Chifukwa Chake Kufunsa Tsiku Lanu Ngati Ali "Queer Enough" Sizili bwino

Zamkati

• Kuda nkhawa Masiku
• Ayi, sindine "Osokonezedwa Basi"
• Onaninso za

Nditapita pachibwenzi changa choyamba ndi mkazi, ndinali ndi zaka 22. Ndinali kuthawira ku New York City nthawi yachilimwe, ndipo atandilangiza, ndinapanga akaunti ya OKCupid pomwe ndimayamba kuwunika moyo wakumbuyo kupitirira gawo langa la Midwestern .

Nditangotuluka, sindinali womasuka kwenikweni kutumiza uthenga woyamba, chifukwa chake ndidachita zomwe zikundipweteka kwambiri: Ndidadikirira wina kuti anditumizire uthenga. Patatha masiku ochepa, wina adatero, ndipo sanataye nthawi kundifunsa. Tidapanga tsiku loti tikhale ndi bala yaying'ono ku Upper West Side - osati mecca yolimba, ngakhale kusowa kwa ana ndi agogo-pafupi ndi komwe ndimakhala mchilimwe. (Yokhudzana: Mapulogalamu Abwino Opanga Zaumoyo ndi Olimbitsa Thupi)

Ndinadikirira mu bar yopapatiza ndisanaganize zokhala panja ndikudutsa miyendo yanga yotuluka thukuta uku ndi uku asanawonekere. Chinthu choyamba chimene ndinaona chinali ma tatoo a manja ake omwe anaphimba manja ake onse awiri. Pa nthawiyo, ndinali wopanda inki ndi wandiweyani, wakuda Zooey Deschanel akugunda pamphumi panga. Ndinakoka mwamantha chovala changa chachifupi chovala chovala chakuda cha Zara pomwe ndimayimirira kuti ndimulonjere, ndipo tidayankhula pang'ono asanandiyang'ane pansi ndi kunena china chomwe ndichimodzi mwazinthu zenizeni zomwe ndimakumbukira patsikuli: "Chifukwa chake, ndinu amuna ogonana bwanji-kwenikweni? "(Zokhudzana: Kodi" Kutuluka "Kunakulitsa Bwanji Thanzi Langa ndi Chimwemwe)

Panthawiyo sindinkadziwa kuti ndiyankhe bwanji funsoli. Sindinadziwe kwenikweni tanthauzo lake, choyamba. Ankafuna kuti nditulutse Kinsey Scale ndikuloza nambala? Kodi ndimayenera kuti ndimutsimikizire kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe ndimayang'ana ndikubwezeretsanso kupsompsona kwa Allison Janney / Meryl Streep Maola? Kodi amafuna kuti ndipite ndikamete theka la mutu wanga pomwepo, kuti ndikavale Birkenstocks, ndikugwedeza flannel? Kutulutsa mtundu wina waumboni wamayendedwe anga kunkawoneka kopanda tanthauzo, ndipo ndinathedwa nzeru.

Kuda nkhawa Masiku

M’zaka zingapo zotsatira, ndinali ndi mantha nthaŵi iriyonse imene ndinapita kokacheza. Kodi ndikanauzidwa, nthawi ndi nthawi, kuti sindinali wokwanira? Sizinali zoipa ngati nthawi yoyamba ija, koma ndinapitirizabe kuyerekezera zinthu m’mutu mwanga. Ndinkadzifunsa ngati masiku anga ankayang'ana "zambiri queer" kuposa ine kapena angaganize kuti zimene ndinakumana nazo ndi maonekedwe anga kuchotsera ine. Ndinkapita kokacheza ndipo ndinkada nkhawa kwambiri ndisanatuluke pakhomo moti ndinkalephera kuganiza zosangalala. (Zogwirizana: Ndizowona: Mapulogalamu Achibwenzi Sangakhale Abwino Kuti Muzidzilemekeza)

Anzanga ambiri ali ndi nkhani yofananayo yonena za tsiku loyamba kapena kulumikizana pagulu lachifumu. Ngati timavala zovala zachikazi, kudziwika kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kapena tikungoyamba kumene zibwenzi, anthu amakayikira ngati tili mderalo.

Mnzanga Dana anakwatira mkazi chaka chatha, ndipo mkazi wake anali chibwenzi chake choyamba. Pamene iye ndi chibwenzi chake adasiyana kumayambiriro kwa 2017, adakhazikitsa mapulogalamu azibwenzi azimayi okha chifukwa samafuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi amuna panthawiyo. Anali wokondwa kufufuza gawo latsopanoli la kugonana kwake komanso kukumana ndi akazi ena achilendo. Koma madetiwo, masiku ambiri achikale amakonda kuchita, amakhala achangu msanga kwambiri. Nthawi iliyonse, amalimbikira, kudzilimbitsa yekha mafunso okhudza chibwenzi chake chomwe amadziwa kuti chikubwera.

Iye anandiuza kuti: “Ndinkada nkhawa kwambiri chifukwa choti sindikhala ‘wamng’ono mokwanira. M'malo mwake, mwanjira ina, ndidawona kuti ndizowopsa chifukwa sindinkafuna kukanidwa ndi anthu ammudzi omwe ndimayesa kulumikizana nawo ndikukhala gawo lawo, popeza ndatsekedwa kwa nthawi yayitali. "

Ayi, sindine "Osokonezedwa Basi"

Ndakhala kunja kwa nthawi yonse yomwe ndimakhala ku New York. Ndili ndi gulu lalikulu la anzanga opusa, ndipo ndimatuluka mokwanira kumalo achilendo kuti ndizindikire anthu omwewo mobwerezabwereza pamaphwando (nthawi zina, zimamveka ngati mtundu wa anthu wamba. Chidole cha ku Russia). Palibe nthawi zambiri pomwe ndimakumana ndi munthu watsopano yemwe amandipangitsa kuti ndisamamve bwino za momwe ndimadzionetsera kapena kufunsa kuti ndakhala "nditatuluka" liti. Koma panali kanthawi kumeneko, pamene ndinali ndi zaka 23 ndipo ndinali nditangopatukana ndi chibwenzi changa choyamba, yemwe anali ndi zizindikiro zingapo zapamkono, tsitsi lalitali la Haim, ndipo akanakhoza bwino aliyense L Mawu Trivia, zomwe ndimaganiza kuti mwina pali chowonadi pamalingaliro awa "osakhala gay mokwanira", ndikudzifunsa ngati ndiyenera kuchita zambiri.

Ndinayamba kuvala ma beani ambiri ndikupeza malaya ochepa a flannel ku Uniqlo omwe ndinkavala mozungulira kwambiri. Ndipo nditangojambula tattoo, ndinaonetsetsa kuti ndikuwonetsetsa momwe ndingathere. Mnzanga Emilie amakumbukiranso zomwezo atatha kucheza ndi anthu omwe adamuwuza kuti "adangosokonezeka" chifukwa chovala zachikazi kapena mbiri ya chibwenzi chake.

"Ndidazindikira kuti ndikudzisintha ndekha kuti ndidziyanjanitsa ndi zomwe anthu akuyenera kuwona kuchokera kwa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, chifukwa chake ndimakhala kutali ndi zomwe ndili komanso momwe ndimafunira kuti anthu azindiwona," adatero.

Mukangoyamba kudzipatula nokha, muyenera kudzuka pang'ono. Ndinkakonda mabatani anga atsopano, ndipo ndinachotsa zinthu zina zonyansa m'chipinda changa zomwe sizimandimva ngati ine. Koma pali nthawi zina zomwe ndimafuna kuvala chovala chachikulu cha mpira kuti ndiphimbe kapeti yofiyira ku Met Gala, kapena kupita ku New York's Cubbyhole Bar ndikaweruka kuntchito nditavala diresi yachilimwe yowala, yamaluwa yamaluwa. Ndipo aliyense amene angandipangitse kuti nditsimikizire khadi yanga yachitseko pakhomo si aliyense amene amayenera kuti andipatse nthawi.

Ndikulonjeza kuti mkati mwa mphindi zisanu za zokambirana zathu, sindidzalankhula chilichonse koma malingaliro anga ogonana ndi Rachel Weisz, ndipo simudzadabwa.

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