Kodi Kuyenda Pamodzi Kuwononga Ubwenzi Wanu?

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Tisanakwatirane, ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinasaina zomwe zinkawoneka ngati gawo lachidziwitso cha gulu la anthu okwatirana - msonkhano watsiku lonse wokhudza zinsinsi za mgwirizano wosangalatsa, wodzaza ndi machitidwe othana ndi mikangano ndi malangizo ogonana. Ndinamva ngati wophunzira nyenyezi m'chipinda - pambuyo pa zonse, ndinali mkonzi kugonana - mpaka mphunzitsi wathu anayamba rattling pa zoopsa za kukhala pamodzi asananene "Ine." Umboni wake: kafukufuku wazaka makumi angapo akusonyeza kuti okwatirana amene ankakhalira limodzi asanakwatirane anali okhoza kusudzulana. Ndinayang'ana m'chipindamo mochenjera, ndikuyembekeza kuti ndiwona anthu ena omwe ndikudziwa kuti adandipaka nkhope yanga.

Ine ndi amuna anga tinasamukira limodzi miyezi itatu tisanakwatirane. Ndipo, ngati mungalankhule ndi asayansi omwe amafufuza za kukhalira limodzi, tidachita izi pazifukwa zolakwika: Ndinatopa kuyendetsa mphindi makumi awiri kupita kumalo ake, nyumba yanga inali ndi nsikidzi, ndipo ndimasunga ndalama pafupifupi chikwi mwezi uliwonse. . Mwanjira ina, sitinachite chifukwa sitinathe kupatukana kwa masiku ena 90.

Zomwe tidatichitira: Tidapangana kale. Sitinali kugawana ma adiresi ngati njira yoyesera ubale wathu-zomwe ziri, malinga ndi Scott Stanley, Ph.D., co-director wa University of Denver's Center for Marital and Family Studies-chochititsa chidwi kwambiri chifukwa choipitsitsa pamwamba. “Chifukwa [chokhalira limodzi] n’chofunika kwambiri,” akutsindika motero. Kafukufuku yemwe adachitika mu 2009, gulu lake lidapeza kuti anthu omwe adasamukira limodzi ngati "banja loyeserera" amakhala ndi kulumikizana kosawuka, kudzipereka pang'ono, komanso kudalira kulimba kwa mgwirizano wawo.

Malo amodzi omata kwambiri: Mukasamukira limodzi-ndipo simunayambe kale kulowa m'banja-mumaganizira nthawi imodzi kuti ndani ayenera kuyeretsa zimbudzi ndi momwe mungagawire lendi yanu, ndikusankha ngati muli m'nyumba. kwa nthawi yayitali, akutero Stanley. Pachikhalidwe, okwatirana sayenera kugawa ntchito mpaka atagundika - koma pakadali pano, mukuyendetsa zovuta ziwiri nthawi imodzi, osatsimikizika kuti mphete ili chala chanu.

Ngati kukhalira limodzi sikuli kosangalatsa monga momwe amayembekezera, yankho lodziŵika ndilo kungothetsa banja. Vuto ndilo, ndizovuta kuchita. "Anthu ambiri amakhulupirira kuti kukhalira limodzi musanakwatirane kumatha kulimbikitsa banja," akutero Anita Jose, Ph.D., katswiri wazamisala ku Montefiore Medical Center. "Komabe, kukhalira limodzi kumatanthauza kuti anthu amayamba kugawana ziweto, kubweza ngongole, kubwereketsa, ndi zinthu zina zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kuthetsa ubale womwe ukadatha."

Zotsatira zofala kwambiri? Mabanja osasangalala amakhalabe pansi pa denga limodzi - ndipo pamapeto pake, atha kukwatirana, kokha chifukwa zikuwoneka ngati chinthu choyenera kuchita patatha zaka zisanu akukhalira limodzi. Stanley ali ndi dzina lodzidzimutsa ili: "kutsetsereka posankha."

Ngakhale izi zapezeka zowopsa, pali kafukufuku waposachedwa yemwe akusonyeza kuti kukhalira limodzi sikuli koyipa-kuti maanja omwe akukhala limodzi amakhala bwino monganso omwe sagona pabedi mpaka atanena kuti, "Ndimatero." Kafukufuku waku Australia, wofalitsidwa mu Journal ya Ukwati ndi Banja, ngakhale anapeza kuti kukhalira limodzi asanakwatirane kumachepetsa mpata wopatukana. Kufotokozera kumodzi: Pamene mabanja ambiri omwe sanakwatirane mdziko muno akufuna kukhala limodzi, zovuta zimayamba kutha. "Mkangano ndi wakuti kukhalira limodzi sikukanakhala koopsa ngati kukanakhala kuvomerezedwa nthawi zonse-kuti kusakhala pamodzi kumawononga okwatirana. Ndi manyazi okhala pamodzi. Anthu amawanyoza, "akutero Stanley.

Izi zati, akuganizirabe zovuta zokhudzana ndi kukhalira limodzi-kapena kusowa kwake-zimangodzipereka. "Kukhala pamodzi sikukuuzani chilichonse chokhudza kudzipereka kwa banjali," akutero. "Koma ngati ali pachibwenzi kapena akukonzekera tsogolo-sikuyenera kukhala ukwati-zomwe zimakuwuzani za banja." Mwanjira ina, ngati mwazindikira kale tsogolo lanu limodzi, kusunthira limodzi sikungawononge mwayi woti banja lanu liziyenda bwino. Kafukufuku akuwonetsa kuti anthu omwe ali pachibwenzi omwe amakhala limodzi amakhala ndi maubwino omwewo-kukhutira, kudzipereka, kusamvana kwenikweni-monga anthu omwe amadikirira kuti ukwati ukhale.

Ndiye mungatani kuti mutsimikizire kuti ndinu m'modzi mwa anthu okwatirana omwe pamapeto pake amakhala osangalala? Stanley anati: “Mabanja oposa 50 pa 100 alionse amene amasamukira m’banjamo sakambirana tanthauzo lake. "Mumakhala limodzi mausiku anayi pa sabata, kenako asanu, ndikusiya zovala zowonjezerapo, mswachi, charger ya iPhone. Ndiye kubwereketsa kwa winawake kwatha ndipo mwadzidzidzi mukukhala limodzi. Palibe zokambirana, palibe lingaliro." Chifukwa chake ndizowopsa: Mutha kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zosiyana, zomwe zingakupangitseni kukhumudwa, atero a Jose. Musanasaine pangano, gawirani moona mtima zomwe mukuganiza kuti kusamuka kumatanthauza: Kodi mukuwona ngati njira yopita kuguwa - kapena njira yopezera ndalama? Kenako funsani mwamuna wanu kuti achite chimodzimodzi. Ngati muli ndi malingaliro osiyana, lingaliraninso kugawana ma adilesi, atero a Stanley. Ndipo musanalowerere, sankhani amene akugwira ntchito ziti ndi momwe mungasamalire ndalama zanu, atero a Stanley. Nthawi yovuta imeneyo pamene woperekera zakudya akubweretsa cheke chanu? ("Kodi ndimalipira theka?") Mukumana nazo nthawi khumi pamene ndalama yoyamba yamagetsi ibwera - ndipo simunasankhe kale kuti ndi ndani akulipira chiyani.

Koma ine—mnzake wakale yemwe adachita zinthu molakwika pang'ono, kulondola, pamaso pa akatswiri? Chaka chimodzi ndi masiku 112 muukwati (inde, ndikuŵerenga), ndinganene mosangalala kuti mwamuna wanga ndi ine sitinakhale mmodzi wa ziŵerengero zimene tinachenjezedwa za m’kalasi lathu laukwati. Tapulumuka, ndipo koposa zonse, tachita bwino. Ndipotu, pambuyo pa honeymoon, ndinapeza kuti tinali okhoza kusangalala ndi ukwati wathu watsopano, popanda kudziwa kuti ndi ntchito yandani yonyamula zinyalala (yake, BTW). Ma kink a kukhalapo kwathu limodzi adakonzedwa kale, zomwe zidangotisiya kuti tisangalale ndi ukwati wathu.

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