Mimba Yotayika Ndi Chikondi Chotayika: Momwe Kupita Padera Kumakhudzira Ubwenzi Wanu

Zamkati

• Zomwe kafukufukuyu wanena
• Kuthetsa chete

Kutaya mimba sikuyenera kutanthauza kutha kwa chibwenzi chanu. Kulankhulana ndikofunika.

Palibe njira yoti sugarcoat ichitike pakapita padera. Zachidziwikire, aliyense amadziwa zoyambira pazomwe zimachitika, mwaukadaulo. Koma kupatula kuwonekera kwakuthupi kwa padera, onjezerani kupsinjika, chisoni, ndi malingaliro, ndipo zitha kukhala zomveka, zovuta komanso zosokoneza. Ndipo izi mosakayikira zitha kukhala ndi vuto paubwenzi wanu.

Ziwerengero zikuwonetsa kuti pafupifupi 10 peresenti yamimba yodziwika imathera padera m'nthawi ya trimester yoyamba. Kaya mukuyesera kukhala ndi mwana kapena zinali zodabwitsa, kutayika kumeneku kungakhale kotopetsa komanso kowononga.

Ngakhale munthu aliyense athana ndi vuto lawo mosiyanasiyana, zitha kukhala zopweteka kwambiri, ndipo kwa maanja, kupita padera kumatha kubweretsa nonse awiri kapena kukupangitsani kuti musiyane.

Sizikuwoneka zachilungamo, sichoncho? Mwangochita izi zowononga zomwe zikuchitika, ndipo chinthu chomaliza chomwe muyenera kuda nkhawa ndikuti ngati ubale wanu upita patsogolo.

Zomwe kafukufukuyu wanena

Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti zoopsa zilizonse zimatha kukhudza chibwenzi chanu, ndipo izi ndi zoona pakapita padera. Tinawona momwe kupita padera ndi kubala mwana kumakhudza ubale wanu, ndipo zotsatira zake zinali zodabwitsa kwambiri.

Okwatirana kapena okwatirana omwe adataya padera anali ndi mwayi woti atha 22% poyerekeza ndi mabanja omwe amakhala ndi mwana wathanzi nthawi yayitali. Kwa maanja omwe adabadwa ndi mwana wakhanda, chiwerengerochi chinali chachikulu kwambiri, ndipo 40% ya maanja amathetsa ubale wawo.

Si kwachilendo kutayirira pambuyo padera chifukwa chisoni chimavuta. Ngati ndi nthawi yoyamba kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukulira limodzi, mukuphunzira za inu nokha pa nthawi yomweyo.

Anthu ena amadzipatula kuti agwire ntchito momwe akumvera. Ena amatembenukira ku chilichonse chomwe chimasunga malingaliro awo ndikudzitayitsa zinthu zosokoneza. Ena amangoyang'ana kwambiri mafunso ngati awa omwe angatipangitse kukhala olakwa.

Zodandaula monga, "Kodi ndidzakhala ndi mwana?" “Kodi ndachitapo kanthu kuti ndipititse padera?” "Bwanji mnzanga sakuwoneka wokhumudwa ngati ine?" ndi mantha wamba ndipo zitha kubweretsa kusamvana mu chibwenzi ngati atasiyidwa osakambirana.

Kafukufuku wakale kuchokera ku 2003 adapeza kuti 32% ya azimayi amadzimva kukhala "pakati pawo" kutali ndi amuna awo patatha chaka chimodzi atataya padera ndipo 39% amamva kutalikirana kwambiri.

Mukamva manambalawo, sizovuta kuwona chifukwa chake pali maubale ambiri omwe amatha pambuyo pobereka.

Kuthetsa chete

Ngakhale ziwerengero zakutha ndizokwera, kulekana sikukhazikitsidwa mwala, makamaka ngati mukudziwa momwe kupita padera kumakhudzira ubale wanu.

Wolemba wamkulu pa kafukufuku wina, Dr. Katherine Gold, pulofesa wothandizana naye ku Yunivesite ya Michigan ku Ann Arbor, adauza CNN kuti simuyenera "kuchita mantha ndikuganiza kuti chifukwa choti wina wataya pathupi, nawonso azikhala ndi ubalewo unatha. ” Amanenanso kuti mabanja ambiri amakondana kwambiri atatayika.

"Zinali zovuta, koma wokonda ine ndipo tidasankha kukulira limodzi," adatero Michelle L. za kutayika kwake. "Kungoti zinali zathupi thupi langa likudutsa sizikutanthauza kuti tonsefe sitimamva kuwawa, kuwawa mtima, komanso kutayika. Anali mwana wake nayenso, ”adaonjeza.

Paubwenzi wake, "amasankha kukumbatirana munthawi yovutayi ndipo amadalirana ndikudalirana. Adandigwira m'masiku ovuta anga ndipo inenso ndidamugwira atasweka. " Ananenanso kuti kuwonana wina ndi mnzake "akumva kuwawa kwambiri komanso kukhumudwa" komanso "kudziwa kuti munthuyo analipo zivute zitani" kunawathandiza kupirira chisoni chawo limodzi.

Chinsinsi chopita padera limodzi ndikupewa zovuta zoyipa paubwenzi wanu kwa nthawi yayitali zimayamba kulumikizana. Inde, kuyankhula ndikuyankhula ndikuyankhula zambiri - kwa wina ndi mnzake zingakhale zabwino, koma ngati simunakonzekere nthawi yomweyo, kuyankhula ndi katswiri - monga mzamba, dokotala, kapena mlangizi - ndi malo abwino kuyamba.

Pali malo ambiri omwe mungapiteko kuti akuthandizireni pano, chifukwa chazanema komanso njira zatsopano zolumikizirana ndi alangizi. Ngati mukufunafuna zothandizidwa pa intaneti kapena zolemba, webusayiti yanga UnspokenGrief.com kapena Magazini Yoyimabe ndizinthu ziwiri. Ngati mukuyang'ana wina ndi mnzake kuti mulankhule naye, mutha kufunafuna mlangizi wachisoni mdera lanu.

Mukamaganizira za kuchuluka kwakachetechete komwe kumakhalapo polankhula zakupita padera komanso chisoni chomwe chiyenera kuyembekezereka pambuyo pa kutayika, sizosadabwitsa kuti ambiri amakhala osungulumwa, ngakhale ndi wokondedwa wawo. Pamene simukumva ngati mnzanu akuwonetsa zachisoni, mkwiyo, kapena malingaliro ena omwe muli, sizosadabwitsa kuti pang'onopang'ono mumayamba kupatukana.

Palinso vuto loti ngati mnzanu sakudziwa momwe angakuthandizireni kapena momwe angapangire kuti mavutowo achoke, amatha kupewa mavuto m'malo motseguka. Ndipo zinthu ziwirizi ndichifukwa chake kulankhulana, kapena katswiri ndikofunikira kwambiri.

Mukakumana ndi zowawa komanso zaumwini monga kupita padera, ndikudutsamo limodzi, pamakhala mwayi woti mutha kutuluka mwamphamvu. Mudzakhala ndi chidziwitso chakuya cha kumvera ena chisoni, komanso zazing'ono ndi zazikulu zomwe zimabweretsa chitonthozo kwa mnzanu.

Kugwira ntchito mwachisoni, kupereka malo mkwiyo, ndikupereka chithandizo panthawi yamantha kumakulumikizani. Mulimbitsa luso lanu lolankhulana wina ndi mnzake, ndipo mudzadziwa kuti ndi bwino kuuza mnzanu zomwe inu zosowa ngakhale sichinthu chomwe akufuna kumva.

Komabe, nthawi zina ngakhale mutayesetsa chotani kuti musunge ubale wanu, chisoni chimakusinthani inu ndi zomwe mumachita m'moyo. Kutha kumachitika.

Kwa Casie T., kutayika kwake koyamba kudasokoneza ubale wake, koma mpaka atagonjetsanso kwachiwiri ukwati wawo udatha. "Pambuyo pa kutayika kwachiwiri, patatha chaka tidasiyana," adagawana nawo.

Kupita padera komanso kumva chisoni kumakhudza kwambiri ubale wanu, koma mutha kuphunzira zatsopano za wina ndi mnzake, onani mphamvu ina yomwe simunawonepo kale, ndikulandila kusintha kwa kukhala kholo mosiyana ndikuti simunadutse limodzi .

Devan McGuinness ndi wolemba kulera komanso wolandila mphotho zingapo kudzera mu ntchito yake ndi UnspokenGrief.com. Amayang'ana kwambiri kuthandiza ena munthawi yovuta kwambiri komanso yabwino kwambiri paubereki. Devan amakhala ku Toronto, Canada, ndi amuna awo ndi ana anayi.