N 'chifukwa Chiyani Anthu Amachita Zibwenzi?

Zamkati

• 1. Mkwiyo kapena kubwezera
• 2. Kugwa mchikondi
• 3. Zochitika pamikhalidwe ndi mwayi
• Zochitika zomwe zingachitike
• 4. Kudzipereka
• 5. Zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa
• 6. Chilakolako chogonana
• 7. Kufuna zosiyanasiyana
• 8. Kudziderera
• Kukonza kuwonongeka
• Ngati mnzanu wabera
• Ngati mwinamiza mnzanu
• Mfundo yofunika

Kupeza mnzanu wakunyengani kumatha kukhala kopweteka kwambiri. Mutha kumva kupweteka, kukwiya, kukhumudwa, kapena ngakhale kudwala. Koma koposa zonse, mwina mungakhale mukudabwa kuti "Chifukwa chiyani?"

Wofalitsidwa mu The Journal of Sex Research adayamba kuti aunike mutu womwewo. Kafukufukuyu adagwiritsa ntchito kafukufuku wapaintaneti kufunsa anthu 495 omwe adabera pachibwenzi pazifukwa zosakhulupirika.

Ophatikizidwa anali azimayi 259, amuna 213, ndi anthu 23 omwe sananene za amuna kapena akazi anzawo.

Anali:

• makamaka amuna kapena akazi okhaokha (87.9%)
• makamaka achikulire (azaka zapakati anali zaka 20)
• osati pachibwenzi chokha (51.8% okha ndi omwe akuti ali pachibwenzi)

Kafukufukuyu adazindikira zinthu zisanu ndi zitatu zomwe zimalimbikitsa kusakhulupirika. Zachidziwikire, izi sizikulongosola chilichonse pakubera. Koma amapereka njira yothandiza kumvetsetsa chifukwa chomwe anthu amabera.

Nazi zina mwazinthu zazikuluzikulu komanso momwe angakhalire pachibwenzi.

1. Mkwiyo kapena kubwezera

Anthu nthawi zina amabera chifukwa cha mkwiyo kapena kufuna kubwezera.

Mwina mwangopeza kuti mnzanu wabera. Wachita mantha ndipo wapweteka. Mungafune kuti wokondedwa wanu azidutsanso chimodzimodzi kwenikweni mvetsetsani zowawa zomwe adakupangitsani.

Mwanjira ina, "Amandipweteka, ndiye tsopano ndiwapweteka" nthawi zambiri ndimalingaliro oyendetsa kusakhulupirika kwachinyengo.

Kusakhulupirika komwe kumakwiya kumatha kuchitika pazifukwa zina osati kubwezera, kuphatikiza:

• Kukhumudwa mu chibwenzi pomwe mnzanu akuwoneka kuti sakumvetsetsa kapena zosowa zanu
• kukwiyira wokondedwa yemwe sali pafupi kwambiri
• Mkwiyo pamene mnzako alibe zambiri zoti apereke, mwakuthupi kapena mwamalingaliro
• kukwiya kapena kukhumudwa pambuyo pa mkangano

Mosasamala kanthu za chomwe chimayambitsa, mkwiyo ukhoza kukhala cholimbikitsira champhamvu kuti mukhale pachibwenzi ndi wina.

2. Kugwa mchikondi

Kudzimva kokondana ndi winawake sikukhala kosatha. Mukayamba kukondana ndi munthu wina, mutha kukhala ndi chidwi, chisangalalo, komanso kuthamanga kwa dopamine pakungopeza uthenga kuchokera kwa iwo.

Koma kukula kwa malingaliro awa nthawi zambiri kumatha pakapita nthawi. Zachidziwikire, chikondi chokhazikika, chosatha. Koma agulugufe oyambawa amangofikitsa mpaka pano.

Kuwala kumatha, mutha kuzindikira kuti chikondi sichipezeka. Kapenanso mumazindikira kuti mukukondana ndi munthu wina.

Kumbukirani kuti kugwa mchikondi sikuyenera kutanthauza kuti simukondana.

Izi zitha kupangitsa kuti kukhale kovuta kusiya ubale womwe umaperekabe tanthauzo la banja, ubale, kukhazikika, ndi chitetezo. Koma kukhala pachibwenzi popanda kukondana kungayambitse chikhumbo chofuna kukondananso ndikulimbikitsa kusakhulupirika.

3. Zochitika pamikhalidwe ndi mwayi

Kungokhala ndi mwayi wonyenga kumatha kupanga kusakhulupirika. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti aliyense amene ali ndi mwayi wachinyengo adzatero. Zinthu zina nthawi zambiri (koma osati nthawi zonse) zimawonjezera pazomwe zimapangitsa kuti abere.

Taganizirani izi: Mukukhumudwitsidwa ndi kutalika kwa chibwenzi chanu ndikulimbana ndi kudzidalira mozungulira mawonekedwe anu. Tsiku lina, amene mumagwira naye ntchito mumakhala ochezeka ndikumakugwirani nokha nati, "Ndimakukondani kwambiri. Tiyeni tizisonkhana nthawi ina. ”

Simungasankhe kubera ngati pali chinthu chimodzi kapena ziwiri zomwe zikukhudzidwa. Koma kuphatikiza pazinthu izi - mtunda waubwenzi wanu, momwe mumamvera pamawonekedwe anu, chidwi cha omwe mumagwira nawo ntchito - zitha kupanga kusakhulupirika.

Zochitika zomwe zingachitike

Zinthu zina zomwe zingapangitse kusakhulupirika kukhala kotheka, ngakhale muubwenzi wolimba, wokhutiritsa, kuphatikiza:

• kukhala ndi zakumwa zambiri ndikugona ndi wina pambuyo pausiku
• kufuna chitonthozo pambuyo poti chachitika chovuta
• kukhala kapena kugwira ntchito pamalo omwe pamakhala kulumikizana kwakuthupi ndi kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe

4. Kudzipereka

Anthu omwe amavutika ndikudzipereka atha kubera mayeso nthawi zina. Kuphatikiza apo, kudzipereka sikutanthauza chimodzimodzi kwa aliyense.

Ndizotheka kuti anthu awiri omwe ali pachibwenzi akhale ndi malingaliro osiyana kwambiri pankhani ya maubwenzi, monga ngati wamba, osagwirizana, ndi zina zotero.

Ndizothekanso kukonda munthu wina ndikuwopabe kudzipereka kwa iye. Poterepa, mnzake akhoza kumaliza kuchita chinyengo ngati njira yopewera kudzipereka, ngakhale atakhala kuti akufuna kukhalabe pachibwenzi.

Zifukwa zina zosakhulupirika zokhudzana ndi kudzipereka ndi monga:

• kusowa chidwi chochita nthawi yayitali
• kufuna zibwenzi wamba
• kufuna njira yothetsera chibwenzi

5. Zosowa zosakwaniritsidwa

Nthawi zina, zosowa za m'modzi kapena onse awiri okondana sizingafanane mu chibwenzi. Anthu ambiri amasankha kukhalabe pachibwenzi, nthawi zambiri akuyembekeza kuti zinthu zisintha, makamaka ngati chibwenzi chikukwaniritsa zina.

Koma zosowa zomwe sanakwaniritse zimatha kubweretsa kukhumudwa, zomwe zitha kukulirakulira ngati zinthu sizikusintha. Izi zitha kupereka chilimbikitso choti zosowazo zikwaniritsidwe kwina.

Zosowa zogonana zosakwaniritsidwa zitha kuchitika pamene:

• abwenzi amakhala ndimayendedwe osiyanasiyana ogonana
• mnzanu sangathe kugonana kapena alibe chidwi chogonana
• m'modzi kapena onse awiri nthawi zambiri amakhala kutali ndi kwawo

Zosowa za m'maganizo zosakwaniritsidwa zingalimbikitsenso kusakhulupirika. Kusakhulupirika m'maganizo kumatha kukhala kovuta kutanthauzira, koma nthawi zambiri kumangotanthauza zomwe zimachitika kuti wina azigwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zambiri kupatula mnzake.

Ngati mnzanu akuwoneka kuti alibe chidwi ndi zomwe mukuganiza, kumva, kapena kunena, mutha kuyamba kugawana ndi munthu yemwe ndi chidwi. Izi zitha kubweretsa kulumikizana komwe kumafanana ndi ubale.

6. Chilakolako chogonana

Chilakolako chofuna kugonana chingalimbikitse anthu ena kubera. Zinthu zina, kuphatikiza mwayi kapena zosakwaniritsidwa zogonana, zitha kuchitanso gawo pakusakhulupirika komwe kumasonkhezeredwa ndi chikhumbo.

Koma wina amene akufuna kugonana atha kufunanso mwayi wochita izi popanda owalimbikitsa.

Ngakhale anthu omwe ali ndi zibwenzi zogonana amatha kufunabe zogonana ndi anthu ena. Izi zitha kubwera chifukwa chofuna kwambiri kugonana, osati zogonana kapena zogonana.

7. Kufuna zosiyanasiyana

Potengera ubale, chikhumbo chosiyanasiyana nthawi zambiri chimakhudzana ndi kugonana. Mwachitsanzo, wina atha kukhala ndi chidwi chofuna kuyesa mitundu yogonana yomwe wokondedwa wawo sanalowemo, ngakhale atakhala kuti ndi ofanana ndi mnzake.

Zosiyanasiyana zingatanthauzenso:

• zokambirana zosiyanasiyana kapena mitundu yolumikizirana
• zochitika zosiyanasiyana zosagonana
• kukopa kwa anthu ena
• maubale ndi anthu ena kuwonjezera pa wokondedwa wawo wapano

Chiwonetsero ndi gawo lina lalikulu lazosiyanasiyana. Anthu atha kukopeka ndi mitundu yambiri ya anthu, ndipo sizimangokhala chifukwa choti muli pachibwenzi. Anthu ena omwe ali pachibwenzi chokwatirana chokha akhoza kukhala ndi nthawi yovuta kuti asachite zomwe amakopeka nazo.

8. Kudziderera

Kufunafuna kudzidalira kungalimbikitsenso kusakhulupirika.

Kugonana ndi munthu watsopano kumatha kudzetsa malingaliro abwino. Mutha kumverera kuti muli ndi mphamvu, okongola, odzidalira, kapena ochita bwino. Malingaliro awa akhoza kukulitsa kudzidalira kwako.

Anthu ambiri amene amabera chifukwa chodzidalira amakhala ndi anzawo achikondi, othandizira omwe amawapatsa chifundo ndi kuwalimbikitsa. Koma atha kuganiza, "Ayenera kunena choncho," kapena "Sakufuna kuti ndikhumudwe."

Kulandila chisangalalo kuchokera kwa wina watsopano, komano, kumatha kuwoneka kosiyana komanso kosangalatsa. Zitha kuwoneka zowona kwa munthu wodzidalira, yemwe angaganize kuti munthu watsopanoyo alibe "ubale wokakamiza" kunama kapena kukokomeza.

Kukonza kuwonongeka

Ngati pali chinthu chimodzi chofunikira kuchokera phunziroli, ndikuti kubera nthawi zambiri sikukhudzana ndi munthu winayo.

Anthu ambiri omwe amabera mayeso amakonda okondedwa awo ndipo alibe chidwi chowavulaza. Ichi ndichifukwa chake anthu ena amapita kutali kuti asakhulupirire kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wawo. Komabe, zitha kuwononga ubale.

Kubera sikuyenera kutanthauza kutha kwa chibwenzi, koma kupita patsogolo kumatenga ntchito.

Ngati mnzanu wabera

Ngati mwanyengidwapo, mwina mukuvutikabe ndi kupezeka. Mungafune kuchita chilichonse chomwe chingafunike kuti mukonze chibwenzicho. Kapena, mwina simukufuna kukhala pachibwenzi.

Ngati simukudziwa momwe mungathetsere vutoli, yambani apa:

• Lankhulani ndi mnzanu za zomwe zachitika. Ganizirani zokambirana zaupangiri wa maanja kapena anthu ena omwe alibe mbali pazokambiranazo. Kupeza zomwe mnzanu akufuna kukuthandizani kungakuthandizeni kupanga chisankho, koma nthawi zambiri amalimbikitsidwa kuti mupewe tsatanetsatane wazomwe mungakumane nazo.
• Funsani ngati mnzanu akufuna kupitiliza chibwenzi. Anthu ena chitani kubera chifukwa akufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho, choncho ndikofunikira kudziwa momwe akumvera.
• Dzifunseni nokha ngati mungakhulupirire mnzanuyo. Zitha kutenga nthawi kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana, ndipo mwina mnzanuyo amadziwa izi. Koma ngati mukudziwa kuti simudzawakhulupiriranso, mwina simungathe kukonza ubalewo.
• Dzifunseni ngati mukufuna chibwenzicho. Kodi mumakondadi mnzanu ndipo mukufuna kuthana ndi vuto lililonse? Kapena mukuopa kuyamba ndi munthu watsopano? Kodi mukuganiza kuti ubale uyenera kuthetsedwa?
• Lankhulani ndi mlangizi. Upangiri wa maanja amalimbikitsidwa kwambiri ngati mutayamba chibwenzi pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika, koma chithandizo chamankhwala chamunthu payekha chingakuthandizeninso kuthana ndi malingaliro anu ndi momwe mukumvera pazomwe zachitika.

Ngati mwinamiza mnzanu

Ngati mwakhala mukubera, ndikofunikira kulingalira zomwe mumalimbikitsa ndikukambirana moona mtima ndi mnzanu. Wokondedwa wanu mwina sakufuna kukonza chibwenzicho, ndipo muyenera kulemekeza chisankho chawo, ngakhale mutakhala kuti simukukhalira limodzi.

Tengani nthawi kuti muganizire izi:

• Kodi mukufuna chibwenzicho? Ngati kubera kwanu kumayendetsedwa ndi chikhumbo chofuna kutuluka muubwenzi, ndibwino kuti mukhale owona mtima ndi mnzanuyo nthawi yomweyo. Osatsimikiza za zomwe mukufuna? Ganizirani zogwira ntchito ndi othandizira kuti muwone zambiri.
• Kodi mutha kuthana ndi zifukwa zakusakhulupirika? Chithandizo chaumwini, chithandizo cha maanja, komanso kulumikizana bwino zonse zitha kuthandiza kukonza ubale ndikupangitsa kusakhulupirika mtsogolo kuthekera. Koma ngati munachita chinyengo chifukwa choti mnzanuyo analibe chidwi ndi mtundu winawake wa kugonana kapena chifukwa chakuti sanabwerere kwawo, chingachitike ndi chiyani ngati zomwezo zibweranso? Kodi mungawauze zakufuna kubera mayeso m'malo mongowachita?
• Kodi mumadziwonanso mukubera? Kusakhulupirika kumatha kupweteketsa mtima, kupweteketsa mtima, komanso kukhumudwitsa munthu. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mutha kuberanso, musalonjeze kuti mudzakhala okhulupirika. M'malo mwake, uzani mnzanu kuti simukuganiza kuti mutha kuchita.
• Kodi mungadzipereke kuchipatala? Ngati mwachita zachinyengo kwa mnzanu, chithandizo cha payekha chingakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa zambiri pazifukwa zomwe zidachitika. Chithandizo cha maanja chingathandizenso inu ndi mnzanu kumanganso ubalewo limodzi. Zonsezi ndizolimbikitsidwa kwambiri pambuyo pa kusakhulupirika ngati mukufunitsitsadi kubwezeretsa zinthu panjira.

Mfundo yofunika

Mwina mudamvapo mawu oti "Akakhala wonyenga, nthawi zonse amabera wina" kufotokoza anthu osakhulupirika. Koma pamene anthu ena amabera mobwerezabwereza, ena satero.

Kulimbana ndi kusakhulupirika nthawi zambiri kumalimbitsa ubale.Koma ndikofunikira kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukhale owona pazomwe mungakwanitse komanso zomwe simungathe kudzipereka muubwenzi wanu ndikupitiliza kulankhulana momasuka.