Malangizo a 6 Olankhula ndi Ana Anu Zokhudza Zolaula Mwanjira Yogonana

Zamkati

• 1. Pangani maziko pomwe inu ndi mwana wanu mumatha kukambirana za izi
• 2. Yambitsani zolaula kale kuposa momwe mukuganizira
• 3. Onetsetsani kuti mawu anu ali ofunika koma osasamala
• 4. Aloleni afunse mafunso
• 5. Tsindikani nkhani ndi kuvomereza
• 6. Gawani zowonjezera
• Zothandizira ophunzitsa zogonana amalangiza ana
  
• Malangizo awa atha kuthandiza kuti zokambiranazo zikhale zabwino kwa nonse

Timaphatikizapo zinthu zomwe timaganiza kuti ndizothandiza kwa owerenga athu. Ngati mutagula maulalo omwe ali patsamba lino, titha kupeza ndalama zochepa. Nayi njira yathu.

Popeza makolo akupatsa ana awo mwayi wogwiritsa ntchito ukadaulo komanso intaneti pa msinkhu woyambirira (kafukufuku wina adapeza kuti pafupifupi, ana amakhala ndi foni yawo yoyamba ali ndi zaka 10), ana omwe amapeza ndikuwona zolaula pa intaneti akadali achichepere ndizosapeweka, akuti wolemba odziwika wamkulu wa indie Erika Lust, mwini ndi woyambitsa wa Erika Lust Films ndi XConfessions.com.

"Chifukwa cha intaneti, ngakhale mwana amangofufuza mafano kapena chidziwitso cha sayansi chokhudza matupi, magwiridwe antchito amthupi, kapena momwe ana amapangidwira, zolaula nthawi zambiri zimakhala zoyambirira kapena ziwiri," akutero.

Kufikira pomwepa, a Shadeen Francis, LMFT, omwe amalemba nkhani zaukwati komanso mabanja omwe amalemba maphunziro a zakugonana pasukulu zoyambira ndi kusekondale, akuti pofika zaka 11 ana ambiri amakhala atakumana ndi zolaula zina pa intaneti.

Tsoka ilo, maphunziro azakugonana komanso zolaula sizofanana. "Zithunzi zolaula zitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito ngati chida chophunzitsira zogonana, koma cholinga chake ndi kukhala zosangalatsa za akulu, osati zamaphunziro," akutero a Francis. Pakakhala kuti sanaphunzitsidwe zakugonana kapena kukambirana komweko kunyumba zakugonana, ana amatha kusokoneza zolaula ndikugonana ndikutumiza mauthenga omwe amapezeka zolaula zambiri.

Ndicho chifukwa chake Francis akugogomezera kufunikira kwa makolo ndi omwe amawasamalira akuyankhula ndi ana awo zakugonana komanso zolaula.

"Pomwe kholo limatha kuphunzitsira ana awo kuphunzira, amatha kuphunzitsa ana thanzi komanso zothandiza kuthana ndi chidziwitso chomwe nthawi zambiri chimakhala cholakwika, chosasamala, kapena chosayenera chomwe angaphunzire padziko lapansi," akutero.

Komabe, monga kholo zimatha kukhala zovuta kufotokozera mwana wanu zolaula. Tili ndi malingaliro amenewo, tidakhazikitsa phunziroli kwa makolo polankhula ndi ana zolaula.

Tsatirani malangizowa kuti muzitha kukambirana zogonana komanso kukhala omasuka momwe mungathere - nonsenu.

1. Pangani maziko pomwe inu ndi mwana wanu mumatha kukambirana za izi

Zowona, kucheza ndi mwana wanu za zolaula angathe khalani olimba mtima.

Koma, ngati inu ndi mwana wanu mumakonda kukambirana zakugonana, kuvomereza, kuvomereza thupi, chitetezo chazakugonana, chisangalalo, mimba, thanzi komanso thanzi, magawo a zokambirana zilizonse amakhala otsika, atero a Francis.

Kuphatikiza pakuchepetsa kulimba komwe kungapangitse kukhala ndi "zolaula," akuti kukambirana nthawi zonse ndikofunikira popatsa mwana wanu maziko a chidziwitso pokhudzana ndi kugonana - mchitidwe wofunikira kwambiri, popeza maphunziro azakugonana masukulu satero ' Nthawi zambiri timapereka.

Kuphatikiza apo, izi zithandizira kulimbikitsa kumverera kotseguka, chifukwa chake akapunthwa kapena kuwona zolaula, atha kubwera kwa inu ngati ali ndi mafunso.

2. Yambitsani zolaula kale kuposa momwe mukuganizira

Kufikira pamwambapa, akatswiri amavomereza nthawi yabwino yolankhula ndi ana anu za zolaula kale amaziwona.Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kujambula zithunzi zomwe angawone ndikuthandizira kuchepetsa nkhawa, kunyansidwa, kapena chisokonezo chomwe angamve ngati akuwona zolaula osadziwa kale kuti zinthuzo zilipo, atero a Francis.

Chilakolako chimatsindika kuti zokambirana zokhudzana ndi zolaula ziyenera kuchitika nthawi yayitali musanathe msinkhu.

"Nthawi zambiri makolo amaganiza kuti zaka 13 kapena 14 ndi zaka zoyenera kubweretsa [izi], koma mawu oyamba pamutuwu ayenera kukhala zaka zinayi kapena zisanu m'mbuyomu - kapena nthawi iliyonse pamene kholo lipatsa mwana mwayi wogwiritsa ntchito intaneti," adatero. akuti.

Mukamalankhula ndi ana anu, kumbukirani kuti sikuti mukungowauza kuti china chake chotchedwa zolaula chilipo. Mukufotokozanso zomwe zili komanso zomwe sizili, ndikuziyika pamalingaliro okulirapo pazovomerezeka, zosangalatsa, komanso mphamvu, atero a Francis.

3. Onetsetsani kuti mawu anu ali ofunika koma osasamala

Ngati ndinu okhwima mopitirira muyeso kapena wodandaula, mudzalankhulanso ndi mwana wanu mphamvuzi, zomwe zingawatseke pakamwa komanso zomwe zingatseke mwayi wokambirana pakati panu.

"Musachite manyazi mwana wanu ngati mukukayikira kapena mutadziwa kuti awona zolaula," akutero a Francis. M'malo mwake, mvetsetsani kuti chidwi chogonana ndichinthu chachilengedwe pakukula.

"Monga wothandizira yemwe amagwira ntchito makamaka ndi anthu pazokhudzana ndi zakugonana, zikuwonekeratu kuti mauthenga amanyazi komanso osagonana amakhala ndi gawo lokhalitsa pamalingaliro amunthu a kudzidalira, kupezeka mwachikondi, thanzi lam'mutu, komanso kusankha anzawo," akutero.

Chifukwa chake, m'malo moyandikira zokambiranazo ngati "oyang'anira" kapena "apolisi apaintaneti," muyenera kuyifikira ngati mphunzitsi komanso woyang'anira.

Ngakhale zokambiranazi zikuyenera kuwonetseratu kuti makanema achikulire ndi a anthu akuluakulu ndipo kugawana zolaula kapena ana ena amawerengedwa kuti ndi zolaula za ana, a Francis akuti, "Mukangowonjezera kuti sizololedwa kapena kuloledwa mnyumba mwanu, ana angachite mantha, kuchita manyazi, kapena kufuna kudziwa zambiri. ”

Lust akuti itha kuthandizira kuyambitsa zokambirana povomereza kuti kugonana ndi zachiwerewere ndi zabwinobwino komanso zachilengedwe, ndikuwauza zomwe inu mumaganizira pazakugonana.

Mutha kunena kuti, "Ndikawona zithunzi zolaula ndimamva chisoni, chifukwa zambiri mwazithunzizi zikuwonetsa azimayi akulangidwa. Koma kugonana komwe ndili nako ndipo ndikhulupilira kuti tsiku lina ndidzakukondweretsani, osati kulangidwa. ”

Malo ena olowera? Gwiritsani ntchito fanizo. "Fotokozani kuti monga Superman amasewera ndi wosewera yemwe alibe mphamvu zenizeni m'moyo weniweni, zolaula m'mafilimuwa ndi ochita sewero lachiwerewere, koma si momwe kugonana kumachitikira m'moyo weniweni," akutero a Lust.

4. Aloleni afunse mafunso

Kuyankhulana motere ndikwabwino kwambiri monga kukambirana. Ndipo kuti chinachake chikhale kukambirana, payenera kukhala mobwerezabwereza.

Izi zikutanthauza kuti kutsimikizira chidwi chawo chokhudza kugonana ndichabwinobwino, kenako kuwapatsa mpata woti akambirane ndikufunsa mafunso.

Akamafunsa mafunso, "Onetsetsani mafunso awo onse kukhala ovomerezeka, ndipo muyankhe ndi chidziwitso chokwanira kuti muyankhe mokwanira koma osati zochulukirapo," akutero a Francis. Sakusowa kutulutsa, koma amafunikira zolondola, zokhudzana ndi thupi, komanso zowona, zosangalatsa.

Kusadziwa yankho kuli bwino “Simuyenera kukhala katswiri. Muyenera kungopereka malo abwino oti muzikambirana, ”akutero a Francis. Chifukwa chake, ngati mwafunsidwa chinthu chomwe simukuchidziwa, nenani mosapita m'mbali kuti simukutsimikiza, koma mupeza ndikutsatira.

Pazithunzi, pewani kufunsa mwana wanu mafunso ambiri. Uwu ndi mwayi woti aphunzire kuchokera kwa inu, osati kuti muthe kusinkhasinkha zomwe akuchita ndi zomwe sakudziwa, kapena zomwe ali nazo kapena sanazione.

Francis amalimbikitsanso kupewa kufunsa mwana wanu bwanji amafuna kudziwa zinthu. "Kufunsaku nthawi zambiri kumatsekera ana, chifukwa mwina sangafune kufotokoza komwe adamva zinthu kapena chifukwa chake akudabwitsidwa," akutero.

Ndiponso, iwo sangakhale ndi chifukwa chozama; atha kungofunsa chifukwa amafuna kudziwa zambiri.

5. Tsindikani nkhani ndi kuvomereza

Zomwe mungafune kuteteza ana anu kuzinthu zopanda chilungamo ndi machitidwe opondereza padziko lapansi, malinga ndi a Francis, uwu ndi mwayi wabwino kuyamba kufotokoza zinthu monga misogyny, kusankhana mitundu, kuchititsa manyazi thupi, ndi kuthekera, atero a Francis. "Zolaula zitha kukhala gawo la zokambirana zambiri ndikukhala ndi cholinga chokulirapo," akutero.

Chifukwa chake, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito izi ngati kamphindi kuti muchepetse kuti si matupi onse omwe amawoneka ngati ochita zolaula kapena ochita zisudzo, ndipo ndichabwino, atero a Francis.

"Izi zitha kuthandiza achinyamata kuti asadzifananize ndi matupi awo omwe akukula ndikusiya malo ochulukirapo poyembekezera zomwe iwo ndi anzawo omwe adzakhale nawo mtsogolo adzawonekere komanso momwe angawonekere akamagonana," akutero a Francis.

Kapenanso, mutha kugwiritsa ntchito izi ngati mwayi wolankhula nawo za chisangalalo, chitetezo, chilolezo, thupi ndi tsitsi labanja, ndi zina zambiri.

Ngati mwana wanu ali ndi mafunso achindunji, amenewo ndi omwe angamuthandize kuti akambirane. "Nthawi zonse mumatha kukhala ndi zokambirana zotsatila ngati simungathe kukhudza chilichonse," akutero Francis.

6. Gawani zowonjezera

Kuphatikiza pofotokozera zakugwa kwa zolaula zambiri, kuthana ndi zomwe mwana wanu angawone kapena kuwonera zolaula ndikofunikira, atero a Francis.

Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa zokambirana ndi zinthu zamaphunziro zomwe zimathandizira kukhazikika pazinthu monga kuvomereza, kuvomereza, zosangalatsa, komanso kusachita zachiwawa zimathandiza mwana wanu kuyendetsa bwino zolaula zomwe amakumana nazo, akutero.

"Kuletsa zida izi sikuthandiza achinyamata kupanga zisankho zabwino komanso zophunzitsidwa bwino, ndipo sikudzawaletsa kutenga nawo mbali pamakhalidwe owopsa," akutero a Francis.

Zothandizira ophunzitsa zogonana amalangiza ana

• Zamgululi
• Kukhala Parenthood
• Amaze
• "Kugonana Ndi Mawu Oseketsa" wolemba Cory Silverberg
• "E.X .: Buku Lonse Lofunika Kukudziwitsani Zokhudza Kugonana Kuti Mupitirire Kusekondale ndi Koleji" lolembedwa ndi Heather Corinna
• "Awa Ndi Maso Anga, Iyi Ndi Mphuno Yanga, Awa Ndi Vulva Wanga, Awa Ndi Zala Zanga" Wolemba Lexx Brown James
• "Pa Ubwino Wogonana: Kusintha Momwe Timayankhulira Achinyamata Zokhudza Kugonana, Makhalidwe Abwino, Ndi Thanzi" lolembedwa ndi Al Vernacchio
• "Matupi Athu, Tokha" Wolemba Boston Women's Health Book Collection

Kenako, ana anu akamakula, mutha kukambirana za njira zina zolaula, kuphatikizapo zinthu zodziwika bwino zachikazi monga zachikazi kapena zolaula, zolaula, ndi zina zambiri, atero a Francis.

“Simuyenera kugawana nawo zinthuzi. Koma ngati ati akhale ogula, athandizeni kukhala ogula mozindikira, ”akutero.

Malangizo awa atha kuthandiza kuti zokambiranazo zikhale zabwino kwa nonse

Kusiya ana kuti aziphunzira zachiwerewere ndikusintha zolaula masamba awo matani azinthu zomwe sangakwanitse kuyenda, chifukwa chake kulankhulana ndi ana anu za zolaula ndikofunikira.

Ngati mukuchita mantha, kumbukirani kuti, malinga ndi a Francis, "Cholinga chanu choyamba ndikuwapatsa malo abwino oti afunse mafunso awo okhudza zolaula, zomwe mwina adaziwona kale pa intaneti, ndi zina zambiri," akutero.

Ndipo kumbukirani: Sikumachedwa kwambiri kapena kawirikawiri kuti muzikhala ndi zokambirana izi.

A Gabrielle Kassel ndi wolemba zaumoyo ku New York komanso CrossFit Level 1 Trainer. Amakhala munthu wam'mawa, adayesa zovuta za Whole30, ndikudya, kumwa, kutsuka, kutsuka, ndikusamba makala - zonsezi mdzina la utolankhani. Mu nthawi yake yaulere, amapezeka kuti amawerenga mabuku othandiza, mabenchi, kapena kuvina. Mutsatireni pa Instagram.