N 'chifukwa Chiyani Kusungulumwa Kukufika Patadutsa zaka 30?

Zamkati

• Kusungulumwa kumakula pambuyo pa koleji
• Ndiye, kodi kusungulumwa kumachokera ku mantha olephera?
• Komabe chowonadi ndichakuti, ambiri a ife timadziwa kale momwe tingakhalire osungulumwa
• Kuyamba, tikukula pazanema
• Momwe mungasungire mkombero

N'zotheka kuti mantha athu olephera - osati malo ochezera a pa Intaneti - ndi omwe amachititsa kusungulumwa.

Zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi zapitazo, Naresh Vissa anali wazaka 20 komanso wosungulumwa.

Anangomaliza kumene koleji ndipo ankakhala yekha kwa nthawi yoyamba m'chipinda chimodzi chogona, osachokapo kawirikawiri.

Monga zina zambiri makumi awiri, Vissa anali wosakwatiwa. Ankadya, kugona komanso kugwira ntchito kunyumba.

"Ndinkayang'ana pazenera langa ku Baltimore's Harbor East ndikuwona anthu ena azaka [20] zawo akuchita maphwando, akupita kokacheza, ndikusangalala," akutero a Vissa. "Zomwe ndimatha kuchita ndikutseka khungu, kuzimitsa magetsi anga, ndikuwonera zigawo za 'The Wire.'"

Atha kukhala kuti anali yekhayekha m'badwo wake, koma Vissa sakhala yekhayekha mukusungulumwa.

Kusungulumwa kumakula pambuyo pa koleji

Mosiyana ndi zomwe ambiri amakhulupirira kuti wazunguliridwa ndi abwenzi, maphwando, komanso osangalatsa mzaka za 20 ndi 30, nthawi yakumapeto kwa koleji ndiyo nthawi yomwe kusungulumwa kumakwera.

Kafukufuku wa 2016 wofalitsidwa mu Developmental Psychology adapeza kuti, pakati pa amuna ndi akazi, kusungulumwa kumakwera asanakwanitse zaka 30.

Mu 2017, a Jo Cox Kusungulumwa Commission (kampeni yaku England yomwe cholinga chake chinali kufotokozera zovuta zobisika za kusungulumwa) adachita kafukufuku wosungulumwa ndi amuna ku UK ndipo adapeza kuti 35 ndiye azaka zosungulumwa, ndipo 11% adati kusungulumwa tsiku ndi tsiku.

Koma ino si nthawi yomwe ambiri aife, monga ana, timalota za kuchita bwino? Kupatula apo, makanema onga "Mtsikana Watsopano," komanso "Anzanu" ndi "Will & Grace" sanawonetse kukhala osungulumwa azaka za m'ma 20 ndi 30.

Titha kukhala ndi mavuto azachuma, zovuta pantchito, komanso zokhumudwitsa, koma kusungulumwa? Izi zimayenera kutha tikadzangopanga tokha.

Akatswiri a zachikhalidwe cha anthu akhala akuwona zinthu zitatu zofunika kwambiri pakupanga abwenzi: kuyandikira, kulumikizana mobwerezabwereza komanso kosakonzekera, ndi malo omwe amalimbikitsa anthu kuti azikhala osamala. Izi sizimawoneka pafupipafupi m'moyo mukatha masiku anu ogona chipinda chogona.

"Pali zopeka zambiri pazakuti zaka 20 ndizofunika," atero a Tess Brigham, othandizira ovomerezeka ku San Francisco omwe amachita bwino kwambiri pochiza achinyamata komanso zaka zikwizikwi.

"Ambiri mwa makasitomala anga amaganiza kuti ayenera kukhala ndi ntchito yabwino, kukwatiwa - kapena kukhala pachibwenzi - ndikukhala ndi moyo wabwino kwambiri asanakwanitse zaka 30 kapena alephera mwanjira ina," akuwonjezera Brigham.

Ndizofunika kuchita, makamaka zonse nthawi imodzi.

Ndiye, kodi kusungulumwa kumachokera ku mantha olephera?

Kapenanso chikhalidwe cha chikhalidwe chimangopangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati kuti ndiwe yekhayo amene walephera, zomwe zimakupangitsani kumva kuti mwatsalira komanso osungulumwa.

"Ngati muwonjezera muma social media, omwe ndi moyo wa wina aliyense akuwonetsa zakunyumba, zimapangitsa achinyamata ambiri kukhala osungulumwa komanso otayika," akutero Brigham.

"Ngakhale zaka 20-zodzaza ndi zosangalatsa komanso zosangalatsa, inunso ndi nthawi ya moyo wanu yomwe mumadziwitsa kuti ndinu ndani ndipo mukufuna kukhala ndi moyo wotani."

Ngati wina aliyense - ndipo atakhala aliyense pa malo ochezera, kuphatikizapo owalimbikitsa ndi otchuka - akuwoneka kuti akukhala moyo wabwino kuposa iwe, zitha kukupangitsa kukhulupirira kuti walephera kale. Mutha kukhala ndi chidwi chobwerera kwambiri.

Koma kuwonjezera pa nkhaniyi ndikuti sitikusintha momwe timapangira anzathu pambuyo pa koleji. Munthawi ya sukulu, moyo ukhoza kufanizidwa ndi kukhala pagulu la "Anzanu." Mutha kulowa ndi kutuluka mchipinda cha anzanu osagogoda.

Tsopano, ndi abwenzi omwe afalikira mumzinda ndipo aliyense akuyesera kupanga njira yake, kupanga mabwenzi kwakhala kovuta komanso kovuta.

"Achinyamata ambiri sanachitepo kanthu kuti apange maubwenzi," akutero Brigham. "Kukhazikitsa gulu la anthu omwe amakuthandizani ndikupanga anzanu omwe akuwonjezera china chake m'miyoyo yawo kudzathandiza kusungulumwa."

Akatswiri a zachikhalidwe cha anthu akhala akuwona zinthu zitatu zofunika kwambiri pakupanga abwenzi: kuyandikira, kuyanjana mobwerezabwereza komanso kosakonzekera, ndi malo omwe amalimbikitsa anthu kuti azikhala osamala. Izi sizimawoneka pafupipafupi m'moyo mukatha masiku anu ogona chipinda chogona.

“Netflix ikuwonetsetsa kuti sayenera kudikirira gawo lotsatira sabata yamawa; Internet mwachangu pafoni zawo zimawapatsa zidziwitso zapadziko lonse lapansi ndikudikirira masekondi 5; pokhudzana ndi maubale, apatsidwa mtundu wosinthana pomanga maubwenzi. " - Mark Wildes

Alisha Powell, wazaka 28 wogwira ntchito zothandiza anthu ku Washington, DC, akuti ali wosungulumwa. Popeza sali muofesi, zimamuvuta kukumana ndi anthu.

Powell anati: "Ndikulakalaka kwambiri kutanthauza winawake," "Ndazindikira kuti ngakhale ndimatha kukhala ndichisoni ndi zinthu zomvetsa chisoni ndekha chifukwa ndimayembekezera, nthawi zosungulumwa zomwe ndimakhala ndizomwe ndimakhala wokondwa. Ndikufuna kuti wina amene amasamala za ine asangalale ndi ine, koma sanapezekepo ndipo sanakhaleko. ”

Powell akuti chifukwa satsatira moyo wogwira ntchito zisanu ndi zinayi mpaka zisanu, kukwatiwa, ndi kukhala ndi makanda - zomwe ndi njira zonse zomangira gulu - ali ndi zovuta kupeza anthu omwe amamumvetsetsa bwino ndikumupeza. Iye sanawapezebe anthu amenewo.

Komabe chowonadi ndichakuti, ambiri a ife timadziwa kale momwe tingakhalire osungulumwa

Kafukufuku wakhala akutiphulitsa zakusiyana pakati pazanema; zofalitsa zakhala zikutiuza ife kuti tilembe mu magazini yoyamika; ndipo upangiri wanthawi zonse ndiwosavuta kwambiri: pitani panja kukakumana ndi anthu m'malo mongowalemba kapena, monga DM ya Instagram.

Timachipeza.

Nanga bwanji sitikuchita? Chifukwa chiyani, m'malo mwake, tikungokhumudwa chifukwa chakusungulumwa kwathu?

Kuyamba, tikukula pazanema

Kuchokera pa Facebook amakonda Tinder swipes, mwina tidayika kale ndalama zambiri mu American Dream, zomwe zimapangitsa ubongo wathu kukhala wolimba kuti ukhale ndi zotsatira zabwino zokha.

"Gulu lazaka chikwizikwi lidakulira ndikuti zosowa zawo zikwaniritsidwa mwachangu komanso mwachangu," akutero a Mark Wildes, wolemba buku la "Beyond the Instant," buku lonena za kupeza chisangalalo mdziko lazachangu komanso zoulutsira mawu.

“Netflix ikuwonetsetsa kuti sayenera kudikirira gawo lotsatira sabata yamawa; Internet mwachangu pafoni zawo zimawapatsa zidziwitso zapadziko lonse lapansi ndikudikirira kwa mphindi zisanu, "akutero a Wildes," ndipo zikafika pamagulu, apatsidwa mtundu wosintha ubale wawo. "

Kwenikweni, tili munthawi yoyipa: timaopa kusalidwa chifukwa chosungulumwa, chifukwa chake timabwerera tokha ndikumakhala osungulumwa.

Carla Manly, PhD, katswiri wazachipatala ku California komanso wolemba buku lomwe likubwera "Joy Pa Mantha," akuwonetsa momwe zochitikazi zingakhalire zowopsa tikazisiya.

Kusungulumaku komwe kumakupangitsani kukupangitsani kuchita manyazi, ndipo mumawopa kufikira ena kapena kuuza ena kuti mumasungulumwa. Manly anati: “Kuchita zinthu motengeka kumeneku kukupitirizabe - ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri kumachititsa munthu kukhumudwa kwambiri ndi kudzipatula,” anatero Manly.

Ngati tizingolingalira za moyo kuti tipeze zomwe tikufuna panthawi yomwe tikufuna, zidzangotikhumudwitsa.

Chinsinsi chothanirana ndi kusungulumwa chimabwerera kuti chikhale chosavuta - mukudziwa, malangizo omwe timangowamva mobwerezabwereza: pitani panja mukachite zinthu.

Simungamvanso kapena mutha kukanidwa. Zingakhale zoopsa. Koma simudziwa pokhapokha mutapempha.

Brigham akuti: "Palibe chomwe chingathetse msanga pankhani yosungulumwa kapena zovuta zathu zina." "Kuchita izi kukutanthauza kuti uzikhala wosasangalatsa kwakanthawi."

Muyenera kutuluka nokha kapena kupita kwa wina watsopano kuntchito kukawafunsa ngati akufuna kudya nanu nkhomaliro. Iwo akanakhoza kunena ayi, koma iwo mwina sangatero. Lingaliro ndikuwona kukanidwa ngati gawo limodzi koma osati chotchinga mseu.

"Ambiri mwa makasitomala anga amaganizira mozama ndikusanthula ndikudandaula za zomwe zimachitika akalandira 'ayi' kapena akuwoneka opusa," akutero Brigham. "Kuti mukhale ndi chidaliro mwa inu nokha, muyenera kuchitapo kanthu ndikuyang'ana pa kutenga mwayi ndikudziwonetsera nokha (zomwe mukuziyang'anira) osati zotsatira zake (zomwe simungathe kuzilamulira)."

Momwe mungasungire mkombero

Wolemba Kiki Schirr adakhazikitsa cholinga chaka chino cha kukanidwa 100 - ndipo adachita zonse zomwe amafuna. Zinapezeka kuti sanakwaniritse cholinga chake chifukwa zochulukitsitsa zomwe zidasandulika kukhala zovomerezeka.

Mofananamo, kaya ndi abwenzi kapena zolinga pamoyo, kuwona kukanidwa ngati kupambana kwanjira kungakhale yankho kuthana ndi mantha anu olephera.

Kapena, ngati malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi kufooka kwanu, bwanji ngati, m'malo mongolowa ndi FOMO (kuwopa kuphonya) malingaliro, timayesa kusintha momwe timaganizira za zokumana nazo za anthu ena? Mwina ndi nthawi yoti mutenge njira ya JOMO (chisangalalo chophonya) m'malo mwake.

Titha kukhala achimwemwe kwa omwe akusangalala ndi nthawi yawo m'malo mokhumba kuti tikadakhala nawo. Ngati ndizolemba ndi mnzanu, atumizireni uthenga ndikufunsani ngati mungacheze nawo nthawi ina.

Simungamvanso kapena mutha kukanidwa. Zingakhale zoopsa. Koma simudziwa pokhapokha mutapempha.

Vissa pomaliza adasiya kusungulumwa kwake pokhazikitsa zolinga zosavuta: kuwerenga buku kamodzi pamwezi; onerani kanema tsiku lililonse; mverani ma podcast; lembani mapulani abwino amabizinesi, mizere yonyamula, mitu yamabuku - chilichonse chabwino; kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi; siyani kumwa; ndipo siyani kucheza ndi anthu oyipa (omwe amaphatikizaponso kuwakhumudwitsa pa Facebook).

Vissa adayambanso kuchita zibwenzi pa intaneti, ndipo, akadali wosakwatiwa, adakumana ndi akazi osangalatsa.

Tsopano, ali ndi mawonekedwe ena pazenera lake.

"Nthawi zonse ndikakhala wokhumudwa kapena wokhumudwa, ndimapita pagome langa lodyera, ndikuyang'ana pazenera langa lomwe likuyang'ana kumtunda kwa mzinda wa Baltimore, ndikuyamba kusewera ndikuimba 'Makapu' a Anna Kendrick," akutero a Vissa. "Ndikamaliza, ndimayang'ana mmwamba, ndikuponya manja anga m'mwamba, ndikuti, 'Zikomo.'"

Danielle Braff ndi mkonzi wakale wamagazini komanso mtolankhani wa nyuzipepala yemwe adasandutsa wopambana pawokha, wodziwa zaumoyo, bizinesi, kugula, kulera, komanso kulemba maulendo.