Kugwetsa Nyumba Ya Martyr

Zamkati

• Kodi ndichinthu chofanananso ndi malingaliro amnzeru?
• Kodi chikuwoneka bwanji?
• Mumachitira anthu zinthu ngakhale simukumva kuti akuyamikiridwa
• Nthawi zambiri mumayesetsa kuchita zambiri
• Anthu omwe mumacheza nawo amakupangitsani kudzimvera chisoni
• Nthawi zonse mumakhala osakhutira ndi ntchito kapena maubale anu
• Muli ndi kachitidwe kakusamalira ena muubwenzi
• Mafunso omwe mungadzifunse
• Mukumva ngati palibe chomwe mumachita ndicholondola
• Chifukwa chiyani zili zovulaza?
• Kusagwirizana
• Kutopa
• Kusasintha kwabwino
• Kodi ndizotheka kuthana nazo?
• Yesetsani kulankhulana
• Ovomereza nsonga
• Khazikitsani malire
• Pangani nthawi yodzisamalira
• Lankhulani ndi wothandizira
• Malangizo aliwonse okhudzana ndi kuthana ndi munthu wina?
• Talingalirani za moyo wawo
• Khalani ndi chifundo
• Khazikitsani malire
• Mfundo yofunika

M'mbuyomu, wofera chikhulupiriro ndi munthu amene amasankha kudzipereka moyo wawo kapena kukumana ndi zowawa ndikumva zowawa m'malo mwosiya china chake chomwe amati ndi chopatulika. Ngakhale mawuwa akugwiritsidwabe ntchito motere lerolino, amatengedwa pa tanthauzo lachiwiri lomwe ndi lochepa pang'ono.

Masiku ano, mawuwa nthawi zina amagwiritsidwa ntchito kutanthauzira munthu yemwe akuwoneka kuti akuvutika munjira ina iliyonse.

Nthawi zonse amatha kukhala ndi nkhani yokhudza tsoka lawo laposachedwa kapena kudzipereka komwe apanga chifukwa cha wina. Angakokomeze zinthu zoipa zomwe zimachitika kuti anthu amve chisoni kapena kupangitsa ena kudziona ngati olakwa.

Zikumveka bwino? Mwinamwake mukuganiza za mnzanu kapena wachibale wanu - kapena ngakhale inunso.

Werengani kuti mudziwe zambiri zamomwe mungazindikire malingalirowa ndi zida zogwiritsa ntchito kuthana nawo.

Kodi ndichinthu chofanananso ndi malingaliro amnzeru?

Malo ofera chikhulupiriro angawoneke ofanana kwambiri ndi malingaliro omwe achitidwa. Zonsezi zimakhala zofala kwambiri kwa omwe apulumuka kuzunzidwa kapena zoopsa zina, makamaka omwe alibe zida zokwanira zothanirana ndi mavuto.

Koma malingaliro awiriwa ali ndi kusiyanasiyana kowonekera.

Munthu amene ali ndi malingaliro owonongedwa nthawi zambiri amamva kuti amazunzidwa ndi chilichonse chomwe chimalakwika, ngakhale atakhala kuti vuto, nkhanza, kapena vuto silinawathandize.

Sangakhale ndi chidwi chofuna kumva mayankho omwe angakhalepo. M'malo mwake, amatha kupereka chithunzi chongofuna kudzipukusa m'masautso.

Malo ofera chikhulupiriro amapitilira izi. Anthu okhala ndi malo ofera samangomva kuti amazunzidwa. Amawoneka kuti akuyesetsa kuti apeze zinthu zomwe zingayambitse mavuto kapena mavuto ena.

Malinga ndi a Sharon Martin, LCSW, munthu yemwe ali ndi chikhulupiriro chofera "amataya zosowa zawo komanso amafuna kuti achitire ena zabwino." Ananenanso kuti "samathandiza ndi mtima wachimwemwe koma amatero chifukwa chodzipereka kapena kudziimba mlandu."

Akupitiliza kufotokoza kuti izi zimatha kubweretsa mkwiyo, mkwiyo, komanso kusowa mphamvu. Popita nthawi, izi zimatha kupangitsa kuti munthu azimva kuti wagwidwa, osakhala ndi mwayi wokana kapena kudzipangira zinthu.

Kodi chikuwoneka bwanji?

Wina yemwe nthawi zonse amawoneka kuti akuvutika - ndipo akuwoneka kuti amakonda choncho - atha kukhala ndi ofera, malinga ndi Lynn Somerstein, PhD. Mavuto awa amatha kubweretsa zopweteketsa mtima kapena kuthupi komanso kupsinjika.

Nazi zina mwa zizindikilo zomwe inu kapena munthu wina mungakhale ndi zovuta za ofera.

Mumachitira anthu zinthu ngakhale simukumva kuti akuyamikiridwa

Kufuna kuthandiza omwe ali pafupi kwambiri ndi inu kukuwonetsa kuti muli ndi mtundu wachifundo komanso wachifundo. Mutha kuchita izi kuti muthandizire, osati chifukwa choti mukufuna kuti okondedwa anu azindikire kuyesetsa kwanu kapena kudzipereka komwe mudapanga chifukwa cha iwo.

Koma ndi liti pamene kuthandizira kumapereka lingaliro la malo ofera?

Anthu ambiri omwe akuvutitsidwa ndi kusayamika amangosiya kuthandiza. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro ofera, komabe, mutha kupitiliza kukuthandizani pofotokoza mkwiyo wanu podandaula, mkati kapena kwa ena, zakusayamika.

Nthawi zambiri mumayesetsa kuchita zambiri

Nthawi zina kutenga zina zowonjezera kapena kupanga zina zambiri sizikutanthauza kuti ndinu wofera chikhulupiriro. Koma ganizirani ngati mumavomereza maudindo omwe sikofunikira kwenikweni kwa inu.

Mungamve ngati palibe chomwe chidzachitike pokhapokha mutadzichitira nokha ndikukana thandizo lililonse. Ngakhale mutakhumudwa ndi ntchito yowonjezerayi, mukupitiliza kuwonjezera ntchito yanu mukafunsidwa. Mutha kudzipereka mwakunyinyirika kuti muchite zambiri.

Anthu omwe mumacheza nawo amakupangitsani kudzimvera chisoni

Khalani ndi bwenzi (kapena awiri) omwe simukusangalala kuti mumuwona? Mwina nthawi zonse amafuna kuti muwachitire zinthu zina, muzinena zamwano, kapena kukutsutsani.

Ngakhale maubwenzi oopsa atakuchotsani, sikophweka nthawi zonse kuti muwathetse, makamaka ngati munthuyo ndi wachibale kapena mnzake wapamtima. Koma taganizirani momwe mungayankhire poizoni.

Kuyankha kothandiza kungaphatikizepo kukhazikitsa malire ndikupanga mtunda pakati pa inu ndi munthu winayo.

Koma ngati mupitiliza kucheza nawo pafupipafupi, ndikumangopezeka mukuganiza kapena kuyankhula zambiri zakukhumudwitsani kwanu, mutha kukhala ndi malingaliro ofera.

Nthawi zonse mumakhala osakhutira ndi ntchito kapena maubale anu

Ntchito zosakwaniritsa sizachilendo. Si zachilendo kukathera mu chibwenzi chomwe chikuwoneka kuti chilibe tsogolo kapena sichikugwirizana ndi zomwe mumaganizira. Koma mutha kuchitapo kanthu kuti athane ndi vutoli kwakanthawi komanso khama.

Ngati muli ndi zizolowezi zofera chikhulupiriro, mutha kuwona kusakhutira kumeneku munjira zosiyanasiyana m'moyo wanu wonse. Mutha kuimba mlandu ena komwe mwathera, kapena mukukhulupirira kuti mukuyenera china chake chabwino chifukwa chodzipereka komwe mudapanga.

Kuganiza kuti ena sazindikira kapena kuyamikira kudzipereka kwanu kungapangitsenso kukwiya ndi kuipidwa.

Muli ndi kachitidwe kakusamalira ena muubwenzi

Kuyang'ana m'mbuyomu paubwenzi wakale kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira zomwe mumakhulupirira.

Patrick Cheatham, PsyD anati: "Pali maubwenzi ochepa pa nkhaniyi." “Maubwenzi ena amangofanana, monga makolo osamalira ana. Kapenanso nthawi zina amasowa wocheza naye, monga ngati akusamalira wokondedwa wawo amene akudwala kwambiri. ”

Mukawona chizolowezi chodzipereka pamaubwenzi angapo m'moyo wanu, zitha kuloza kuzinthu zofera chikhulupiriro.

Mafunso omwe mungadzifunse

Mukamayang'ana ubale wanu, Cheatham akuwonetsa kuti mudzifunse kuti:

• Kodi mungafotokozere ubale wanu kukhala wosafanana? Mwinanso mumamva ngati zonse zomwe mumachita ndikusamalira anzawo omwe amachita zochepa kukwaniritsa zosowa zanu.
• Kodi mumamva kusowa kwa malo oti mungakambirane zosowa zanu ndi zofuna zanu?
• Mukukhulupirira kuti kusakwaniritsa zosowa za wokondedwa wanu kungaike pachibwenzi chanu pachiwopsezo?

Ganiziraninso mbali zamalingaliro za zinthu. Kodi mumadzimva kuti mukuthandizidwa, muli otetezeka, komanso mumakondedwa, ngakhale munthawi za kusiyana? Kapena mumamva kuwawa, kukwiya, kapena kukhumudwitsidwa ndi anzanu?

Mwinanso mumafuna kuti iwo azidziona kuti ndi olakwa chifukwa chosakugwirizirani kwambiri.

Mukumva ngati palibe chomwe mumachita ndicholondola

Wina yemwe ali ndi zizolowezi zofera chikhulupiriro chake "nthawi zonse angafune kuthandiza, osachita bwino, ndikumva kulangidwa chifukwa cha izi," akutero Somerstein.

Mwanjira ina, zikuwoneka kuti zivute zitani, anthu samvetsetsa zoyesayesa zanu zothandiza kapena zoyesayesa zanu sizingachitike. Mwinanso amawoneka okwiya m'malo mongokuthokozani.

Izi zingakukhumudwitseni. Mwayesesa momwe mungathere, ndipotu, zochepa zomwe angathe kuchita ndikuwonetsa kuthokoza. Chifukwa chokwiyitsidwa kwanu, mutha kukhala ndi chidwi chowapangitsa kudzimva kuti ndi olakwa chifukwa chosayamika khama lanu.

Chifukwa chiyani zili zovulaza?

Zizolowezi zofera chikhulupiriro sizingawoneke ngati zochuluka, koma zitha kuwononga ubale wanu, thanzi lanu, komanso kukula kwanu.

Kusagwirizana

Kukhala ndi malo okhala ofera kumatha kukupangitsani kuti zikhale zovuta kuti mudzilankhulire nokha.

Malinga ndi a Martin, anthu omwe ali ndi zizolowezi zofera nthawi zambiri zimawavuta kulankhulana momveka bwino kapena mwachindunji, zomwe zimabweretsa mavuto.

M'malo molankhula momasuka za zosowa zanu, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito nkhanza mwamwano kapena kukalipa mukapitiliza kumangokwiyitsa.

Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwadzipereka kwambiri kwa mnzanu kapena wokondedwa wina, mutha kukwiya kapena kusakhutira ngati sakusonyeza kuyamikira kapena kupereka chithandizo chawo pobwezera.

Kutopa

Martin anafotokoza kuti: "Ofera chikhulupiriro amavutika kuti azipeza zofunika zawo patsogolo." "Samadzisamalira okha, chifukwa chake amatha kutopa, kudwala, kukhumudwa, kuda nkhawa, kukwiya, komanso kusakwaniritsidwa."

Ngati nthawi zambiri mumapereka nthawi yanu kuthandiza ena, kuchita zochuluka kuposa momwe mukufunira kuntchito kapena kunyumba, kapena osakwaniritsa zosowa zanu kwathunthu, mwina mumadzimva kuti mwatopa ndikutopa msanga.

Ngakhale mkhalidwe wanu wamalingaliro ungayambitse kufooka. Kukwiya komanso kusakhutira nthawi yayitali kumatha kukupanikizani komanso kukutopetsani. Zingakupangitseni kuti musalandire thandizo.

Othandizana nawo, abwenzi, ndi abale nthawi zambiri amatha kupereka chifundo, kuthandiza pamavuto, kapena kupereka malingaliro ndi upangiri. Koma ngati mumakhala wokhumudwa komanso wokwiya ndi omwe mumacheza nawo kwambiri, simungamvere thandizo lawo.

Kuphatikiza apo, ngati mupitiliza kukana thandizo lawo, atha kusiya kupereka.

Kusasintha kwabwino

Kukhala osakhutira nthawi zambiri kumatsagana ndi ofera.

Mwachitsanzo, mutha kumverera kuti mwatchera kapena kukakamira pantchito yanu, ubale, kapena moyo wanyumba. Zina mwa izi zimatha kusintha pakapita zaka, koma mwanjira ina mumatha kukhala okhumudwitsa kapena osathokoza mobwerezabwereza.

Mukumvetsa chisoni, koma m'malo mochita zinthu kuti mudzisinthe nokha, mutha kudandaula, kudzimvera chisoni ndi zomwezo, kapena kudzudzula anthu ena kapena zochitika. Mukangotuluka mumkhalidwe wosakhutiritsa, mutha kudzipezanso watsopano posakhalitsa.

Mwanjira iyi, zizolowezi zofera chikhulupiriro zimatha kukulepheretsani kuti muchite bwino kapena kukwaniritsa zolinga zanu.

Kodi ndizotheka kuthana nazo?

Malo ofera chikhulupiriro atha kukuwonongerani moyo wanu, koma pali njira zothetsera izi.

Yesetsani kulankhulana

Ngati muli ndi zizolowezi zofera chikhulupiriro, pali mwayi wabwino kuti zikukuvutani kufotokoza malingaliro anu ndi zosowa zanu. Kukulitsa maluso olumikizirana kwambiri kungakuthandizeni kukhala bwino pa izi.

Kuphunzira njira zophunzitsira zopindulitsa kungakuthandizeni:

• pewani kungokhala chete
• kufotokoza zakukhosi, makamaka kukhumudwitsidwa ndi mkwiyo
• sungani malingaliro olakwika kuti asakulire

Ovomereza nsonga

Nthawi ina mukadzamva kuti simunamve kapena sakumvetsetsani, yesani kufotokoza nokha pogwiritsa ntchito mawu oti "Ine" kuti mudzilimbikitse osamupangitsa munthu wina kudzitchinjiriza.

Nenani kuti muli ndi bwenzi lomwe limakuitanani kuti mudzadye chakudya chamadzulo, koma nthawi zonse amadalira inu kuti mupeze chinsinsi ndikugula zinthu zonse.

M'malo mongonena kuti "Mumandipangitsa kugwira ntchito yonse yolemetsa, ndiye sizosangalatsa kwa ine," mutha kunena kuti "Ndimamva ngati kuti nthawi zonse ndimangogwira ntchito yongodandaula, ndipo sindikuganiza kuti ndichilungamo."

Khazikitsani malire

Kuthandiza abwenzi ndi abale kungakhale kofunikira kwa inu. Koma ngati mwafika pamalire anu (kapena mwatenga kale zambiri kuposa momwe mungathere), ndibwino kunena kuti ayi. Zowonadi.

Kudziwotcha sikungakuthandizeni pantchito yanu yolemetsa kale, ndipo kumatha kukulitsa kukwiya pambuyo pake. Yesani kukana mwaulemu m'malo mwake.

Mutha kufewetsa ndikufotokozera, kutengera ubale wanu ndi amene akukufunsani. Ingokumbukirani kuti palibe cholakwika ndi kusamalira zosowa zanu poyamba.

"Ndikofunika kuyamba kunena kuti ayi kuzinthu zomwe zimasokoneza zosowa zanu kapena zomwe sizikugwirizana ndi zomwe mumakhulupirira kapena zolinga zanu," akutero Martin.

Pangani nthawi yodzisamalira

Kudzisamalira kumatha kukhala:

• zosankha zathanzi, monga kugona mokwanira, kudya chakudya chopatsa thanzi, komanso kusamalira zovuta zamthupi
• kupanga nthawi yosangalala ndi kupumula
• kusamala zaumoyo wanu komanso kuthana ndi zovuta zomwe zimabwera

Lankhulani ndi wothandizira

Kulimbana ndi zizoloŵezi zofera chikhulupiriro chanu kungakhale kovuta. Thandizo la akatswiri limatha kukhala ndi phindu lalikulu, makamaka ngati mukufuna kudziwa zambiri pazomwe zimayambitsa zomwe zimathandizira kudzipereka.

Cheatham akufotokoza kuti pa chithandizo, mutha:

• fufuzani za ubale wanu
• kukulitsa kuzindikira pamachitidwe okhudzana ndi kudzipereka
• onetsani ndi kutsutsa malingaliro aliwonse okhudzana ndi kufunikira kwanu komanso tanthauzo la ubalewo
• yesani njira zosiyanasiyana zofotokozera ena

Malangizo aliwonse okhudzana ndi kuthana ndi munthu wina?

Ngati mumadziwa winawake amene amakonda kuchita zinthu ngati wofera, mwina mumakhumudwitsidwa ndi machitidwe awo. Mwina mwayesapo kupereka upangiri, koma amakana kuyesayesa kwanu kuti muthandize. Zingamveke ngati akungofuna kudandaula.

Malangizowa sangasinthe munthu winayo, koma atha kukuthandizani kuti muwone bwino zomwe sizimakukhumudwitsani kwambiri.

Talingalirani za moyo wawo

Zitha kuthandizira kukumbukira kuti zinthu zambiri zovuta zimatha kusewera pamaganizowa.

Ngakhale munthu atha kuphunzira kuthana ndi zizolowezi zomwe nthawi zambiri zimachitika chifukwa cha zizolowezi zophedwa, nthawi zambiri samatha kuwongolera momwe zizolowezizi zidakhalira poyamba.

Nthawi zina, miyambo imatha kuchititsa kuti anthu azifera chikhulupiriro chawo. Kwa ena, zovuta zam'banja kapena zokumana nazo muubwana zitha kutenga gawo.

Khalani ndi chifundo

Mwina simufunikira kuti mumvetsetse zomwe zimapangitsa kuti azikhala ndi wokondedwa. Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zokwanira kungopereka chifundo ndi kuthandizira.

"Khalani okoma mtima nthawi zonse," akutero a Somerstein.

Khazikitsani malire

Izi zati, chifundo sichitenga nthawi yocheza ndi munthuyo.

Ngati kucheza ndi munthu kumakuwonongerani nthawi, kuchepetsa nthawi yomwe mumakhala limodzi kungakhale chisankho chabwino. Kukhazikitsa malire kumathandizanso kuti mukhale okoma mtima komanso achifundo mukamatero chitani gawanani malo ndi munthu ameneyo.

Mfundo yofunika

Moyo woleza mtima ungasokoneze inu, maubwenzi anu, komanso thanzi lanu. Ngakhale simukumvetsetsa bwino zomwe zimayambitsa kufera chikhulupiriro chanu, mutha kuchitapo kanthu kuti musinthe malingalirowa ndikuwathandiza kuti asakhudze moyo wanu.

Ngati zikukuvutani kudziwa komwe mungayambire panokha, lingalirani kuyankhula ndi katswiri wazachipatala yemwe angakuthandizeni kudziwa izi mozama.

Crystal Raypole adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy. Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.