Kukumana ndi Mwana Wanga Sikunali Chikondi Poyamba - ndipo Ndizotheka

Zamkati

• Maganizo anga anali ponseponse

Ndinafuna kukonda mwana wanga nthawi yomweyo, koma m'malo mwake ndinadzimva wamanyazi. Sindine ndekha.

Kuyambira pamene ndinatenga pakati mwana wanga woyamba kubadwa, ndinakopeka. Ndinkapukuta mimba yanga ikukulirakulira, ndikulingalira momwe mwana wanga wamkazi angawonekere komanso adzakhala.

Ndidasuntha pakati panga mwachidwi. Ndidakonda momwe adayankhira ndikakhudzidwa, ndikumenyedwa apa ndi jab uko, ndipo akamakula, momwemonso chikondi changa pa iye.

Sindingathe kudikira kuti ndimuike thupi lake lonyowa, logundana pachifuwa changa - ndikuwona nkhope yake. Koma chodabwitsa chidachitika pomwe adabadwa chifukwa mmalo motenthedwa nzeru, ndidalibe nawo.

Ndinakomoka nditamva kulira kwake.

Poyamba, ndidayika dzanzi mpaka kutopa. Ndinagwira ntchito kwa maola 34, munthawi imeneyi ndimalumikizidwa kuti ndiyang'anire, ndikudontha, ndi kusinkhasinkha koma ngakhale nditatha kudya, kusamba, ndi kugona pang'ono pang'ono, zinthu zinali zitatha.

Mwana wanga wamkazi anamva ngati mlendo. Ndinamugwira pantchito komanso mokakamizidwa. Ndinadyetsa mopeputsa.

Inde, ndinali wamanyazi ndi yankho langa. Mafilimu amasonyeza kuti kubadwa kwa mwana ndi kokongola, ndipo ambiri amafotokoza za kugwirizana kwa mayi ndi mwana monga zonse komanso zopweteka kwambiri. Kwa ambiri imakhalanso nthawi yomweyo - mwina inali ya amuna anga. Maso ake adawala chachiwiri pomwe adamuwona. Ndinkatha kuwona kuti mtima wake watupa. Koma ine? Sindinamve kanthu ndipo ndinachita mantha.

Vuto langa linali chiyani? Kodi ndinali nditakhazikika? Kodi kukhala kholo kunali cholakwika chachikulu, chachikulu?

Aliyense adanditsimikizira kuti zinthu zikhala bwino. Ndiwe wachilengedwe, adatero. Udzakhala mayi wabwino - ndipo ndimafuna kukhala. Ndakhala miyezi 9 ndikulakalaka moyo wawung'onowu ndipo apa anali: wokondwa, wathanzi, komanso wangwiro.

Chifukwa chake ndidadikira. Ndinamwetulira ndikumva kuwawa pamene timayenda m'misewu yotentha ya ku Brooklyn. Ndinameza misozi pomwe anthu osawadziwa amamukonda mwana wanga wamkazi ku Walgreens, Stop & Shop, ndi malo ogulitsira khofi akumaloko, ndipo ndimamupaka msana ndikamugwira. Zinkawoneka zachilendo, monga chinthu choyenera kuchita, koma palibe chomwe chidasintha.

Ndinali wokwiya, wamanyazi, wosadandaula, wosaganizira ena, komanso wokwiya. Momwe nyengo idakhalira, momwemonso mtima wanga. Ndipo ndidakhala mderali kwa milungu ingapo mpaka ndidayamba kusweka.

Mpaka sindinatenge zina.

Maganizo anga anali ponseponse

Mukuwona, pamene mwana wanga wamkazi anali ndi miyezi itatu, ndidamva kuti ndikudwala matenda a postpartum. Zizindikiro zinali pamenepo. Ndinkada nkhawa komanso kutengeka. Ndinalira kwambiri, mwamuna wanga atapita kuntchito. Misozi inagwa pamene anali kuyenda panjira yanjira, kutatsala pang'ono kufa.

Ndinalira ndikataya kapu yamadzi kapena khofi yanga itazizira. Ndinalira ngati panali mbale zambiri kapena paka yanga itaponya, ndipo ndinalira chifukwa ndinali kulira.

Ndimalira maola ambiri masiku ambiri.

Ndinakwiya ndi mwamuna wanga komanso ine - ngakhale woyambayo anali atasochera ndipo womaliza anali wosochera. Ndinamunyoza mamuna wanga chifukwa ndinali wansanje ndipo ndinkadzikalipira chifukwa chokhala kutali komanso kuponderezedwa. Sindimatha kumvetsetsa chifukwa chomwe ndimalephera kudziphatika. Ndidafunsanso "zachibadwa zanga za amayi" nthawi zonse.

Ndinadzimva wosakwanira. Ndinali "mayi woyipa"

Nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti ndalandira thandizo.Ndidayamba kulandira chithandizo ndi mankhwala ndipo pang'onopang'ono ndidatuluka mu nkhungu pambuyo pobereka, ngakhale sindimamvabe chilichonse chokhudza mwana wanga wokula. Gummy grin wake analephera kubaya wanga ozizira, akufa mtima.

Ndipo sindili ndekha. Zomwe zapezedwa ndizofala kuti azimayi azikhala ndi "kusiyana pakati pazomwe akuyembekeza ndi zenizeni, komanso kudzimva kuti ndi mwana," zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala "wolakwa komanso wamanyazi."

Katherine Stone, yemwe adayambitsa Postpartum Progress, adanenanso izi mwana wake atabadwa. "Ndinkamukonda chifukwa anali wanga, zowonadi," adalemba Stone. "Ndinkamukonda chifukwa anali wokongola komanso ndimamukonda chifukwa anali wokongola komanso wokoma komanso wonenepa. Ndinkamukonda chifukwa anali mwana wanga ndipo ine anali kuti ndimukonde, sichoncho ine? Ndidamva ngati ndiyenera kumukonda chifukwa ndikapanda kutero ndani wina? … [Koma] ndinatsimikiza kuti sindimamkonda mokwanira ndipo panali china chake cholakwika ndi ine. "

"[Kuphatikiza apo,] mayi aliyense watsopano yemwe ndimalankhula adzapitiliza kupitirira pitirira za kuchuluka kwake wokondedwa mwana wawo, ndipo motani zosavuta zinali, ndipo motani zachilengedwe zidawoneka kwa iwo ... [koma kwa ine] sizinachitike mwadzidzidzi, "Stone adavomereza. "Chifukwa chake ndimakhala munthu woipa, wonyansa komanso wodzikonda."

Nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti, pomaliza, amayi adadina, kwa ine ndi a Stone. Zinatenga chaka, koma tsiku lina ndidamuyang'ana mwana wanga wamkazi - ndidamuyang'ana - ndikusangalala. Ndinamva kuseka kwake kokoma kwa nthawi yoyamba, ndipo kuyambira pamenepo, zinthu zinayamba kukhala bwino.

Chikondi changa pa iye chinakula.

Koma kukhala kholo kumatenga nthawi. Mgwirizano umatenga nthawi, ndipo pomwe tonsefe timafuna kukhala ndi "chikondi pakuwonana koyamba," momwe mumamvera poyamba zilibe kanthu, osatinso pamapeto pake. Chofunika ndichakuti mumasintha ndikukula limodzi. Chifukwa ndikukulonjezani, chikondi chimapeza njira. Idzalowa mkati.

Kimberly Zapata ndi mayi, wolemba, komanso woimira zamatenda amisala. Ntchito yake yawonekera m'malo angapo, kuphatikiza Washington Post, HuffPost, Oprah, Wachiwiri, Makolo, Zaumoyo, ndi Amayi Owopsa - kungotchulapo ochepa - komanso mphuno zake sizinaikidwe m'ntchito (kapena buku labwino), Kimberly amathera nthawi yopuma akuthamanga Wamkulu Kuposa: Matenda, bungwe lopanda phindu lomwe cholinga chake ndikupatsa mphamvu ana ndi achikulire omwe ali ndi mavuto azaumoyo. Tsatirani Kimberly Facebook kapena Twitter.