Nditakhala Wamasiye ndili ndi zaka 27, Ndinkagonana Kuti Ndipulumuke Mtima Wanga

Zamkati

• Kulakalaka kukhudzidwa, kugwiridwa, kupsompsona, kutonthozedwa
• Kugonana ngati chida chodzikondera komanso kudzichiritsa

Mbali Yina Yachisoni ndi mndandanda wonena zakusintha kwa moyo kutaya. Nkhani zamphamvu izi zimafufuza zifukwa ndi njira zambiri zomwe timamvera ndikutsatira njira yatsopano.

M'zaka zanga za 20, njira yanga yogonana inali yotseguka, yamtchire, komanso yaulere. Mosiyana ndi izi, zinthu ndi amuna anga zinali zikhalidwe kuyambira pachiyambi.

Anandipanga chibwenzi kwa masiku atatu tisanawapsompsone koyamba, ngakhale ndimayesetsa osachita bwino kuti abwere kunyumba kwanga kumapeto kwa chilichonse.

Poyambirira, adamuyeza mayendedwe ake ndikundidziwa. Posakhalitsa, adadzitsegula kwathunthu. Tsiku lina madzulo titapanga chibwenzi mu nyumba yake yaing'ono, misozi yachimwemwe inatsika. Tidakhala limodzi miyezi iwiri yokha, koma ndidamugwera.

"Ndikuopa kukutaya, kukupweteketsa, kapena kukukonda kwambiri," ndinamuuza.

Adawonetsa chisamaliro, chikondi, komanso ulemu kwa thupi langa mogwirizana ndi chifundo chake cha mzimu wanga. Chokopa changa kwa iye chinali choposa komanso magetsi. Ankawoneka ngati wabwino kwambiri, wokoma mtima komanso wokongola kuti sangakhale woona. Kudzipereka kwake kuti ndikhale wodalirika komanso kuyankhulana kwandimasula ku nkhawa komanso kukayika.

Pamodzi, tinamanga ubale womwe tonse timalota koma sitinapeze ndi wina aliyense. Chikondi chathu chinakula mosavuta.

Tonse tidayika chisangalalo cha moyo - kuseka, nyimbo, zaluso, chakudya, kugonana, kuyenda - ndipo tidagawana chiyembekezo chosangalatsa. Kwa zaka 4 1/2, tinali osagwirizana. Tidali amodzi.

Masabata angapo asanakwanitse tsiku lobadwa la 31, pomwe amakhala kunyumba kwa Chaka Chatsopano kunyumba, adamwalira mwadzidzidzi chifukwa chodulidwa minyewa yomwe sichidadziwike. Sanadwale ndipo analibe njira yodziwira kuti tsokalo likuyandikira mumtima mwake wofooka.

Moyo wanga unasinthiratu nditamupeza wosalabadira, pomwe ndidazindikira kuti chikondi changa chopanda malire kwa iye sichingamupulumutse kuti asafe.

Ndinali wotsimikiza kuti ndapeza moyo wanga wosatha ndi iye. Ndipo, ndili ndi zaka 27, mwadzidzidzi ndinali wamasiye.

Usiku umodzi wokha, ndidataya zonse zomwe tidakumana ndikuphatikiza miyoyo yathu. Ndinali wosakwatiwa, ndekha, ndipo gawo la umunthu wanga - kukhala mkazi wake - linali litatayika. Nyumba yathu inkakhala yopanda anthu. Sindikanatha kulingalira za tsogolo langa, tsopano popeza ndinakumana nalo popanda iye.

Chisoni changa ndi kupwetekedwa mtima zinali zopweteka mwakuthupi komanso zosokoneza. Zinanditengera miyezi kuti ndiyambe kugona usiku wonse, ngakhale kupitilira apo kuti ndikhale tsiku lonse osangoyenderera misozi. Ndidapweteka chifukwa chosungulumwa - kulakalaka munthu yemwe sindingakhale naye - ndikumva kuwawa kuti ndigwire ndikulimbikitsidwa ndi thupi lina. Ndinagona mozungulira pabedi pathu, thupi langa ndikufikira kuti andichotsere kuzizira pamapazi anga ozizira.

M'mawa uliwonse ndinkamva ngati ndathamanga kwambiri. Ndikadapitilira bwanji popanda iye, apanso?

Kulakalaka kukhudzidwa, kugwiridwa, kupsompsona, kutonthozedwa

Anthu m'moyo wanga ndiopambana, ndipo adandipangitsa kumva kuti ndikondedwa kuchokera kulikonse. Ndinkatha kusangalala, kuseka, ndikuthokoza moyo chifukwa masiku anali kupita opanda iye. Koma palibe chisamaliro cha bwenzi chomwe chingathetse kusungulumwa kwanga.

Ndinkafuna wina wondigwira - chitonthozo chomwe ndapempha kuyambira ndili mwana ndipo yemwe mwamuna wanga amalonjeza tsiku lililonse. Ndinadzifunsa kuti ndi ndani komanso ndikasiya kusungulumwa, ndi munthu wamtundu wanji amene angakwaniritse chosowa chosakhutiritsidwa chotere.

Chikhumbo changa chokhudzidwa, kupsompsona, kusisitidwa chinali ngati moto wolusa womwe umawotchera mkati mwanga tsiku lililonse likadutsa.

Nditalimba mtima kuuza abwenzi zanga zakufunitsitsa ndikakhudzidwa, ena adafanizira zowawa zanga ndi nthawi ya moyo wawo asanakwatire. Koma kusowa kolingalira komwe ndidamva pakudziwa chikondi changwiro ndikuchisiya kunali kolemetsa kwambiri.

Kukhala wamasiye sizofanana ndi kutha kwa banja kapena kusudzulana. Mwamuna wanga ndi ine tinasiyana mpaka kalekale, osasankha, ndipo kumwalira kwake kunalibe ndalama.

Sindinkafuna kukhala pachibwenzi. Ndinkafuna mwamuna wanga. Ndipo ngati sindikanakhala naye, ndimafuna kugonana ndi kukondana popanda kuchita ngati kuti ndili bwino.

Ndinatembenukira ku mapulogalamu azibwenzi koyamba kuti ndipeze zibwenzi zoyenera kukwaniritsa zosowa zanga. Kwa miyezi isanu ndi umodzi, ndinaitanitsa gulu la alendo kunyumba kwanga. Ndinapewa chakudya chamadzulo ndi zakumwa, m'malo mwake ndimafunsanso mtundu wina wokumana. Ndinawauza malamulo anga, zomwe ndimakonda, komanso zomwe ndikufuna. Ndidali wowona mtima kwa iwo za momwe ndiriri komanso osakonzekera chibwenzi chatsopano. Zinali kwa iwo kusankha ngati ali omasuka ndi zoperewera.

Ndinkaona kuti palibe chomwe ndikanataya. Ndinali nditayamba kale kulota koopsa kwambiri, bwanji osalimba mtima poyesa kusangalala ndikusangalala?

Kugonana komwe ndinali nako m'miyezi yoyamba ija sikunali ngati ubale wapamtima womwe ndimakhala nawo ndi amuna anga, koma ndidakwaniritsa chidaliro chomwe ndidapeza m'banja langa kuti chilimbikitse zokumana nazo.

Mosiyana ndi zolakwika zopanda pake ku koleji, ndimayamba kugonana mosaganiza bwino ndikumvetsetsa bwino zomwe ndimayenera kukhutitsidwa. Kukula msinkhu komanso kukhala ndi chikondi chosasunthika mthupi langa, kugonana kunandipulumutsa.

Kugonana kunandipangitsa kumva kuti ndine wamoyo ndipo kunandimasula m'maganizo opweteka, ozungulira momwe moyo wanga ungakhalire akadamwalira. Zinandipatsa mphamvu komanso zimandipatsa mphamvu.

Maganizo anga amamasuka ndi kusefukira kwa oxytocin komwe ndidakumana nako. Kukhudzidwa kunandipatsa mphamvu kuti ndithane ndi zovuta pamoyo wanga watsiku ndi tsiku.

Kugonana ngati chida chodzikondera komanso kudzichiritsa

Ndinkadziwa kuti anthu azivutika kumvetsa njira yanga. Chikhalidwe chathu sichipereka zitsanzo zambiri za amayi omwe amagwiritsa ntchito chiwerewere ngati chida chodzikondera, kuchiritsa, kapena mphamvu. Kukwanitsa kugonana kunja kwa chibwenzi ndi kovuta kuti anthu ambiri amvetsetse.

Ndinalibe aliyense woti ndimupemphe kuti andilangize momwe ndingathetsere kusagonana kwanga pa nangula womwe unali ukwati wanga, koma ndidatsimikiza kuyambitsa njira yanga.

Ndidasowa kusamalira mamuna wanga - kumusisita, kumulimbikitsa kuti azichita maloto ake, kumvetsera ndikuseka nkhani zake. Ndidasowa kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yanga, mphamvu zanga, ndi maluso anga kuti ndimutsegule, ndikupangitsa kuti azimva kuti ndiwofunika, komanso kuti moyo wake ukhale wopindulitsa. Ndinamva kukhala wowolowa manja popatsa amuna atsopano chithandizo chomwe ndidapatsa mwamuna wanga, ngakhale zitakhala kwa ola limodzi lokha.

Zinali zophweka kuzolowera moyo wokha ndikamabwera mlendo kudzandikumbutsa za kukongola kwanga kapena kutsimikizira kugonana kwanga.

Ndapeza zachilendo.

Pambuyo pa miyezi ingapo yogonana mosavomerezeka ndi kulumikizana kocheperako, ndidasintha njira, ndikumakopeka ndi anzanga omwe ali pachibwenzi kapena osagwirizana.

Ndi amuna omwe alinso ndi abwenzi kapena akazi awo, ndidapeza kugonana kopanda chilolezo. Kampani yawo imakwaniritsa zosowa zanga zakuthupi pomwe ndimapitilizabe kudziwa za moyo wanga komanso tsogolo langa popanda mwamuna wanga. Kukhazikitsa kwake ndikwabwino, poganizira momwe zinthu ziliri, chifukwa ndimatha kukhulupirirana komanso kukambirana momasuka zokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso zokhumba ndi anzangawa, zomwe ndizovuta ndi maimidwe a usiku umodzi.

Tsopano, chaka chimodzi ndi theka kuchokera pamene mamuna wanga wamwalira, nanenso ndili pachibwenzi, osati kungoitanira anthu kunyumba kwanga. Koma zokhumudwitsazi zimaposa kwambiri chiyembekezo cha chiyembekezo.

Ndikukhalabe ndi chiyembekezo kuti ndipeza wina woti ndigawe nawo moyo wanga wonse. Ndine wotseguka kuti ndipeze chikondi pakona iliyonse, kuchokera kwa munthu aliyense. Nthawi ikafika yoti ndisinthe moyo wosavomerezekawu ndi ina yofanana ndi yomwe ndidagawana ndi amuna anga, ndichita izi mosazengereza.

Pakadali pano, kufunafuna ndikuika patsogolo chisangalalo cha umasiye, monga momwe ndimachitira muukwati wanga, zipitilizabe kundithandiza kuti ndikhale ndi moyo.

Mukufuna kuwerenga nkhani kuchokera kwa anthu omwe akuyendetsa zachilendo pamene akukumana ndi zosayembekezereka, zosintha moyo, komanso nthawi zina zachisoni? Onani mndandanda wathunthu Pano.

Anjali Pinto ndi wolemba komanso wojambula zithunzi ku Chicago. Zithunzi zake komanso zolemba zake zidasindikizidwa mu New York Times, Chicago Magazine, The Washington Post, Harper's Bazaar, Bitch Magazine, ndi Rolling Stone. M'chaka choyamba kutsatira kumwalira kwadzidzidzi kwa mwamuna wa Pinto, a Jacob Johnson, adagawana chithunzi ndi mawu ofotokozera atali Instagram tsiku lililonse ngati njira yochiritsira. Pokhala pachiwopsezo, kupweteka kwake ndi chisangalalo chake zidalimbikitsa malingaliro ambiri a anthu achisoni.