Ichi ndichifukwa chake Exes Anu Amakutumizirani Mameseji Panthawi Yokhazikika

Zamkati

• Ngati mudalandira mawu osayembekezeka kuchokera kwa munthu wakale:
• Lingalirani momwe mumamvera ndi izi.
• Ganizirani cholinga chawo.
• Yankhani moyenera (kapena ayi).
• Pewani kupanga zisankho zazikulu pakali pano.
• Tsopano, ngati inu adatumiza zolemba zokha kwa wakale:
• Funsani chilolezo.
• Pangani zolinga zanu momveka bwino momwe mungathere kuyambira poyambira.
• Vomerezani kuti mwina simungayankhe.
• Osachita kuwonongeka kwamuyaya.
• Onaninso za

Kudzipatula kumakhala kovuta. Kaya mukukhala ndipo tsopano mukukhala kwayokha, kapena mukungoyang'ana nkhope ya munthu yemwe mumakhala naye (ngakhale amayi anu) tsiku ndi tsiku, kusungulumwa kumatha kuvuta. Monga ena ambiri, mwina mumakonda kuzolowera kucheza kwanu ndi anzanu komanso kucheza ndi anzanu akuntchito. Koma usiku, izo mwadzidzidzi kuchotsedwa. Izi zingayambitse kukhumudwa kwambiri komwe simungathe kunyalanyaza. Kotero, zabwino kapena zoipa, kwa ena, chibadwa choyamba ndicho kupeza njira iliyonse yopulumukira.

"Ndikuganiza pakali pano, anthu amafunikira zomwe amazidziwa bwino, ndichifukwa chake amayamba kubwerera ku zizolowezi zoyipa zomwe mwina akhala akuchoka ku mliri usanachitike, kaya ndi kusuta, kumwa, kudya kwambiri, kapena kubwerera ku wakale. ubale, "akutero a psychotherapist a Matt Lundquist. "Ndikuwona anthu ambiri akulandira mameseji kuchokera kwa akale ndikufikira kwa anthu akale, makamaka chifukwa pali kuchepa kwa maubwenzi pakali pano, kotero pali kulakalaka. mnzako waposachedwa kwambiri wowoneka ngati chiwombolo amatha kuchitika pafupipafupi."

Mwayi ndi, ngati mukuwerenga izi, mwina mudakumanapo ndi meseji (kapena DM kapena-kupuma!) kuchokera kwa wakale kuyambira pomwe mliri udayamba. Mwinanso ndiinu amene munayenera kukalamira udindowu. Ngati zakale zili zowona, mwina simukudziwa choti muchite nazo, chifukwa chake zikuchitika, kapena tanthauzo lake lonse. Ndipo ngati ndi yomaliza, musachite mantha (bwanji sitinaganizire momwe tingatumizire mauthenga pa mafoni pofika pano?!). Mwina mukumva chisoni, mukuda nkhawa ndi yankho, kapena mungakhale ndi chiyembekezo chotsatira - mulimonse, zikhala bwino.

Izi ndi zomwe mungachite ngati mukulimbana ndi zolemba kuchokera kwa wakale (kapena simukudziwa choti muchite tsopano popeza mwayamba ulendo wanu).

Ngati mudalandira mawu osayembekezeka kuchokera kwa munthu wakale:

Lingalirani momwe mumamvera ndi izi.

Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya ma ex-omwe adathawa, mnzake wapoizoni yemwe simukufuna kumumvanso, munthu yemwe ali ku koleji mudayiwala kuti mudakhala naye pachibwenzi, chifukwa chake, kumva kuchokera kwa m'modzi wakale kungakhale koyambitsa njira yapadera ubale umenewo.

"Ngakhale mutakhala ndi malingaliro akale kwa wina, nthawi zambiri, maubale adatha pazifukwa," akutero a Lundquist. "Simukufuna kugwera m'mikhalidwe yakale. Koma nthawi zina pamene malingaliro atha, mutha kukhalabe ndi ubwenzi, kapena njira ina ingakhale yowona - nonse mungakhale mutapendanso zomwe zidapangitsa kuti ubalewo ukhale wolakwika ndikukhala ndi mwayi konzekerani. "

Njira yokhayo yomwe mungadziwire zomwe zikuchitika kwa munthu wakale yemwe mwangomumva kumene, ndikungoyang'ana momwe kumva kuchokera kwa munthuyo kukupangitsani kumva. Kodi mudakwiya? Zosangalatsa? Wokondwa? Musanayerekeze kulingalira za zolinga za munthu kumapeto ena a foniyo, ganizirani zomwe mukufuna kutuluka pazokambiranazi. Kutanthauzira: Ganizani musanayimbe. Kumbukirani kuti palibe amene angatumizidwe.

Ganizirani cholinga chawo.

Mukazindikira momwe mungachitire inu mukumva, ndikofunikira kudziwa komwe munthuyo akuchokera — makamaka, chifukwa chakuti mwasamukira kwina, mwachitsanzo, sizitanthauza kuti achoka. "Kungakhale kudzimvera kwenikweni komwe kumayendetsa kuyanjanaku, kapena kusungulumwa, mkwiyo, kapena zinthu zina zilizonse," akutero a Lundquist.

Mukudziwa bwino zaubwenzi wanu: Ngati mwachibadwa mumadziwa kuti munthuyu akukuvulazani (ngakhale atero mosadziwa), ndibwino kuti muchotse zomwe mumayembekezera pamagwiridwewo ndikukumana ndi mwayi womwewo. Kapenanso, ngati mukukhulupirira kuti munthuyu amasamala za moyo wanu kaya muli limodzi kapena ayi, mutha kuyamba kuyang'ana zaubwenzi wapamtima kapena, inde, ngakhale kubwereranso limodzi.

Yankhani moyenera (kapena ayi).

Choyamba, dziwani kuti simuyenera kuchita kucheza ndi munthu chifukwa chakuti akufunitsitsa. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti amangokhalira kusangalala ndi "kodi moyo wokhala kwaokha ukuchitirani bwanji?" lemba, komabe.

“Kulankhulana nthaŵi zambiri ndiko njira yosavuta yokonzera zinthu, koma ndi chida chocheperapo kwambiri pa maubwenzi, kapenanso maunansi othekera,” anatero katswiri wa zaubwenzi Susan Winter. "Ngati munthu uyu akuyambitsani ndipo simukufuna kulankhula nawo, ino ndiyo nthawi yabwino yoti mukhale oona mtima!" akuti Zima. "Mutha kufotokoza kuti zakupwetekani ndipo simukufuna kuyankhulanso nawo." Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, "ngati ndi wosalowerera ndale, khalani wamba ndikuthetsa kukambirana ndipo ngati ndi munthu amene mukufuna kuti muyambitsenso ubale, pitani pang'onopang'ono ndikukhala waubwenzi." Kuyenda pang'onopang'ono ndikuwongolera zomwe mukuyembekezera pambuyo pakukhala kwaokha ndikofunikira, monga mupeza pansipa ...

Pewani kupanga zisankho zazikulu pakali pano.

"Popeza kutengeka kumakulirapo pakadali pano, zomwe mukufuna pakati pa mliri sizomwe mungafune pambuyo pa mliriwu," akutero katswiri wama psychology a J. Ryan Fuller, Ph.D. "China chake chikuchitika pakadali pano chomwe ndi lingaliro la psychology lotchedwa selective abstraction, pomwe mumangoyang'ana kwambiri zabwino kapena zoyipa mukakhala pamavuto-ndipo ndizomwe mliri wa COVID-19 uli."

Izi zikutanthauza kuti mukamaganizira za wakale, mutha kukhala owadzudzula mopambanitsa kapena osawakondanso kuti mupindule nawo, kutengera momwe mumamvera. Izi zitha kukhala zosiyana kotheratu ndi momwe mumamvera pambuyo pamavuto, choncho musapupulume posankha zochita mopupuluma.

Tsopano, ngati inu adatumiza zolemba zokha kwa wakale:

Funsani chilolezo.

"Ndikuganiza kuti chinthu chabwino kwambiri kuti mumvetsetse ndikamatumiza meseji kwa munthu wakale, makamaka ngati simunakumanepo kwanthawi yayitali, mumatsegula malingaliro ambiri" kwa onse awiri, akufotokoza Lundquist. Kuphatikiza apo, panthawiyi, simungathe kudziwa momwe kumva kuchokera kwa inu kuwapangitsira kumva. "Ndikadakhala wolakwa ngati mungayankhe, ndikufunsani ngati sakulumikizana."

Mtolo wamalingaliro uyenera kukhala kwambiri pa munthu amene akuyesetsa (ameneyo ndiwe, mtsikana), m'malo mwa wolandira yemwe sangamve bwino kuyankhula za kusamasuka ndi kulumikizananso. Mukangoyang'ana limodzi kufunsa ngati ali omasuka nazo, izi zimawapatsa mwayi woti inde popanda kupanga zinthu zovuta kapena zokopa. (Zogwirizana: Momwe Mungasamalire Kutha Pakati Pa Kupatukana kwa Coronavirus, Malinga Ndi Ubwenzi Waubwenzi)

Pangani zolinga zanu momveka bwino momwe mungathere kuyambira poyambira.

"Ngakhale ndi mawu oti 'chengani-pa-iwe' omwe amatsogolera kuti mukambirane nthawi yayitali kapena lemba lomwe cholinga chake ndi kubwererana, muyenera kufotokoza momwe mukumvera mwachangu momwe mungathere," akutero Lundquist. . Simusowa kuti mutumizire mawu ena asanayankhe kufunsa kuti "Ndiye, ndikufuna kuti tibwerere limodzi kapena chiyani?" koma kuwonekera bwino nthawi zonse kumakhala bwino, akutsindika. Mwina mungafune kukhala wochenjera poyamba kuyesa madzi, zomwe zili bwino, koma ngati mutayambanso kukhala ndi malingaliro ndikufuna kupereka mpata kapena mwatha, simuyenera kutsogolera munthu winayo ngati mungathe kumuthandiza. "Inde, ngakhale kupatula anthu atha kukhala osungulumwa.

Kudziwitsa zakukhosi kwanu ndikusankha momwe mungadzachitire pambuyo pake kuli bwino kuposa miyezi yosakhazikika komanso chidwi — zimangobweretsa nkhawa. Ndipo tiyeni tikhale enieni: Palibe amene amafunikira zambiri panthawi ya mliri wapadziko lonse lapansi.

Vomerezani kuti mwina simungayankhe.

"Mukamacheza ndi munthu amene mumakonda kucheza naye ndipo akumupwetekabe kapena apitilizabe ndi moyo wawo, mutha kukhala kuti mukuwapangitsako zinthu zosasangalatsa," akutero Winter. "Ndichinthu chomwe muyenera kumvetsetsa. Atha kuyankha moyenera kapena ayi."

Izi zikachitika, Zima akuti muyenera kungovomereza malingaliro awo (kapena malingaliro awo ngati simumvanso) ndikupitilira. Ngakhale, mwachitsanzo, mwina mwasintha ndipo mukuyembekezera kuwomboledwa, nthawi zina siziyenera kukhala kapena amafunikira nthawi yochulukirapo kuti aganizire momwe angayankhire. Ingodziwa kuti ngati simukupeza yankho lomwe mumayembekezera (kapena ayi) chinthu chabwino kwambiri chomwe mungachite ndikuyesera kuvomereza. "Winawake adzakhala wosangalala nawe, ndipo kunena zowona, ungakonde kukhala ndi munthu amene akufuna kumva za iwe," akutero Winter.

Osachita kuwonongeka kwamuyaya.

Tikukhulupirira, pakadali pano mwazindikira kuti zosowa zanu zisanachitike, nthawi, komanso pambuyo pa mliri zitha kukhala zosiyana kotheratu, ndipo kufikira bwenzi lanu wakale mwina kumamverera ngati chinthu choyenera kuchita masabata angapo apitawa, koma tsopano simuli choncho zedi. M'malo mwake, a Fuller akuti panthawi yolemba mameseji, mwina mukuyang'ana kwambiri pazabwino za chibwenzi chanu chakale-kukukhalitsani, chinthu chobisalira. Kuphatikiza apo, atha kukhala ngati njira yopulumukira kusakhazikika komwe kukuchitika pakadali pano.

"N'kutheka kuti mumatopa ndi zomwe zikuchitika panopa, kapena ngati muli ndi mnzanu, mumakhala nawo nthawi yambiri moti zimakukhumudwitsani," akutero. "Chifukwa chake mumayang'ana kwambiri zabwino zomwe mudachita nawo kale, koma chinthu chomaliza chomwe mukufuna kuchita ndikukhala ndi zovuta zomwe zimakhudza njira zomwe mumapanga popanga zisankho." Kuyembekezera kupanga zisankhozo mpaka mutaonana (kapena kusankha zina) pambuyo pamavuto kukuthandizani kupanga chisankho chomwe simudzanong'oneza nacho bondo pambuyo pake.

Onaninso za