Ndinalibe Maganizo Anga 'Mavuto Omwe Alipo' Anali Chizindikiro Cha Matenda Aakulu Aakulu

Zamkati

• Ndikukula, ndidazindikira kuti ngakhale mafunso ofunsidwawa atha kubwera m'maganizo a munthu wina, nthawi zonse amawoneka kuti amangokhalira kuyendera zanga
• Pofuna kuthana ndi mavuto azomwe zimachitika 'zovuta zomwe zidalipo' zoyambitsidwa ndi OCD yanga, ndidakhala ndi zokakamiza zingapo
• Nthawi zonse ndimaganiza kuti OCD ndi vuto losavuta - sindikanakhala wolakwika kwambiri
• Ngakhale OCD yanga nthawi zonse imakhala yovuta, kukhala wophunzitsidwa bwino za OCD lakhala gawo lolimbikitsa la machiritso

Sindingathe kusiya kuganizira za chilengedwe. Kenako anandipeza.

"Tangokhala makina anyama omwe akuyenda moyang'anitsitsa," ndinatero. "Kodi sizikusokoneza? Ndife ngakhale kuchita Pano?"

"Izi kachiwiri?" nzanga adafunsa mosekerera.

Ndinapumira. Inde, kachiwiri. Chimodzi mwazovuta zanga zomwe zilipo, pomwepo.

Kudera nkhawa za chinthu chonse "chokhala ndi moyo" sichinali chachilendo kwa ine. Ndakhala ndikukumana ndi nkhawa ngati izi kuyambira ndili mwana.

Chimodzi mwazoyamba zomwe ndikukumbukira zidachitika mkalasi lachisanu ndi chimodzi. Pambuyo popatsidwa uphungu wakuti "Ingokhalani nokha!" kangapo konse, ndidadumphadumpha. Mnzanga wasukulu yemwe anali atadodometsedwa amayenera kunditonthoza pamene ndimalira pabwalo lamasewera, ndikufotokozera kudzera misozi yosakhazikika yomwe sindingathe kudziwa ngati ndinali "weniweni" kapena "wongonamizira".

Adaphethira ndipo, pozindikira kuti anali atatsika, adangopereka, "Mukufuna kupanga angelo achisanu?"

Takhala padziko lino lapansi ndizofotokozera zambiri zotsutsana chifukwa chomwe tili pano. Chifukwa? sichingatero Ndikukula? Ndinadabwa. Ndipo nchifukwa ninji sanali wina aliyense?

Ndikukula, ndidazindikira kuti ngakhale mafunso ofunsidwawa atha kubwera m'maganizo a munthu wina, nthawi zonse amawoneka kuti amangokhalira kuyendera zanga

Nditaphunzira zaimfa ndili mwana, iyenso, idakhala yotengeka. Chinthu choyamba chomwe ndidachita ndikulemba chifuniro changa (chomwe chimangokhala malangizo amomwe nyama zodzikongoletsera zimalowera m'bokosi langa). Chachiwiri chomwe ndidachita ndikusiya kugona.

Ndipo ndikukumbukira, ngakhale pamenepo, ndikulakalaka ndikamwalira posachedwa kuti ndisakhale ndi funso lobwerezabwereza la zomwe zimachitika pambuyo pake. Ndinakhala maola ambiri ndikuyesera kuti ndipeze tanthauzo lomwe linandikhutiritsa, koma sindinkawoneka ngati wokhoza. Kuyatsa kwanga kunangowonjezera chidwi.

Zomwe sindimadziwa panthawiyo ndikuti ndimakhala ndimatenda osokoneza bongo (OCD). Mavuto anga obwerezabwereza anali china chomwe chimadziwika kuti OCD yopezeka.

International OCD Foundation imalongosola kuti OCD yomwe idalipo kale ndi "kulowerera, kubwereza mobwerezabwereza mafunso omwe sangayankhidwe, komanso omwe angakhale anzeru kapena ochititsa mantha, kapena onse awiri."

Mafunso nthawi zambiri amakhala ozungulira:

• tanthauzo, cholinga, kapena zenizeni za moyo
• kupezeka ndi chilengedwe chonse
• kupezeka ndi chikhalidwe chake
• mfundo zina zomwe zimakhalapo monga zopanda malire, imfa, kapena zenizeni

Ngakhale mutha kukumana ndi mafunso otere mufilosofi kapena pamndandanda wamafilimu onga "The Matrix," munthu nthawi zambiri amatha kuchoka pamalingaliro otere. Akakumana ndi mavuto, zitha kukhala zazing'ono.

Kwa munthu yemwe alipo OCD, komabe, mafunso amapitilirabe. Kupsinjika komwe imabweretsa kumatha kukhala kofooketsa kwathunthu.

Pofuna kuthana ndi mavuto azomwe zimachitika 'zovuta zomwe zidalipo' zoyambitsidwa ndi OCD yanga, ndidakhala ndi zokakamiza zingapo

Ndinkatha maola ambiri ndikuwunika, ndikuyesetsa kuthana ndi malingaliro ndikubweretsa mafotokozedwe, ndikuyembekeza kuthetsa mavutowo. Ndimagogoda pamtengo nthawi iliyonse ndikafika ganiza za wokondedwa akumwalira ali ndi chiyembekezo choti "angamuteteze" mwanjira ina. Ndinkatchula pemphero ndisanagone usiku uliwonse, osati chifukwa ndimakhulupirira Mulungu, koma ngati "ndikangodikira" ndikamwalira ndili mtulo.

Kuopsa kwamantha kunayamba kukhala chizolowezi, kumakulirakulira chifukwa chakugona kochepa komwe ndimapeza. Ndipo nditayamba kukhumudwa kwambiri - ndi OCD wanga wokhala ndimphamvu zonse zamaganizidwe ndi malingaliro omwe ndinali nawo - ndidayamba kudzivulaza ndili ndi zaka 13. Ndidayesa kudzipha koyamba pasanapite nthawi.

Kukhala wamoyo, komanso kuzindikira kwambiri za kukhalako kwanga, sikunapirire. Ndipo mosasamala kanthu momwe ndimayesera molimba kuti ndidzichotse ndekha pa mutu wa pamutu, pankawoneka kuti panalibe kothawira.

Ndinkakhulupirira moona mtima kuti ndikamwalira msanga, ndizitha kuthetsa nkhawa zanga zomwe zimawoneka ngati zopanda moyo chifukwa chokhala ndi moyo pambuyo pa moyo. Zinkawoneka zopusa kwambiri kuti ndikhalepo, koma mosiyana ndi msampha wa chala, ndikamalimbana nawo kwambiri, ndimakhala wolimba kwambiri.

Nthawi zonse ndimaganiza kuti OCD ndi vuto losavuta - sindikanakhala wolakwika kwambiri

Sikuti ndinkasamba m'manja mobwerezabwereza kapena kuyang'anitsitsa mbaula. Koma ndinali ndi zotengeka ndikukakamizidwa; anangokhala omwe anali ophweka kubisa ndikubisalira ena.

Chowonadi ndi chakuti, OCD imafotokozedwa mochepa ndi zomwe zimakhudzidwa ndi winawake komanso zina ndi chizolowezi chodzitamandira komanso chodzipeputsa (chomwe chimakhala chokakamiza) chomwe chingapangitse wina kuti awonongeke m'njira yofooketsa.

Anthu ambiri amaganiza kuti OCD ndi vuto la "quirky". Chowonadi ndichakuti zitha kukhala zowopsa modabwitsa. Zomwe ena angaganize kuti ndi funso lanzeru komanso lopanda tanthauzo zidasokonekera ndi matenda anga amisala, zomwe zidasokoneza moyo wanga.

Sikuti ndi mtundu wokhawo wokonda kutengeka womwe ndakhala nawo, koma chinali chimodzi mwazovuta kwambiri kuzindikira, chifukwa mukangoyang'ana pang'ono zitha kuwoneka ngati sitima yapamtunda yodziwika bwino. Ndipamene sitimayi imachoka munjanji, komabe, imakhala nkhawa yamaganizidwe osati yongopeka chabe.

Ngakhale OCD yanga nthawi zonse imakhala yovuta, kukhala wophunzitsidwa bwino za OCD lakhala gawo lolimbikitsa la machiritso

Ndisanadziwe kuti ndili ndi OCD, ndidatenga malingaliro anga kukhala chowonadi cha uthenga wabwino. Koma podziwa bwino momwe OCD imagwirira ntchito, ndimatha kuzindikira ndikamazungulira, kugwiritsa ntchito luso lotha kuthana ndi mavuto, ndikukhala ndikudzimvera chisoni ndikamalimbana.

Masiku ano, ndikakhala ndi "O mulungu wanga, tonse ndife makina anyama!" ngati mphindi, ndimatha kuyika zinthu moyenera chifukwa cha kusakaniza kwa mankhwala ndi mankhwala. Chowonadi ndi chakuti, pali zinthu zochepa zomwe timadziwa m'moyo kuti tikhale otsimikiza. Koma ndizonso zomwe zimapangitsa moyo kukhala wosamvetsetseka komanso wosangalatsa.

Kuphunzira kukhala ndi kusatsimikizika komanso mantha - ndipo inde, kuthekera kuti izi ndi malingaliro owongoleredwa, opangidwa ndi makompyuta athu aubongo - ndi gawo limodzi chabe la malondawo.

Zonse zikalephera, ndimakonda kudzikumbutsa kuti mphamvu zomwezi m'chilengedwe zomwe zidatibweretsera mphamvu yokoka komanso kuperewera ndi imfa (ndi zonse zachilendo, zowopsa, zopanda pake) ndizo komanso woyambitsa kupezeka kwa The Cheesecake Factory ndi shiba inus ndi Betty White.

Ndipo ziribe kanthu mtundu wanji wa gehena womwe ubongo wanga wa OCD umandipitikitsa, sindidzatero ayi khalani othokoza chifukwa cha zinthu zimenezo.

Sam Dylan Finch ndi woimira kumbuyo kwa LGBTQ + wamaganizidwe, popeza adadziwika padziko lonse lapansi chifukwa cha blog yake, Let’s Queer Things Up!, yomwe idayamba kufalikira mchaka cha 2014. Monga mtolankhani komanso waluso pankhani zanema, Sam adasindikiza kwambiri pamitu monga matenda amisala, kudziwika kwa transgender, kulumala, ndale komanso malamulo, ndi zina zambiri. Pobweretsa ukadaulo wake pazaumoyo waanthu komanso media digito, Sam pano akugwira ntchito ngati mkonzi wazachikhalidwe ku Healthline.