mahedifoni omwe amaletsa dziko, kudumpha kuchoka ku ntchito kupita kuntchito, mzinda ndi mzinda.

“Anthu ambiri masiku ano akukhala osungulumwa,” akutero Jacqueline Olds, M.D., pulofesa wothandizira pachipatala cha Harvard Medical School komanso wolemba nawo bukuli. Kuthana ndi Kusungulumwa M'moyo Watsiku ndi Tsiku (Birch Lane Press, 1996). "Mfundo yakuti anthu amasuntha kwambiri komanso amakhala ndi nthawi yochepa yoti azigwiritsa ntchito kuti apitirize kugwirizana ndi anthu ena amatha kukhala tsoka lalikulu."

Timakonda kukhala tokha: Mu 1998, chaka chaposachedwa kwambiri chomwe zopezeka, ma 26.3 miliyoni aku America amakhala osakwatira - kuyambira 23 miliyoni mu 1990 ndi 18.3 miliyoni mu 1980. Chikhalidwe chathu ku America chimatsindika kufunikira kokhala payekha, kudziyimira pawokha , kudzidalira. Koma pamtengo wotani? Izi ndi zomwezi zomwe zimatha kuyambitsa kulumikizana pang'ono ndi anthu ena.

Lero, a Olds akuti, ambiri aife tikuwoneka kuti tikuvutika ndi ufulu wambiri. Monga chitsanzo choopsa, amatchula achinyamata awiri omwe amaika Columbine High School pamapu. Aliyense wa iwo amawoneka ngati anthu osungulumwa kwambiri, akutero, "ndipo nthawi zonse anali kumangokhala, palibe amene anawalandiradi."

Chodabwitsa kwambiri ndi ichi: Mukakhala kusekondale komanso ku koleji, mumazunguliridwa ndi anthu ambiri omwe angakhale abwenzi. Kulikonse kumene mumayang'ana, mumapeza anthu amsinkhu wanu omwe ali ndi mbiri yofanana, zokonda, zolinga ndi ndondomeko zofanana. Mabwenzi ndi mayanjano ali ndi nthawi yocheza. Koma mukangosiya kuzolowera kusukulu ndikulowa m'dziko lachikulire - nthawi zina mumzinda watsopano, ndi ntchito yatsopano, yovutitsa pakati pa anthu atsopano - kupeza abwenzi kumakhala kolimba.

Manyazi osungulumwa

“Palibe amene amafuna kuvomereza kuti ali yekhayekha,” akutero Olds. "Kusungulumwa ndi chinthu chomwe anthu amayanjana ndi otayika." Ngakhale ali mseri pa gawo la chithandizo, Olds akuti, odwala ake safuna kuvomereza kuti asungulumwa. "Anthu amabwera kuchipatala akudandaula kuti amadziona kuti ndi osafunika, pamene vuto ndi kusungulumwa. Koma safuna kuti apereke ndalama chifukwa ali ndi manyazi. alibe chidziwitso choti anthu ena ambiri amasungulumwa, nawonso. "

Kusungulumwa ndi kusalana kotero kuti anthu azitha kuchita nawo zisankho zosadziwika, koma akafunsidwa kuti atchule mayina awo, amasankha kuvomereza m'malo mwake kuti ndi odzidalira, osati osungulumwa. Komabe, kuvomereza kuti mumasungulumwa - komanso kudziwa kuti kusungulumwa kuli ponseponse - ikhoza kukhala njira yoyamba yothetsera vutoli. Gawo lanu lotsatira ndikuyesera kukumana ndi anthu omwe mumafanana nawo.

Ndife osungulumwa kwambiri, komabe sitikhala tokha

Kupanga maubwenzi atsopano ngati munthu wamkulu sikophweka monga momwe zinalili pamene munali wamng'ono, monga Carol Hildebrand wa Wellesley, Mass., adzatsimikizira. Zaka zingapo zapitazo, ali ndi zaka za m'ma 30, Hildebrand adadzimva kukhala wosungulumwa pomwe ambiri mwaomwe amapita kukacheza ndikumanga msasa anali kukwatira ndikukhala ndi ana.

“Anzanga analibenso nthaŵi yopita kumisasa m’nyengo yozizira,” anatero Hildebrand, mkonzi wa magazini ya luso la zamalonda m’dera la Boston. “Miyoyo yawo inali itasintha. Ndinali kuthaŵa anzanga amene anali adakali mbeta amene anali ndi nthaŵi yokhala nane,” akutero Hildebrand.

Ambiri a ife m'zaka zathu za 30 tidakumana ndi zoterezi. Koma n’zosatheka kupeza anzako atsopano, muyenera kungodziwa kumene mungayang’ane. Nawa malangizo amomwe mungalumikizire ndi ena komanso momwe mungapangire kulumikizana komwe muli nako kale:

1. Pemphani chisomo chaching'ono. “Anthu ambiri a ku Amereka amanyansidwa kwambiri kupempha thandizo ndi kuyamba mchitidwe wofanana wothandizana wina ndi mnzake,” ikutero Harvard’s Olds. Koma ngati inu, mukuti, "bwereka shuga" kwa mnansi wanu, akhoza kukufunsani kuthirira zomera zake pamene iye ali kutali. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mudzadalirana wina ndi mnzake kaamba ka zokomera zina (kukwera ndege kupita ku eyapoti?) ndipo ubwenzi ungayambike.

2. Mwinamwake mnzanu kapena mnzanu woyenera sayenera kukhala wazaka 28, wophunzira ku koleji, wosakwatiwa, wosakwatira usiku yemwe amakonda Lyle Lovett, chakudya chaku Vietnamese komanso kayaking panyanja, monga inu. Kuchepetsa nokha pa kaboni kungatanthauze kuphonya anzanu ena abwino. Khalani omasuka kucheza ndi anthu azaka zina, osiyana zipembedzo, mafuko, zokonda, zokonda komanso malingaliro azakugonana.

3. Amayi ambiri amakhala osungulumwa chifukwa alibe zokonda kuti azitha kukhala okha. Chitani zosangalatsa zomwe mungathe kuchita nokha - kupenta, kusoka, kusambira, kusewera piyano, kulemba mu nyuzipepala, kuphunzira chilankhulo chachilendo, kukwera maulendo, kujambula (aliyense amakonda kuchita zinazake) - kuti mumve zambiri omasuka mukakhala nokha. Ndipo kumbukirani izi: Mukakhala ndi zoseweretsa zambiri, m’pamenenso mudzakhala ndi mwayi wogawana zinthu zofanana ndi ena ndiponso m’pamenenso mungasangalale kwambiri ndi anzanu atsopano.

4. Pulojekiti iliyonse yomwe mungagawane nayo ikhoza kuyambitsa ubwenzi, choncho sankhani zomwe mumakhulupirira ndikuyamba kukonzekera. Lowani nawo ndale kapena gulu lazachilengedwe; kusonkhanitsa ndalama zachifundo; konzani 10k; kupanga mgwirizano wokhala ndi ana ndi amayi ena; kudzipereka ku ntchito za mdera monga kuphunzitsa ana kuwerenga kapena kukonza malo osungiramo malo. Mukuyenera kuti muzitha kulumikizana kwambiri mukamacheza ndi anthu amalingaliro ofanana.

Kumbukiraninso izi: Kupanga mabwenzi kumatenga nthawi, chifukwa chake sankhani ntchito yayitali. (Muthanso kutenga kalasi kapena kulowa nawo kalabu - zaluso, masewera, zisudzo, tenisi, zilizonse - komwe mungakumane ndi anthu omwe amakukondani.)

5. Funsani wina mukalasi lanu la yoga (kapena ofesi kapena nyumba ...) kuti mupite kukamwa khofi. Akakana, funsani ngati akufuna kupita nthawi ina. Ngati akunena kuti watanganidwa kwambiri, musaganize kuti akupereka zifukwa chifukwa sakukondani. Atha kukhala wotanganidwa kwambiri kuti apeze anzawo. Pitani kwa munthu wina, ndipo musaganize zokanirazo. Chilichonse chomwe mungachite, komabe, yambani pang'ono -- musaitane munthu amene mwakumana naye kumene kuti apite kukasambira kumapeto kwa sabata.

“Zimakhala zosavuta kwa aliyense wokhudzidwa ngati zipita pang’onopang’ono,” akutero Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A., mphunzitsi wa zamaganizo ndi mlembi wa Buku la Ntchito Yosungulumwa (Zolemba Zatsopano za Harbinger, 2000). "Anthu ambiri ali ndi nkhani zokhudzana ndi kukhulupirirana. Iwo kale anavulazidwa mwanjira ina ndi winawake, kotero iwo amabwerera kutali ndi mabwenzi omwe amamanga mofulumira kwambiri."

6. Pali gulu lothandizira aliyense - amayi atsopano, makolo olera okha ana, zidakwa, eni mabizinesi ang'onoang'ono, odwala matenda ashuga komanso omwe amadya mopambanitsa, kungotchulapo ochepa. Lowani nawo umodzi. Ngati pali gulu lomwe limathandizira zosowa zanu kapena zokonda zanu, yesani. Olds akuwonetsa Toastmasters, omwe ali ndi mitu pafupifupi pafupifupi tauni iliyonse ku United States. Ophunzira amasonkhana pafupipafupi kuti ayese kuyankhula pagulu. Okonza toast amakopa anthu amisinkhu yonse ndi azikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana, ndipo ndi zotsika mtengo.Mutha kukumana ndi anthu odabwitsa mwanjira iyi, Olds akuti. Yang'anani pa Webusaiti; kapena ngati simungapeze gulu loyenera, ganizirani kuyambitsa lanu.

7. Funani othandizira kuti azidzilimbitsa. "Anthu omwe amadzimvera chisoni amakhala ovuta kupeza anzawo ndikupanga anzawo ndikukhala ndi anthu, chifukwa chake amakhala osungulumwa," akutero a Copeland. Ngati ndi inu, pezani wothandizira yemwe angakuthandizeni kuti muzidziwona nokha mosiyana.

Ponena za Carol Hildebrand, adayang'ana maulalo atsopano m'malo awiri. Choyamba, adalowa nawo Appalachian Mountain Club, yomwe imathandizira kukwera maulendo ndi zochitika zina zakunja. Anayamba kuyenda maulendo ataliatali - monga kukwera phiri la masiku asanu ndi atatu kudzera pa Presidential Range ku New Hampshire - komwe adakumana ndi anthu omwe anali ndi zinthu zambiri, kuphatikiza kukonda zakunja kwambiri, chimodzimodzi.

Pambuyo pake, adagwira ntchito kuti angosangalala nayo kugwira ntchito usiku wochepa m'sitolo yogulitsa zida zakunja ndi zovala. Potsirizira pake, sanangokhala ndi abwenzi atsopano oyenda (ndikupeza kuchotsera kwakukulu pamagiya), koma adacheza ndi munthu yemwe adagawana nawo msasa wachisanu - ndipo pamapeto pake adakhala mwamuna wake.

Thanzi lanu: Mtengo wa moyo wosungulumwa

Amayi onse amafuna abwenzi ndi okondedwa awo kuti azidalira, kuwalankhulira, kukhala omasuka nawo. Popanda kulumikizana kofunikira kwa anthu ena, si mizimu yathu yokha yomwe imavutika; thanzi lathu lakuthupi likuwonongeka, naponso.

Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti anthu omwe ali ndi maubwenzi okhutiritsa ocheperapo anayi kapena asanu ndi limodzi (ndi achibale, abwenzi, okwatirana, oyandikana nawo, ogwira nawo ntchito, ndi zina zotero) amatha kugwidwa ndi chimfine kawiri kawiri komanso kanayi kukhala ndi vuto la mtima.

Izi ndichifukwa choti kusungulumwa kumatha kuyambitsa kusintha kwa mankhwala mthupi lanu, kukupangitsani kuti muzitha kudwala, atero a Jeffrey Geller, MD, ofufuza osungulumwa komanso wamkulu wa mankhwala ophatikizira ku Lawrence Family Practice Residency Programme ku Lawrence, Mass. Thupi losungulumwa limamasuka mahomoni opsinjika maganizo (monga cortisol) omwe amalepheretsa chitetezo cha mthupi.

Ronald Glaser, Ph.D., pulofesa wa ma molecular virology, immunology ndi medical genetics ku Ohio akuti "kusowa chithandizo chazachikhalidwe kumapangitsa kuti munthu akhale pachiwopsezo chodwala matenda owerengeka ofanana ndi kusuta, kunenepa kwambiri komanso kusachita masewera olimbitsa thupi," State University Medical Center.

Ngati muli osungulumwa, nayi momwe thupi lanu - ndi malingaliro anu - amavutikira:

* Simudzatha kulimbana ndi matenda ndi matenda monga chimfine, fuluwenza, zilonda zozizira, herpes ndi ma virus ena.

Udzakhala ndi chiwopsezo chachikulu chotenga matenda a bakiteriya ndipo mwina khansa.

* Mumavutika kwambiri ndi kupsinjika maganizo.

* Mumakonda kwambiri kumwa mowa mopitirira muyeso ndikudzipha.

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