Chifukwa Chimene Mukugonana Pang'ono ndi Mnzanu - ndi Momwe Mungayambireremo

Zamkati

• Kodi ndinu ogwirizana osagonana?
• Koma zomwe zimaonedwa kuti ndi "zochepa"?
• Choyamba, onani ngati ukwati wopanda kugonana umakuvutitsani
• Koma ngati wina wa inu akumva kuwawa chifukwa chosowa zosowa zanu zakugonana, ndiye kuti ichi ndi chizindikiro kuti mgwirizano wamgwirizano sukugwira ntchito ndipo ukuyenera kusinthidwa.
• Chachiwiri, yang'anani mmbuyo ndikuwona pomwe zidayamba
• Kusintha kwakukulu pamalingaliro
• Zinthu zazikulu pamoyo kapena zochitika
• Zina mwazomwe zimayambitsa
• Kenako, pezani njira yanu yoyendetsera kapena kumanganso banja losagonana
• Lankhulani za izi ndi mnzanu
• Yesani zochitika zothandiza kuyambiranso kukondana
• Mgwirizano wosagonana siwachilendo monga mukuganizira
• Kodi kugonana ndikofunika kuti banja likhale labwino popanda kusudzulana?

Kodi ndinu ogwirizana osagonana?

Mutha kukhala mukuganiza, "Kodi banja lachiwerewere ndi chiyani? Kodi ndine kapena munthu amene ndimamudziwa? ” Ndipo pali tanthauzo lofananira. Koma ngati zingagwire ntchito pamwambo wanu zimatha kusiyanasiyana.

Ngati tiwona matanthauzidwe okhwima, ukwati wosagonana (malinga ndi "The Social Organisation of Sexuality") ndi pamene maanja sakuchita zachiwerewere kapena sakugonana kochepa.

Koma zomwe zimaonedwa kuti ndi "zochepa"?

Dr. Rachel Becker-Warner, wogwirizira komanso wothandizira kugonana kuchokera ku Program in Human Sexuality ku Yunivesite ya Minnesota, akuti "ndi mgwirizano uliwonse pomwe kugonana kumachitika kangapo konse kapena osakwana chaka chimodzi."

Komabe, akuwonetsanso kuti "kuvuta ndikutanthauzira kumeneku ndikumvera kwa 'kugonana' komanso kukhazikika kwakanthawi."

Muyenera kusankha ngati mukugwirizana ndi tanthauzo la anthu osagonana kapena ayi. Kugonana sikuyenera kukhala kutayika kwaubwenzi.

Dr. Becker-Warner anati: "Ndikuganiza kuti mgwirizano wopanda chiwerewere umatanthauzidwa bwino ngati kupewa kapena kusazindikira chikumbumtima chokhudzana ndi zosangalatsa pakati pa abwenzi."

Chifukwa chake, ngati mukungogonana pang'ono kuposa momwe mukuganizira "muyenera kukhala" ndipo muli bwino nazo, palibe chomwe mungakhale nacho nkhawa.

Koma ngati kuchuluka kwa nthawi yogonana ndikofunika muubwenzi wanu kapena mgwirizano, musachite mantha. Pali zothetsera.

Choyamba, onani ngati ukwati wopanda kugonana umakuvutitsani

Chofunikira kwa inu ndi mnzanu, kupatula kudziwa ngati mumakumana ndi pafupipafupi, ndikutanthauzira zomwe kugonana kumatanthauza kwa wina ndi mnzake. Lekani kudalira nkhani zapaintaneti kapena zokumana nazo za maanja ena kuti mulamulire zomwe zili "zachilendo"

Palibe aliyense, kupatula anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi, amene akuyenera kusankha ngati ali pachibwenzi chomwe sichingachitike. Aliyense ndi wosiyana. Ngati inu ndi mnzanu muli okhutira ndi kugonana kotala iliyonse kapena kamodzi pachaka, ndiye kuti zili bwino.

Koma ngati wina wa inu akumva kuwawa chifukwa chosowa zosowa zanu zakugonana, ndiye kuti ichi ndi chizindikiro kuti mgwirizano wamgwirizano sukugwira ntchito ndipo ukuyenera kusinthidwa.

Nthawi zina kukwera m'malingaliro kapena zochita kumatha kukhala chifukwa chakumverera koperewera ndi mnzanu. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuyamba kukhumudwa ndikuganiza zogonana ndi wogwira naye ntchito, mwina ndi chifukwa chakuti simunalumikizane mwakuthupi ndi mnzanuyo kwakanthawi.

Dr. Becker-Warner akufotokoza zina zofunika kuziganizira:

• Simungakumbukire nthawi yomaliza yomwe inu ndi mnzanu munasangalala kugonana.
• Kugonana ndi chinthu chomaliza chomwe mungafune kuganizira, kapena mtima wanu umapweteka mukaganizira momwe mungagwiritsire ntchito kugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu.
• Pali kuzengereza komanso / kapena kupewa kuyambitsa kukhudza thupi, mwina chifukwa chakukana kapena kuthekera kwakuti kudzatsogolera ku kugonana kosafunikira.
• Mitundu ina yaubwenzi wapamtima (yogwirana, zilankhulo zachikondi, ndi zina zambiri) imasowanso muubwenzi wanu.
• Mukumva kuti mulibe mnzawo.
• Mumamva kuti kugonana kumangokhala kokha ziwalo zoberekera (makamaka mbolo ndi kulowa).

Ngati izi zikufotokoza momwe zinthu zilili, ndiye kuti mungafune kuyang'ana mmbuyo kuti zinayambika liti komanso chifukwa chiyani. Ndikofunika kuti anthu omwe ali pa chibwenzi afotokoze tanthauzo la kugonana asanathetsere malingaliro awo kapena vuto. Izi ndizofunikira kuti muwonetsetse kuti inu ndi mnzanu muli patsamba limodzi mukamakambirana nkhani zovuta komanso zachinsinsi.

Chachiwiri, yang'anani mmbuyo ndikuwona pomwe zidayamba

Izi zitha kukhala kuti zidali pachiyambi cha chibwenzi chanu, kapena mwina zidayamba patadutsa chochitika chofunikira pamoyo. Zitha kukhala zotsatira za kusintha kwa mahomoni. Mwinanso zidayamba kutayika chidwi mutatha kusangalala ndi mnzanu. Kapenanso mwina inu ndi mnzanu simunagwirizane, mukulakalaka zogonana munthawi zosiyanasiyana, motero kupewa zonsezo.

Kusintha kwakukulu pamalingaliro

Ndi zachilengedwe kuti mchitidwe wogonana ucheperachepera, koma kwa maanja omwe amafotokoza nthawi zosagonana, nthawi zambiri pamakhala chitsanzo chomwe Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson, wothandizira maanja komanso wophunzitsa kugonana kwa AASECT, amati ndi malingaliro- kulumikizana kwa thupi.

Mwachitsanzo, nthawi zosagonana zimayamba kutuluka:

• kuthana ndi matenda
• akukumana ndi kusintha kwakukulu kwa thupi
• kukhala ndi mkangano wosathetsedwa
• kupanikizika kwakukulu
• kumva nkhawa nthawi zonse

"Kwenikweni, mukakhala ndi nkhawa zambiri, zimakhudza thupi lanu kwambiri, ndipo inu kapena mnzanu simudzakhala ndi chidwi chambiri kapena kutsegulidwa kokwanira kukhumba kugonana," akutero. "Ngati mukusamba kapena mukuyembekezera, izi zingakhudzenso kuthekera kwanu kapena chilakolako chogonana."

Zinthu zazikulu pamoyo kapena zochitika

Dr. Becker-Warner akuti kusagonana kumachitika chifukwa cha zinthu zingapo pamoyo, kuphatikizapo:

• nthawi zachisoni
• zosintha pamoyo
• nkhawa
• zinthu za nthawi
• kukalamba
• kusakhulupirika (chifukwa cha zochitika, zovuta zaubwenzi, kapena ndalama)
• kusalidwa kwamkati
• kulumikizana
• Matenda osasamalidwa (kukhumudwa, nkhawa zakugonana, kupsinjika)
• anapeza kulumala

Mu ntchito ya Dr. Becker-Warner, kusowa kwa chiwerewere kumatha kukhala kovuta ngati m'modzi mwa omwe ali mgululi asokonekera ndipo akufuna china chosiyana. Ananenanso kuti, "Kuyanjana kwanthawi yayitali kumachitika pakukula kwawo, ndipo gawo lalikulu lachitukukochi limasintha mpaka kutayika, kuphatikizapo zachilendo zokhudzana ndi kugonana."

Zina mwazomwe zimayambitsa

Zinthu zina zambiri zimatha kubweretsa ukwati kapena ubale wopanda chiwerewere. Zikuphatikizapo:

• Zizindikiro zokhudzana ndi kusintha kwa nthawi kapena kusintha kwa msambo
• mimba
• kutopa kwambiri
• matenda aakulu
• zotsatira zoyipa zamankhwala
• kutsatira malingaliro okhwima pankhani yogonana
• kusiyana pachikhalidwe kapena chipembedzo
• zochitika
• kusowa maphunziro azakugonana
• kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala
• chikhalidwe

Kenako, pezani njira yanu yoyendetsera kapena kumanganso banja losagonana

Lankhulani za izi ndi mnzanu

Ngati kusowa kwa zochitika zogonana ndikuchepetsa pafupipafupi ndi chiwerewere kumakusowetsani mtendere, ndi nthawi yokambirana za izi ndi mnzanu. Monga Dr. Becker-Warner anenera, "Kupeza chithandizo cha maubwenzi nthawi zonse kumayambira pakufotokozera kuti pali vuto ndipo ndikufuna kuthana nawo."

Musanalankhule nawo, lembani nkhawa zanu pasadakhale ndikuwanena mokweza. Onetsetsani kuti simukupatsa mnzanu mlandu kapena manyazi.

Dr. Harris-Jackson akukumbutsa abwenzi kuti azikambirana za izi, osazipewa, komanso kuti alankhule kuchokera pamalo osamalira ndi okhudzidwa, pomwe akusamala kuti apewe kuimba mlandu.

Zikatero, ndikofunikira kuti banjali lifunefune thandizo kwa akatswiri azamisala omwe amakhala ogonana.

Ngati mukufuna thandizo pakulemba, funsani upangiri ndi akatswiri

Katswiri wazakugonana yemwe amakhazikika pamaubwenzi komanso zovuta zakugonana angakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zomwe zidapangitsa kuti mukhale osagonana. Atha kukuthandizani kupeza pulani yakufikitsani inu ndi mnzanu kumalo komwe nonse mumakumananso ndi kulumikizana.

Wogonana amathanso kukuthandizani kuti mukhale olimba mtima pomvetsetsa zosowa zanu zakugonana, komanso kukuphunzitsani momwe mungakhalire omasuka ndi anzanu za iwo.

Wothandizira akhoza kukuthandizani kuti mufufuze njira zina zomwe zingakupangitseni inu ndi mnzanu kubwerera wina ndi mnzake, ndikupeza zomwe mungachite kuti mukwaniritse zosowa za thupi komanso zogonana.

Yesani zochitika zothandiza kuyambiranso kukondana

Pamene kuchoka kwaubwenzi kumabwera kuchokera munthawi ndi kupezeka, nthawi zina yankho labwino kwambiri ndikupanga nthawi. Kupanga tsiku kapena chochita kutha kukhala kiyi yakukhazikitsanso ubale wanu ndipo mwachilengedwe mugwirizane zokambirana wina ndi mnzake.

Yesani kufunsa mnzanu ngati angafune:

• Yesani kalasi yatsopano kapena msonkhano wa tsiku limodzi limodzi.
• Pitani ku chochitika usiku ku malo owonetsera zakale, kusewera, kapena konsati.
• Tengani tchuthi, kupumula, kapena kubwerera ndi cholinga chokomera.
• Kugonana kochulukirapo - kosavuta komanso kosavuta!

Koposa zonse, ngati mukukumana ndi nkhawa komanso chidwi chofuna kuthawa ndi wina kukusungani usiku, musadandaule. Musachepetse zosowa zanu. Yambirani kutsimikizira zomwe mwakumana nazo, ndikupeza nthawi yolankhulana ndi mnzanu zomwe mtima ndi thupi lanu zikufuna.

Mgwirizano wosagonana siwachilendo monga mukuganizira

Mudzapeza kuchuluka kosiyanasiyana kwa kuchuluka kwa maukwati osagonana kutengera zomwe zatengedwa kuchokera ku kafukufuku wakale, monga kafukufukuyu wa 1993 amene anapeza kuti 16% ya anthu okwatirana ku United States akuti sanachite zogonana mwezi watha asanakwane.

Posachedwapa apeza kuti pakati pa azaka zapakati pa 18 mpaka 89 ku United States, 15.2 peresenti ya amuna ndi 26.7 peresenti ya akazi sananene zakugonana chaka chatha, pomwe 8.7 peresenti ya amuna ndi 17.5% ya akazi sananene zogonana zaka zisanu kapena kupitilira apo.

Omwe sanagonepo chaka chathachi adatchula zifukwa zotsatirazi zosagonana: kukhala achikulire komanso osakwatira.

Malinga ndi Dr. Harris-Jackson, "Ziwerengero zikuyerekeza kuti ndizokwera kwambiri mukamawerengera maubale omwe simunakwatirane kapena ena omwe amadziwika. Mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti, ndi yofala kwambiri kuposa mmene anthu akudziwira. ”

Pewani mawu ngati "chipinda chogona" kapena "bedi laimfa" mukamalankhula ndi anzanu kapena othandizira. Maganizo omwe mawuwa amakhala nawo amakhala okwiya ndipo amatha kusintha momwe mumalankhulira ndi mnzanu mukafika kunyumba.

Kuphatikiza pa kafukufuku wokhudzana ndi kuchepa kwa nkhani komanso kuti ndi wachikale, a Dr. Becker-Warner ananenanso kuti "maphunziro ambiri omwe akupezeka ali okhudzana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe ali okwatirana okha" osati oyimira ubale wosiyanasiyana wa amuna ndi akazi.

Kodi kugonana ndikofunika kuti banja likhale labwino popanda kusudzulana?

Mukayang'ana ziwerengero zosudzulana, kafukufuku wa 2012 adapeza zifukwa zomwe zikuchulukirachulukira (55%), mavuto olumikizana (53%), ndi zachuma (40%). Kusakhulupirika kapena zochitika nawonso ndizofala.

Kafukufuku samalumikiza mwachindunji maukwati osagonana ndi chisudzulo, koma zitha kukhala chifukwa. Sizomwe zili kokha chinthu.

Kwa anthu ena ogonana, kugonana ndi gawo lofunikira lomwe limalimbikitsa kulumikizana kwawo ndikupereka mwayi wowonetserana chikondi.

Ngati kuchuluka kwakugonana kwatsika mpaka pamalingaliro osudzulana, tengani gawo kuti muwone ngati mukukhalabe ndi chiyembekezo, chidaliro, komanso chikondi kwa wokondedwa wanu. Nthawi zambiri, kusachita zogonana, kapena kugonana pang'ono, ndi chizindikiro cha china chokulirapo.

Ngati inu ndi mnzanu mwayesetsa kuthetsa mavuto ndikuwona kuti chisudzulo ndi yankho lolondola, ndichoncho. Kusudzulana si chizindikiro cholephera. Zitha kukhala zopweteka komanso zovuta, koma sizosowa chikondi. Kusudzulana ndi mwayi wodziyambitsanso nokha komanso chisangalalo chanu.

Komabe, Dr. Becker-Warner akutikumbutsa kuti kugonana monga kukondana sikuyenera kukhala koona aliyense. Kwa ena, kugonana sikofunika kwenikweni kapena kwayamba kuchepa. ”

Ndipo kugonana sikofunikira nthawi zonse kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino.

"Pali anthu ambiri omwe ali ndiubwenzi wathanzi, achimwemwe, komanso olimba, ndipo ali mgulu lomwe lingatanthauzidwe ngati maubale ocheperako kapena osagonana," akutero Dr. Harris-Jackson.

"Ndikofunika kukumbukira kuti kugonana ndi kukondana sizofanana. Kukondana ndizochitika kapena kukondana, kulumikizana, ndikugawana, ”akupitiliza. “Kukhala paubwenzi wapamtima komanso kulankhulana bwino ndizofunikira kwambiri kuti banja likhale lolimba. Kugonana ndichinthu chofunikira kwambiri kwa ambiri mwa iwo, ndipo izi ziyenera kumvedwa ndikulemekezedwa kwa iwo. ”

Kumbukirani izi: Inu ndi mnzanu mumasankha ngati mungakwaniritse tanthauzo la anthu osagonana kapena ayi - komanso ngati zili zofunika! Kugonana sikuyenera kukhala kutayika kwaubwenzi.

Monga akunenera Dr. Harris-Jackson kuti: "Mgwirizano wosagonana sikutanthauza kuti ndi mgwirizano wosasangalatsa. M'malo mwake! Mgwirizano wodzaza kukondana ndi kuthandizana ukhoza kukhala wopindulitsa kwambiri ngati ndizo zomwe banjali limaika patsogolo paubwenzi wawo. ”