Ndinapulumuka Kuwombera (Ndi Zotsatira Zakale). Ngati Mukuwopa, Nazi Zomwe Ndikuganiza Kuti Muyenera Kudziwa

Zamkati

• Ndinali ndi zaka zinayi pamene amayi anga ndi ine anawomberedwa
• Ndinatenga kulumpha kwakukulu kwa chikhulupiriro: Ndinasankha kukhala moyo wanga m'malo mokhala mwamantha
• Atawombera, ndinabwerera kusukulu
• Titafika kumeneko, ndinaiwala za kuopseza kuwombera kosasintha

Ngati mukuwopa kuti malo aku America sakutetezedwanso, ndikhulupirireni, ndikumvetsetsa.

Tsiku lotsatira kuwombera anthu ambiri ku Odessa, Texas, mu Ogasiti, ine ndi mwamuna wanga tidakonzekera kupita ndi mwana wathu wazaka 6 ku Renaissance Faire ku Maryland. Kenako anandikokera pambali. "Izi zikumveka zopusa," anandiuza. “Koma tipite lero? Nanga Odessa? ”

Ndinachita tsinya. “Kodi ukudandaula za mmene ndikumvera?” Ndine wopulumuka pa ziwawa za mfuti, ndipo mutha kuwerenga nkhani yanga mu The Washington Post. Mwamuna wanga nthawi zonse amafuna kunditeteza, kuti ndisamakumbukire zoipazi. "Kapena mukuda nkhawa kuti titha kuwomberedwa ku Ren Faire?"

"Onse." Adalankhula zakomwe samadzimva kuti ndi otetezeka kutulutsa mwana wathu pagulu. Kodi uwu sindiwo mtundu wamalo omwe kuwombera misa kumachitika? Pagulu. Wodziwika bwino. Monga kuphedwa koyambirira kwa Julayi ku Gilroy Garlic Festival?

Ndinamva mantha kwakanthawi. Ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinakambirana momveka bwino. Sikunali kupusa kudandaula za chiopsezo.

Tikukumana ndi mliri wankhanza ku United States, ndipo Amnesty International posachedwapa yapereka chenjezo lomwe silinachitikepo kwa alendo obwera kudziko lathu. Komabe, sitinapeze chifukwa choti Ren Faire ikhale yowopsa kuposa malo ena onse.

Zaka makumi angapo zapitazo, ndidasankha kuti ndisakhale mwamantha kapena kuda nkhawa ndi chitetezo changa sekondi iliyonse. Sindingayambe kuopa dziko lapansi tsopano.

"Tiyenera kupita," ndinauza mwamuna wanga. “Tipanga chiyani kenako, osapita kusitolo? Osamulola kuti apite kusukulu? ”

Posachedwa, ndamva anthu ambiri akunena nkhawa yomweyi, makamaka pazanema. Ngati mukuwopa kuti malo aku America sakutetezedwanso, ndikhulupirireni, ndikumvetsetsa.

Ndinali ndi zaka zinayi pamene amayi anga ndi ine anawomberedwa

Zidachitika masana pamsewu wokhala ndi anthu ambiri ku New Orleans, kutsogolo kwa laibulale yaboma yomwe tinkayang'anira Loweruka lililonse. Mlendo anafika. Iye anali wauve paliponse. Wovuta. Kupunthwa. Akukweza mawu ake. Ndimakumbukira ndikuganiza kuti amafunikira kusamba, ndikudabwa kuti bwanji sanasambe.

Mwamunayo adayamba kucheza ndi amayi anga, kenako adasintha machitidwe awo, ndikuwongoka, ndikuyankhula momveka bwino. Ananena kuti atipha, kenako anatulutsa mfuti ndikuyamba kuwombera. Amayi anga adatha kutembenuka ndikuponya thupi lawo pamwamba panga, ndikunditeteza.

Masika 1985. New Orleans. Pafupifupi miyezi isanu ndi umodzi kuchokera pomwe kuwomberako kunachitika. Ndine kumanja. Mtsikana winayo ndi mnzanga wapamtima Heather kuyambira ndili mwana.

Tonse tidawomberedwa. Ndidakhala ndi zilonda zam'mapapo ndi m'maso, koma ndidachira kwathunthu. Amayi anga analibe mwayi. Adali ziwalo kuyambira pakhosi mpaka pansi ndipo adakhala wopunduka kwamphongo kwa zaka 20, asanamwalire.

Ndili wachinyamata, ndinayamba kuganizira chifukwa chomwe kuwomberaku kunachitikira. Kodi amayi anga akanatha kupewa? Ndingadziteteze bwanji? Mnyamata wina wokhala ndi mfuti atha kukhala kulikonse! Amayi anga ndi ine sitinachite cholakwika chilichonse. Tinangokhala m'malo olakwika panthawi yolakwika.

Zosankha zanga, monga ndidawawonera:

• Sindingathe kuchoka panyumbapo. Nthawi zonse.
• Ndinkatha kutuluka m'nyumba, koma kumangoyenda ndikukula nkhawa, nthawi zonse ndili tcheru, ngati msirikali wankhondo ina yosaoneka.
• Nditha kutenga chikhulupiriro chachikulu ndikusankha kukhulupirira kuti lero zikhala bwino.

Chifukwa masiku ambiri ali. Ndipo chowonadi ndichakuti, sindingathe kuneneratu zamtsogolo. Nthawi zonse pamakhala kuthekera kwakanthawi kochepa koopsa, monga momwe mumalowa m'galimoto, kapena munjira yapansi panthaka, kapena pandege, kapena makamaka galimoto iliyonse yosuntha.

Ngozi ndi gawo chabe la dziko lapansi.

Ndinatenga kulumpha kwakukulu kwa chikhulupiriro: Ndinasankha kukhala moyo wanga m'malo mokhala mwamantha

Nthawi iliyonse ndikaopa, ndimatenganso. Zikumveka zosavuta. Koma zimagwira ntchito.

Ngati mukuopa kuchita kupita pagulu kapena kupita ndi ana anu kusukulu, ndimamva. Ndimatero. Monga munthu yemwe wakhala akuchita ndi izi kwa zaka 35, izi zakhala zenizeni zanga.

Upangiri wanga ndikuti mutenge zodzitetezera zonse kuti mutenge zomwe inu muli angathe kulamulira. Zinthu zanzeru, monga kusayenda wekha usiku kapena kupita kokamwa wekha.

Muthanso kumverera kuti muli ndi mphamvu pochita nawo sukulu ya mwana wanu, mdera lanu, kapena dera lanu kuti mulimbikitse chitetezo chamfuti, kapena kutenga nawo mbali pochulukitsa pamlingo wokulirapo.

(Chinthu chimodzi chomwe sichimakupangitsani kukhala otetezeka, komabe, ndi kugula mfuti: Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti izi zimakupangitsani kukhala osatetezeka.)

Ndiyeno, mukachita zonse zomwe mungathe, mumadumphadumpha chikhulupiriro. Mumakhala moyo wanu wonse.

Chitani zomwe mumachita. Tengani ana anu kusukulu. Pitani ku Walmart ndi malo owonetsera makanema ndi makalabu. Pitani ku Ren Faire, ngati ndichinthu chanu. Osapereka mumdima. Osapereka mantha. Zachidziwikire osasewera masewera pamutu panu.

Ngati mukuwopabe, pitani kwina ngati mungathe, bola ngati mungathe. Mukazipanga tsiku lonse, zowopsa. Chitaninso mawa. Mukapanga mphindi 10, yesani 15 mawa.

Sindikunena kuti simuyenera kuchita mantha, kapena kuti muyenera kukankhira pansi. Palibe vuto (ndikumveka!) Kuchita mantha.

Muyenera kudzilola kuti mumve zonse zomwe mukumva. Ndipo ngati mukufuna thandizo, musaope kuwona wothandizira kapena kulowa nawo gulu lothandizira. Therapy yandithandizadi.

Dzisamalire. Khalani okoma mtima kwa inu nokha. Limbikitsani abwenzi othandizira ndi abale anu. Pangani nthawi yosamalira malingaliro anu ndi thupi lanu.

Koma ndizosatheka kupeza chitetezo mukadzapereka moyo wanu ku mantha.

Atawombera, ndinabwerera kusukulu

Nditangofika kunyumba kuchokera kuchipatala komwe ndimakhala mkati mwa sabata, bambo anga ndi agogo anga akanandisunga kunyumba kwakanthawi.

Koma anandibweza kusukulu nthawi yomweyo. Abambo anga adabwerera kuntchito, ndipo tonse tidabwerera kuzinthu zanthawi zonse. Sitinapewe malo opezeka anthu ambiri. Agogo anga aakazi nthawi zambiri akamapita kusukulu, ankapita nane ku Quarter ya ku France.

Kugwa / Zima 1985. New Orleans. Pafupifupi chaka chimodzi kuwomberako. Abambo anga, Skip Vawter, ndi ine. Ndili ndi 5 pano.

Izi ndizomwe ndimafunikira - kusewera ndi anzanga, kusambira kwambiri ndimaganiza kuti ndikhudza mlengalenga, ndikudya ma beignets ku Cafe du Monde, ndikuwonera oyimba mumisewu akusewera jazz yakale ya New Orleans, ndikumva mantha.

Ndinali kukhala m'dziko lokongola, lalikulu, losangalatsa, ndipo ndinali bwino. Pambuyo pake, tinayambiranso kuyendera malaibulale aboma. Anandilimbikitsa kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanga ndi kuwauza nthawi yomwe sindinamve bwino.

Koma adandilimbikitsanso kuchita zinthu zachilendozi, ndikuchita ngati dziko lapansi linali lotetezeka zimapangitsa kuti ziyambenso kudzimva kukhala zotetezeka kwa ine.

Sindikufuna kuzipangitsa kuti ziwoneke ngati ndidatuluka osavulala. Anandipeza ndi vuto la kupsinjika pambuyo poti ndawombera, ndipo ndikupitilizabe kuvutitsidwa ndi kuwomberako, quadriplegia ya amayi, komanso ubwana wanga wovuta kwambiri. Ndili ndi masiku abwino komanso masiku oyipa. Nthawi zina ndimakhala womangika, motero si zachilendo.

Koma njira ya abambo anga ndi agogo anga ochira inandipatsa chidziwitso chachitetezo, ngakhale ndidawomberedwa. Ndipo chitetezo chimenecho sichinandichokepo. Zimanditenthetsa usiku.

Ndipo ndichifukwa chake ndinapita ku Ren Faire ndi amuna anga ndi mwana wanga.

Titafika kumeneko, ndinaiwala za kuopseza kuwombera kosasintha

Ndinali wotanganidwa kwambiri kutenga kukongola kozungulirazungulira. Kamodzi kokha ndidawonekera pamantha amenewo. Kenako ndinayang'ana pozungulira. Chilichonse chimawoneka bwino.

Ndikayeserera, ndikuzindikira bwino, ndidadziuza kuti ndili bwino. Kuti nditha kubwerera kumasangalalo.

Mwana wanga anali kundigwira padzanja, kuloza bambo wina wovala ngati satyr (ndikuganiza) wokhala ndi nyanga ndi mchira, ndikufunsa ngati mwamunayo anali munthu. Ndinakakamiza kuseka. Ndipo ndinasekadi, chifukwa zinali zoseketsa. Ndinampsompsona mwana wanga. Ndinapsompsona mamuna wanga ndikupempha kuti tipite kukagula ayisikilimu.

Norah Vawter ndi wolemba pawokha, mkonzi, komanso wolemba zongopeka. Potengera dera la D.C., iye ndi mkonzi wokhala ndi magazini ya webusayiti ya DCTRENDING.com. Posafuna kuthawa zenizeni zakukula kwa yemwe adapulumuka chifukwa chachiwawa, amachita nawo zomwe adalemba. Iye wasindikizidwa mu The Washington Post, Memoir Magazine, OtherWords, Agave Magazine, ndi The Nassau Review, pakati pa ena. Pezani iye pa Twitter.