Ubwenzi wapamtima vs Kudzipatula: Chifukwa Chiyani Mabwenzi Ali Ofunika Kwambiri

Zamkati

• Zomwe zikutanthauza
• Nchiyani chimabweretsa kukondana kapena kudzipatula?
• Kodi mumachoka bwanji kudzipatula ndikukhala pachibwenzi?
• Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani mukapanda kuyendetsa bwino gawo ili la chitukuko?
• Mfundo yofunika

Erik Erikson anali katswiri wazamaganizidwe wazaka za m'ma 2000. Adasanthula ndikugawana zomwe munthu adakumana nazo m'magawo asanu ndi atatu amakulidwe. Gawo lirilonse liri ndi mkangano wapadera ndi zotsatira zake.

Gawo limodzi - kuyanjana ndi kudzipatula - kumawonetsa zovuta zomwe achinyamata amakhala nazo pomwe akuyesera kukulitsa ubale wapamtima, wachikondi. Ili ndiye gawo lachisanu ndi chimodzi la chitukuko, malinga ndi Erikson.

Anthu akamadutsa magawo awa, Erikson amakhulupirira kuti apeza maluso omwe angawathandize kuchita bwino mtsogolo. Komabe, ngati atakhala ndi vuto lopeza maluso awa, atha kulimbana.

Malinga ndi Erikson muubwenzi wapakati poyerekeza ndi kudzipatula, kupambana kumatanthauza kukhala ndi ubale wathanzi, wokwaniritsa. Kulephera kumatanthauza kusungulumwa kapena kudzipatula.

Zomwe zikutanthauza

Ngakhale mawu oti kukondana kumatha kuyambitsa malingaliro ogonana, si momwe Erikson adafotokozera.

Malinga ndi iye, kukondana ndi ubale wachikondi wamtundu uliwonse. Pamafunika kugawana ndi ena. Ikhoza kukuthandizani kukulitsa kulumikizana kwazomwe mumakonda.

Inde, nthawi zina, izi zitha kukhala zokondana. Erickson amakhulupirira kuti gawo lachitukuko limachitika pakati pa zaka 19 ndi 40 - ndi nthawi yomwe anthu ambiri amakhala kuti akufuna chibwenzi chamoyo wonse.

Komabe, sanaganize kuti kukondana ndi ntchito yokhayo yomanga chibwenzi. M'malo mwake, ndi nthawi yomwe anthu amatha kupanga ubale wolimba, wokwaniritsa ndi anthu omwe siabanja.

Omwe anali "abwenzi anu apamtima" kusukulu yasekondale atha kukhala okondedwa a anzanu apamtima. Amathanso kukangana ndikukhala odziwa. Ino ndi nthawi yomwe nthawi zambiri zimasiyanitsidwa.

Kudzipatula, komano, ndiko kuyesa kwa munthu kupeŵa kukondana. Izi zitha kukhala chifukwa mukuwopa kudzipereka kapena mukuzengereza kuti mudziwonetse nokha pafupi ndi aliyense.

Kudzipatula kungakulepheretseni kukhala ndi ubale wabwino. Zitha kukhalanso zotsatira za maubale omwe adatha, ndipo zitha kukhala zowononga zokha.

Ngati mwavulazidwa muubwenzi wapamtima, mutha kuopa kukondana mtsogolo. Izi zitha kukupangitsani kuti mupewe kutsegulira mwayi kwa ena. Izi, zimatha kupangitsa kusungulumwa - ngakhale kudzipatula pagulu komanso kukhumudwa.

Nchiyani chimabweretsa kukondana kapena kudzipatula?

Ubwenzi wapamtima ndi chisankho chodziwonetsera nokha kwa ena ndikugawana zomwe inu muli komanso zokumana nazo zanu kuti muthe kupanga kulumikizana kwamuyaya, kolimba. Mukadziyika panokha ndikudaliranso chidaliro, mumakhala pachibwenzi.

Ngati zoyesayesazo zikudzudzulidwa, kapena mukukanidwa mwanjira ina, mutha kusiya. Mantha akunyanyulidwa, kukanidwa, kapena kukhumudwa angakupangitseni kudzipatula kwa ena.

Pamapeto pake, izi zitha kubweretsa kudzidalira, zomwe zingakupangitseni mwayi woti mupite kukapanga zibwenzi kapena mabwenzi atsopano.

Kodi mumachoka bwanji kudzipatula ndikukhala pachibwenzi?

Erikson amakhulupirira kuti kuti apitilize kukula ngati munthu wathanzi, anthu ayenera kumaliza gawo lililonse la chitukuko. Kupanda kutero, azikakamira ndipo atha kulephera kumaliza magawo amtsogolo.

Pa gawo lino la chitukuko, izi zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuphunzira momwe mungakulitsire ndikusungabe ubale wabwino. Kupanda kutero, magawo awiri otsalawo atha kukhala pachiwopsezo.

Kudzipatula nthawi zambiri kumachitika chifukwa choopa kukanidwa kapena kuchotsedwa ntchito. Ngati mukuwopa kuti mukanidwa kapena kukankhidwira kutali ndi mnzanu kapena amene mungakhale naye pachibwenzi, mungapewe kuyanjana kwathunthu.

Izi zitha kukupangitsani kuti mupewe zoyesayesa zamtsogolo zopanga ubale.

Kusamuka ndikudzipatula kumafuna kuti mupewe chizolowezi chopewa ena ndikunyoza mafunso ovuta paubwenzi. Zimakupemphani kuti mukhale omasuka komanso achilungamo kwa inu nokha ndi ena. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kwa anthu omwe amakonda kudzipatula.

Wothandizira atha kukhala wothandiza pakadali pano. Amatha kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa zamakhalidwe omwe angalepheretse kukondana, ndikuthandizaninso kupanga njira zosunthira kudzipatula kukhala maubwenzi apamtima, okwaniritsa.

Kodi chimachitika ndi chiyani mukapanda kuyendetsa bwino gawo ili la chitukuko?

Erikson amakhulupirira kuti kusakwaniritsa gawo lililonse la chitukuko kungabweretse mavuto mtsogolo. Ngati simunathe kukhala ndi chidziwitso chodzidziwitsa nokha (gawo lachisanu), mutha kukhala ndi zovuta kupanga ubale wabwino.

Mavuto panthawiyi atha kukulepheretsani kusamalira anthu kapena ntchito zomwe "zidzasiya chizindikiro chanu" pamibadwo yamtsogolo.

Kuphatikiza apo, kudzipatula kwanthawi yayitali kumatha kuwononga zambiri kuposa thanzi lanu lamisala. akuwonetsa kuti kusungulumwa komanso kudzipatula kumatha kuyambitsa matenda amtima.

Anthu ena atha kukhala pachibwenzi, ngakhale samamanga mgwirizano wolimba. Koma izi sizingakhale zopambana pamapeto pake.

Wina adapeza kuti azimayi omwe samatha kukulitsa maluso okondana kwambiri amatha kusudzulidwa ndi moyo wapakati.

Mfundo yofunika

Ubale wathanzi, wabwino ndi zomwe zimachitika chifukwa cha zinthu zambiri zachitukuko - kuphatikiza kukhala ndi chidziwitso.

Kuti timange maubwenzi amenewa timatengera kudziwa momwe tingalankhulire momasuka komanso moona mtima. Kaya mumapereka chitukuko chanu ku nzeru za Erikson kapena ayi, maubale abwino ndiopindulitsa pazifukwa zambiri.

Ngati mukuvutika kupanga kapena kusunga ubale, wothandizira atha kukuthandizani.

Katswiri wophunzitsidwa bwino wazamisala angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi chizolowezi chodzipatula. Angakuthandizeninso kukonzekera ndi zida zoyenera kuti mupange ubale wabwino, wokhalitsa.