Mlandu Woti Mukhale Patsogolo Pazakugonana Kwanu Patsiku Loyamba

Zamkati

• Ubwino Wotuluka Patsiku Loyamba
• Bwanji Ngati Sindikumva Otetezeka Kutuluka - Kapena Amayankha Mosauka?
• Nanga Ngati Akulandira ... Koma Simukudziwa Zambiri Pokhala LGBTQ +?
• Momwe Mungatulukire Patsiku Loyamba (kapena Ngakhale Lisanayambe)
• 1. Ikani m'mabuku anu azibwenzi.
• 2. Gawani malo anu ochezera.
• 3. Sulani mwachisawawa.
• 4. Kulavulira kunja!
• 5. Funsani funso lotsogolera.
• Onaninso za

Anali kutha kwa tsiku loyamba. Mpaka pano, zinthu zinali kuyenda bwino. Tidakhudza mbiri ya zibwenzi, tidatsimikiza zaubwenzi wathu (onse amwamuna m'modzi), tidakambirana zoyipa zathu, kukhala okondana kwambiri ndi yoga ndi CrossFit, ndikugawana zithunzi zaukadaulo wathu. Ndinkalumikizana ndi bambo uyu - tidzamutcha Derek - koma panali chinthu chimodzi chachikulu chomwe tinali tisanalankhulepo: Kugonana kwanga ndi amuna ndi akazi.

Mnzanga wakale ankanamizira kuti chibwenzi changa pitilizani sanali zimaonetsa anthu a amuna ndi akazi zosiyanasiyana, ndipo kukhala chete kwathu za izo zinachititsa kuti ine queer mokwanira. Ndinafuna kupewa kuyambiranso, chifukwa chake tsiku loyamba ndi Derek, ndinanena mosapita m'mbali.

"Ndikofunika kwambiri kwa ine kuti mumvetse kuti ndimakonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso kuti ndidzakhalabe ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha tikakhala pachibwenzi."

Monga rockstar iye ali, Derek anayankha, "Zowona, kukhala ndi ine sikudzasintha malingaliro anu ogonana." Iye ndi ine tinakhala pachibwenzi pafupifupi chaka chimodzi. Pomwe tidasiyana (chifukwa chosakwaniritsa zolinga zazitali), ndikukhulupirira mwamphamvu kuti kugawana naye zachiwerewere kuyambira pachiyambi ndi chifukwa chake ndimadzimva kuti ndimakondedwa ndikuwonana tili pachibwenzi.

Chifukwa cha izi, kuyambira pamenepo ndidapanga lamulo lotuluka ngati amuna kapena akazi okhaokha patsiku loyamba (ndipo nthawi zina, ngakhale kale). Ndipo mukuganiza chiyani? Akatswiri amavomereza. Onse othandizira zama psychology komanso okwatirana komanso maubale Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT komanso mlangizi wovomerezeka waukadaulo Maggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., yemwe amagwira ntchito zophatikizira anthu ambiri, akunena kuti kutuluka kwa bwenzi lanu posachedwa ndikuyenda bwino - bola ngati mukumva kukhala otetezeka kutero.

Pemphani kuti muphunzire zaubwino wobwera ku ASAP watsopano. Kuphatikiza apo, maupangiri amomwe mungagwiritsire ntchito, kaya ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, kapena gawo lina lililonse la utawaleza.

Ubwino Wotuluka Patsiku Loyamba

"Kugawana za kugonana kwanu kumapangitsa mnzanuyo kuti akudziweni bwino mwamsanga," akutero McCleary. “Ndipo kuti ubwenzi ukhale wabwino, umafuna kukhala wekha wekha,” iwo akutero.

Kutuluka kumathandizanso kuti muwone ngati munthuyo akuvomereza kugonana kwanu. Ngati mungatulukire pachibwenzi ndipo sakukuyankhani bwino kapena mupeza mphamvu kuti sangatero, "ndichizindikiro kuti sianthu omwe sangakulandireni nonse," akutero a McCleary. Ndipo muubwenzi wabwino, wathanzi mukufuna (ndipo mukufunikira!) kuvomereza kumeneko.

Zindikirani: "Ngati sayankha bwino ndiye ayi wosokoneza mgwirizano kwa inu, ndiye kuti pangakhale zinthu zina zomwe muyenera kuziwunika mkati," poganizira kuti mukulolera kulowa muubwenzi womwe ungakhale wopanda thanzi, akutero McCleary. Mungapeze imodzi pa Psychology Today.)

Kutuluka nthawi yomweyo kumakupulumutsaninso ku nkhawa za * osati kukhala ndi wina yemwe mupitiliza kukhala naye pachibwenzi. McCleary akufotokoza kuti: "Mukamapewa kugawana nawo zachiwerewere, mumakhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri momwe azikayankhira." (Zogwirizana: Mmene ‘Kutuluka’ Kunandithandizira Kukhala ndi Thanzi Langa ndi Chimwemwe)

Kulingalira za nkhawa nthawi zambiri kumatsagana ndi zizindikiro zamalingaliro monga kumva chisoni, mantha, kapena mantha, ngakhalenso zizindikiro zakuthupi, ndiko - kuchenjeza - palibe chabwino. (Onani Zambiri: Kodi Kuda Nkhawa Ndi Chiyani-Ndipo Ndi chiyani?)

Bwanji Ngati Sindikumva Otetezeka Kutuluka - Kapena Amayankha Mosauka?

Choyamba, kumbukirani kuti simunatero zosowa kuti atuluke! "Inu konse ngongole kutuluka kwa aliyense - ndipo inu makamaka musati ngongole kwa munthu inu muli pa tsiku loyamba," anati Wright.

Chifukwa chake ngati simukufuna kuwauza, musatero. Kapenanso ngati matumbo anu akukuwuzani munthuyu kuti * sakuvomereza, musatero. M'malo mwake, pankhani yomalizayi, McCleary akuti muli ndi chilolezo chosiya tsikulo pakati pomwe.

Mutha kunena kuti:

• "Zimene wangonenazi ndi zondisokoneza, ndiye ndidzichotsa mwaulemu pankhaniyi."
• "Ndi lamulo kwa ine kuti ndisakhale pachibwenzi ndi transphobes ndipo zomwe wangonenazi ndi transphobic, ndiye ndikuyimitsa tsiku lonseli."
• "Ndemanga imeneyi sikukhala bwino m'matumbo mwanga, ndiye ndikudzikhululukira."

Kodi mungasunge tsikulo mpaka kumapeto kenako ndikutumiza mawu omwewa mukafika kunyumba? Zedi. "Chitetezo chanu chiyenera kukhala chofunikira kwambiri, koma palibe njira yolakwika yoyika chitetezo chanu patsogolo, bola mukuchita," akutero Wright. (Zogwirizana: Zomwe Kukhala Paubwenzi Wogonana Ndimomwe zilili)

Nanga Ngati Akulandira ... Koma Simukudziwa Zambiri Pokhala LGBTQ +?

Ngati munthu amene muli naye pachibwenzi sadziwa tanthauzo la kukhala LGBTQ +, kaya mupitirize kukhala naye pachibwenzi ndi chisankho chaumwini. Pamapeto pake zimafika pazinthu zazikulu ziwiri.

Choyamba, ndi ntchito yayikulu yotani yomwe mukufuna kuyika kuti muphunzitse munthuyu zaumwini? Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuyang'anabe kugonana kwanu, kuphunzira za bisexuality ndi boo wanu watsopano kungakhale ntchito yosangalatsa yolumikizana. Koma, ngati mwakhala wokonda kuchita zachiwerewere kwazaka zambiri kapena mumaphunzitsa za mbiri ya LGBTQ + yakugwira ntchito, mwina simungakhale ndi chidwi chambiri chodzaphunzirira muubwenzi wanu.

Chachiwiri, ndikofunika bwanji kwa inu kuti anthu omwe muli pachibwenzi avomereze ndipo wodziwa za queerness wanu? "Ngati mumakhudzidwa kwambiri ndi gulu lanu la LGBTQ, zingakhale zofunikira kwambiri kwa inu kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene amamvetsa bisexuality kuposa munthu amene bisexuality sanachite mbali yaikulu m'mabwalo awo kapena moyo," anatero Wright.

Momwe Mungatulukire Patsiku Loyamba (kapena Ngakhale Lisanayambe)

Malangizo awa amatsimikizira kuti kutuluka sikuyenera kukhala kovuta monga kumamvekera.

1. Ikani m'mabuku anu azibwenzi.

Ndi malamulo oti anthu azicheza akadalipo, mwayi wokumana ndi anthu ku bar kapena masewera olimbitsa thupi wachepa. Chifukwa chake ngati mukukumana ndi okonda atsopano, mwayi ndiwokwera kuti zikuchitika pa mapulogalamu. Zikatero, McCleary akukulimbikitsani kuti muyike kugonana kwanu mu mbiri yanu. (Zogwirizana: Momwe Coronavirus Amasinthira Chibwenzi Pazithunzi)

Masiku ano, mapulogalamu ambiri azibwenzi (Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, etc.) amapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta, kukulolani kuti musankhe mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya jenda ndi zolembera zomwe ziwonekere mumbiri yanu. Mwachitsanzo, a Tinder amalola ma daters kusankha mawu atatu omwe amafotokoza bwino zomwe amakonda, kuphatikizapo amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, anzawo, komanso mafunso. (Zokhudzana: Tanthauzo la LGBTQ + Mawu Amene Aliyense Ayenera Kudziwa)

"Mutha kuwonetsanso mochenjera kwambiri ndi utawaleza 🌈, emojis ya mbendera ya utawaleza 🏳️‍🌈, kapena mitima ya mtundu wa mbendera yonyada ya amuna ndi akazi 💗💜💙," akutero McCleary.

Ngati mukufufuza za kugonana kwanu ndipo simunakhazikike pa cholembera (kapena zambiri), mutha kulemba zambiri mu mbiri yanu, Wright akuti. Mwachitsanzo:

• "Kufufuza zanga zogonana ndikusaka abwenzi ndi okonda omwe akufuna kubwera nawo ulendowu."
• "Posachedwa adatuluka osawongoka ndipo pano kuti afufuze tanthauzo la izi kwa ine."
• "Okonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, okonda akazi anzawo, osankhana mitundu, komanso ochita ziphuphu chonde chitani izi kuti mukhale mwana wamwamuna ndikukondweretsani kumanzere."

"Kuwonetsa kugonana kwanu kuyambira pomwepo kumachepetsa zovuta zilizonse kapena nkhawa zomwe muli nazo zofunika kutuluka tsiku loyamba," akutero a McCleary. Ngati asambira molondola, amadziwa kale za kugonana kwanu chifukwa zinali pomwepo m'mbiri yanu. Kuphatikiza apo, imakhala ngati fyuluta yamtundu wina, yomwe imakutetezani kuti musafanane ndi anthu omwe sangakulandireni.

2. Gawani malo anu ochezera.

Kodi muli pazanema - kutanthauza kuti mumakonda kulankhula za kugonana kwanu mukamalemba pagulu? Ngati ndi choncho, a Wright amalimbikitsa kugawana nawo zanema asanakumane. (Muthanso kulingalira zokambirana mwachangu tsiku loyambilira kuti muweruzenso izi ndi zomwe mumapanga.)

"Zachidziwikire, munthu wapaintaneti ndi gawo lochepa chabe la umunthu wanga, koma ndimakhala wokangalika pa Instagram kotero kugawana chogwirira changa ndi njira yabwino kuti wina azindikire kuti ndine wokonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, wopondereza komanso wokonda kuchita zinthu zambiri… komanso kupeza mphamvu zanga zonse, "akufotokoza Wright. (Zogwirizana: Izi ndi Zomwe Ubale Wa Polyamorous Kwenikweni Uli)

3. Sulani mwachisawawa.

Kodi masewera anu aposachedwa adakufunsani ngati mwawonapo makanema abwino posachedwa? Kodi adakufunsani zomwe mukuwerenga? Ayankheni moona mtima, koma gwedezani mutu pa nkhani ya kugonana pamene mukutero.

Mwachitsanzo: "Ndine wofatsa, chifukwa chake ndimakonda kwambiri zolemba zakale ndipo ndimangowonera Kuwulura," kapena, "kuyambira pomwe ndidakhala wokonda amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndakhala ndikuwerenga zikumbutso mosalekeza. Ndangomaliza Tomboyland ndi Melissa Faliveno."

Ubwino wa njirayi ndikuti imapangitsa kuti kugonana kwanu kumveke ngati ukuvomereza kwakukulu uku, akutero a McCleary. "Zimasinthira njira yoti 'mutuluke' kuchoka pachinthu china chofunikira kupita pamutu wodutsa," momwemonso mukadakambirana gawo lina lanu, monga komwe mudakulira. (Yokhudzana: Tsamba la Ellen Pofika pa 27 ndi Kumenyera Ufulu wa LGBTQ)

4. Kulavulira kunja!

Musalole chikhumbo chanu kukhala chosalala kuti chikulepheretseni kusiya chowonadi chanu. “Kunena zoona, munthu amene ali woyenera kukhala pachibwenzi alibe nazo ntchito Bwanji uwauza kuti ndiwe wokonda kuchita chilichonse kapena wopanda pake, "akutero Wright.

Zitsanzo izi zimatsimikizira kuti clunky ikhoza kukhala yothandiza ngati yosalala:

• "Sindikudziwa momwe ndingabweretsere izi koma ndimangofuna ndikudziwitse kuti ndine bi."
• "Izi sizikugwirizana kwenikweni ndi zomwe tikukambazi koma ndimakonda kuuza anthu omwe ndikupita nawo zibwenzi kuti ndine bi. Ndiye, ndikukuuzani!."
• "Tsikuli linali labwino! Koma tisanapange mapulani amtsogolo, ndikungofuna kukudziwitsani kuti ndimagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha."

5. Funsani funso lotsogolera.

"Ngati mutha kudziwa bwino malingaliro amunthuyu kapena ndale zake, mukhala ndi chidziwitso chazomwe angavomereze kapena kusiyanitsa zomwe mukunenazo," akutero a McCleary.

Mungafunse, mwachitsanzo: "Ndi maguba kapena zochitika ziti za BLM zomwe mudapitako mwezi uno?" kapena "Mukuganiza bwanji za mkangano waposachedwa wa pulezidenti?" kapena "Mumazitenga kuti nkhani zanu zam'mawa?"

Kuchokera pazidziwitso zonsezi, mutha kulumikizana pang'onopang'ono ngati munthu amene mukucheza naye akuponya mbendera zofiira kapena mbendera za utawaleza - ndikudzisankhira nokha ngati mukufuna kuwasunga mozungulira.

Onaninso za