Kukhala ndi Mnzanu Watsopano Pambuyo Pakuzunzidwa

Zamkati

• Mantha opitirira
• Kupeza mayankho
• Zomwe tikuphunzira pamavuto
• Kuyambiranso
• Kodi ndingapeze kuti thandizo?

Mzimu wa wokondedwa wanga unali kukhalabe mthupi mwanga, ndikupangitsa mantha ndi mantha pakakhumudwitsidwa pang'ono.

Chenjezo: Nkhaniyi ikufotokoza za nkhanza zomwe zingakhale zokhumudwitsa. Ngati inu kapena munthu wina amene mumamudziwa akukumana ndi nkhanza zapakhomo, thandizo lilipo. Imbani foni pa 24/7 Nambala Yowonjezera Yokhudza Zachiwawa Pabanja pa 1-800-799-SAFE kuti muthandizidwe mwachinsinsi.

Mu Seputembala 2019, bwenzi langa lazaka 3 lidandichokera pakona, ndikulalata pamaso panga, ndikundimenya. Ndinagwa pansi, ndikulira.

Mosakhalitsa adagwada pansi, ndikupempha kuti amukhululukire.

Izi zinali zitachitika kangapo m'mbuyomo. Nthawi ino inali yosiyana.

Nthawi imeneyo, ndinadziwa kuti sindipanganso zifukwa zina. Ndinamuthamangitsa ku nyumba yathu tsiku lomwelo.

Sindikudziwa chifukwa chake ndizomwe pamapeto pake zidachita. Mwinamwake chinali chifukwa chakuti kumenyedwa mutu kunali kwatsopano: Nthawi zambiri ankangokakamira kumenya nkhonya.

Mwinamwake chinali chifukwa chakuti ndinayamba mobisa kuwerenga za maubwenzi ozunza, kuyesa kudziwa ngati ndizomwe zimandichitikira. Ndikayang'ana m'mbuyo, ndikuganiza kuti ndakhala ndikulimbikira mpaka nthawi imeneyo, ndipo tsikulo limangondikankhira m'mphepete.

Zinatenga miyezi yambiri yogwira ntchito mwakhama kuti mumve zambiri. Ndinazindikira kuti ndakhala ndikukhala mwamantha kwazaka pafupifupi ziwiri kuyambira pomwe tidayamba kukhalira limodzi.

Therapy idandithandizira kumvetsetsa zomwe ndidagweramo. Ndinawona ndikufunafuna anthu pamoyo wanga "omwe amafunikira thandizo." Anthu awa adapitiliza kugwiritsa ntchito mwayi wanga wosadzikonda. Nthawi zina anthu amagwiritsa ntchito njira yoyipitsitsa.

Kwenikweni, amandichitira ngati chopondera pakhomo.

Sindinali woyang'anira momwe amandithandizira, koma chithandizo chidandithandiza kuzindikira kuti ndinali ndi malingaliro oyipa amomwe ubale ungakhalire.

Patapita nthawi, ndinasamukira kwina ndipo ndinayambiranso chibwenzi. Ndinkafuna kudzikumbutsa kuti kunja kuno kuli anthu omwe sali ngati iye. Ndinayesetsa kupanga zisankho zabwino ndikuzindikira mtundu wa anthu omwe ndimafuna kukhala nawo, osati anthu omwe "amafunikira" ine.

Sindinkafuna kulowa chibwenzi china, koma monga zimakhalira, ndimakumana ndi wina wodabwitsa pomwe sindinkawoneka nkomwe.

Zinthu zidasuntha mwachangu, ngakhale ndidatsimikiza kuti ndikudziyesa ndekha kuti ndimalakwitsa kale kapena ayi. Ndidapeza, mobwerezabwereza, kuti sindinali.

Ndinamupangitsa kudziwa zam'mbuyomu patsiku lathu loyamba, tsiku lomwe linapitilira maola 24.

Mnzanga wapamtima anali kutumizirana mameseji nthawi ndi nthawi kuti atsimikizire kuti ndili bwino, ndipo ndinali kumutsimikizira kuti ndimamva kukhala wotetezeka. Tsiku langa linandifunsa, ndikuseka, ngati mnzanga amandiyang'ana. Ndidati inde, ndikufotokozera kuti amateteza pang'ono kuposa ambiri pachibwenzi changa chomaliza.

Kunali koyambirira kuti ndimuwuze za wakale yemwe amandizunza, koma ndimawona kuti ndinali ndi umunthu wabwino. Anandifunsa kuti ndimudziwitse ngati adachitapo chilichonse mosadziwa chomwe chimandipangitsa kukhala wosasangalala.

Pamene kutsekeka kunayamba, tinasamukira limodzi. Njira ina inali kukhala yokhayokha kwakanthawi kosadziwika.

Mwamwayi, zayenda bwino. Chimene sindimayembekezera chinali chipsinjo changa chakale chokweza mutu wake.

Ngati mumakhudzidwa ndi wachibale kapena mnzanu, yang'anani zikwangwani zingapo zofunika kuzisonyeza kuti ali pachibwenzi ndipo akusowa thandizo. Izi zikuphatikiza:

• kudzipatula ndikupanga zifukwa zosawona abwenzi kapena abale kapena kuchita zomwe adachitapo kale (izi zitha kukhala zomwe ozunza akuyang'anira)
• akuwoneka kuda nkhawa mozungulira wokondedwa wawo kapena akuopa mnzake
• kukhala ndi mikwingwirima kapena zovulala zomwe amanama kapena zomwe sangathe kufotokoza
• kukhala ndi ndalama zochepa, makhadi a ngongole, kapena galimoto
• kuwonetsa kusiyana kwakukulu pamakhalidwe
• kuyitanidwa pafupipafupi kuchokera kwa wina wofunikira, makamaka kuyimba komwe kumafuna kuti alowemo kapena kuwapangitsa kuwoneka kuti ali ndi nkhawa
• kukhala ndi mnzako wamtima wapachala, wosavuta nsanje, kapena wokonda kwambiri zinthu
• zovala zomwe zimatha kubisala mikwingwirima, ngati malaya amanja ataliatali mchilimwe

Kuti mumve zambiri, onani Maupangiri Anu Othandizira Zachiwawa Pabanja kapena pitani ku Nambala Yapaomwe Amachita Zachiwawa Pabanja.

Mantha opitirira

Panali malingaliro a mantha akale omwe anali atayamba tisanakhalire limodzi, koma zinawonekeratu zomwe zimachitika tikamakhala nthawi yathu yonse limodzi.

Ndinali ndisanakhazikikepo m'mbuyomu, koma zinali zosavuta kuthana ndi nkhawa ndikudziona ngati sizinachitike tsiku lililonse. Titasamukira limodzi, ndinadziwa kuti ndiyenera kukambirana ndi bwenzi langa za zomwe zimandichitikira.

Mantha ndi kudzitchinjiriza komwe kunali kofala ndi wakale wanga kudalipo pakuya kwa malingaliro ndi thupi langa.

Chibwenzi changa chatsopano ndi chilichonse chomwe ex wanga sanali, ndipo sakanandiyika chala. Komabe, nthawi zina ndimachita ngati angatero.

Ndikadali wokonzeka kukhulupirira kuti kukhumudwa kapena kukhumudwa kulikonse kwa mnzanga kumatha kukhala mkwiyo komanso chiwawa chondilondolera. Ndikuganiza kuti yakula chifukwa chakuti tikukhala m'nyumba yomwe ndinkakhala kale ndi omwe amandizunza, monga momwe ndayesera kuti zipindazo zizikhala zosiyana.

Ndi zinthu zopusa zomwe zimabweretsanso malingaliro awa - zinthu zomwe palibe amene ayenera kukwiya nazo.

Wokondedwa wanga angawagwiritse ntchito ngati chowiringula kuti athetse kukhumudwa ndi mkwiyo mwa iye. Ndipo kwa ine, izi zikutanthauza kuti ndimayenera kuchita mantha.

Tsiku lina chibwenzi changa chitagogoda pakhomo nditaweruka, ndinachita mantha kwambiri. Wakale wanga ankandikwiyira ngati sindinatsegule chitseko akamatumizira mameseji kuti akupita kwawo.

Ndinapepesa mobwerezabwereza, kumapeto kwa misozi. Chibwenzi changa chinakhala mphindi zingapo akundikhazika mtima pansi ndikunditsimikizira kuti sanakwiye kuti sindinatsegule chitseko.

Pomwe chibwenzi changa chatsopano chimandiphunzitsa za jiu jitsu, adandikhomera pamanja. Ndakhala ndikuseka ndikuyesetsa kuti ndimuponye, ​​koma udindo womwewo udandipangitsa kuti ndizizire.

Zinali zokumbutsa kwambiri za kukhomedwa pansi ndikufuula ndi wakale wanga, zomwe ndinali nditaiwala mpaka nthawi imeneyo. Kukumbukira kumatha kukhala kwachilendo chonchi, kupondereza zoopsa.

Chibwenzi changa chinayang'ana nkhope yanga yamantha ndipo nthawi yomweyo anasiya. Kenako adandigwira kwinaku ndikulira.

Ulendo wina, tinasewera ndikumenya ndikuphika, kuwopsezana kuti tipaka wina ndi mnzake mtanda wankhuku wotsalira pa supuni yamatabwa. Ndinali kuseka ndikuthawa supuni yomata mpaka nditabwerera pakona.

Ndinazizira, ndipo adatha kudziwa kuti china chake sichili bwino. Masewera athu adayima pomwe amanditsogolera pang'onopang'ono. Mphindi imeneyo, thupi langa lidamva ngati kuti ndabwerera zomwe sindinathe kuthawa, kubwerera pomwe ndinali ndi zomwe ndimayenera kuthawa kuchokera.

Pali zitsanzo zosawerengeka za zochitika zofananira - nthawi yomwe thupi langa lidachita mwachibadwa ku chinthu chomwe chimatanthauza kuwopsa. Masiku ano, ndilibe choopa chilichonse, koma thupi langa limakumbukira pamene limatero.

Kupeza mayankho

Ndinayankhula ndi Ammanda Major, mlangizi wa maubwenzi, wogonana, komanso Mutu wa Clinical Practice ku Relate, yemwe ndi wamkulu kwambiri ku UK wothandizira maubwenzi, kuti ayesetse kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake izi zimachitika.

Iye anafotokoza kuti “cholowa cha nkhanza za m'banja chingakhale chachikulu. Nthawi zambiri opulumuka amakhala ndi nkhani zodalira, ndipo nthawi zina amakhala ndi PTSD, koma atalandira chithandizo chamankhwala nthawi zambiri amatha kuyang'aniridwa ndipo anthu amatha kuthana nawo. ”

"Chimodzi mwazinthu zofunikira kuti mupite patsogolo ndikumatha kuzindikira ndikupempha zosowa zanu kuti mukwaniritse, chifukwa muubwenzi wozunza zosowa zanu sizidziwika konse," akutero a Major.

Ngakhale atalandira chithandizo chamankhwala, zingakhale zovuta kwa iwo omwe ali pachibwenzi kuti azindikire zizindikilozo pomwe zomwezo ziyambanso kuchitika.

"Ndizotheka kukhala ndi ubale wabwino komanso wathanzi, koma opulumuka ambiri amalimbana kuti alumikizane bwino ndikufotokozera zosowa zawo. Atha kupeza kuti amakopeka ndi anthu ena omwe amadzazunza chifukwa ndizomwe adazolowera, "akutero a Major.

Nthawi zina, opulumuka safuna kuyika pachiwopsezo kuti nkhanza zitha kuchitika mobwerezabwereza.

“Nthawi zina opulumuka sangathe kudzionanso ali pachibwenzi. Zimangodalira kukhulupirirana, ndipo kudalirako kwaphwanyidwa, "akutero a Major.

Chofunikira ndikuti mudziwe kuti ndinu ndani, makamaka mukakhala nokha.

A Major akuti "Ngakhale chibwenzi chatsopano chitha kuchiritsa anthu ena modabwitsa, njira yayikulu yopezera kupita patsogolo ndikuyesera kuti mudziwe kuti ndinu ndani, osati ngati wothandizira amene akukuzunzani."

Zomwe tikuphunzira pamavuto

Mayankho anga sizodabwitsa zonse atakhala zaka 2 mosalekeza. Ngati bwenzi langa limakwiyitsa aliyense kapena chilichonse, ndikadakhala kuti ndikulakwitsa.

Ngakhale bwenzi langa latsopanoli silofanana ndi lakale, ndikudzikonzekeretsa momwe ndingachitire zomwezo. Zochita zomwe palibe wokondana, wokhazikika mnzake angakhale naye.

Akuluakulu akufotokoza, "Ndi zomwe timati kuyankha kwachisoni. Ndi ubongo womwe umakuwuzani kuti mwakumana nazo izi kale, kuti mutha kukhala pachiwopsezo. Zonsezi ndi gawo limodzi loti achire, popeza ubongo wanu sudziwa poyamba kuti ndinu otetezeka. "

Izi zitha kuyambitsa njira yakuchiritsa ndikuthandizanso kuyambanso kudalirana:

• Pezani wothandizira yemwe amagwiritsa ntchito nkhanza zapakhomo.
• Yesetsani njira zopumira kuti mukhale odekha zinthu zikavuta.
• Phunzirani momwe mungakhalire okhazikika ndikupereka nthawi yovuta.
• Zindikirani ndikupempha zosowa zanu kuti zikwaniritsidwe muubwenzi wanu wonse.
• Fotokozerani zomwe zimayambitsa mnzanu kuti akhale okonzeka.

"Zimapanga kusiyana kwakukulu ngati mnzanu watsopanoyo angathe kufotokoza, kumvetsetsa, ndi kuthandizira," akutero a Major. "Mwa kuyika zokumana nazo zatsopano m'malo mwa zakale, zopweteketsa, ubongo pamapeto pake umatha kudziwa kuti izi sizikuwonetsa kuwopsa."

Kuyambiranso

Ndikuphunzira pang'onopang'ono kuti ndine wotetezeka kachiwiri.

Nthawi iliyonse chibwenzi changa chikakwiyitsidwa ndi zinthu zazing'ono ndipo sichimandichotsera mkwiyo ndi kundipezerera, mawu osasangalatsa, kapena nkhanza, ndimapuma pang'ono.

Ngakhale malingaliro anga nthawi zonse amadziwa kuti bwenzi langa silofanana ndi wakale wanga, thupi langa limaphunziranso kudalira pang'onopang'ono. Ndipo nthawi iliyonse akachita zinazake zomwe zimandipweteka mosazindikira, monga kundibwezera pakona kapena kundikhomera pambuyo pomenyera nkhondo mokangalika, amapepesa ndikuphunzira kuchokera pamenepo.

Angandipatse danga ngati sindikufuna kuti ndikhudzidwe munthawiyo, kapena andigwira mpaka kugunda kwa mtima kwanga kutsike kukhala kwachizolowezi.

Moyo wanga wonse ndi wosiyana tsopano. Sindikugwiritsanso ntchito mphindi iliyonse yakudzidzimutsa ndikusangalatsa wina chifukwa choopa kusinthasintha kwamaganizidwe awo. Nthawi zina komabe, thupi langa limaganiza kuti labwereranso ndi omwe amandizunza.

Nditadula bwino moyo wanga wakale, ndimaganiza kuti ndachiritsidwa.Ndinkadziwa kuti ndidzakhala ndi ntchito yoti ndichite ndekha, koma sindinayembekezere kuti mzimu wa wokondedwa wanga ukhalebe m'thupi mwanga, ndikupangitsa mantha komanso mantha ngakhale atakwiya pang'ono.

Mwina sindinayembekezere kuti mantha anga osamvetsetsa angabweretse mutu wawo, koma zikuyenda bwino.

Monga chithandizo, kuchiritsa kumatenga ntchito. Kukhala ndi chithandizo cha mnzanu yemwe ali wokoma mtima, wosamala, komanso womvetsetsa kumapangitsa ulendowu kukhala wosavuta.

Kodi ndingapeze kuti thandizo?

Zambiri ziripo kwa anthu omwe adachitidwapo nkhanza. Ngati mukuzunzidwa, onetsetsani kuti ndizotetezeka kuti mupeze izi pakompyuta kapena pafoni yanu.

• Nambala Yowonjezera Yachiwawa Pabanja: Zothandizira onse omwe akhudzidwa ndi IPV; Hotline ya maola 24 pa 1-800-799-7233, 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
• Ntchito Yolimbana ndi Chiwawa: Zida zapadera za LGBTQ ndi omwe ali ndi kachilombo ka HIV; Hotline ya maola 24 pa 212-714-1141
• Kugwiririra, Kuchitira Nkhanza, & Incest National Network (RAINN): Zida zakuzunza ndi kugwiriridwa; Hotline ya maola 24 pa 1-800-656-HOPE
• Office on Women's Health: Zothandizira ndi boma; mzere wothandizira pa 1-800-994-9662

Bethany Fulton ndi wolemba komanso wolemba pawokha ku Manchester, United Kingdom.