Momwe ndidayambana ndi "Kutaya Mlongo Wanga" kwa Mnzake wa Moyo

Zamkati

• Ubale wathu ... ndi Dave
• Kupeza Kulandila
• Tsopano, Ubale Wathu Watsopano (m)
• Onaninso za

Zinali zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri zapitazo, komabe ndimakumbukirabe ngati dzulo: Ndinakwiya kwambiri kuti ndisachite mantha ndikamayandama kumbuyo kwanga kumunsi kudikira kupulumutsidwa. Mphindi zingapo m’mbuyomo, kayak yathu ya anthu aŵiri inatembenuzika mu Mtsinje wa Dart kunja kwa Queenstown, New Zealand, ndipo mlongo wanga, Maria, akufuula kaamba ka ine ali m’mphepete mwa nyanja. Pamene luso loponya zingwe la woperekeza wathu wachichepere likulephera, atate wina wolimba mtima wa ku Japan, akusangalala ndi ulendo wofanana wa kayaking pamodzi ndi mkazi wake ndi atsikana aang’ono aŵiri, anayima m’madzi akuya m’chiuno ndipo amandifikira pamene ndikudutsa. Amandigwira jekete ya moyo wanga ndikundikokera pagombe lamwala. Nditazimitsidwa ndikuwumitsidwa mpaka pafupa, sindikhala pansi mpaka Maria abwera akuthamanga kudzandikumbatira.

"Zili bwino, mlongo wanga," amanong'oneza mobwerezabwereza. "Zili bwino. Ndimakukondani, ndimakukondani." Ngakhale ali wamkulu miyezi 17 yokha kuposa ine, ndi mlongo wanga wamkulu, njira yanga yothandizira, komanso banja lonse lomwe ndili nalo paulendo wamasabata awiriwu pakati padziko lonse lapansi kuchokera kwathu NYC. Zowonjezeranso kusowa kwanga ndikuti tangotsala masiku awiri kuchokera pa Khrisimasi yathu yoyamba kuti tikhale kutali ndi makolo athu. Nthaŵi yatchuthi siili yabwino, koma pamene ndinapeza gawo la ulendo ku New Zealand December umenewo, ndinalumphirapo ndi kugawa ndalama za mlongo wanga kuti agwirizane nane. (Zogwirizana: Chifukwa Chake Muyenera Kuwonjezera Ulendo wa Mwana-Wamayi Komwe Mumayendera Ma Chidebe Chaulendo)

Kukumbatira kwake mwachikondi kumandibwezera pang'onopang'ono ku zenizeni, kumaletsa thupi langa kunjenjemera, ndikukhazikitsa malingaliro anga othamanga. Koposa zonse, zimandipangitsa kuti ndizimva kuyandikira kwa iye kuposa momwe ndinkakhalira miyezi ingapo.

Ubale wathu ... ndi Dave

Osandimvetsa, Maria ndi ine timakondana kwambiri, kwenikweni. Ndinasamuka pansanjika ziŵiri pamwamba pake m’nyumba yathu yogona ku Brooklyn pafupifupi zaka ziŵiri zapitazo, pambuyo pa ulendo wathu wa mlongo woyamba ku Argentina. Milungu iwiri yomwe tili limodzi ku South America inatikakamiza kusiya moyo wathu wotanganidwa, wokonda kwambiri ntchito ndikukhala ndi nthawi 24/7, zomwe zidatithandiza kugwirizananso m'njira yomwe sitinakhalepo kuyambira pomwe tidachoka kunyumba kwa makolo athu. pambuyo pa koleji, pafupifupi zaka khumi zapitazo. Kupambana kwa ulendowu kwatipangitsa kuti tikhale ndi zochitika zambiri limodzi, kuphatikizapo wothawira ku Hawaii komanso, New Zealand.Kukhala ndi chidwi chake chosagawanika ndi chikondi chopanda malire pamphepete mwa mtsinje wozizira masanawa ndizomwe ndikufunikira paulendo uno, makamaka popeza ndinamva kuti ndasiya pang'onopang'ono pamndandanda wa Maria. (Zokhudzana: Mzimayi Mmodzi Amagawana Momwe Tsiku La Amayi Lasinthira Kwa Iye Popeza Amayi Ake Amwalira)

Ndakhala ndikudziŵa kuti kugawana munthu amene ndimamukonda kwambiri padziko lapansi pano—ndi m’bale yekhayo amene ndili naye—ndi mnzanga zikakhala zovuta. Chomwe chinapangitsa zinthu kuipiraipira ndichakuti bwenzi lake latsopano, Dave, anali wokondedwa kwambiri kuyambira tsiku loyamba, osafuna china chilichonse kuposa kunditenganso ngati mlongo. Grrreat. Kukoma mtima kwake komanso kundivomereza kwawo kwathunthu komanso njira zanga zopondereza ("Ndingakonde ndikhale ndi mlongo wanga wopanda inu? Aka, CHOYANI.") zapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kudana naye. Osati kuti ndikufuna. Ndikofunika kukhala wokondwa kwa mlongo wanga, yemwe pamapeto pake wapeza "mwamuna wake," monga akunena, komabe, sindinaganizirepo. kuti kupeza kwake "ameneyo" kungatanthauze kuti sindidzakhalanso iye nambala chimodzi. (Yogwirizana: Chinthu Chimodzi Chomwe Chili Ndi Udindo Wambiri pa Chimwemwe Chanu)

Ndikudziwa kuti zikumveka ngati ndine wansanje, ndipo mwina ndizowona popeza ndilibe nkhanu yanga yomwe. Koma chomwe chimandidabwitsa kwambiri ndikuti ndimamverera Maria wanga kuposa kale. Chosiyana tsopano ndikuti ndife achikulire ndipo timadalirana kwambiri, makamaka popeza makolo athu akukalamba ndipo pamapeto pake tidzafunika kuyesetsa kuti tiwasamalire. Kupitilira apo, Maria ndi kukumbatirana komwe kumandipangitsa kumva chisoni chifukwa cha kusintha kwa ntchito, kutha, kumenyana ndi anzanga, ndi zina zambiri. Nthawi zonse ndikakumbatira ena, kuphatikiza alendo (nditha kukhala wolandilidwa, inenso!), Palibe chomwe chimamveka ngati choteteza, chachikondi, chovomerezeka, komanso choyenera monga momwe amamugwirira.

Ndipo tsopano akumugwira Dave. Monga nthawi zonse.

Kupeza Kulandila

Ndipo palibe mathero omwe akubwera, koma kutsimikiziranso kuti Dave sakupita kulikonse, zomwe zimasintha. chirichonse pakati pa alongo. Mwadzidzidzi, Dave adza — ndipo wakhala akutero kuyambira pomwe adakumana ndi tsoka la Tsiku la Antchito - kukhala patsogolo pake. (Zogwirizana: Sayansi Ikuti Ubwenzi Ndiwo Chinsinsi Chokhala Ndi Moyo Wosatha ndi Chimwemwe)

"Ili ndi vuto losangalatsa, koma ndikusintha kovuta komwe palibe amene akukambirana," akulangiza wachibale wanga wanzeru, wamkulu, Richard, yemwe adakumana ndi zofanana ndi mchimwene wake wamkulu, Michael. Kuwona Michael akukwatiwa, kusamukira kunyumba ku New Jersey ndikukhala ndi ana atatu okongola kudali kovuta kwa Richard, osati chifukwa sanakwatire ngati ine. Kunali "kusintha", monga momwe amachitchulira, kutaya wachibale (komanso bwenzi lapamtima) kubanja lawo latsopanolo. Mwamuna kapena mkazi amatenga udindo wa mchimwene wake m'njira zambiri, kukhala wosunga zinsinsi, woimba nyimbo, wochita nthabwala zamkati, mlangizi wa mafashoni ndi zachuma, wogawanitsa ma cookie, kupita ku hugger, ndi zina. Kuphatikiza apo, wokwatirana naye amapereka zinthu zomwe m'bale wake sangathe. Chifukwa chake palibe mpikisano. Osati kuti ndikunena kuti ndi mpikisano (koma kwathunthu).

Ndine wodzikonda? Mwina. Koma ndizabwino zomwe ndimakwanitsa kukhala mkazi wosakwatiwa wopanda maudindo kwa wina aliyense kupatula moi. Kuphunzira kugawana naye kudzatenga nthawi, ndipo ine kulibe. Ndatsala pang'ono kusiya, koma ndikuwopa kuti sindidzazolowera kukhala wachibale wapafupi, ngakhale nditakhala ndi mnzanga komanso ana anga. Chomwe ndiyenera kudzikumbutsa ndichakuti ubale wathu wapachibale ndi wozama komanso wamuyaya, sindiyenera kukayikira kapena kumva ngati ndikusinthidwa. Ndipo chifukwa tonse tili m'zaka zathu za m'ma 30 ndipo palibe aliyense wa ife amene adagwidwa ndi "achichepere," ndizomveka kuti takhala ndi nthawi yochulukirapo kuposa ambiri yolimbitsa kulumikizana kwathu ndikumanga kukumbukira.

Tsopano, Ubale Wathu Watsopano (m)

Mchemwali wanga ndi Dave adakwatirana patatha zaka zitatu kuchokera pamene mlongo wathu waku New Zealand adapita ndipo pamapeto pake adasamukira ku Washington, D.C., komwe Maria amakhala ndi kampani yochitira zisudzo. Wachita bwino kwambiri ndipo wadzimangira yekha moyo wabwino kumeneko. Pomwe COVID-19 idayimitsa maulendo athu pano, Maria anali akubwera ku NYC kudzawonera ziwonetsero zantchito ndikukhala nane m'nyumba yanga ku Brooklyn mwezi uliwonse. Tinkakonda kumwa khofi, kuyitana makolo athu, kupita koyenda, kuonera TV...zinali zosangalatsa. Ndimamusowa kwambiri (nthawi zina, zimandipweteka kwambiri), koma tsopano ndimayesetsa kuganizira zofuna zanga, kuphatikiza kusamukira ku California ndi wanga bwenzi tikakhala kutsidya lina la mliriwu.

Pomwe ndimakonzekera kusamukira kumayiko akutali, bwenzi langa lapamtima laubwana, Tatiana, adandikumbutsa tsiku lina pachakudya chamadzulo chokhudzidwa chomwe ndidamva zaka zapitazo ndi Maria. Amandiuza kuti ali okondwa kuti ndinakumana ndi munthu wodabwitsa uyu ndipo amathandizira paulendo watsopanowu, komanso akuchita nsanje komanso achisoni.

"Wansanje?" Ndikufunsa, ndikudabwitsidwa ndi kusankha kwake mawu popeza wakhala m'banja losangalala zaka 14. "Zowonjezera ngati zachisoni," akugogomezera ndikudziyesa kodabwitsa, kuzindikira kuti zomwe ndikuika patsogolo zasintha, ndipo ndizovuta. "Ndine wokondwa kwambiri chifukwa cha inu. Izi ndi zomwe mwakhala mukuzifuna kwanthawi yayitali. Koma, nthawi yomweyo, ndimaona ngati ndikukutayani. Zinthu sizidzakhala chimodzimodzi."

Inde, zidzakhala zosiyana komanso zabwino, koma sizikhala zofanana ndendende. Ndimapumira ndikungogwedeza mutu ndikamagawana nawo mawu omwe ndidamuwerenga posachedwa m'buku logulitsidwa kwambiri la Lori Gottlieb, Mwina Muyenera Kulankhula Ndi Wina: "ndi kusintha kulikonse - ngakhale kwabwino, kusintha kwabwino - kumadza." Ndikutha kufotokoza, mlongo.

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