Kutha Ndi Munthu Wina, Ngakhale Zinthu Zikakhala Zovuta

Zamkati

• Ngati pali chikondi pakati panu
• Konzekerani zamphamvu mbali zonse
• Khalani ndi pulani yopanga malo
• Khazikitsani malire
• Ngati mumakhala limodzi
• Khalani ndi dongosolo lokonzekera
• Ndani amakhala?
• Khazikitsani dongosolo losuntha
• Kambiranani ziweto zomwe mukugawana
• Yesetsani kusiya kutengeka
• Ana akakhala nawo
• Ngati muli pachibwenzi chapatali
• Sankhani njirayi mwanzeru
• Musadikire motalika kwambiri
• Perekani chenjezo
• Ngati mukufuna kukhalabe abwenzi
• Ngati muli pachibwenzi cha poly
• Kutha ndi bwenzi limodzi
• Kusiya gulu lodzipereka kapena lodzipereka
• Ngati mnzanu akuzunza
• Phatikizani anthu ena
• Konzani ndikukonzekera
• Tsatirani chosankha chanu
• Ngati mnzanu akudziwopseza kuti adzivulaza
• Imbani mu kubwerera
• Konzani kuti muthandizidwe
• Kupeza mawu
• Zitsanzo zokambirana
• Zinthu zoti mupewe
• Kuwulutsa kutha kwa Facebook
• Kuwafufuza
• Kuimba mlandu kapena kutsutsa
• Kutsatsa

Ziribe kanthu momwe mumawadulira, kutha kumakhala kovuta. Izi ndizowona ngakhale zinthu zitatha bwino.

Chimodzi mwazinthu zovuta kwambiri pakusweka ndikungodziwa momwe mungachitire. Kodi muyenera kufotokoza malingaliro anu kapena kuwasiya iwo mwatsatanetsatane? Nanga bwanji ngati pali zovuta zina zowonjezera kukhalira limodzi?

Pemphani malangizo omwe angathandize kuchepetsa njirayi pazochitika zosiyanasiyana.

Ngati pali chikondi pakati panu

Nthawi zina, mungafunike kusiya chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukondabe. Izi zitha kukhala zovuta kwambiri, koma pali zinthu zomwe mungachite kuti zisakhale kosavuta kwa aliyense amene akutenga nawo mbali.

Konzekerani zamphamvu mbali zonse

Ndikosavuta kukulunga ndikuganizira momwe mungachepetsere kupweteka kwa munthu wina nthawi yopatukana, makamaka ngati mumawakondabe.

Ndikofunikanso kuganizira momwe zingakhalire mudzatero kumva pambuyo pake. Pakhoza kukhala chinthu chotsitsimula chikangotha, koma mutha kumvanso chisoni kapena chisoni. Apatseni abwenzi apamtima komanso mabanja mitu yomwe mungafune kuthandizidwa kwina masiku akubwerawa.

Khalani ndi pulani yopanga malo

Zingaoneke zachilendo kukhala pafupi ndi munthu amene mumamukondabe, ngakhale mutasudzulana. Koma nthawi zambiri zimakhala bwino kupanga mtunda wina, kwakanthawi kochepa. Izi zitha kukuthandizani nonse kuzindikira za kutha kwa chibwenzicho, kuthana ndi zovuta, ndikuyamba kuchira.

Katherine Parker, LMFTA, amalimbikitsa kukhazikitsa nthawi yolumikizana. "Ndikupangira miyezi 1 mpaka 3," akutero. "Izi zimapatsa munthu aliyense nthawi yocheza momwe angaganizire, kudzidalira, komanso kuti asagwirizane ndi zomwe mnzake akumva zakutha."

Ngati ana akutenga nawo mbali, mwina mumayenera kumalankhula nawo nthawi zina, koma khalani ndi mitu yokhudzana ndi ana kokha.

Khazikitsani malire

Mukasiyana, khazikitsani malire ndikuonetsetsa kuti nonse mumamvetsetsa.

Malirewo amatengera momwe zinthu ziliri, koma atha kuphatikizaponso zinthu monga kuvomereza:

• osayimbirana kapena kutumizirana mameseji
• kucheza pagulu lalikulu la anzanu, koma osakhala amodzi
• osayankhapo pazithunzithunzi za anzawo

Pewani chiyeso chophwanya malamulowa, ngakhale chikuwoneka ngati chopanda phindu. Kupita mmbuyo ndi mtsogolo kumangothandiza kutalikitsa njirayi ndikupangitsa kuti izipweteka kwambiri.

Ngati mumakhala limodzi

Kutha ndi bwenzi lokhalamo kumabweretsa mavuto ake.

Khalani ndi dongosolo lokonzekera

Mukadziwa kuti mukufuna kutha, khalani ndi nthawi yosankha komwe mungapite posachedwa kuti mupatse mnzanu malo oti mukonzekere.

Ganizirani kufikira abwenzi ndi abale kapena kusungitsa chipinda ku hotelo, makamaka mausiku angapo otsatira.

Ndani amakhala?

Izi zitha kukhala zovuta. Momwemo, nonse mumasamukira kumalo atsopano kumene mungayambire mwatsopano, koma izi sizingatheke nthawi zonse.

Ngati inu ndi mnzanu munasaina pangano la nyumba yanu kapena nyumba yanu limodzi, muyenera kukambirana ndi omwe akukupangitsani ndalama kuti mumve zomwe mungachite. M'modzi wa inu angafunikire kutenga panganoli.

Kupanda kutero, munthu yemwe dzina lake sililembedwa paulendowu nthawi zambiri amakhala amene amasamukira kunja, ngakhale zochitika zimasiyana.

Ngati mungathe, yesani kudziwa zomwe mungasankhe kuti muchotse zovuta zina kwa munthu winayo.

Khazikitsani dongosolo losuntha

Kusamuka kokhala nawo limodzi banja litatha kumatha kukhala ndi nkhawa zambiri komanso kukhumudwa. Kukhazikitsa nthawi yoti mulongedze zinthu zanu kumatha kupanga zosavuta. Ngati muli ndi magawo osiyanasiyana ogwira ntchito, m'modzi wa inu akhoza kubwera pamene mnzake ali kuntchito.

Zingatenge kuyesetsa pang'ono kukonza nthawi, koma yesetsani kukhala odekha, ngakhale mukuganiza kuti akukhala opanda nzeru kapena ovuta. Ngati sangavomereze kuti achoke, bweretsani mnzanu wodalirika kapena wachibale yemwe angakupatseni nawo mbali koma olimbikitsa.

Kambiranani ziweto zomwe mukugawana

Ngati muli ndi chiweto pamodzi muubwenzi wanu, mwina simukugwirizana kuti ndi ndani amene amazisunga. Zingamveke mopepuka pang'ono, koma yankho limodzi lomwe lingakhalepo ndikugawana kusungidwa kwa chiweto.

Inde, kuthekera kwa izi kumadalira nyama. Galu kapena cholengedwa chokwawa chitha kuyenda mosavuta pakati pa nyumba ziwiri mtawuniyi. Amphaka, komabe, ndi nkhani ina. Amakonda kukhala achilengedwe ndipo amavutika kuzolowera malo atsopano.

Ngati pali mphaka yomwe ikukhudzidwa, funsani kuti:

• Kodi mphakayo amakhala kuti?
• Kodi mphaka amasankha m'modzi wa ife?
• Kodi ndimafunadi mphaka, kapena kodi sindikungofuna kuti akhale ndi mphakawo?

Kuyankha mafunso awa moona mtima kungakuthandizeni kusankha yemwe ayenera kukhala ndi mphaka. Mukamaliza chibwenzicho ngati abwenzi kapena mwagwirizana, nthawi zonse mumatha kupereka mwayi wokacheza kapena kudzacheza mtsogolo.

Yesetsani kusiya kutengeka

Pakati pa kupatukana kovuta, zimakuvutani kusiya nkhawa mukamayankhula za kusuntha, kugawa katundu, ndi zina zonse zomwe zikukhudzidwa.

Koma kukhala chete kungapangitse kuti nonse mukhale ndi zotsatira zabwino. Izi zitha kukhala zovuta, koma yesetsani kuthana nazo mwaulemu, waluso.

Ana akakhala nawo

Ngati m'modzi kapena nonse muli ndi ana pakhomo, ndikofunikira kuwapatsa zowona, zaka zoyenera pazomwe zikuchitika. Simuyenera kukhala achindunji kwambiri, koma yesani kunama.

Khalani okonzeka kuwauza momwe zinthu zidzasinthire. Inu ndi mnzanuyo muyenera kusankha pasadakhale ngati kholo lomwe silikulumikizananso.

Ngati onse awiri athandizira kupereka chisamaliro cha ana, mosasamala kanthu kuti kholo ndi ndani, zingathandize nonse kulankhulana ndi ana okulirapo kuti amvetsetse zomwe zikuchitika. Ana amapanga maubwenzi apamtima ndi omwe amawasamalira, motero amatha kukhumudwa kwambiri ngati wina atuluka mwadzidzidzi pachithunzicho osafotokozera.

Koposa zonse, musakhale ndi zokambirana zapabanja pamaso pa ana. Ngati sangakhale kunja kwa nyumbayo, dikirani mpaka atagona, kenako lankhulani mwakachetechete mchipinda china.

Ngati muli pachibwenzi chapatali

Kulekana ndi bwenzi lakutali sikusiyana kwambiri ndi kuswa ndi wina aliyense mukangoyamba kukambirana. Koma mungafunike kulingalira mwatsatanetsatane musanalankhulane.

Sankhani njirayi mwanzeru

Nthawi zambiri, kukambirana pamasom'pamaso ndiyo njira yolemekezeka kwambiri yothetsera chibwenzi ndi munthu wina. Ngati mnzanu amakhala m'mizinda, zigawo, kapena mayiko angapo ndipo kuyankhula mwa-munthu kumafuna nthawi yayikulu kapena ndalama, mwina simungathe kuchita izi.

Muyenera kupewa imelo kapena kutumizirana mameseji, koma kucheza pafoni kapena pavidiyo kungakhale njira zabwino zothetsera ubale wautali.

Musadikire motalika kwambiri

Kaya mukuyembekezera kutha kapena ayi kungadalire momwe zinthu zilili. Ngati mwakonza kale ulendo, mungasankhe kudikirira kuti mukambirane pamasom'pamaso.

Onetsetsani kuti muwone ngati izi zili zoyenera kwa mnzake. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukawaona, mungakonzekere kuchoka tsiku lomwelo mutalankhula. Koma ngati abwera kudzakuonani, adzakhala ali okha, mwina popanda njira yobwerera kunyumba.

Pewani kudikira kuti muthe ngati mukudziwa kuti munthuyo akukonzekera kusintha zinthu (kusiya ntchito ndikuyandikira pafupi nanu, kutengera ubale wanu.

Perekani chenjezo

Itha kuthandiza kukonzekereratu munthu wina kukambirana. Izi zitha kukhala zosavuta monga kulembera mameseji kuti, "Hei, ndili ndi china chachikulu chomwe ndikufuna ndikambirane. Kodi pali nthawi yabwino kuti muzitha kuyankhulana kwakanthawi? ”

Osachepera, sankhani nthawi yomwe nonse mutha kumakambirana kwambiri. Mwanjira ina, pewani kuthawirana ndi kuitana mwachangu paulendo wopita kumsonkhano.

Ngati mukufuna kukhalabe abwenzi

Ndi zachilendo kufuna kukhalabe mabwenzi ndi mnzanu mutasudzulana. Mwinamwake mudayamba kukhala anzanu abwino ndipo simukufuna kutaya chilichonse chomwe mumagawana chifukwa choti mbali yachikondi sinathe.

Kafukufuku yemwe adachitika mu 2011 okhudza omwe adatenga nawo gawo 131 akuwonetsa kuti anthu omwe amakhala ndi chisangalalo chochuluka asanathetse banja amatha kukhala abwenzi atatha.

Olembawo adapeza zina mwazinthu zomwe zikuwonjezera mwayi wanu:

• munali abwenzi musanayambe kukondana
• nonse munkafuna kutha
• Anzanu omwe mumacheza nawo amathandizira ubalewo
• nonse awiri mukufuna kuyesetsa kuti mukhalebe paubwenzi

Chomaliza ndichofunikira: Ngati winayo sakufuna kukhalabe abwenzi, ndikofunika kumalemekeza ndikuwapatsa mpata. Kulemekeza malire awo kumangokulitsa mwayi kuti mudzakhale mabwenzi tsiku lina.

Ngati muli pachibwenzi cha poly

Kutha kosavuta kumabweretsa mavuto ena chifukwa amakhudza anthu angapo. Ngakhale kuti uphungu wofananawo ukugwiranso ntchito, pali zinthu zina zochepa zofunika kuziganizira.

Kutha ndi bwenzi limodzi

Ngati anzanuwo anali ochezeka kapena okondana kwambiri ndi bwenzi lanu lakale, kutha kwa banja kumatha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zabwino.

Simuyenera kungothetsa kutha panokha, komanso kuthana ndi zomwe zidachitika ndikumverera kwa anzanu onse.

Mulimonse momwe zingakhalire, kulankhulana momasuka ndikofunika.

Mukamayankhula ndi mnzanu, yesetsani kupewa:

• kungolankhula zakupatukana
• kunena zinthu zoipa zokhudza mnzanu wakale
• kuuza anzawo kuti asamacheza ndi mnzanu wakale
• kugawana zosafunikira ndi abwenzi omwe ndi ochezeka kapena omwe amachita nawo bwenzi lanu lakale

Kusiya gulu lodzipereka kapena lodzipereka

Momwe mumakhalira kusiya chibwenzi chonse cha poly, m'malo mongothetsa banja limodzi, zimadalira zifukwa zanu.

Ngati polyamory siyabwino kwa inu, komabe mumamvabe kukhala pafupi ndi anzanu, mutha kukhalabe ndiubwenzi. Koma ngati chibwenzicho chimakhudzana ndi kusakhulupirika, kusamvana, nkhanza, kapena machitidwe ochepera, kupatukana bwino ndi aliyense amene akukhudzidwa mwina ndibwino kwambiri.

Palibe chifukwa chomwe simungapitilize kuwona anzanu omwe sanachite mwanjira zovuta kapena zovulaza, koma ngati gululi lipitilira, kukhalabe ochezeka ndi m'modzi m'modzi kungakhale kovuta.

Kuti mumuthandizire panthawiyi, lingalirani kufunafuna magulu amtundu wamba kapena wothandizira wochuluka.

Ngati mnzanu akuzunza

Ngati mukuganiza kuti wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukupweteketsani pamene mukufuna kutha, ndikofunika kuchitapo kanthu kuti muteteze chitetezo chanu.

Phatikizani anthu ena

Uzani okondedwa anu za dongosolo lanu kutha ndi mnzanu. Ngati zingafunike, sungani zovala ndi katundu wofunika ndi anthu omwe mumawakhulupirira, kuti mungangochoka mwachangu.

Yesetsani kukambirana pagulu pamalo opezeka anthu ambiri. Ngati simungathe kutero, tengani munthu amene mumamukhulupirira. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zosawerengeka momwe kuyimbira foni kapena mameseji kumatha kukhala koyenera kuposa kucheza pamasom'pamaso.

Konzani ndikukonzekera

Kuti mukhale otetezeka, ndibwino kusiya ubale wozunza mwachangu momwe mungathere. Koma ngati simungathe kuchoka nthawi yomweyo, gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyo kukonzekera ndikukonzekera. Sungani zolemba zanu zotetezedwa, ndi zithunzi ngati zingatheke. Sonkhanitsani zikalata zofunika ndikuzisunga pamalo abwino.

Ngati muli ndi ana, tengani nawo pachitetezo chanu. Yesetsani kuchita ndi ana omwe akula mokwanira kuti amvetse. Afikitseni pamalo abwino musanakambirane, ngati kungatheke.

Tsatirani chosankha chanu

Mnzanu yemwe akukuzunzani angayese kukuyesani kapena kukulamulirani panthawi yopatukana. Atha kukutsimikizirani kuti amakukondani ndikukulonjezani kuti musintha. Ndizotheka kuti anthu asinthe, koma ngati munapanga chisankho chothetsa chibwenzicho, mwina mudatero pazifukwa zomveka.

Mutha kuwasowa mutatha, ngakhale atakhala ozunza. Mwinanso mungadabwe ngati mwasankha bwino. Maganizo amenewa si achilendo, koma akhoza kukhala opanikiza. Ganizirani kufikira wodwala kapena wochirikiza chithandizo panthawiyi.

Izi zimapereka chidziwitso chachitetezo ndi chalamulo, zida zakukonzekera, komanso kuthandizira macheza pompopompo:

• ChikondiNdi Ulemu
• Nambala Yowonjezera Yokhudza Zachiwawa Pabanja

Ngati mnzanu akudziwopseza kuti adzivulaza

Anthu ena amakhala pachibwenzi ngakhale atasankha kuti achoke chifukwa chodandaula kuti wokondedwa wawo atha kuchita zoipa, kukhumudwa kwambiri, kapena kudzipweteka.

Ngakhale kusamala za chitetezo cha mnzanu sikulakwa kwenikweni, muyenera kupanga chisankho chabwino pamoyo wanu.

Imbani mu kubwerera

"Pangani dongosolo lachitetezo ndi m'modzi mwa abwenzi a mnzanu kapena abale anu," akutero a Parker. Munthu ameneyo atha kukhala ndi mnzanuyo atapatukana ndikumuthandizirani mpaka atadutsa pamavuto.

Konzani kuti muthandizidwe

"Auzeni ngati akudziwopseza kuti adzadzivulaza, muimbira 911," atero a Parker, "koma simudzabweranso limodzi."

Ngati mnzanu akuwona wothandizira, alimbikitseni kuti apemphe thandizo. Muthanso kuyimba foni kuti adziwe wothandizira za momwe mnzake alili ngati sangadziyitane okha.

Tengani mnzanu mozama ndikupempha thandizo ngati mukufuna kutero. Konzani kuti wina azikhala nawo kuti asakhale okha. Koma tsatirani cholinga chanu chofuna kutha.

"Musalole kuti agwiritse ntchito ziwopsezo zodzivulaza kapena kudzipha ngati njira yopezera chibwenzi," akutero a Parker. "Kumbukirani kuti pamapeto pake, muli ndiudindo pazomwe mukuchita komanso zomwe mumasankha, ndipo iwonso ali ndi udindo wawo. Kuchoka kwanu 'sikuwapanga' kuti adzivulaze. ”

Kupeza mawu

Ngakhale mutakhala mukukonzekera mdziko lapansi, zitha kukhala zovuta kupeza mawuwa mukakumana ndi omwe mudzakhale naye posachedwa. Nawa maupangiri ochepa oti muzikumbukira.

Sanjani pamalingaliro anu ndikukonzekera zomwe mukufuna kunena musanachitike. Ngati zingathandize, khalani ngati mukucheza ndi munthu amene mumamukhulupirira kapena ingoyesererani mawuwo mokweza.

Koposa zonse, yesetsani kukhala omveka bwino komanso osavuta osakhala owonjezera. Ngati simumva kukhala omasuka kunena zinazake, mutha kunena zinthu monga, "Sitigwirizana kwakanthawi," kapena "Makhalidwe athu sagwira ntchito limodzi muubwenzi wokondana."

Dziwani kuti, kupereka zifukwa zomveka bwino kungathandize winayo kuthana ndi mavuto omwe mwawona pachibwenzi chanu.

Mwachitsanzo, munganene kuti, “Zimandikhumudwitsa kuti simufika pa nthawi yake kapena kutsatira zomwe ukunena kuti udzachita. Zimandipangitsa kumva kuti sindingakhulupirire chilichonse chimene unganene. ”

Zitsanzo zokambirana

Zomwe mukunena zitha kutengera chifukwa chomwe mukufuna kupatukana, koma mawuwa akhoza kukupatsani malingaliro:

• Mutha kuyamba ndi kuti, "Ndikufuna kuyankhula zazing'ono," kapena "Kodi muli ndi nthawi yoti mukambe?"
• Kenako, mutha kunena kuti, "Ndimakusamalirani, ndipo ndalimbana ndi chisankhochi, koma ubale wathu sukugwiranso ntchito kwa ine."
• Nenani zifukwa zingapo zakuti chibwenzicho sichikugwiranso ntchito.
• Fotokozani momveka bwino, "Ndikufuna kutha," "Ubwenzi watha," kapena mawu ofanana ndi omwe amafotokozera mnzanu zomwe zikuchitika.
• Khalani owona mtima ndipo pewani mawu monga, "Simuli inu; ndine."

Zinthu zoti mupewe

Zomwe inu osatero kuchita panthawi yopatukana kungakhale kofunikira mofanana ndi zomwe mumasankha kuchita. Ngakhale kutha kulikonse kuli kosiyana, pali zinthu zochepa zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhala zoyipa.

Kuwulutsa kutha kwa Facebook

Kukula kwapa media media kwawonjezera zovuta zina pakulimbana.

Pewani mtima wofunitsitsa kunena zoipa za mnzanu wakale mutathetsa banja. Ngati mukufuna kutulutsa, sungani izi pazokambirana zachinsinsi ndi anzanu komanso abale.

Kuwafufuza

Ndizoyesa kuwona zomwe mnzake wakale akuchita, koma osayenda kapena kuyendetsa pafupi ndi nyumba yawo kapena kuyimitsa ntchito yawo pokhapokha mutakhala ndi chifukwa chomveka ndikukonzekera nawo. Ngati akuwona kuti akuwopseza kapena kuwopsezedwa, atha kulembetsa lipoti la apolisi.

Ngati mwavomera kuti musayankhule, musayambitse kulumikizana nthawi yomwe mudagwirizana kuti ithe. Ngati mukuda nkhawa ndi momwe akumvera, khalani ndi bwenzi limodzi kapena wina wowayang'ana.

Mutha kukhala ndi zolinga zabwino, koma ndizotheka kumva kuchokera kwa inu kuti mubwezeretse kupita patsogolo kulikonse komwe apanga.

Kuimba mlandu kapena kutsutsa

Ngati muli ndi anzanu, pewani kuimba mlandu mnzanu wakale kuti apatukane, kuwadzudzula kapena machitidwe awo, kapena kunena chilichonse choyipa kapena choyipa. Ngati adanyenga kapena adachita zina zokhumudwitsa, mutha kukhala okwiya komanso okwiya nthawi yayitali mutasiyana nawo.

Zomverera izi ndizoyenera, koma yesani kukambirana za izo moyenera. Izi zitha kukuthandizani kuti musunge mayanjanowa, komanso zitha kupindulitsa kuchira kwanu komanso thanzi lanu.

Kutsatsa

Zingakhale zokopa kuti mutuluke mwakachetechete, makamaka ngati simunakhale limodzi kwa nthawi yayitali. Mutha kukhala osatsimikiza kuti mudali ndi chibwenzi. Koma ngati simukudziwa, atha kukhala nawonso. Akadaganiziranso kuti chinali chibwenzi, kotero kuti kusamvanso kuchokera kwa inu kungakhale kokhumudwitsa.

Mukadapanda kukhala nawo pachibwenzi ndipo lingaliro lakukumana kuti mungomaliza kupsinjika, bola kutumiza meseji kuti adziwitse kuti zatha. Izi sizabwino, koma ndibwino kuposa chilichonse.

Koposa zonse, malangizo abwino oti muzikumbukira mukamasiyana ndi wina ndi akuti, "Ndingamve bwanji pamapeto pake?" Kukumbukira izi kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa ubale wanu ndi chifundo ndi ulemu.

Crystal adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy. Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.