Kodi Kuponderezedwa Kumatanthauza Chiyani?

Zamkati

• Mukutanthauza chiyani?
• Kodi ndizofanana ndi kukhumudwa pakugonana?
• Zimayambitsa chiyani?
• Zokumana nazo zoipa kapena zikhulupiriro zokhudzana ndi kugonana
• Zolakwika kapena kusadziwa zambiri
• Maudindo okhwima pakati pa amuna ndi akazi
• Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mukukumana nazo?
• Chingachitike ndi chiyani chifukwa cha izi?
• Zotsatira zakuthupi
• Kuvutika maganizo
• Zovuta kuvomereza zomwe mumakonda
• Maganizo olakwika kwa ena
• Kusakhala ndi chidwi chogonana
• Kulephera kufunsa zomwe mukufuna
• Malire osokonezeka pakugonana
• Kodi mungatani?
• Yesetsani kulingalira mozama ndikulandila zogonana
• Werengani zambiri zakugonana
• Khalani omasuka ndi thupi lanu
• Lankhulani ndi mnzanu
• Kuthetsa mkombero
• Kodi mungapeze kuti thandizo?
• Mfundo yofunika

Kwa anthu ena, malingaliro achiwerewere amabweretsa chisangalalo ndikuyembekezera zochitika zakugonana zakale kapena zokumana nazo mtsogolo.

Kuchepetsa malingaliro awa kumatha kukutsegulirani kapena kumadzetsa maliseche. (Zachidziwikire!)

Ngati mukuchita zachiwerewere, ngakhale mawu oti "kugonana" atha kuyambitsa manyazi kapena manyazi.

Mukutanthauza chiyani?

Mwina mudaphunzira muubwana kuti kugonana sikusangalatsa kapena kungokwatirana.

Mwina makolo anu anakuwuzani kuti kuseweretsa maliseche kapena kuganiza zogonana kumatanthauza kuti ndinu ochimwa.

Zotsatira zake, mudaphunzira kuswa zikhumbo zanu (mwachilengedwe) kuti mudziteteze.

Ngati mantha anu amalingaliro awa adakupangitsani kuti musawanyalanyaze konse, mutakula, zingakhale zovuta kuti mufotokozere zakugonana.

Mukachita maliseche kapena kugonana, mutha kumva kuti ndinu olakwika pambuyo pake.

Kodi ndizofanana ndi kukhumudwa pakugonana?

Kukhumudwa kwakugonana kumafotokoza zomwe zimachitika mukamagonana kocheperako kuposa momwe mumafunira - kaya muli pachibwenzi kapena mukakhala pakati pa abwenzi - kotero sizofanana ndi kuponderezana.

Akuluakulu ambiri amakumana ndi zovuta zakugonana nthawi ina.

Zizindikiro zina zofala ndi izi:

• kusakhazikika
• mavuto a thupi
• malingaliro ogonana pafupipafupi komanso malingaliro

Kukhumudwitsana komanso kuponderezana nthawi zina kumatha.

Mukamagwira ntchito pazaka zopondereza, mungaone zilakolako zakugonana simukudziwa momwe mungafotokozere.

Mukufuna kupeza bwino pofotokoza zakugonana kwanu koma simunafike poti mumamasuka kutero.

Sizachilendo kuti njirayi itenge nthawi, chifukwa chake mutha kuwona kukhumudwa pakadali pano.

Zimayambitsa chiyani?

Nthawi zambiri, kuponderezana kogonana kumachitika poyankha malingaliro kapena malingaliro okhwima okhudzana ndi kugonana.

Makolo kapena owasamalira ena atha kuphunzitsa malingalirowa mwachindunji, koma mutha kungowanyengerera poyang'ana anthu ena mukamakula.

Poyamba, mutha kuthana ndi kugonana mwakufuna kwanu, koma pakapita nthawi, kuponderezedwa kumeneku kumangokhala kwachangu.

Zokumana nazo zoipa kapena zikhulupiriro zokhudzana ndi kugonana

Anthu amakonda kugwirizanitsa kuponderezana kogonana ndi zomwe adaleredwa mwachipembedzo, koma malingaliro achikhalidwe pokhudzana ndi chiwerewere amathanso kuchokera kuzinthu zina.

Olera ena amatha kuchenjeza ana zakugonana chifukwa choopa matenda opatsirana pogonana, kutenga pakati pa atsikana, kapena kuzunzidwa m'njira zawo.

Mbiri yakukhumudwitsidwa pakugonana ingayambitsenso kuponderezana. Kugwiriridwa ndi kuchitiridwa zachipongwe kumatha kubweretsa kupweteka kwakanthawi, komanso malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana atha kuyambitsa zokumbukira ndikupweteketsa mtima, zomwe zimapangitsa kukhala kovuta kusangalala kapena kufuna kugonana.

Ngati mwakhala mukugonana ndi amuna ambiri, mutha kusankha kuti kugonana konse ndi kofanana ndikufunsa kufuna kwanu kuchitira zosiyana.

Ngati mungaganize kuti zofuna zanu ndizachilendo, mutha kuyika malingalirowo ndikukhala ndi nthawi yovuta kuti mupeze ubale wabwino.

Zolakwika kapena kusadziwa zambiri

Ngati omwe amakusamalirani sanayankhule zogonana, anzanu atha kupereka zambiri zotsutsana zomwe sizinachite zambiri kuti azimvetsetsa mawu ogonana.

Mwina simunakhale ndi malingaliro olakwika okhudzana ndi kugonana, ndendende, koma zina zomwe mudamva kwa ena zitha kupangitsa kuti kugonana kuzioneke ngati zachilendo komanso zosasangalatsa.

Mutha kuganiza kuti, ngati kugonana ndi kwabwino komanso kwabwino, makolo anu akananena.

Malingaliro akugonana ndi kudzutsa kumatha kuyambitsa chisokonezo, ngakhale kunyansidwa, ngati simukudziwa chomwe chimayambitsa.

Maudindo okhwima pakati pa amuna ndi akazi

Zikhulupiriro zokhudzana ndi kugonana nthawi zambiri zimakhudzana ndikukula komwe kumalembedwa momveka bwino ndi gawo la jenda.

Mwachitsanzo, atsikana atenga uthenga kuti ndibwino kugulitsa zogonana kuti atetezedwe kapena kukondana, koma osati kuti asonyeze chisangalalo - pokhapokha atafuna kuti anthu aziwatenga ngati "achiwerewere."

Muzochitika zina, anyamata atha kukula ndikukhulupirira kuti ali ndi ufulu wogonana komanso kuti zili bwino ngati amayi sakusangalala nawo.

Chikhulupiriro ichi (cholakwika kwathunthu) chimawoneka kuti sichikugwirizana ndi kuponderezana, koma chimakhudza.

Ana ena amakula akukayikira uthengawu, ndipo kufunitsitsa kogonana komwe kuli koyenera kwa aliyense wokhudzidwa kumatha kubweretsa chisokonezo, ngati mauthenga oyambilira okhudzana ndi kugonana akukhudzana ndi kuwongolera.

Kugonana kumathanso kuponderezana. Ana ambiri amaphunzira, mwachindunji kapena m'njira zina, kuti amuna ndi akazi okha ndiwo ayenera kugonana.

Ngati malingaliro anu ogonana sagwirizana ndi lamuloli, mutha kupondereza malingaliro anu kuti mupewe kukanidwa.

Kusadziwa kutchula kapena kuvomereza zakugonana kwanu monga zachilendo kumatha kubweretsa zovuta zambiri.

Anthu omwe transgender, nonbinary, komanso jenda osagwirizana atha kukhala ndi zokumana nazo zovuta kwambiri, zovuta.

Kugonana ndi jenda sizinthu zomwezo, inde, koma osamalira anthu akamakusowetsani dzina ndikukulepheretsani kufotokoza za amuna kapena akazi, mutha kuyamba kukayikira mbali zina zamakhalidwe anu, monga kugonana.

Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mukukumana nazo?

Kuponderezedwa kumakhudzanso malingaliro omwe amakukhudzani. Kuponderezedwa kuli ayi:

• kugonana, kapena kusakopeka ndi chiwerewere
• osakhudzidwa ndi zoyeserera zogonana kapena zachiwerewere
• zochepa zogonana

Anthu ena amachita chidwi ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana zogonana.

Osafuna kuyesa zinthu monga kugonana mkamwa, kugonana kumatako, BDSM, kapena kugonana ndi anthu angapo ogonana nawo satero kutanthauza kuti waponderezedwa.

Palibe cholakwika ndi kufuna mtundu umodzi wokha wa kugonana. Anthu ena amatha kunena kuti izi ndi "zopusa," koma kumbukirani kuti ndizo yanu zokhumba zomwe zili zofunika.

Ngati simukufuna kugonana mpaka mutadzipereka, ubale wautali, ndiye chisankho chanu.

Kufuna kudikirira pa kugonana sikutanthauza kuti ndinu oponderezedwa - bola mukamapanga chisankho ichi nokha ndikumverera bwino.

Mwachidule, kuponderezana kumatanthauza kukhumudwa kozama kwambiri pazokhudzana ndi kugonana. Mitu yodziwika ndi machitidwe ake ndi monga:

• manyazi ndi zovuta zomwe zimakhudzana ndi malingaliro azakugonana
• liwongo ndi zina zoyipa ukamagonana kapena maliseche
• kuvuta kusangalala ndi kugonana kwabwino, kovomerezeka
• Kuyankhula zoyipa pambuyo poganiza kapena zochitika zogonana
• kukhulupirira kuti thupi lako ndi losasangalatsa kapena losayenera kugonana

Chingachitike ndi chiyani chifukwa cha izi?

Sigmund Freud, m'modzi mwa oyamba kufufuza ndikulemba za lingaliro lakuponderezana, adachenjeza kuti kupondereza zilakolako zakugonana kumatha kukhala ndi zotsatirapo zosafunikira.

Zina mwa zotsatirazi zitha kukhala ndi tanthauzo lalikulu pamalingaliro anu.

Zotsatira zakuthupi

Anthu omwe amayesetsa kuthana ndi kuponderezedwa nthawi zambiri amafotokoza zakuthupi, kuphatikiza:

• mavuto a thupi
• kuvuta kugona
• kuvutika ndi chiwonongeko kapena kutaya msanga msanga
• kupweteka kapena kusapeza bwino panthawi yogonana

Kuvutika maganizo

Kuponderezedwa kumathandizanso pamavuto am'maganizo komanso zizindikiritso zamaganizidwe amthupi, kuphatikiza:

• kusafuna kuchita zogonana
• mantha okhudzana ndi kugonana komanso nkhawa
• liwongo lomwe limalumikizidwa ndi zilakolako zakugonana
• kudziweruza kokhako kwa malingaliro azakugonana

Zovuta kuvomereza zomwe mumakonda

Ngati mukuzindikira kuti ndi LGBTQIA + koma munakulira m'malo omwe kuwongoka ndi cisgender zinali njira zovomerezeka zokha, mwina mumamva kuti ndi otetezeka kwambiri kubisala kuti ndinu ndani komanso kugonana.

Ngakhale pomwe pamapeto pake mumamva ngati mumatha kufotokoza nokha, kutero mwina sikungamve ngati kwachilengedwe.

Ngakhale mukudziwa komwe mumakonda ndi chiwonetsero chazomwe anthu amagonana, mutha kupitiliza kulimbana ndi kudziimba mlandu kapena mantha pazomwe mumadziwika, makamaka poyesera kuthana ndi zaka zakuleredwa mwachipembedzo.

Maganizo olakwika kwa ena

Mukayamba kugonana ndi malingaliro okhumudwitsa kuyambira mudakali aang'ono, mutha kukhala ndi malingaliro olakwika kwa anthu omwe amafotokoza zakugonana kwawo momasuka.

Izi zitha kuchitika pachibwenzi - nkuti, mnzanu akabweretsa zachiwerewere amafuna atachita.

Mutha kukhalanso ndi malingaliro olakwika amtundu wa LGBTQIA + anthu kapena anthu omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, mwachitsanzo.

Kusakhala ndi chidwi chogonana

Anthu ena sakhala ndi chilakolako chogonana, choncho kusakhala ndi chidwi chogonana sikumangokhudza kuponderezana nthawi zonse.

Koma nthawi zina, zimatha. Ngati mwakwanitsa kuthana ndi zikhumbo zanu, mwina simungadziwe zomwe mumakonda.

Ngati simukusangalala ndi kugonana, mwina simungawone mfundoyi ndikupewa kuyambitsa zogonana kapena kuchita izi.

Izi zitha kupangitsa kuti kukhale kovuta kupitiriza chibwenzi popeza magawo osiyanasiyana okonda zogonana nthawi zambiri amatha kubweretsa zovuta m'mabanja.

Kulephera kufunsa zomwe mukufuna

Ngati mukuchita manyazi ndi malingaliro anu ogonana, zitha kukhala zovuta kuvomereza popanda liwongo.

Kugawana zokhumba izi ndi mnzanu, ngakhale munthu amene mumamukonda ndi kumukhulupirira, zingawoneke ngati zosatheka.

Kuponderezedwa kumatha kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu olakwa pakusangalala ndi kugonana, choncho china chake chikakupangitsani kuti mukhale osangalala, mutha kuchita manyazi kapena kudzitsutsa nokha ndikupewa kuyesanso (ngakhale mumafunadi).

Malire osokonezeka pakugonana

Zotsatira zoyipa zakuponderezana pazakugonana zimaphatikizira zovuta kuzindikira malire anu.

Mutha kukhala ndi nthawi yovuta kumvetsetsa zomwe sizili bwino zikafika pakugonana, mumakhalidwe anu kapena machitidwe omwe mumalandira kuchokera kwa ena.

Mutha kukhala ovuta kukhazikitsa ndikukhazikitsa malire pazakugonana. Ngakhale pamene mukufuna kunena kuti ayi, mwina simungathe kutero.

Ngati mukukhulupirira kuti muli ndi ufulu wogonana, mwina simungamvetse kufunikira kovomereza kapena kulemekeza malire.

Kodi mungatani?

Choyamba, dziwani kuti kuponderezana ndi zenizeni, osati zonse mumutu mwanu. Chachiwiri, dziwani kuti si vuto lanu.

Kungodziwa zipsinjo zopondereza komanso momwe zimakukhudzirani kungakuthandizeni kuchitapo kanthu kuti muchepetse.

Malangizo ena othandiza:

Yesetsani kulingalira mozama ndikulandila zogonana

Kulingalira kungakuthandizeni kukhala omasuka ndi malingaliro azakugonana powonjezera kuzindikira kwanu za iwo ndikuphunzira kuwalandira popanda kuweruza.

Ngati lingaliro lakugonana libwera, mutha kulizindikira, kudzikumbutsa kuti sizachilendo, ndipo liziloleni lidutse osadzitsutsa.

Muthanso kutsatira malingalirowo mwachidwi ndikuwona zomwe zikupereka - chokumana nacho chomwe mungafune, mwina?

Werengani zambiri zakugonana

Kuyanjana ndi kugonana kungathandize kuthana ndi zipsinjo zogonana, chifukwa chake kukhala omasuka ndi lingaliro lachiwerewere ngati ntchito yathanzi kumatha kukuthandizani kuthana ndi kuponderezana.

Kuwona kukhutira ndi kugonana kungaphatikizepo kuwerenga zolemba kapena mabuku onena zakugonana.

Zingatanthauzenso kudzidziwitsa nokha za kugonana m'mabuku, makanema, ndi zaluso. Nthawi zonse mumakhala zolaula (kuphatikizapo zamakhalidwe oyenera kapena zodziyimira pawokha).

Muthanso kupeza zithunzi zojambulidwa m'mabuku ndi makanema wamba, inunso, kuti musayang'ane zolaula - pokhapokha ngati mukufuna.

Khalani omasuka ndi thupi lanu

Kuponderezedwa nthawi zina kumakhudza momwe mumamvera ndi thupi lanu.

M'malo modzikonda ndikudzivomereza nokha, mutha kukhala ndi chizolowezi chobisa kapena kuwononga thupi lanu mwa kuvala zovala zothina, zopanikiza komanso kupewa maliseche.

Kuti muwonjezere kutonthoza kwanu ndi thupi lanu, mutha kuyesa:

• kudziyang'ana wekha pagalasi maliseche
• onetsani zinthu zisanu zomwe mumakonda zokhudzana ndi thupi lanu
• kugona maliseche

Lankhulani ndi mnzanu

Nthawi zina, kutsegula chitseko cholankhulana ndi mnzanu womvetsetsa kungakuthandizeni kuti muzimasuka kunena zakukhosi kwanu.

Mutha kunena kuti, "Sindinamvepo kulankhula kapena kuvomereza zomwe ndimakonda pabedi. Ndikufuna kusintha, koma zitenga nthawi. ”

Kulingalira panthawi yogonana kungakuthandizeninso kuzindikira mukasangalala ndi china chake chifukwa chimakupatsani chidwi chazomwe mukukumana nazo osalola malingaliro osafunikira kukusokonezeni. Mwanjira imeneyi, mutha kufotokoza bwino zomwe mukusangalala nazo.

Kuthetsa mkombero

Makolo ambiri omwe amapereka malingaliro olakwika kapena okhudza chiwerewere samatanthauza kupweteketsa. Iwo akungogawana zikhulupiriro zomwe aphunzira iwowo.

Izi zitha kuyambitsa mavuto ambiri, makamaka pomwe kuzungulira kumangobwerezabwereza.

Kulimbana ndi zachiwerewere mwa inu nokha kungathandize, makamaka ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi ana.

Muthanso kulimbikitsa malingaliro okhudzana ndi kugonana ndi:

• kulankhula za kugonana moona mtima, m'njira yoyenera zaka
• kuwonetsa ana ku ubale pakati pa amuna ndi akazi onse, kudzera m'zochitika zenizeni kapena pazofalitsa
• kuphunzitsa ana momwe maubwenzi abwinobwino ndi maubwenzi ogonana amaonekera
• kupereka zothandizira kwa ana a LGBTQIA +
• chilolezo chophunzitsira kuyambira ali mwana

Kodi mungapeze kuti thandizo?

Kugwira ntchito ndi othandizira achiwerewere achifundo ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yoyambira kuthana ndi zachiwerewere.

Ena ochita zachiwerewere amatha kuthana ndi zipembedzo, pomwe ena amayang'ana kwambiri kuthandiza anthu a LGBTQ + kuvomereza zachiwerewere.

Kusaka mwachangu pa intaneti kungakuthandizeni kupeza wothandizira zachiwerewere mdera lanu.

Pa mutu wapamtima woterewu, ndikofunikira kupeza wothandizira yemwe mungatsegule kwa iye.

Ndizomveka bwino (komanso zabwinobwino) kufuna kuyesa othandizira angapo. Amafuna kuti mukhale omasuka, inunso!

Popanda mgwirizano wabwino, mankhwala sangakhale ndi phindu lochuluka.

Mfundo yofunika

Zoyembekeza zachipembedzo kapena zikhalidwe zokhudzana ndi chiwerewere zimatha kubweretsa kudzimva kuti ndi wolakwa komanso kuchita manyazi, ngakhale mutakhala amuna kapena akazi, koma ndichinthu chomwe mungathe kuthana nacho.

Kufikira wothandizira ophunzitsidwa bwino nthawi zambiri chimakhala gawo loyamba lothandiza.

Crystal Raypole adagwirapo ntchito ngati wolemba komanso mkonzi wa GoodTherapy. Magawo ake achidwi akuphatikiza zilankhulo ndi mabuku aku Asia, kumasulira kwachijapani, kuphika, sayansi yachilengedwe, chiyembekezo chogonana, komanso thanzi lamaganizidwe. Makamaka, akudzipereka kuthandiza kuchepetsa manyazi pazokhudza matenda amisala.