Umu ndi m'mene ndinaphunzirira kuti ndinali muubwenzi wodalirana

Zamkati

• Sindinazindikire pamenepo, koma ubale wanga "wangwiro" kwenikweni umandipangitsa kukhala wosungulumwa m'moyo wanga.
• Kudziwitsa dzina la pateniyo
• Kunyalanyaza mavuto m'moyo wanga womwe
• Osatinso zolakwa za munthu m'modzi
• Gawo lomaliza: Kufunsa mtunda

Sindinazindikire pamenepo, koma ubale wanga "wangwiro" kwenikweni umandipangitsa kukhala wosungulumwa m'moyo wanga.

Mnzanga wapamtima atandiuza kuti akuvutika kudzuka pabedi, kumaliza ntchito zanthawi zonse, komanso kumaliza ntchito yake yokhalamo, chinthu choyamba chomwe ndidachita ndikuyang'ana ndege. Sikunali ngakhale kutsutsana kumapeto kwanga.

Panthaŵiyo, ndinali kukhala ku Karachi, Pakistan. Anali pasukulu ya udokotala ku San Antonio. Ndinali wolemba pawokha komanso kusinthasintha kokwanira. Amandifuna. Ndipo ndinali nayo nthawi.

Patatha masiku atatu, ndinali paulendo wa pandege wa maola 14, ndikutsegula magazini yanga kuti ndilembe mawu kuchokera m'buku lomwe ndimakhala ndikuwerenga. Ndipamene ndidazindikira chiganizo chomwe ndidalemba chaka chisanathe.

Aka sikanali koyamba kusiya chilichonse kuti chimuthandize. Pamene ndimasanthula masamba am'buku langa, ndidayamba kuzindikira kuti kusinkhasinkha uku sikudali kwachiwiri kapena kachitatu. Pomwe ndimadzipereka ndekha kwa iye, ndimakhala kuti ndimatsalira pambuyo pake moyo wake utachira.

Kudziwitsa dzina la pateniyo

Sindikukumbukira pomwe ndidazindikira koyamba kuti ubale wathu sunali wathanzi. Zomwe ndikukumbukira, komabe, ndikuphunzira kuti panali dzina pazomwe tidali: odalira.

Malinga ndi a Sharon Martin, katswiri wama psychology ku San Jose, Calif., Yemwe amadziwika kwambiri pankhani yodziyimira payokha, maubale odalirana samapezeka. Ndi ubale wosagwira ntchito pomwe munthu m'modzi amadzitaya poyesa kusamalira wina. Kwinakwake pamzere, kapena kuyambira pachiyambi, munthu m'modzi amakhala "wodalirana" ndikunyalanyaza zosowa zawo komanso momwe akumvera. Amadzimvanso kuti ndi olakwa komanso ali ndi udindo wothana ndi mavuto a winayo komanso kuthetsa mavuto awo.

Kulola nthawi zambiri kumakhala mwangozi, koma nthawi zambiri, m'malo mowalola anzawo kuti aphunzire pazolakwitsa zawo, amalowerera ndi "kukonza" zonse, osalola kuti winayo apezeke wopanda chiyembekezo.

Izi zidafotokoza mwachidule ubale wanga ndi mzanga wapamtima.

Kunyalanyaza mavuto m'moyo wanga womwe

Ku Karachi, ndinali wokhumudwa, ndikusautsidwa ndi moyo womwe ndidasiya ku United States. Ndidasowa kukhala m'malo ogulitsira khofi ndikumwa m'mabala ndi anzawo kumapeto kwa sabata. Ku Karachi, zimandivuta kulumikizana ndi anthu atsopano komanso kusintha moyo wanga watsopano. M'malo moyesera kutanganidwa ndi mavuto anga, ndimagwiritsa ntchito nthawi yanga yonse kukonza ndikukonza moyo wa mnzanga wapamtima.

Palibe amene adandizungulira yemwe adafotokozapo kuti ubale ukhoza kukhala wosakwaniritsa komanso wosakhala wabwino. Ndinaganiza kuti kukhala bwenzi labwino kumatanthauza kuwonekera zivute zitani. Ndingapewe kupanga mapulani ena ndi anzanga omwe amakhala mdera limodzi ndi ine kuti ndikhale naye. Nthawi zambiri amandigwetsa ulesi.

Nthawi zina ndimatha kugona mpaka 3 koloko m'mawa kuti mwina angafune kuti andilankhule, koma ndimangotaya nthawiyo ndikudandaula za zomwe zawonongeka. Koma palibe anzanga ena omwe anali kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama zawo kukonza moyo wa wina. Palibe amene amaganiza kuti ayenera kudziwa komwe mnzake wapamtima anali nthawi zonse.

Khalidwe la mnzanga limakhudzanso tsiku langa lonse. Atasokoneza, ndinadzimva kuti ndili ndi udindo - ngati kuti ndikadayenera kuzikonza. Zinthu zomwe bwenzi langa akanatha kuchita ndipo amayenera kuti amadzichita yekha, ndinamchitira.

Leon F. Seltzer, katswiri wamaganizidwe azachipatala, komanso wolemba Evolution of the Self blog, adalongosola kuti "odalitsika" akhoza kukhala ndi zovuta zawo zomwe nthawi zambiri zimachepetsa muubwenziwu.

Zonsezi ziyenera kuti zinali zizindikiro zochenjeza, ndipo mothandizidwa ndi mtunda wina, ndimatha kuwona zonsezi moyenera ndikuzizindikira ngati machitidwe ovuta. Koma pamene ndinali pachibwenzi, ndikudandaula za bwenzi langa lapamtima, zinali zovuta kuzindikira kuti ndinali gawo lavutoli.

Osatinso zolakwa za munthu m'modzi

Nthawi yonseyi, ndimamva kukhala ndekha mochititsa mantha. Izi, ndidaphunzira, ndikumva wamba. Martin akuvomereza kuti, "Odalira pawokha amatha kukhala osungulumwa, ngakhale m'mabwenzi, chifukwa sakupeza zosowa zawo." Ananenanso kuti sikulakwa konse kwa munthu m'modzi.

Maubwenzi odalirana nthawi zambiri amapangidwa ngati pali kuphatikiza kwabwino kwa umunthu: Munthu m'modzi ndi wachikondi komanso wosamala, amafuna moona mtima kusamalira anthu owazungulira, ndipo winayo amafunikira chisamaliro chambiri.

Omwe amadalira cod cod ambiri alibe, ndipo chifukwa chake, amadzimva kukhala osungulumwa, ngakhale nthawi yaubwenzi. Izi zimandifotokozera bwino. Nditazindikira kuti ubwenzi wanga sunalinso wathanzi, ndinayesa kudzipatula ndikukhazikitsanso malire. Vuto linali loti ine ndi mnzanga, momwe tinkakhalira kale, nthawi yomweyo tidanyalanyaza malire omwe tidakhazikitsa.

Gawo lomaliza: Kufunsa mtunda

Pomaliza, ndinauza mnzanga kuti ndikufunika kukonzanso. Ankawoneka kuti akumvetsa kuti ndikuvutikadi, choncho tinagwirizana kuti titenga nthawi pang'ono. Patha miyezi inayi titalankhula bwino.

Pali nthawi zina pamene ndimakhala womasuka kwathunthu, wopanda nkhawa ndi mavuto ambiri omwe adakumana nawo m'moyo wake. Komabe pali nthawi zina zomwe ndimasowa bwenzi langa lapamtima.

Zomwe sindiphonya, komabe, ndizomwe amandifunikira, ndipo gawo lalikulu la moyo wanga adatenga. Kulekana ndi bwenzi langa kunandipatsa mpata wosintha zofunikira pamoyo wanga. Makamaka, ndimadabwa ndimomwe ndimasungulumwa ndimamverera.

Sindikudziwa ngati tidzabwerenso kukhala mabwenzi. Chilichonse chasintha. Martin adalongosola pomwe wodalitsika amaphunzira kukhazikitsa malire, sadzakhalanso otanganidwa ndi mavuto a mnzake. Zotsatira zake, mayendedwe onse aubwenzi amasintha.

Ndikuphunzirabe kumamatira kumalire anga, ndipo mpaka nditatsimikiza kuti sindidzabwereranso kumakhalidwe anga akale, ndimayesetsa kufikira ndikulankhula ndi mnzanga.

Mariya Karimjee ndi wolemba pawokha ku New York City. Panopa akugwira ntchito yolemba ndi Spiegel ndi Grau.