Momwe Mungayang'anire ndi Kuyankha Pazosokoneza Mtima

Zamkati

• Kodi tanthauzo lake ndi chiyani?
• Momwe imagwirira ntchito
• 1. Kufunika
• 2. Kukaniza
• 3. Anzanu
• 4. Zowopseza
• 5. Kugwirizana
• 6. Kubwereza
• Zitsanzo wamba
• Olanga
• Odziletsa okha
• Odwala
• Zojambula
• Momwe mungayankhire
• Choyamba, zindikirani zomwe sizosokoneza malingaliro
• Khalani odekha komanso okhazikika
• Yambani kukambirana
• Dziwani zoyambitsa zanu
• Alembeni kuti akunyengerere
• Ngati mukufuna thandizo pano
• Nanga bwanji ngati akudziopseza kuti adzadzivulaza?
• Mfundo yofunika

Kodi tanthauzo lake ndi chiyani?

Chisokonezo cham'mutu chimafotokoza momwe munthu amagwiritsira ntchito malingaliro anu ngati njira yowongolera machitidwe anu kapena kukukakamizani kuti muwone zinthu momwe iwo amazionera.

Dr. Susan Forward, wothandizira, wolemba, komanso wophunzitsa, adayambitsa mawuwa m'buku lake mu 1997, "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You." Pogwiritsira ntchito kafukufuku wamaphunziro, amathetsa lingaliro lakunyengerera kuti athandize anthu kumvetsetsa ndi kuthana ndi izi.

Kupatula m'buku la Forward, palibe chidziwitso chodziwika bwino chokhudza kusokonezedwa kwam'maganizo ndi tanthauzo lake, kotero tidafikira kwa Erika Myers, wothandizira ku Bend, Oregon.

Amalongosola zakusokonekera kwamtima kukhala kochenjera komanso kochenjera. "Zitha kuwoneka ngati zopanda chikondi, zokhumudwitsa, kapenanso kusintha pang'ono thupi," akufotokoza.

Momwe imagwirira ntchito

Monga nkhanza zomwe zimachitika, kukhudzika mtima kumakhudzanso munthu amene akuyesera kuti apeze zomwe akufuna kuchokera kwa inu. Koma m'malo mokusungirani zinsinsi, amakupusitsani momwe mumamvera.

Malinga ndi Forward, nkhaza zamalingaliro zimadutsa magawo asanu ndi limodzi:

1. Kufunika

Gawo loyamba lazachinyengo pamaganizidwe.

Munthuyo atha kunena izi momveka bwino kuti: "Sindikuganiza kuti mungayendere limodzi ndi-ndi-akuti."

Amathanso kuzipangitsa kukhala zobisika. Mukawona mnzanuyo, amalankhula monyodola (kapena ayi). Mukafunsa chomwe chalakwika, amati, "Sindimakonda momwe amakuwonerani. Sindikuganiza kuti ndi abwino kwa inu. "

Zachidziwikire, amatenga zofuna zawo posamalira inu. Komabe kuyesayesa kuwongolera kusankha bwenzi.

2. Kukaniza

Ngati simukufuna kuchita zomwe akufuna, mwina abwerera mmbuyo.

Mutha kunena mwachindunji, "Simuli ndi inshuwaransi, chifukwa chake sindili bwino kukulolani kuyendetsa galimoto yanga."

Koma ngati mukuda nkhawa kuti angakane bwanji, mutha kukana mochenjera mwa:

• "Kuyiwala" kuyika mafuta mgalimoto
• kunyalanyaza kusiya makiyi anu
• osalankhula chilichonse ndikuyembekeza kuti amaiwala

3. Anzanu

Anthu amafotokozabe zosowa ndi zikhumbo zawo muubale wabwino. Muubwenzi wabwinobwino, mukangokhalira kukana, mnzakeyo amayankha mwakusiya nkhaniyo kapena kuyesetsa kupeza yankho limodzi.

Wogulitsa wakuda amakukakamizani kuti mukwaniritse zofuna zawo, mwina ndi njira zingapo, kuphatikiza:

• kubwereza zomwe akufuna m'njira yowapangitsa kuwoneka bwino (mwachitsanzo, "ndimangoganiza zamtsogolo mwathu")
• onetsani njira zomwe kukana kwanu kumawakhudzira
• kunena zinthu monga, "Mukanandikondadi, mukadachita"
• kukudzudzulani kapena kukunyozani

4. Zowopseza

Kusokonekera pamtima kumatha kuphatikizira kuwopseza mwachindunji kapena mwachindunji:

• Kuopseza kwachindunji. "Ukapita ndi anzako usikuuno, sindidzabwera ukabwerako."
• Kuopseza kosadziwika. "Ngati sungakhale nane usikuuno pamene ndikukufuna, mwina wina adzatero."

Akhozanso kubisa chiwopsezo ngati lonjezo labwino: "Mukakhala kunyumba usikuuno, tikhala ndi nthawi yabwinoko kuposa momwe mukanapitira kunja. Izi ndizofunikira paubwenzi wathu. ”

Ngakhale izi sizikuwoneka ngati zowopsa, akuyesetsabe kukupusitsani. Ngakhale samafotokoza momveka bwino zotsatira zakukana kwanu, iwo chitani kutanthauza kuti kupitiriza kukana sikungathandize ubale wanu.

5. Kugwirizana

Zachidziwikire kuti simukufuna kuti apange zabwino pazowopseza zawo, chifukwa chake mumangodzipereka ndikudzipereka. Mwina mungadabwe ngati "pempho" lawo likuyeneranso kuti mudzakane.

Kutsata kumatha kukhala njira yomaliza, chifukwa amakulemetsani pakapita nthawi ndikukakamizidwa komanso kukuwopsezani. Mukangogonjera, chipwirikiti chimalowa m'malo mwamtendere. Ali ndi zomwe akufuna, chifukwa chake atha kuwoneka okoma mtima komanso achikondi - kwakanthawi.

6. Kubwereza

Mukawonetsa munthu winayo yemwe mudzamumvere pamapeto pake, amadziwa bwino momwe adzasewerere mofananamo mtsogolo.

Popita nthawi, njira yakusokonekera yamalingaliro imakuphunzitsani kuti ndikosavuta kutsatira kuposa kukumana ndi kukakamizidwa komanso kuwopsezedwa. Mutha kuvomereza kuti chikondi chawo chimangokhala chazinthu zina ndi zina zomwe amakana mpaka mutagwirizana nawo.

Amatha kuphunziranso kuti mtundu wina wowopseza umapangitsa kuti ntchitoyi ichitike mwachangu. Zotsatira zake, izi mwina zipitilizabe.

Zitsanzo wamba

Ngakhale ma blackmailers nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito njira zingapo, Forward akuwonetsa kuti machitidwe awo amagwirizana ndi imodzi mwamafayilo anayi:

Olanga

Wina wogwiritsira ntchito machenjerero a chilango anganene zomwe akufuna ndikukuwuzani zomwe zidzachitike mukapanda kutsatira.

Izi nthawi zambiri zimatanthauza kuwopseza mwachindunji, koma owalanga amalimbikitsanso anzawo, kupsa mtima, kapena kungokhala chete kuti awanyengerere.

Nachi chitsanzo chimodzi choyenera kuganizira:

Wokondedwa wanu amabwera ndikukupsopsonani pamene mukuyenda.

“Ndagulitsa lero! Tiyeni tisangalale. Chakudya chamadzulo, kuvina, kukondana… ”amatero ndi kutsinzinira konyenga.

“Zabwino zonse!” inu mukuti. “Koma ndatopa. Ndimaganiza zokasamba nthawi yayitali ndikupumula. Nanga mawa? ”

Maganizo awo amasintha nthawi yomweyo. Amadzimbira holo, ndikumenyetsa zitseko akamapita. Mukamatsatira ndikuyesera kuyankhula nawo, amakana kuyankha.

Odziletsa okha

Mtundu wankhanza wamtunduwu umaphatikizaponso ziwopsezo. M'malo mowopseza, komabe, omwe amadzipangira okha amafotokoza momwe kukana kwanu kudzapwetekera iwo:

• "Mukapanda kundibwereka ndalama, ndisiya galimoto yanga mawa."
• “Ngati simutilola kukhala nanu, tidzakhala opanda nyumba. Ganizani za adzukulu anu! Ndani akudziwa zomwe zidzawachitikire? Kodi ukufuna kukhala ndi moyo? ”

Anthu omwe amagwiritsa ntchito njira zodzilangira atha kuthana ndi vutoli kuti ziwoneke ngati mavuto anu ndi omwe akupangitsani kuti mukhale ndi chidwi chokhala nawo udindo ndikuwathandiza.

Odwala

Wodwala nthawi zambiri amafotokoza zakukhosi kwawo popanda mawu.

Ngati akukhulupirira kuti mwawachepetsa kapena akufuna kuti muwachitire china chake, sanganene chilichonse ndikuwonetsa kusasangalala kwawo ndi mawu awa:

• Chisoni kapena kukhumudwa, kuphatikiza kumwetulira, kuusa moyo, misozi, kapena kukweza
• kupweteka kapena kusapeza bwino

Izi zati, amathanso kukupatsirani zonse zomwe zimawachititsa mavuto.

Mwachitsanzo:

Sabata yatha, mudamuwuza mnzanu kuti mukufuna kupeza wokhala naye m'chipinda chanu chopanda kanthu komanso chosambira. Mnzako anati, "Bwanji osandilola kuti ndikhale kumeneko kwaulere?" Munaseka mawuwo, poganiza kuti ndi nthabwala.

Lero, adakuimbirani foni, mosisima.

“Sindikusangalala kwambiri. Sindingadzuke pabedi langa, ”akutero. “Choyamba kulekana kowopsa, tsopano anzanga ogwira nawo ntchito omvetsa chisoni - koma sindingathe kusiya, ndilibe ndalama. Ndikungofunika china chabwino kuti chichitike. Sindingathe kupirira chonchi. Ndikadakhala ndi malo okhala kwakanthawi, komwe sindikadalipira lendi, ndikutsimikiza ndikadakhala bwino. "

Zojambula

Mitundu ina yachinyengo imawoneka ngati manja okoma mtima.

Wodzikongoletsa amakhala ndi mphotho pamutu panu kuti apeze kena kake kuchokera kwa inu, kupereka matamando ndi chilimbikitso. Koma nthawi iliyonse mukadutsa chopinga chimodzi, pamakhala kudikirira kwina. Simungathe kutsatira.

"Ntchito yanu ndiyabwino," abwana anu anena tsiku lina. "Muli ndi maluso omwe ndimafuna muofesi." Akudziwitsani mwakachetechete kuti malowo azitsegulidwa posachedwa. “Kodi ndingakudalire mpaka nthawi imeneyo?”

Wosangalala, mukuvomereza. Abwana anu akupitilizabe kukufunsani zambiri, ndipo mumachedwa, mumadya chakudya chamasana, ndipo mumabwera kumapeto kwa sabata kuti mukwaniritse zonse. Woyang'anira ofesi asiya ntchito, koma abwana anu sanatchuleko kukwezanso.

Mukadzafunsa za izo, amakunyozani.

“Sukuwona momwe ndiriri wotanganidwa? Kodi mukuganiza kuti ndili ndi nthawi yolembera woyang'anira ofesi? Ndimayembekezera zabwino kwa inu, ”akutero.

Momwe mungayankhire

Ngati mukukayikira kuti mulandiridwa mwachinyengo, pali zinthu zingapo zomwe mungachite kuti muyankhe moyenera.

Anthu ena amaphunzira machenjerero (monga maulendo olakwa) kuchokera kwa makolo, abale, kapena anzawo omwe adakumana nawo kale. Makhalidwe amenewa amakhala njira yosasinthira zosowa, Myers akufotokoza.

Izi zati, ena atha kugwiritsa ntchito mwachinyengo malingaliro awo. Ngati simukumva kuti ndinu otetezeka kukakumana ndi munthuyo, mungafune kudumpha izi (zambiri pazomwe mungachite pamwambapa).

Choyamba, zindikirani zomwe sizosokoneza malingaliro

Pamene zosowa kapena malire a wokondedwa akuyambitsa kukhumudwa kapena kusapeza bwino, mungafune kukana.

Komabe, aliyense ali ndi ufulu wofotokozera ndi kubwereza malire pakafunika kutero. Zimangokhala zachinyengo m'maganizo mukamakakamizidwa, kuwopsezedwa, komanso kuyesa kukulamulirani.

Myers akufotokozanso kuti kulingalira zakumverera ndi zokumbukira zokumana nazo zakale zitha kupanga zinthu pakadali pano zikuwoneka monga kusokoneza.

"Ngati tingayankhe kwa wina chifukwa cha mantha kapena mantha - kukhulupirira kuti kukana kapena kusunga malire kumabweretsa kukanidwa - izi zitha kumveka ngati nkhanza mumtima. Komabe, awa akhoza kukhala malingaliro olakwika pazomwe ziti zichitike, "akutero a Myers.

Khalani odekha komanso okhazikika

Munthu amene akuyesera kuti akunyengerere angakukakamizeni kuti muyankhe mwachangu. Mukakhumudwa komanso mantha, mutha kugonja musanaganizire zina zomwe zingachitike.

Ichi ndi gawo lazomwe zakugwirani ntchito. M'malo mwake, khalani odekha momwe mungathere ndikuwadziwitsani kuti mukufuna nthawi.

Yesani kusiyanasiyana kwa, "Sindingathe kusankha tsopano. Ndiganiza ndikukuyankha mtsogolo muno. "

Atha kupitilizabe kukukakamizani kuti musankhe mwachangu, koma osabwerera m'mbuyo (kapena kuwopseza). Bwerezani modekha kuti mumafuna nthawi.

Yambani kukambirana

Nthawi yomwe mumagula imatha kukuthandizani kupanga njira. Njira yanu itengera momwe zinthu zilili, kuphatikiza mawonekedwe ndi kufunikira.

"Choyamba, pimani chitetezo chaumwini," akutero a Myers. "Ngati mumadzimva kuti ndinu otetezeka m'maganizo ndi m'thupi kutero, mutha kukambirana."

Ma blackmailers ambiri amadziwa bwino zomwe akuchita. Amafuna kuti zosowa zawo zitheke ndipo sasamala zomwe zimawononga ndalama zanu.

Ena amangowona machitidwe awo ngati njira yomwe imakwaniritsa zolinga zawo ndipo samazindikira momwe zimakukhudzirani. Apa, kukambirana kungathandize kukulitsa kuzindikira kwawo.

"Fotokozerani momwe mawu kapena machitidwe awo amakupangitsani kumva," akutero a Myers. "Apatseni mwayi kuti asinthe mayendedwe awo."

Dziwani zoyambitsa zanu

Wina amene akuyesa kukunyengererani amakhala ndi malingaliro abwino amomwe angakankhire mabatani anu.

Ngati simukukonda kukangana pagulu, mwachitsanzo, mwina akuwopseza kuti apange zochitika.

Malinga ndi a Myers, kukulitsa kumvetsetsa kwanu za mantha kapena zikhulupiriro zomwe zimapatsa mphamvu wakuda zitha kupereka mwayi wobwezera mphamvuzo. Izi zipangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kwa anzanu kuti azizigwiritsa ntchito kukutsutsani.

Mu chitsanzo chomwechi, mwina izi zikutanthauza kuti kudziwa kuti kukangana pagulu ndi malo owawa kwa inu ndikubwera ndi yankho lofananira ndi izi.

Alembeni kuti akunyengerere

Mukamapereka mwayi kwa munthu winayo kuti akuthandizeni kupeza yankho lina, kukana kwanu kumawoneka kochepa.

Yambani ndi mawu omwe amatsimikizira momwe akumvera, kenako tsegulani chitseko chothetsera mavuto mogwirizana.

Mwina mumuuza mnzanu kuti, "Ndikumva kuti mukukwiya chifukwa ndimakhala kumapeto kwa sabata ndi anzanga. Kodi mungandithandizire kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake mumakhumudwa kwambiri? ”

Izi zikuwonetsa munthu winayo amene mumasamala za momwe akumvera ndikuwadziwitsa kuti ndinu okonzeka kugwira nawo ntchito.

Ngati mukufuna thandizo pano

Ngati mumachitiridwa nkhanza nthawi zonse, zingakhale bwino kupewa kukumana ndi munthuyo.

M'malo mwake, lingalirani kufikira nambala yothandizira pamavuto. Aphungu ophunzitsidwa bwino pamavuto amapereka chithandizo chaulere, chosadziwika komanso chithandizo, 24/7. Yesani:

• Mzere Wamalemba Wamavuto
• Nambala Yafoni Yadziko Lonse

Nanga bwanji ngati akudziopseza kuti adzadzivulaza?

Ngati wina akuwopseza kuti adzadzivulaza pokhapokha inu mutachita zomwe akunena, mwina mungafune kulola.

Kumbukirani: Mutha kuwongolera yanu zochita. Ngakhale mutamusamalira bwanji munthu wina, simungathe kumusankhira.

Kuwalumikiza kuti athandizire ndi kuthandizira (monga 911 kapena mzere wamavuto) ndi njira yabwinobwino, yotetezeka kwa nonse.

Mfundo yofunika

Kuseka, mayesero pachibwenzi, kusalakwa, kuwopsezedwa, mantha, udindo, ndi kudziimba mlandu zomwe zimakupangitsani kukhala zisonyezo zakusokonekera.

Kulekerera kungawoneke ngati njira yabwino yosungitsira mtendere, koma kutsatira nthawi zambiri kumabweretsa chizolowezi china.

Nthawi zina, mutha kukambirana ndi munthuyo, koma kwa ena, kungakhale bwino kutha chibwenzicho kapena kufunsa thandizo kwa othandizira ophunzitsidwa bwino.

Crystal Raypole adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy. Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.