Matenda Akumalingaliro Sichinthu Chodzikhululukira Pazovuta Zamakhalidwe

Zamkati

• Zomwe ndimakhala ku NYC zikuwonetseratu momwe anthu angagwiritsire ntchito matenda amisala kuti athe kuyankha mlandu.
• Ife omwe timalimbana ndi matenda amisala tiyenera kudziwa njira zomwe zoyesayesa zathu zopititsira patsogolo zitha kupititsa patsogolo zikhulupiriro zovuta.
• Nkhani izi zimatikhudzanso, tikamayesetsa kufunafuna chithandizo munjira yomwe timasamalira, potilanda ufulu wathu.
• Kudziwa kuti titha (mwadala kapena mosazindikira) kugwiritsa ntchito matenda amisala kuti tipewe udindo, kuyankha mlandu kumawoneka bwanji?
• Ndili ndi malingaliro awa, kukhala olimbikira mozungulira thanzi lathu kumatanthauza kuyesa kukonzekera mavuto azaumoyo momwe zingathere.
• Monga kuyanjana kwamtundu uliwonse ndi anthu omwe ndi osiyana ndi ife, kulumikizana kumafunikira.

Matenda amisala samasokoneza zotsatira za zomwe timachita.

Ndiloleni ndikonzeke ndikusonyezeni momwe 'zoyera' zilili! ”

Chilimwe chatha, pomwe ndidasamukira ku New York kuti ndikamalize maphunziro awo, ndidagulitsa nyumba ndi mayi, Katie, yemwe ndidakumana naye pa Craigslist.

Poyamba, zinali zabwino. Anachoka kupita kuntchito kwa miyezi ingapo, ndikusiya nyumba yonseyo kwa ine.

Kukhala ndekha zinali zosangalatsa kwambiri. Zomwe ndimakhala nazo zokhudzana ndi OCD zomwe ndimakhala nazo pogawana malo ndi ena (Kodi adzakhala oyera mokwanira? Adzakhala oyera mokwanira? Adzakhala oyera mokwanira ??) sizimakhala zovuta mukakhala nokha.

Komabe, atabwerako, adakumana ndi ine ndi mzanga yemwe ndidakhala naye, ndikudandaula kuti malowo ndi "ovuta kwathunthu." (Sizinali choncho?)

Munthawi yamisala yake, adachita zipolowe zingapo: kupusitsa mzanga ndikumanena kuti ndinali wauve, mwa zina.

Nditamufunsa za khalidweli, adadzitchinjiriza, ndikudziyesa yekha OCD ngati chifukwa.

Sikuti sindimatha kumvetsetsa izi. Ndidadziwonera ndekha kuti kuthana ndi matenda amisala ndichimodzi mwazinthu zosokoneza kwambiri, zopatsa chiyembekezo zomwe munthu atha kudutsamo.

Matenda osasamalidwa monga kukhumudwa, kuda nkhawa, kusinthasintha zochitika, ndi matenda ena atha kuwononga zomwe timachita, kutipangitsa kuti tizichita zinthu zosagwirizana ndi zikhulupiriro zathu kapena anthu enieni.

Tsoka ilo, matenda amisala samasokoneza zotsatira za zomwe timachita.

Anthu amatha kugwiritsa ntchito luso lotha kuthana ndi thanzi lawo lam'mutu lomwe limathandizanso kukhala ndi zovuta, momwe ayenera.

Matenda amisala samapereka mwayi kwa transhobia kapena tsankho. Matenda amisala samapangitsa kuti misogyny ndi chidani chanu chiziwoneka bwino. Matenda amisala samapangitsa kuti zovuta zanu zizikhala zomveka.

Zomwe ndimakhala ku NYC zikuwonetseratu momwe anthu angagwiritsire ntchito matenda amisala kuti athe kuyankha mlandu.

Ndili ndi Katie, kuyambitsa zovuta zamavuto ake m'makambirano kunali kuyesa dala kuwononga kuyankha kwamakhalidwe ake.

M'malo moyankha kukhumudwitsidwa, manyazi, komanso mantha ndidayankhula poyankha kuti andilalatira - {textend} mzungu wachizungu yemwe ndidakumana naye kamodzi kokha - {textend} adalungamitsa machitidwe ake achiwawa ndi matenda ake.

Malongosoledwe ake pamakhalidwe ake anali omveka - {textend} koma ayi zovomerezeka.

Monga munthu yemwe ali ndi OCD, ndimamvera chisoni kuchuluka kwa nkhawa zomwe ayenera kuti anali nazo. Atanena kuti ndikuwononga nyumba yake, ndimangoganiza kuti kukhala ndi munthu wina akuipitsa malo omwe iye (ndi OCD wake) adapanga kuyenera kuti kunali kudandaula.

Komabe, machitidwe onse amakhala ndi zotulukapo, makamaka zomwe zimakhudza anthu ena.

Transhobia yomwe adalemba poyipitsa mlendo wanga, anti-Mdima yemwe adayambiranso potulutsa zidutswa zonyansa zanga, ukulu wazungu womwe udamupatsa mphamvu kuti andilankhulire, ndikuyesera kuthana ndi kusamvana kwanga ndi misozi yake - { onsewa anali ndi zovuta zenizeni zomwe amafunika kulimbana nazo, matenda amisala kapena ayi.

Ife omwe timalimbana ndi matenda amisala tiyenera kudziwa njira zomwe zoyesayesa zathu zopititsira patsogolo zitha kupititsa patsogolo zikhulupiriro zovuta.

Ndili mkati mwa vuto langa lakudya, mwachitsanzo, ndimayenera kulimbana ndi momwe kulakalaka kwanga kochepera kunenepa nthawi imodzi kumawonjezera mphamvu ku fatphobia. Ndimakhulupilira kuti pali china chake "choyipa" chokhudza matupi akulu, motero kuvulaza anthu amisinkhu, komabe mosadziwa.

Ngati wina ali ndi nkhawa ndikugwira chikwama chake pamaso pa Munthu Wakuda, nkhawa zawo zimalimbikitsanso chikhulupiriro chodana ndi Mdima - {textend} umbanda wakuda wakuda - {textend} ngakhale atalimbikitsidwa, mwa zina, ndi chisokonezo.

Izi zikufunikanso kuti tikhale olimbikira pazikhulupiriro zomwe timapititsa kudwala matenda amisala nawonso.

Anthu odwala mwakuthupi amajambulidwa nthawi zonse ngati owopsa komanso osalamulirika - {textend} timangokhalira kulumikizana ndi kusakhazikika komanso chisokonezo.

Ngati titsatira malingaliro amenewa - {textend} omwe sitili oyang'anira machitidwe athu - {textend} timachita izi ndi zoyipa zazikulu.

Mwa kuwomberana kwaposachedwa kwaposachedwa, mwachitsanzo, "phunziro" lofala lomwe adaphunzira ndikuti zambiri ziyenera kuchitidwa pokhudzana ndi thanzi lam'mutu, ngati kuti ndiye chifukwa chake zachiwawa. Izi zimaphimba chenicheni chenicheni chakuti anthu omwe ali ndi matenda amisala nthawi zambiri amakhala ozunzidwa, osati omwe amawachita.

Kunena kuti sitidziwa tokha tikadakhazikitsa kumalimbikitsa lingaliro labodza loti matenda amisala amafanana ndi zosamveka, zosasinthika, komanso zachiwawa.

Iyi imakhala nkhani yayikulu kwambiri tikayamba kusokoneza mitundu ya ziwawa ngati chikhalidwe m'malo mosankha mwanzeru.

Kukhulupirira kuti zovuta ndizabwino chifukwa cha matenda amisala zikutanthauza kuti anthu achiwawa "amangodwala" motero sangayankhidwe pamachitidwe awo.

Dylann Roof, bambo yemwe anapha anthu akuda chifukwa ndi mzungu wamkulu, sanali nkhani yofalikira. M'malo mwake, nthawi zambiri amamuwona ngati wachifundo, amafotokozedwa ngati wachinyamata yemwe anali ndi vuto lamaganizidwe ndipo samatha kuwongolera zochita zake.

Nkhani izi zimatikhudzanso, tikamayesetsa kufunafuna chithandizo munjira yomwe timasamalira, potilanda ufulu wathu.

Kunena kuti anthu omwe ali ndi matenda amisala sakuwongolera zochita zawo ndipo sangakhulupirire zikutanthauza kuti anthu omwe ali ndiudindo amakhala ndi zifukwa zomveka zochitira nkhanza.

Ingoganizirani kuti tapenthedwa ngati anthu omwe amakonda kuchita zachiwawa zomwe zimawombera anthu ambiri ndipo sitingathe kudziletsa tokha.

Ndi angati (ambiri) a ife omwe tingakhale ndi matenda amisala motsutsana ndi chifuniro chathu? Ndi angati (ambiri) a ife omwe angaphedwe ndi apolisi omwe amawona kuti moyo wathu ndiwowopsa, makamaka anthu akuda?

Kodi ndi zochuluka motani (zochulukirapo) zomwe titha kupangidwazo ngati tikungofuna thandizo ndi zothandizira kuti tikhale ndi moyo wabwino? Ndi angati (ambiri) achipatala omwe amadzichepetsa omwe angaganize kuti sitingadziwe zomwe zili zabwino kwa ife?

Kudziwa kuti titha (mwadala kapena mosazindikira) kugwiritsa ntchito matenda amisala kuti tipewe udindo, kuyankha mlandu kumawoneka bwanji?

Nthawi zambiri, gawo loyamba lokonzekera ndi kuvomereza kuti ngakhale matenda athu amisala ali ovuta motani, sitimasulidwa kuti tikhale ndi mlandu ndipo titha kuvulaza anthu.

Inde, OCD wa Katie amatanthauza kuti mwina adakwiya kwambiri kuposa munthu wamba powona mlendo mlengalenga.

Komabe, amandipwetekabe. Titha kuvulazana - {textend} ngakhale matenda athu amisala akuyendetsa machitidwe athu. Ndipo zovulazi ndizowona ndipo ndizofunika.

Ndi kuvomereza kumeneko kumadza kufunitsitsa kuwongolera zolakwazo.

Ngati tikudziwa kuti takhumudwitsa wina, bwanji ife kukumana iwo komwe akuyenera kukonza zolakwa zathu? Kodi amafunika kumva chiyani ngati timamvetsetsa zotsatira za zomwe timachita, kuti tidziwe kuti timawaganizira?

Kuyesera kuyika patsogolo zofunikira za ena ndikofunikira pakukhululuka, ngakhale mvula yamkuntho yomwe ingakhale yothetsera matenda amisala.

Njira inanso yoyankhira ndikuthandizira kuthana ndi zovuta zamatenda amisala, makamaka zomwe zitha kusokoneza ena.

Matenda amisala samangokhudza munthu m'modzi, koma nthawi zambiri amakhudza mayunitsi, kaya ndi banja lanu, abwenzi, malo ogwirira ntchito, kapena magulu ena.

Ndili ndi malingaliro awa, kukhala olimbikira mozungulira thanzi lathu kumatanthauza kuyesa kukonzekera mavuto azaumoyo momwe zingathere.

Kwa ine, ndikudziwa kuti kubwerera m'mbuyo muvuto langa la kudya sikungangokhala zopweteka kwambiri kwa ine, komanso kumasokoneza magulu osiyanasiyana omwe ndimagwiramo. Zingatanthauze kukhala osamvera banja langa, kudzipatula ndikukhala wankhanza kwa anzanga, akusowa ntchito zochuluka, mwa zina.

Kukhala wolimbikira pazosowa zanga zamaganizidwe (kusunga zomwe ndimapeza m'malingaliro) kumatanthauza kukonza thanzi langa kuti ndipewe zoperewera kuti zisasanduke zochitika zazikulu.

Komabe, kukhazikitsa chikhalidwe cha chisamaliro ndi njira ziwiri.

Ngakhale matenda athu amisala sizoyenera kukhumudwitsa anthu, anthu omwe timagwirizana nawo amafunikira kumvetsetsa kuti kusokonezeka kwa matenda amisala sikungafanane ndi chikhalidwe chokhazikitsidwa.

Kwa anthu omwe amabwera ndikutuluka m'miyoyo yathu, ali ndi udindo woti timvetsetse kuti matenda athu amisili angatanthauze kuti timakhala moyo wathu mosiyana. Titha kukhala ndi luso lotha kuthana ndi mavuto - {textend} kumachepetsa, kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yokha, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala ochotsera kusamba m'manja - {textend} omwe angawoneke ngati akunyoza kapena mwano.

Monga kuyanjana kwamtundu uliwonse ndi anthu omwe ndi osiyana ndi ife, kulumikizana kumafunikira.

Zachidziwikire, osati kunyalanyaza mfundo, malire, kapena zina zofunika - {textend} koma kunyengerera mozungulira "chitonthozo."

Mwachitsanzo, kwa wothandizira wa munthu yemwe ali ndi vuto la kupsinjika, malire olimba omwe mungakhale nawo sakutenga nawo mbali ngati wothandizira panthawi yamavuto.

Komabe, chitonthozo chomwe mungafunikire kunyengerera nthawi zonse mumasankha zochitika zamagetsi zoti muchite limodzi.

Ngakhale mutha kuwakonda, chitonthozo chanu chitha kufunikira kusokonezedwa kuti muthandizire ndikumbukira zaumoyo wamnzanu komanso kuthekera kwake.

Kupezeka ndi matenda amisala nthawi zambiri kumasokoneza bungwe. Koma ngati zilipo, zikutanthauza kuti tiyenera kukhala aluso pantchito yokonza - {textend} osachepera.

Chifukwa cha momwe malingaliro amasinthira mwachangu momwe timamvera ndi momwe timamvera zimakhalira ndi zizolowezi, zochita zathu nthawi zambiri zimatsogozedwa ndi m'matumbo ndi momwe zimakhalira mumtima padziko lapansi lotizungulira.

Komabe, monga wina aliyense, tifunikabe kudziyankhira tokha komanso wina ndi mnzake kuyankha pamakhalidwe athu ndi zotsatirapo zake, ngakhale atakhala ovulaza mwangozi.

Kulimbana ndi matenda amisala ndichinthu chovuta kwambiri. Koma ngati luso lathu lolimbana ndi mavuto limabweretsa mavuto ndi mavuto kwa ena, kodi tikuthandiziranji koma tokha?

M'dziko lomwe matenda amisala akupitilizabe kusala komanso kuchititsa manyazi ena, chikhalidwe chosamalirana pakati pa momwe timakhalira tikamayendera matenda athu ndikofunikira kwambiri kuposa kale.

Gloria Oladipo ndi Mkazi Wakuda komanso wolemba pawokha, amasinkhasinkha za mtundu uliwonse, thanzi lamisala, jenda, zaluso, ndi mitu ina. Mutha kuwerenga zambiri za malingaliro ake oseketsa komanso malingaliro ake Twitter.